THE ROANOKE NEWS, THURSDAY, DECEMBER 3, 1891.
THE HUMORISTS.
LITTLE NONSENSE f-OW AND THEN
15 RELISHED BY THE WISERf MEN.
' The devil is always willing to aid in
putting up a stove pipe.
' The more cuffs you give a laundry man
ifct better he likes it.
' The key to the political situation in
inny States whis key.
I A river has not much to say even if
It does all run to mouth.
It is astonishing how debts will expand I
after being contracted.
Doctor No man has to die more than
once. Maud Aren't you sorry?
f "What made him leave tho coal oil
business?" "Uo grew weary of well do-
? ing."
i sV
'a
I "Time's up," as tho workman an
nounced when he fixed tne hanging
r clock.
! The auctioneer's lot is not a pleasant
! one. He must always act at the bidding
I of others.
I If a boy refuses an extra piece of pio
you may rest assured that the pie is par-
I ticularly bad.
I v
1 Boulaneer left a letter saying he "wish:
': ed to die in war." "Then why did he
; leave his wife?"
1
.ft
If you want to get a dream out of a
J wedding cake put it in your stomach in
jj stead of under your head.
ADVERTISEMENTS.
ia1
NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.
STOP AT
NEW ADVEKTISEMENTS.
NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.
Southern
Hi
ESS
HALIFAX 1ST. O
CLEAN ROOMS.
SPLENDID TABLEf
POLITE SERTAKTS.
Fare always the beet
the markets can afford.
SUBSCRIBE
TO
ffilTIC com it
W. &:W. R. R. fi BRANCHES,.
Condensed Schedule.
TRAINS GOING SOUTH.
I Doted Juie7tn.l91.
I No. 13, 1 No.J7, I
fast mail
Dally Dally.
No 41,
daily
ex Sua
Leave Weldon I U I 6 48 P M
ArKoolcy Mount.... n -
Ir Tarboro .". .' j 17"
Leave TarDoro, iuooami
tOai
I 7 34.
THE ROANOKE NEWS,
THE KUAN
THE KUANUJL4E JNiiiWb,
Arrive Wllnoa. . lillPM
Leave Wilscm
Arrive Selma I S0
Arrive Fayetteville, 30
Leave Ooldaboro I S 15
Leave Warsaw I 4 10
Leave Magnolia .... 14 87
Arrive Wilmiiif toa 00
1700
1 7 40"
I
8 40
I 9&d
S4
I 9 49 '
IllW
TRAINS (iOINO NORTH
No 14, No 7S No 40
daily ea
daily, daily Suaday
Leave Wllmlnrtoi
Leave Maguolia.
4 15 m
ie "
its "
7se '
15 AM
ie57"
11 11 "
iaor"
s ie"
11 18"
19 10 "
817 " I ....
10 StaM ( ...
35pm I0
IIS
SERVICE NEAT
AND
PROMPT.
I Ethel Was Harry at the hop last
night?" Maud No, Jack tells me that
I he made his skip about that time.
I Thn'ii;ffVi-irirfl bntwean an editor and
J
I his wife is that his wife sets things to
1 rights while he writes things to set.
mi
.
"Cleanliness is next to godliness," re
marks the man who sets up a Turkish
bath establishment adjoining a church.
,
Merchant Have you no trade?
Tramp Tradel No, sir; but I have a
profession. I am a special pleader at
the bar.
Tn tfin Vulino f!ourt Judsie "Colo
nel are, you always drunk?" The Colo
nel "Does your honor take me for a
millionaire?"
Cora Did you ever go to a fortune
teller's? Merritt Yes, my dear. I
went to Bradsireets's to find out about
your fathers fortune.
Teacher Cau you explain what is
meant by vicarious puuishmeut? J tfho
ny Yes, sir. When ma gets angry at
pa shetpauks me.
Borrower Well, I never borrow trou
ble, auybow. Lender Oh, no; you al
ways give that to the people you borrow
other things from.
V
Enpee The doctor says it wouldn't
taltH Vint n hrimth to carrv me off. Mrs.
Enpec The breath you brought homo
last night was strong enough.
"That child is really dangerous. He
always was curious, and now he's just
old enough to take advantage
of tho kevhole." "Oh, I see. He Las
come to the peer-age."
"Well, she may be nioe and all that,
but I don't thiuk she is ladylike."
"What! Not ladylike! Miss Debo
nair not ladylike! Why, you astonish
me!"
"It is true, nevertheless. When I saw
her she was not at all ladylike, for from
the waist up she was dressed like a gentleman."
tSTNEAR THE COURT HOUSE."!
Baggage taken from and
to the railroad station.
NICE ACCOMMODATIONS
FOB -- LADIES.
KATES $2.00 A DAY.
Special arrangements for hord by he
week or month.
R. G. REID,
Proprietor.
mar 20 tf.
The 1
lest Advertising
Medium.
1236 an I
Leave Warsaw
Arrive Goldsbore.... lis
Leave Fayetteville
Arrive Selma
Inlvm Wll.nn
Leave Wilson sua
Arrive Rocky Mount
Arrive Tarboro
t ma Ta rhnrn
Arrive Weldoa I 5 05'
Dally except Sunday.
Train on Scotland Neck Branch Road leave
Weldon at 4 0 p. m. Halifax 4 IS, arrive Scotland
Neck at 5 15 p, in. Greenville Sf2p. m Kinatoa
1 00p.m. Returnini leaves Kington 7 00, a. m.
Greenville 1 10a m. Arriving at Halifax 1100,
a. ra., Weldon 1115a i dailyexceptSunday.
Local freight train leaves Weldon at 7 00a. n.
arriving at Scotland Neck 10 Oil a. ra , GreenviU
1 00 p. m.. Kinnton 5 10 p. m. Returning, leaves
Kinitoa at 1 00, a. m arriving at Greenville 10 60
neon, ticoliana necs i , p. ui. nuuu u to p
Train leave Tarboro N. C, via Albemarle ana
Raleigh R. R. Daily except Sunday 4 40 p, ..
fcunday 8 00 p. m., arrive Williamson N. C. 7 U
p m., 4 lOp. ra. riymomn a wip.m., ntv p. m.
Returning leaves Plymouth dally except Sunday
H a. m. Sunday 9 00 a. m. Willlamston, N. C,
7 40 a. m. vos a. m. arrive laruuru ik. h,
I 11 to a. .
Train on Midland N. C. Branch leaves Golda-
boro N.C.. dailyecept Sunday 7 00 a. m., arrive
.-.j.uil.li M i I VI . n. Plll.ft(n IMVM
Kuilthlleld, N. C, 1 00 a. m., arrive Goldsboro, M
L, vf...t 111. Tl- 1 T nb
ITRin Oil IMhI.tiuw Dnui-u iwrcn nuvi.
' ifnmit ii(t(W. m nrl-tvps At Nashville 8 40 Ik
m., Hprinjf Hope 4 is p. m. Ketunuiif H
iV Oft.
u Jll U,.n lilftft a tn Nuahvillf 1(1
ar Rocky Mount 11 IS a, m. dftily except Sunday
i rum uii iiiibuii iiiiuh iww
'rot
F0B25TEARS
Clintoi, dally eicept Sunday at 6 00 p. m. an
11 lf a. in Returning leave Clinton at S 10 a m
and 3 10 p. m., connecting at Warsaw with No.
4U,4l,v-aau tn.
Daily ex-
t. 4I,-aou tn.
Southbound train on Wllaon and FayettevlU
ra
Train No. 27 Suth will
I Branch is No. 61.
cept Sunday
Northbound is 60.
only itop at Rocky
i i,
Ma)
. 11,11 lllonnll.
I MOUIH. 1111U UlllUWii'iBuu nniiviwi
Train No. 7S maxes Close connecuon v neiaoav
iorau points isortn aany. jiumu ti ivu;uiuww
LAND bALJii. L i,QRrfimilarlv visited its subscri-
XU virf 1
bers, giving weekly the
MOT Mil (KIUllB ViVl UI UJ n ll T .v..wm.
and daily except Sunday via Bay Line, alio at
Railroad
Norfolk.
ifrmnt dallv with Verfo k and Carolina)
Railroad for Norfolk and all points North vlay
LIPPMAN IDOI.. Proprietor,
DrHijIili. Llaaaiaa'l Hock, SAVANNAH, BA.
For Salebjr W. M. COHEN.
apr23 Ij
-Aa4 . Scientific American
R Annnnv for
.ftf
TRADE l""J,J
COPVRIOHTS, eto.
For Information ard freo Handbook write to
MUNN CO., M BROADWAT, Nxw VoBK.
Oldeaf buiau for securin patent! I n Artk
Bvery patent " br " V?f2L in thi
ibe publlo by a notice given free of charge in tne
f'tirntiftf mntn
Uriiest circulation of any selentiBe paper la i the
worfd. Splendidly Illustrated. No
man should be without It. Weekly. J.O O a
yeari ll.Ml m months. Address MUNJi A CU.,
Pdulisukhs, 361 Broadway. Now Yorx.
-VALUABLE FARMS FOR SALE IN
HALIFAX COUNTY, N. C.:
ASE FARM CONTAING 534 ACRES
8 horse crop cleared, good pasture,
never failinz stream, apple and peach or
chard, cood dwelling end necessary ot-
honses.
KICK (12,000.
NE TRACT OF 200 ACREB, out
horse croo cleared, most of the other
in fine growth of pinee; good dwelling and
out house.
PKICE $1,000.
THE NEW YORK WORLD
1
i
"I
V . , 1 . II J.J
. ueciafe, 1 lioVvr uiouunu or.ca
Mrs. Ijiucolnpark, after her dinner was
over.
"Never thought of what?" asked Mr.
L.
"Why, I placed Col. Jones and Mrf,
Parkerton next each other at dinner and,
now I think of it, he was her first bus-band!'
CURRENT NEWS OF THE DAY.
T..in.m.l,Miiln.n nnncHnn far all tmfata
North via Richmond and Washington.
All trains run s"lid between Wilmington an
Washington and have Pullman Palace Sleepers)
; Snp't Trans General 8u'l.
T. M. EMERSON, Uen'l Passenger Agent.
TLANTIC COAST LINE.
PETERSBURG & WELDON R. R
Ceudensed Schedule.
TRAINS GOING SOUTH.
Dated May 3rd, 1891.
No. 23
Daily.
No. 27
Daily.
0
NI TRACT OF 8 ACRES, ONE
horse crop cleared, the balapee in
heavy growth of original pine.
PRICE $400.00.
NE TRACT OF 814 ACRES, TWO
horse crop cleared, the balance in fine
growth of ok and pine.
PRICE $1,000.
0
NE TRACT OF 43s) ACRES, 3 HORSE
crop cleared; good dwelling and all
necessary out-houses.
PRICE $2,000.
0
0
THE FIRST SYMPTOMS OK DEATH.
Tired feelin?;, dull headache, pains in
various parts of the boJj(, sinking at the
pit of the stomach, loss of appe'ite, fev
erishnws, pimples or sores, are all posi
tive evidence of poiaoneiA blood. No
matter how it became poisoned 'l l""t
be puriSd (o avoid death. 1'r. Acker's
English Blood Elixir ha nevVr faiJessl to
remove surofulmis or Kjphiiirie poise1'-
ouiii under positive guarantee, i
Forwlebr W. M. Cohen, Druggist,
Weldon, N. C. 1
wh.it it has done it
U uk favor and and no consideration.
Thill ! nr-imt history to be forgotten
Tt. lnnks onlv to the future to the work
to be done. Our hopes and fears, our
joys and sorrows are belore us not one
behind.
In THE WORLD'S work for 1891
every American citiien is vitally interes
ted, and not one no matter what his
politics may be can anord to be witnoui
its woekly edition, which has not an
equal on earth as a newspaper, Niue
men out of ten know this to be true
Kvery tenth man should send to day for
a specimen copy, that the knowledge may
be universal.
Subscribe at once. Throe months costs
.,tir s nmita. and bv evi-rv week's delay
""j - .-. - . ' .1 .1.'
you miss someUum; wortn more man me
subscription piiee for the year whl h is
onlv one d-llar.
Address
THE WOULD,
New York.
N E TRACT OF 850 ACRES, FIVE
horse crop cleared; good dwelling and
ont-honsee.
PRICE $2,500.
These farms are convenient to chnrchee,
in a healthy locality, and a ihort distance
from Halifax and Enfield. Parties wiihing
to buy and want to
EXAMINE :-: THESE-: -LANDS
Will call on MR. THOMAS OUSBY, Hea
demon, N. C, or MR. T- C. BURGESS,
who lives near Halifax, who will takepleaa-
are in showing them to purchasers.
Any or all of these lands will be
- IRISTTIEJD
NATIONAL, STATE & COUNTY.
rhirine that time it has built up
an enviable reputation for fairness
by fairness, in all things and by
QIVItJQ THE
Tte subscription list is growing but
it must grow faster, and no pains
will be spared to accomplish this re
sult. .
Pages48 Oohmns-A Week.
PRICE $150
A Year In Advance.
Leave IVtfrshnrg, 10.10 am 3.45 pm
Leave Stony Creek, 10.53 am 4.18 p B
Leave Jarratts, 11.11am
Leave Beltield, 11.30 am 4 49pm
Arrive Weldon, 1210 pm 5 23 pr
TRAINS GOING NORTH.
All trains rim solid Weldon to Washing
ton.
E. T. P. MYERS, T. M. EMERSON,
i Gei'l Superintendent. Gen. Passenger agfc
TO THE PATRONS
' THI
ALBEMARLE STEAM
NAVIGATION CO
ON REASONABLE TERMS
IFOIR. 1890.
B.FQARY,
aaSOtt. VTeldei, N. C.
Address:
Weldon, N. C.
-inrl TIMC Between NORFOLK a4
QUICK llMC EASTKkNN. CAROUH
Mnndav. December 17tk.
and wntil further notice,, the Steam ,
CHOWAN, Captain Withy, will
LEAE KAJNM.1K m ionuja,
nesdays and Fridays for EDENTON, PLT-
MOUTH and Ail in termeamio puu
arrival of mail train from Portsmouth, aay
10.15 A. M. . .. . , 1
RETURNING the "Chowan" wiu
reach Franklin on Tuesdays, Thursday!
and Saturdays at 9 15 A. M., in time to
connect with l'ast Man train rroui awis.
to Portsmoutn ani with Express, train f
the South. ' 1 '
cUQnn Vi f Viia arrvnirement, tokrosr . .i
the Steamer Chowan at a y point on tk
river, will r""'
REACH NORFOLK by 11 oclock A. M., i
mid thus have the entire day for the tin
action of business in that city.,
GIVETIHSMOUTBA TRIAL.
Rwpeetfully,
J.H.BOGRRT
Franklin V., Dec. 15 1888. Bop.'
No. 14 No. 78
Daily. Daily.
Leave Weldon, 5.10 a m. 3.15 p.m.
LeBelfield, 5.45 a.m. 3.52p.m.
LeJarratte, 6.00 am. 4 09 p.m.
LeMony Creek, 6 19 a.m. 4.33 p.m.
Arrive Petersburg, 6.51a.m. 5.12p.m. , I
i ;
i