(Lhalham Record, i i T? A. TIES 1 I ADVERTISING. I , One square, one insertion. . . f 1.04 One square, two Insertions,. 1H i Juefluare.otn'iMKiitli, 4.M On ci y, one year, thin copy ,slx hiMiiilis Oue copy, throe mouth:., - VOL. V. PITTSB01iO CHATHAM CO., N. C, JANUARY 18, 1883. J f I TwLrgorilviT(lcim-ntllUralcoutrac(J'III TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION: ) ) J Dreamland, Only in Tisions dues the future wait To tell in of tho mysteries to lie : Vet even tln.s wo linger at tlio uat That ou-s eternity. Except iu dreams, the l'a -t comes not again With nil its vanished weight of joy and fears s But blindly we retrace, in grief and pain, The saddened bygone yours ! The preeut lives ; to liano us or to biros Williiu its Kuidauce dues the Future hide ; The Past holds over it with tenderness All tfuotl in at its side. To lire within the Present yet to take From out tho Future and the darkened Fast All hopes and lessons that for goodness make May this bo nu is at Inst ! WaiiibL. Sawveh in Youth' Compan ivit. LOVE AND A DUCKING. "This is my daughter, Caroline. Carrie, Mr. Sloane." Harry Sloane bowed, and pretty, winsome Carrie Hervey bowed in re turn. Harry had picked out tho farm as a residing place during a business trip. After Carrie's father had intro duced the young people he went to the bam, leaving the pair seated upon the porrli. "A pleasant spot this," said Harry, after he had finished admiring tho pretty, dimpled hands which the girl had carelessly laid upon the light blue sorgo dress, "You like it V" she aded. "Like does but half express my ad miration. It seems as though I should be perfectly satisfied to linger here forever," responded Harry. "But surely, Mr. Sloane, the attrac tions of city life must surpass those of stu b, a humdrum locality as this." "On the contrary, I 'refer w hat you call the humdrum locality." "And why, may I nsk?" "Because, because well, I cannot fully explain my reason. I suppose it is because 1 am heartily sick of city ways." "And so you come, here for a change V" "Yes, I believe that is the reason." The pair sat then; upon the porch, talking upon one subject and the other, until tin" evening shadows fast deepened into darkness. Finally Harry ar..se, and said, "As I am somewhat tired w ith my journey 1 will retire." The girl c alN d her father, ami the latter taking a lamp led the way to the front chamber on the upper floor. Harry took up his travelling-bag, and after a "g 'od-night" to Carrie, he fol lowed the el. 1 gentleman up the stairs, and shortly afterwards was soundly sleeping. "He is handsome, and so is J ack. He Is gentlemanly, and .lack is not quite so easy. He talks and acts like a real gentleman, and Jack can hardly ever lind the right word to say when it is needed. Jack loves me, and I I won. dir do I really and truly love Jack?" Thus Carrie mused alter she had dis robed herself for the night, and sat by the window. Strange, she had never questioned the fact as to whether or not she loved Jack. She had always taken it for granted that she did love the handsome, brown-faced farmer-boy, who had ac companied her home from singing in the parish room on practising nights in tho winter, and taken her to picnics and on excursions in summer. Theirs had been on affection without any question, any doubt or mistrust to mar tho serenity of its ilow. Two, three weeks pass rapidly, and Harry Sloane finds himself musing over the possibility of his being able to provide for a wife. Carrie's lovely face, her pretty figure and her grace have been the whole, cause of his per plexity. Before he met her he never had a thought of ever marrying. He had espied a line young farmer on several occasions talking with Car rie at the gate1, but she had told him that it was Jack, a schoolmate, and a lifelong friend. One evening Harry was seated in theparlor talking with Carrie, when a trap halted at the door, and Jac k asked her to take a ride. Again, w hen Harry requested her to take a row on the lake, she said sho was very sorry, but she had an engagement w ith Jack. "Miss Ilervcy, that Jack seems to take up all of your spare time," ex claimed Harry. "Excuse me, Mr. Sloane, not quite all. I believe I am at .your service when net otherw ise engaged most of the time." And turning on his heel Harry would leave Carrie. This soon became com mon, and finally Harry was determined to end all by ii-ding Carrie for her hand. "Miss Hervey, will you walk with roe along the riverside this evening?" HX4 Harry pne evening after tea. "I I don't know." "Of course; it's another engagement. No matter, I return to the city in the morning," interrupted Harry. "You are wrong, Mr. Sloane; I have no other engagement. To prove it, 1 will go to the river with you." She put on her pretty.wide-brimmed Gainsborough ami walked by his side to the river, "It is pretty," she said, gazing out upon the lako which reflected each shining star and fleecy, floating cloud upon its mirror-like surface. "Pretty! yes, beyond all others I have ever looked upon." Something in his tones caused Carrie to look up quickly, and she blushed as she found his eyes gazing straight into hers. "Carrie 1 I love you." There, it was said. Tho die was cast, and Harry's heart jumped up into his throat. "Mr. Sloane " "There now, Carrie, don't Mr. Sloane me. Can you not call mu ll.ury?" "I might that is, if I had known you longer." "You call that farmer Jack." "Oh, Jack and I were children to gether. That makes a difference, you see." "I suppose so. But, Carrie, tell me, do you love me?" asked Harry, trying to take her hand in his, a liberty which she did not seem disposed to permit. "I I lot us go back now, Mr. Harry," said Carrie." "I love you, Carrie. Will you not give mc just one small ray of hope?" "I I don't know," responded she. Harry seemed very much in e arnest. Jack had never, during all the ye ars of their association, spoki'n of love. She, like other girls in common, had a deal of admiration for a brave man. And Harry Sloane seemed a valiant personage to Carrie, since he had dared to tell her that he loved her. "Who does know then?" asked Harry. "I cannot; I please let's go back ; home now," uttered Carrie. "Shall we row the boat, the little ' boat down there, up to the stream I which flows by the house-V" said Harry pointing to a small boat near them. "If you wish," said Carrie. They got into the boat, anil pushing ' it from the shore, Harry plied the ears. A silence fell upon them after ! the boat had gone a short distance, j They reached the turn of the water, : w here the small stream poured its crys tal waters into a lake. Harry turned the loat around - horror! the frail ! affair struck against a rock, and in j another instant they were both pre ' cipitated into the water. Harry, as he ! went over, managed to grasp hold of the boat, and Carrie, as good luck ' would haue it, found herself seated securely upon the rock. I "Miss Hervey," said Harry, "we are ; in a nice predicament." ! "I'm wet through and through," cried Carrie. Strangely enough, the thorough wet 1 ting seemed to take all the romance out i of both. Herein the water, up to ' their waists, Harry hanging on to the I shattered Imat for dear life, and Carrie seated upon the rock, some ten or more ' yards fa m shore, all all affairs oon 1 ne-cted w ith love were utterly vague to them. "What shall we do?" said Carrie1. 1 Harry did not reply. Swim he could not, and he knew if ho onco lost his ! hold he would go down, down to a J watery grave. J "I I'm sorry we started. I I i Miss, Miss Her Hervey, we shall both j be at the bottom by morning," stut I tered Harry, j "Humph! I shouldn't wonder a bit, poor Mr. Sloane?" "Wh what do you you mean?" ! "Why don't you do something, Mr. ' Sloane? Swim to shore for another j boat. Do any thing to get me off this j horrid rock!" ' "I I can't swim!" I "Jack can!" j "I'm glad to to hear it. I I w ish ' Jack was here." I Carrie then seemed to bo possessed ! of an idea which she suddenly put into ! effect, for raising her voice to its high I est pitch, she cried "Jack! Jack! j Jack!" "Hallo!" a voice In the distance re ( sponded. "Quick, Jack. Out here in the river where the stream flows in," cried Car rie, as she espied Jack's form upon the shore. And then Jack dashed into the water and walked as quickly as possi ble to Carrie, took her in his arms, and walked back to shore. "Help? How am I to get ashore?" yelled Harry. "Walk ashore! The water is abbot waist-deep. You don't want me to carry you, do you?" exclaimed Jack. as he walked off towards tlx house, Carrie, very limp and dripping walk ' log try b'f tidt. Harry walked to shore. What a fool he had been. If ho had only known the depth of the water, perhaps ho would not have lost Carrie. Anyhow, ho returned to tho city in the morning; and I can iissure you ho never mentioned the little circum stance. Carrie and Jack were married short ly afterwards. She. said that the sight of Harry in the w ater had cleared away all doubt, anil she straightway know that she did indeed love Jack! A Mormon Romance. When tho overland train reaches Ogdcn, the agitation of the female mind about visiting Salt Lake City becomes evidont. There are always some ladies going there for the benefit of their health, and many more to gratify their curiosity ; for, strange as it may seem, the Mormon stronghold is the groat business, social and educa tional centre between Omaha and San Francisco. The conductor told us that there were always ladies hound for Salt Lake, particularly during tho winter, when the climate is salubrious ; yet even in a large party tho members of the fair sex felt a half-amused trepi dation in preparing to inspect a society so entirely at variance with their prin ciples and notions of propriety. What, then, w as our surprise to meet on the very day of our arrival a Phila delphia lady, a niece of an eminent Presbyterian divine, who had been re siding in the capital of Mormondom for live years! She was a widow, whose extensive landed interests lay iu Idaho, and who had found lino educational advantages for her children, and a pleasant social circle for herself beneath the peerless blue sky and within the circling snow-capped mountains that bound Zion. She lived in a double house w ith long French windows, sur rounded by a blooming garden. Tht furniture was elegant and convenient. Church privileges were ample, and she had some friends among the Mormons. Her tVtV noire was her landlord, whose particular offence was his too great de sire to mako improvements and repairs upon her residence. His manners were very mild and pleasant ; but he at last justitieil her antipathy by sending his first wife to ask her to be his fourth spouse. To free herself from associa tion with him after this, she bought the house, when he coolly told her that what she regarded as audacity had been prospered by the Lord, and ena bled him to sell at a prolit. The romance of Salt Lake City is the story of Libbie Young, and visitors are sure to hear it as an illustration id how love rule's the world. Libbie. Young resided in Philadelphia. One ef her relatives was the second wife of Brigham Young, Jr., and while visiting her husband fell in love with Libbie, and Libbie became infatuated with him. She refused to marry him, how ever, unless he discarded his w ives an agreement which, strange to say, was agreed to. Brighton, Jr., then made a settlement on each of them, and he-and Libbie' were married. They lived happily until the death of old Hrigham induced his son to look to the succession to the presidency, when, to strengthen his influence with the church, he took to himself two new wives. On this Libbie left him, and ever since both of them have broken hearts. She still maintains intimate relations will his former wives, and frequently visits them ; and when she goes to Salt Lake, Brigham hovers around her residence to get a glimpse of her, but she will not see him. And yet everybody says she loves him and he still loves her, though ambition proves the strongt-rj passion. Lippin wtt's Mayuzine. What the Itraln Does. j It is a well-known fac t that people whose limbs have been amputated tell j you that they can feel their fingers and j toes for a long time afterward for : vcars, sometimes and will even do i scribe pains and definite sensation9 j affecting certain joints of individual di"its. This is reaelily understood j when we remember that the brain is the only part of the body tint feels, all sensations and impulses being conveyed to it from different parts by nerve fibres. Feelings of pain, heat, cold, touch, and the functions of the special senses are telegraphed to it; and when the connecting nerve is divided it may be some time before it learns to local ize truly the seat of the sensation it ap preciates. When wo knonck our "funny bones" we experience a thrill in the little finger and inner Ixirdcr of the hand; the fact being that w e have stim ulated the bundle of telegraph wires known as tho ulnar nerve which transmits sensations from that finger and part of the next, in the middle of its course, ns it winds round the joint etk9tbQVfWatMnetM I The Dying Drummer Boy. Mrs. Judge Fisher, of York, Pa., who went to Cettisburg immediately after the news of the battle had arrived, for the purpose of succoring the wounded, gives an interesting account coast are those of the Central Pacific in the Philadelphia Times of some of railroad magnates, and e x-llovernoi-the harrowing seene-s she witnessed on ; Stanford is the richest of the group, the battle-field. .Among others she re-' I lis wealth is estimated at $7.',i""',uom; lates the following pathetic incident : that is, his yearly income is equal to One beautiful evening, after a long ' the interest on such a capital, and his day's hard work, one of my boys came i property is constantly increasing in to me and said : "There is a 'little chap' j value. He ow ns more than $.".,i.iua ooi) out there who heard there w;is a woman alone in Sun Francisco in real e state, from his home and he wants to see , to say nothing of his farms, vine yards, you." "I found him at the farthest . breeding ranches, etc. The e-x- lovcr extremity of the hospital, with a half ! nor has but one child, Leland Jr., a lad dozen other hopeless cases. He was a of about lifteen. lovely boy. scarcely more than a child, j jM0 riche-st widow on the Pacific who had run aw ay from his home in coast, or in the country for that luatt-r, Providence, ILL, to join the "drum wjta the possible exception of Mrs. a! corps." He was a brave boy and a -p. Stewart, is Mrs. Mark Hopkins, great pet among the soldiers, who j Wj,iw ,,f one of the Central Pacific nursed him as tenderly as possible, but I syndicate. Her husband's estate proved could poorly supply a mothers loving I Ul to $2:!.0iHt,n(iij., and th- only two care. How ho longed for one; more 1 men in California w ho could justify on look of her de-ar face and once again to j the widow's bond as executrix were hear her sweet words of love! He was U ,.;ln, standfore! and Charles Crocker, so frail and slight it was a marvel how , two ()f h),r husband's busim-ss associ he could have endured the fatigue and atPH TnPV wt.r(. ..f,,,,,,,,,,,) to justify privation so long. He was not dis- ;n twice the amount of the est:ie, and figured by wounds, but constant oa,.n swr(, u,.,t h(1 w;is jp- ,),,. marches, insufficient food and often . Hopkins is an ebb r!y sleepless iiighti had exhausted ins . strength anil he had not the vitality to resist the sharp attack of fever. Ho was perfectly conscious, but too weak to say much. I asked the poor child w hat I could do for him. "Oh ! I want my mother !" I sat down on the ground, and taking him in my arms tried to comfort him. He turned his face to me, saying, "I am so tired," laid his head against me and appeared to sleep. The last rays of the sun touched the lovely features of the dying hoy. The; long-draw n shadows vanish,,! in the gathering darkness. Silence, unbroken save by the plaintive moan of some poor victim, succeeded the hum of the busy day. The pitymg dews shed a balm upon his brow. Fainter and fainter grew the breath and more feeble the clasp of the Uttle hand, w hen suddenly rousing he opened his eyes, glazed in death, and looking hmgand earnestly in my face, sanl : "Kiss me, lady, before I die !" Cling- ing still closer to the stranger who could faintly reprc.-cnt the fond mother's tenderness he so eagerly craved, be dropped his -heavy lids and slept away his brief life as peacefully as a child goes to sleep in its mother's arms. 1 gently laid the lifeless form dow n on the hard earth and left him to a soldier's burial and a nameless grave. Poor fellow, what an atom he seemed t be in all that ma-s of wretched, suffering, dying humanity ! Yet he was all the world to the heart of that mother, who wept and prayed for her darling's safe return to the distant home, that never again would echo his boyish step or ringing laugh. Sharp Practice. A certain Michigande-r who had long succeeded in dodging a certain creditor, was a few weeks ago cornered in the olliccof a mutual friend, and the credi tor began: "Sir! you have owed me t--r for a year past, and now 1 want to know what you are going to do about it?" "Well, I'll think it over." "There will be no thinking it over, my friend. I f you don't pay me I'll sue yon." "You will?' "I will, sir!" "Then you'll be certain to get a judge ment. The party which brings the suit always gets the verdict before a justice. Knowing this, you will take advantage of ine?" "I will." V-i. wnll Vnff thrn T ilnnv flint I owe you a dollar." "You do?" "I do, sir, but in case you want to borrow 25 of me for a week hero it is." I don't care whether yon call it paying or leading, so long as I get my money," replied the creditor, and he mado out a receipt in full and took the money At the end of the week he was asked to return the loan, but laughed at the I tOSUlUIl VI i. ( . v ui t - i:... k r.,.,n,u Vnll 1,,' gun to recove ver it. the mutual friend .on,! aaa witness, and the idaintiff re- . . . ooivod judgment in his favor anil had a dean receipt to show for the debt Dttruit Fret Fnxs. Colonel Willoughby Williams of Nashville, Teiiu.. owed about 1:100.000 u ti.e etui of the war. ThoiiL'h then nearlv s.-ventv vcars old, he went to work and before" his death, which oc- curedrecentlv.be had paid every cent of his debts. ' ... Vegetarianism is rapidly making progress in England. The temperance people are aiding it. and vegetarian dining-rooms are being opened jn large I towns. Pacific Coast Nabobs. The St. Louis (il'ihi-lh vfirrnt thus gives instances of Pacific coast wealth : The biggest fortunes on the Pacific W))n,;in. Thev hail no children, but had adopted a son, whom Mrs. Hopkins has just married to a Miss Crittenden, a prot-g of hers, providing her with the dot of a princess. Their are other heirs to the estate, but the adopted son, "Tim," will get the bulk of it. The; riche-st young and unmarried woman on the I'a'-illi; coast is Miss Jennie Flood, only ilaughter of the bonanza king. Wbe-n her father's in come from the big silver bonanza was at its" highest he bought 2,..0'i ,"! f i I'niied States four her cents, and irave th(,m ,,is (lall;;ht,r ,,.;.,,,, ,,;ivi, Uf.m ist,.rc., in hr .. n ;,is p hjs $1(1Ml fllu jn t,,0 Sllf. suriticfl ,,,,, , ,a.tr ,,,,, n, .,., ,,.IV1. ' M to Uri val;1, ,.nr sll,. . k . Mj! tIl.m,v is ;l .-harming ViiUngW(im.uli rilthl,r' ,,,.,;, it i.true. all(l iiwav 1)Ul uf ,.,. ,,ut ,. is u j , M.Ml. whllv (,-,.,. Ir, j . . - . . , , pious, and there has been .'onu- talk of her taking the ve il. There was ills--some talk at one tin: ,-f her marrying "Buck" Kraut. Miss Flood only laughed at the idea, as, indeed, did young (Irani himself. The only , lie anxious to bring about that match was pupa Flood, but the young folks couldn't see it. A Young .Man's Peril. They were in to si--- a lawyer vs'ei day Mary Ann and her mother. Mary Ann was a littl-- embarrassed, but the old woman was calm. When th- y spoke about a brcaeh-o;'-pi..m:se i a--.-the lawyer asked : "What evidence have you got y" "Mary Ann, produce the letters," i commanded the mother, and tin- girl took the cover of!' a willow basket u:.d I remarked that she thought V'J" letters I would do to begin on. The; other tied ! would be produced as soon as the cast- was fairly before the court." "And outside of these letters?" queried the lawyer. "Mary Ann, produce your diary," saitl the mother. "Now turn to the heading of 'Promises,' and tell how many times this marring.'1 business w ;is talked over." "The footing is 21 1 time-.-," answered the girl. "Now turn to the hea ling of 'Par. ling,' anil gives us the number of times he has applied the term to you." "If I have figured light, the total is i 9,2o4 times. "I guess you counted pretty straight, for you are good in arithmetic. Now, turn to the heading of 'Woodbine Cot tage,' and tell how many times he has talked of such a home for you after marriage." The footing is l.HO-S times." "Very well. This lawyer wants to be sure that we've got a case. How many times has Charles Henry said ho would die for you?" "Three hundred and fifty," answered ..-. ..I ,,v..r l...,C I K"1' How many times has he called you I nn anirel?" Over 11,(X0. manner." "How about squeezing hands?" "Over 384,000 squeezes." "And kisses?" "Nearly 417,000, "There's our case," saitl the mother, deposited oasKet ami man on the lawyer's table. "Look over the ! documents, and if you want anything i further I can bring in a dozen neigh- bors to swear to facts. We sue for ; 10,0t0 damages, and we won't settle ' f-r less than an eighty-acre farm, w ith buildings in good repair. We'll call ! again next week. C.ood day, sir. sir !" Detroit FntPniis. I The Harvest Mouse. The well-know Harvest Mouse (Jj rumys mi it tit us ) is the smallest exam jileufthe mammalia iu F.ngland, ami nearly in the World. This elegant lit" tie creature is so tiny that, when full grown, it weighs scarcely more than the sixth of an ounce, whereas tie- or dinary mouse weighs almost an entire ounce. Its color is a very w arm brow n above, almost amounting to chestnut, and below it is pure white, the line of demarcation being strongly tbl'med. The color is slightly variable in differ ent lights, because ea' h hair is re. I at the tip and brown at lie- base, an I every movement of tie-animal mil orally causes the two tint to b- alternately visible and conceal--d.. It is called the Hal ved mouse, be cause it is usually found at harvest time, and in .some parts of the country it is captured by hundreds in burns and ricks. To the ricks it could neve r gain admission, provided they are built on proper stadtlles, were it lud that it gets into the sheaves as they stand in the field, and is carried within them by the laborers. Other mice, however, nr. sometimes called by this name, although they have no fair title to it; but th genuine Harvest mouse can alw ays be distinguished by its very small" size, and the bright ruddy hue .f the back and the white of the abdomen. -Mor.--over, the ears of the Harvest mouse are shorter in proportion than those of th" ordinary mouse, the head is larger and more slender, ami the ey-s are riot so projecting, so that a very brief inspec tion Will Slllllce to tell the observer wh"thcr he is looking at an adult Ibir. vest mouse, or a young sp-einien of any other species. Mi'-e always make very e'lmfortaMe nests for their young, gathering to gether great epiantities of wool, rags, paper, hair, moss, feathers, and similar substances. As the food of the Harvest mouse consists greatly of inlets ili"s being especial favorites, it is e vident that great agility is needed. Its leap is re markably swift, and its aim is as accu rate as that of the swallow. Even in captivity it has been known to take Hie, from the hand of its owner, and to leap along the wires of its cage as smartly as if it were trying to capture an insect that could escape. In l!u airy cradle may sometimes be seen as many us eight young mi""', all parked together like herrings in a barrel. Iti r. J. D. U Vj,. The Earth Stiff as Steel. G. II. Darwin has just published an important paper upon the rigidity of the earth. The data upon which his work is based are the tidal olst na tions ni.uk- under the direction of tin Indian government during the past few years, combine. I with others in I'ugland and Fran, e-- in ail. thirty three years' observa- ton at fourtc n different ports. The w hole t ide at any place may be regarded as ma le up of a great number of siuail'-r title s, of vary ing period. Among tin se subordinate tides two Were selected for the discus sion oue with a pcliml of two weeks, depending upon the distance of the moon north or south of the celestial equator, the other with a period of a month, depending upon the; varying distance of the moon from th" earth. Those are free from all systematic meteorological or seasonal influence. Now, if the earth is not rigid, but yields at all to tin- tide-raising force, the time and height of high water will be affect fi!. It appears from the inves tigation that each of these titles is only a little1 more than two-third- what it should be if the earth we re absolutely rigid, and from this Mr. Darwin shows that the amount of yielding is al -.ut that of steel, a conclusion agr- ing ery well with that deduced by .r William Thomson, some fifteen years ago, from rather scanty data. Ev idently this result tlties not favor the idea that the earth's interior is a nioltt n : mass. THE FAMILY DOCTOR. To relieve hiccough i; once, tak" a lump of sugar saturated with vinegar. Ileinorrhagt' of the lungs nr stomach may be quickly stopped by small doses of salt. Don't use your voice for h u l speak ing or singing w hen hoarse, is the ad vice given by Dr. Fouh's lhaltU Monthly. There are times in the lives of chil dren when colds are taken, no one knows how, and when toothache is al most unbearable, anil yet it is not ad visable to have the tooth extracted ; one means of relief at such a time is to cut a large raisin open, roast it or heat it, and apply it around the tooth while it is as hot as can be borne ; it will oj; erate like u little poultice, and will draw out the inflammation. To wet a flannel cloth with sIivi.lt vineirur. and then put a hot iron under it, and so to steam the face, w in aid iu reducing the ' inflammation. PI NiiFXT PAIt.WJKAPIIS. A tab- of tin- sea A sea-serpent's tail. The latest thing in cradles -The new baby. Years an-like tigers. They always e t in- w ith a spring. I), linitioii of a soldier of fortune A S'.-Mh r who has iione. When a man wants ti;ste on the scales he gets aweigh. We admin- spirited animals, but de 1'vcr us from a wildly enthusiastic mule. Tin- rising young man of the future is one w ho will be willing to jump up aiei build the iimming !!m-s. There an; a good 'i:a;iy desolate aid iincomfortahle things in this world, but ap'ug bat i;i a 'tiow storm strikes us as about the climax. The op.-ratu's iu mythical mines art; always willing to b t you in ; but then' is quite a differ- nee between letting y mi in and 1"! t you win. W'jat is the iliiT-Tt are between a glass half full of water ami a broken engagement y".- tint- is not idled full, and tl tle-r is im! fnMlled. With i vet pti-na! truthfulness a qinn k ilt.eiei- beg iiis hi-. advertisement : "I offer lev va!i;.ibl -ser ices toall wlm are so unfortunate as to n quire them." Life mu..; be a --rft.-t d -crt to the women ol' Scl. Lake. Wha' can they talk a!- v.'r I here's .ib-olutely nothing a man m that city t an do that is se an dalotis. Said a farmer, who w as given to long drinks, to a brother agrlctt!' iiri-t : What breed . ! t a! i e i. ii Id you advi -e me toa-leji! ':" :,"!". iiorn-.," was the significant reply. Four i!:!i!ghte'- of a Iv-nt in l;v filmi er eloped in oue niL'V, ea'-h couple taking a t!:!'f -rent road, am! it drove til-- old man ::b' .'i' i :-... y to decide W llieh p.'c'iy to pur-tie. Dong 'i'oiig is the name of a very sue,., .--!'::! " ! i : i -se ai::M at Chicago, lb-has painted the picture of a man and a d"!'. and y. .t t an tell which is the man and which is U-dog almost at a glance. ".liiii.!. mylic'e i heriib. w hen does y e;r si-b r F.snma re! or::?" "I don't know ." 'Didn't : he say anyt hing be fore she v. en! away "She said, if yen cam.- to s--" ht r, she'd he gone till doom- day." One gacat nn; h a ::'.nt m-ss attending a iim-i's g-1 !!?' !;. 'iv-il is his ut'er j,,. bgnit'l "l'l--e til the oc.-is;n!l. Th.- bride is the ,.bj.-t of attention as the t-t-ir perfer.m r i f the show, and he is g.irdcd l:'Ti ly ;is a l.i essary pro perly. An exchange asks in I !.! head lines; -Why tl o w oi,,::'i work?" Well, some v. on. i ii v.er'.v !- - aii-e tin y enjoy it, and tHe r ; bt c.;;;-.--. hi ir husbands are busy ill p !i: : s and t !r- w oman ol the house i; obl.ged to hu-tle around and earn their daily hp-a !. Out day toward nightfall, and in un certain light, a man bought an over coat of pre', nt-.-d plum color. The li. .-riling it proved to be of a quite! n:.:'.i.-'.aiv able green. K. turning i: to tie- shopkeeper, that worthy r. '.ar.!. 1 the buyer calmly and said : " Vt-:! :'':-; have a liith- patience with it, iu; It arsir; it isn't ripe yet." Tie y hud : 'y be, n married il short time-. The .'iier day she slung her ami around him. a' d warbled, in a low, 1 -i:u:ib .11 : voice; )o you realize. Ad..!;. has, that now we are married, v.e ,.nly one?" "No, ' replied the bru' -. "I can't realize it. have just paid a k': uiH'iiery bill, and a lot moro of your hills, w.th several outside pre cinc's to hear from, so I am beginning to rc'i'.ize ti..,t. as far as e xpense goes, met. ;i 1 of being one, we are bouf half a dozen. 1 can't take- in that idea of our being one just yet, not by a large majority. "I tell ytiu what it is, fellahs," yawned Adoiphiis. "I'm making an awful commotion among tho girls. Only wanted a lit tie fun, ycr know, but deii.-eil if they arn't all falling in love with me. 'Poii honor, 1 believe I'm getting into hot water, ycr know." "Do vou?" said one of the girls who e luincetl to overhear; "well, perhaps it, will h:i e-1 he sunn- effect upon you as it does upon the lobster." "I say, Mar tha." exclaimed Adolphus, turning about, "loii're deiiei'tlly sharp, ycr know, but blamed if I know what you're iiriing at now." "Oh, nothing," replied Martha; "only lobsters, you know , i.iv green till thty get into hot water." Since Wolsi-y, UX, tho following i llrit ish ami D ish cardinals have been .reared: Fidur, 1".:;;.; Benton, 15-40; . . 1 .'.:; A! -n. l i'l; Howard, 1004; x'..i iT"!: Vo.l.. i. 07; Krskine, 1811; ; '.Vt hl. In.T; A'.ion, 1.17; Wiseman, I li-iv.