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H. A. LONDON, Jr.,
EUITOK AND IMiOrRUXOH
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Onsoopy .Ms months
Otte copy. Uirae mouthy
IMTTSI()R( CHATHAM CO., X. C. JAM'AIiV 21. ISS1,
Tat tnw MrmrtamMBt Htwnl ooutmwlS
Over mill over nn.n,
No mutter which tmy I mm,
I uln ays et-n in j, Itook uf l.if.
Sutno hs-ou iluil 1 mint Imrn.
I iiiu-l hike my I ii in m tin' mill;
I iiiiim gi.nd tun ill,- pililim Kr in,
I must wink iti in.v tmk with i s 'iulo will
Over mid over iigniu.
Over mill ovor iiKiiin,
Tlio lirook iliri'iili tho mm low it.
And over mid over iiqniii.
Hi ' oiiiIiioii iinll. wheel turns.
Om o iluii'B will mil MiHicc-
TIioiikIi iliiinK lie nut in vain
A n.l u blessing lading us once or twice,
May come il wo try ogaiu.
THE KINDLY JEST.
nv rii.Mii.is REAinr.
Theroniiar toliu two great divis
ions f humorous wit : tho 'repartee
and tlio practical joke. Moth those
have mi aggressive character. To be
gin with tin; repartee it is usually a
dap in the face.
A few years ago, the country pos
sessed a great master of repartee, Mr.
Douglas .lerrold. Specimens of his
si vie still survive in the memory of his
A mediocre writer, employed on the
same subject as himself, says, "Von
know, .lerrold, you and 1 are rowing in
the same, boat."
"Yes," replies the wit, "hut 1 1 t with
the same sculls."
Another inferinrartist is eating soup
at the (iarrick Club, lie praises it to
.lerrold, and tells him it was calf-tail
soup. "Aye," says .lerrold; "extremes
These are strong .specimens, but take
milder ones; still the aggressive char
acter is there.
Pecuniary calamity overtook a friend
of Mr. Edmund Ibirke. Another friend
went to console him, and, like Job's
comforters, told him it was all his own
fault. "How could you be so unfeel
ing V" said Mr. I'.tirke, when he heard
"Unfeeling, sir!" says the other.
"Why, 1 went to him directly, and
poured oil into his Wounds."
"(lil of vitriol," says the statesman.
Of course 1 need not say that a thou
sand examples of the kind are to bo
found in literature.
The witty Voltaire receded with ad
mirable dexterity front good nature
into wit. lie permitted himself to
praise some gentleman l ather warmly.
His hearer said, "This is very good of
you, for ho doesn't speak of you with
any respect; quito the reverse."
"Ah!" said 'oltair,, "liumnniun tat
rrtm; probably both of us are mis
F.ven where the wit is without per
sonality, it does not always lose its ag
gressive character. See how the per
sonages in the "School for Scandal"
explain why wit and good-nature are so
seldom united. It is n it bitter, but still
it is biting.
Now go from this to the practical
johe. which is aiwas an auempi at
humor. Dissect the practical joke, i
Fgotism and a poverty of real wit
tempt some dull fellow to inflict mod
erate pain upon another, keeping well
out of it himself; and his being out of
it, and the other being in it, makes
him feel humorous; and this really fa--vorsthe
narrow theory of Hobbesof
Malmesbury that "laughter arises from
a-gloryingiu ourselves at some superi
ority over our neighbors." The dull
humorist in this stylo chips bristles
and strews them in his friend's bed, or
makes him up what is called an uh-1
pie bed ii womlertul corruption of
eup-a-u. Meantime his bed is all
right; and his heart rejoices.
One of these humorists put a skel
eton into a young lady's bed, down in
Somersetshire, then retired softly and
awaited the result, w ith tho idiotic
chuckle of a dull dog who has strayed
into humor. The result was that the
lady fell screaming on the floor; was
taken up insane, and ended her days in
a mad-house. Another such humorist
battened down the hatches of a small
trading vessel in the Thames. Smoke
was created somehow in thu hold (I
forgot by what cause i; the crew, con
sisting of four poor wretches, tried in
vain to esi ape. Their very cries were
stilled, and the next day their smoking
corpses were recovered, grim monu
ments of a stupid fellow's humor.
Solomon has observed that Nature
contains tremendous animals. At the
head of the list he places a couple, viz.:
a bear robbed of her w helps and an ir
ritated fool. Leaving these two ter
rible creatures to figure cheek by jowl
in the sacred page, I beg the tliird
place for a dull" man or woman trying
to be witty.
Xow all this is not absolutely nec
essary. It is more dillicut to say witty
and kindly things, than witty and ill
natured things. Yet it is within the
power of the human understanding.
young lady walking in her garden
". iti. "yd. y Smith, pointed out to him
u. 'vei'n pea, reported to blossom
-a ttil'i-. . t," he said, "we have
never been able to bring it to perfec
tion." "Then," said the kindly wit,
"let me bring Perfection to the pea,"
and so led her by the hand to a closer
inspection of the flower.
Couloii, a famous niiiiiti.' of Louis
XV. 's time, took oil' the king as well
as his subjects. The king heard
of it, and insisted on soeing the imita
tion. He was not offended at it. and
gavo 'union a lino diamond pin. Con
Ion looks at the pin, and says : "Coining
to me this ought to be paste; but com
ing from Your Majesty, it is naturally
a diamond." Is the element of wit
extinguished hero by the good nature?
1 trow not.
Frederick the (,'reat disbelieved in
physicians, and said that invalids die
oftcner of their remedies than of their
maladies; and, as the lancet was rife in
his day, probably ho was not very
wiolf'. However, he fell sick, and tin-
weakness of his body, I suppose, affect
ed his mind, so ho sent for a physician.
Dr. Zhiiiiiermann, but at sight of him
his theory revived, and his habitual
good manners led him to say to Zini -mcrm.mn,
by way of greeting: "Xow,
iloi tor, 1 11 !,p bound to say you hae
sent many a fellow underground."
Ziiuineiiiiauu replied, without hesita
tion, "Xoi so many as Your Majesty,---nor
with so much credit to myself,"
Isn't that wit, if you please y Aye,
ami of a very high order. Hut it is
even possible to convert the practical
joke to amiability, and to substitute the
milk ot human kindness, where hith
erto men have dealt in adulterated vin
egar. And of this I beg to offer an
A certain Herman nobleman provid
ed his son with a tutor; who was to
attend closely to him at all hours and
improve his mind. This tutor, it seems,
took for his example a certain pred
ecessor of his, who used to coach young
Cyrus indoors and out. And both
theso tutors, each in his own country
and his ow n generation, had the brains
to see that to educate- a young fellow
you must not merely set him tasks to
learn indoors, and then let him run
wild in the open air, but must accom
pany him wherever he goes, and guide
him with your greater experience, in
his judgment of the various events that
pass before his eyes. For how shall
he h atn to apply an experience which
he does nut possess.
What a boy learns
by rote is not knowledge, hut knowl
ne day theso two came to the side
of a wood, an I there they found a tree
half felled, and a pair of wooden
shoes. The woodman was cooling ls
hot feet in a neighboring stream. The
young nobleman took up a couple of
pebbles and said to his tutor,
"I'll Hit these in that old fellow's
shoes, and we'll see his grimaces."
"Hum!" says the tutor, "1 don't
think you'll get much fun out of that.
You see he's a poor man, and probably
thinks his lot hard enough without his
having stones put intohisshoes. 1 can't
iu ip inmking t hat if you were to put
a little monev in, instead,-and vou
have plenty of that, yon know, more
than 1 should allow you if 1 wero your
lather the old lellow would be far
more flabheruasted, and his grimaces
would l e far more entertaining."
The generous youth caught tire at the
idea, and put a double dollar into each
shoe. Then the confederates hid be
hind a hedge, and watchid the result
of their trick. They had not long to
wait. An elderly man camo back to
his hard work, work a httlo bevond
his years,- and slipped his right foot
into his right shoe. Feeling something
hard in it, hw took it off again and dis
covered a double dollar. His grave
face wore a look of amazement, and
the spies behind the hedge chuckled.
He laid the coin in the palm of his
hand, still gazing at it with wonder;
he mechanically slipped his foot into
the other sabot. There he found anoth
er coin. Ho took it up, and holding
out both his hands, stared with aston ishment
at them. Then he suddenly
clasped his hands together, and tell up
on his knees; and he cried out. in a
loud voice : , (Jod! this is your do
ing. Xobody but you knows the state
we are in at home, my wife in her lied,
my children starving, and I hardly
able to earn a crust with these old
hands,. It is you who have sent me
these blessed coins, or one of your an
gels." Then he paused, and another idea
struck him. "Perhaps it is not an
angel from heaven. There are human
angels even in this oorld. Kind hearts
that love to feed the hungry and succor
the poor. One of these has passed by,
like sunshine in winter, and 1 as seen
t ho poor old man's shoes, ami has
dropped all this money into them, and
has then gone on again, and not even
waited to be thanked. Hut a poor
man's blessing flics fast, and shall over
take him, and be with him to the end of
the world, and to the end of his own
time. May God and his angels go with
you, keep you from poverty, protect
you from alekaeu, and may you feel la
your own heart a litll" of the warmth ;
and the joy you have brought to m,
and mine. I'll do no more work -lay.
I'll go home t-i my wile:, ill'
children ami they shall kneel andh'.c s
the han I that has given us this eon
fort, and then gone away and thought
nothing of it."
lie put on his shoes, shouldered his ,
axe, and went homo. j
Then the spies had a little dialogue:
"Now, this I call really good fun," ,
said the tutor, in rather a shady voice; j
"and what are you snivelling at y"
"Tisn't I that am snivelling ; it is j
Well, then, we are both snivelling," :
said the tutor; and with that, being 1
foreigners, they embraced, and did not I
conceal their emotions any longer.
'Come on!" said the boy.
"Where next?" asked the tutor. !
"Why, follow him. to bo sure. I I
want to know when? they live. Do
you think I would let his wife be sick,
and his children starve, after this!' "
"Dear boy, I don't for a moment
think that you will. Yours is not the
age nor the heart that does things by
So they dogged their victim home,
and the young nobleman secured a
modest competence, from that hour to
a very worthy and poverty-stricken
Xow, I think that both these veins
of humor might bo worked to the
profit of mankind, and especially of
those who can contrive to be wittv or
humorous yet kindly; and of those
who can profit by this improved sort of
humor. I have hoard of an eccentric
gentlemen who had some poor female
relations, and asked them to tea a
beverage he himself detested. Hero
tired before the tea-drinking com
menced, and watched their faces from
another room. They found their cups
mighty heavy, and could hardly lift the
ponderous liquid. They set them down,
probed tlio contents, and found a sed-
iment of forty sovereigns in each cup.
Each discovery being announced with
little sereoches, and followed by a con
tinuous cackling, the eccentric host ap
pears to have got more fun out of it
than by the vulgar process of draw ing
cheeks for the amount.
The human mind when once the at- ,
tention of many persons is given to a
subject, is so ingenious, and gets so
much metal out of ever so small a
vein of ore, that I feel assured, if peo
ple at home and abroad will bring
their minds to bear on the subject. '
they may in some degree improve man- j
ners and embellish human life with j
good-hearted humor and kindly jokes, j
. ' i
THE FA HI LI I'll VSK I AN.
Sassafras is recommended in ivy
poisoning, says r. l'rtr llnrfth
Monthly. A tea made of the bark of
red sassafras, sweetened to the taste
may be taken internally, while cloths
soaked in the cold tea are applied to
tho irritable parts.
ISaking soda is one of the best know n
remedies for bums and scalds. It
should be immediately applied either
wet or dry. It almost instantly relieves
the burning sensation and helps to heal.
On rising in the morning always put
on the shoes and stockings the first
thing. Never walk about in tho bare
feet, or stand on oil cloth. Even in
summer time this is a dangerous and
In case of poisoning, one of the best
emetics is salt and water, the quantity
being two tablespoonfuls of salt to
about a pint of tepid water. It acts j
promptly and has the advantage of al
ways being near at hand.
One of the best methods to cure
round shoulders is as follows : Every
morning before or after breakfast, se
lect an empty corner-a place where
the hands cm be supimrted is best
place the hands on the wall and move
backwards and forwards, keeping the
hands firm. Twenty times is enougu
to begin with, and then increase to one
hundred. This hits been known to cure
the worst case of round shoulders
Another excellent core is to carry the
chin in and the head erect. If this is
done it is impossible to walk round-
The lllowing Oak. I
The New Orleans Timt-Democrat
says that tine of the natural curiosities j
of Hernando county, Florida, is au j
immense live oak, situated near
Brooksville, which, seven feet front ;
the ground, measures thirty-live and j
one-half feet in circumference; front
this height to the top ft has but
two large limbs, the limbs, spread
ing out, and at the top measures
eighty yards across. On one side of
this singular work of nature is a small
orifice from which issues a continual
stream of cold air, showing some sub
terranean connection that is unaffected
by what is going on above ground. No
matter whether the wind blow s east,
west, north or south, hot or cold, there
is a constant blow of cold air from this
Th. t'.Torli. Tout.
Wo malo him i!tivo 'nmtlt tli apple.) ree.
Where lie lived tlio minimi r limn,
Anil we crii-d to think up i-lionM hear mi
At nightfall, his tin" iliil s iiii;.
How merrily Imppedlio tiWg tho path'
We chIIu I liim llic g udviim-'ii pet,
For he ate all the mischievous flies ami slugs,
My heart is breaking r.
I mot lien Brown on my way to m-Iio-i),
But I crowed thu dusty mini,
For I could not tear h fpp-ik to tin li -r
Who would kill Midi n .Yin' little toinl.
-Kalc Lawrence, in louth't Vomimntan.
P.tciI Ilir Baby,
Littlo dogs ofteu command high
prices for fancy's sake, but it is the
big dogs that are sought for and valued
when protection and muscular useful
ness are wanted. An interesting
exception is related in the incident
below. Even a little dog found his
strength for once equal to his good
will, and was able to save a halo's
A woman left her baby, eighteen
months old, on the floor of the irout
room playing with its toys and a little
terrier dog that is its cousta'tt
panion. The mother was away onh a
minute or two, but when she cam"
back and opened the door her inia il'.
head, arms and shoulders were hang
ing beyond the stone Mil of an op. :i
window, and near i'. w it h its l.vt mi
a chair, stood the little dog. hoi. bug -'U
to the child's dress f.,r dear hie.
Her child, ui.i-onseioiis of any
danger, was crow ing at some object in
the yard, while the dog. holding on
the dress, looked a mute appeal for
haste and help. In an in-taut the
baby was .snatched from its ibingeioi s
When the dog had b'ceu rclievnl of
his burden he pranced around tin
mother and child with a (b light that
was almost frantic.
i now a iru or iionry tmisni n r.
j Ouee upon a time a wandering fakir
i came to a Indian village, lie was old
and travel-worn. The people, think
ing him a holy man, left their duties
and followed him. As they crowded
close upon him. praying his blessing,
ho cried, "Avoid me. touch me not! I
carry lire and fury and famine with
me!" They searched him, and found
nothing but a string of beads and a
As the fakir passed a shop, he took
a drop of honey from a jar, smeared it
on a wall and passed from the town.
Tho honey attracted tho (lies. A lizard
crept out of the wall and ate the flies
A cat caught the lizard. A dog'
seeing the cat playing with her prey,
came up and, worried the cat. The
owner of the cat and the owner of the
dog interfered, and soon both animals
J lav dead in the street, and each man
declared the other guilty of killing his
favorite. The matter was taken be
fore tho judge, who unjustly decided
in favor of the dog, in spite of his
being the offender. The villagers took
sides on tho question, and a riot en
sued, houses were burned, gardens
were destroyed, rice fields despoiled
Soldiers were sent to quell the dis
turbance, but they took sides with the
citizens and captured the fort. A
neighboring rajah, seeing his oppor
tunity, marched against the town
burning and destroying as he went.
The war spread through the province
lasting for months. Famine and
pestilence seized upon these whom the
sword spared. Then many remem
bered the fakir and his drop of honey.
"Heboid how great a matter a little
Of accidents at Niagara Falls, says'a
correspondent, some very strange ones
are recorded. One lady st'xiped for a
cup of water, lost her balance, and was I
out of reach and over the falls almost
before her husband knew what had
happened. Another lady stooped to
pluck a flow er on the brink of Table
Hock. She was taken up dead from
the rocks below. A rhyming, irrever
ent tourist on the same day recorded a
bit of elegiac poetry which would have
made him a man of mark in l'hil
adelphia. He simply wrote :
"At f tip Mrly npe ,f twenty thro.
Was piU'tieU mtu e-tcr ui-ty.
In 1375 au accident equally sad and
foolish occurred. An engaged couple
went behind the falls, into tho Cave of
the Winds, without a guide. The lady
actually sought to bathe in a poo,
which even the guide never visited.
Her lover lost his life in trying to save
I hers. Perhaps the most dramatic ac
cident was the following: A playful
young man caught up a charming child
who was watching the tumbling waves.
'Xow, Lizzie, I am going to throw you
Into the water." he said, and swung
her back and forth. She screamed,
struggled, and slipped from his hands
He gazed after her, realized what he
had done, and leaped. Rescue was
hopeless. Ferha he did not deserve
death, and at least censure may dii
IIKH" WATER IMVINU.
It Fimrliintlon anil 1U I'crll.-A IMver't
liosel Downer, (liver and submarine
beholder of the manner of tat range
things, has a family name that tits him
so neatly that it was not improbably
made for him. When out of water and
out of work he is to be found most of
the time at his modest homo near the
foot of Fast Huron street, Chicago,
looking fondly at his diving "rig" and
a ting generally like a lisli out of his
(lenient. For liosel Downer is a man
of two ideas, to wit : To support him
sell ami wife and little dog, and to
make his name familiar to fresh water
tars as that of a man who in skill and
daring in plying his trade took no odds
from any man. His life of late years
has not been all romantic. It has been
merely the industrious following out
of his early formed wishes, lie has
A tlioil-.iii-l inoii tint nl, gnnwfit iipnn.
W..il.i.f j; .1.1, tiiMl a'-.i..r... li- ,). ( pr.irl.
IniVtllllill.!,. -ti'lil-., IIIJV;tllH. 1,'IVL'U.
All -r.lll. lv.l III tin' .fl..lli 1. 1 lh..'ll."
Mut with his cunning hand ho has re
deemed to industry many tons of th
baser metals, and he has passed through
many "hair-breadth scapes." for the
last eight years he has "woo'd t he slimy
bottom of the deep" with a true lover's
fidelity. Of the perils he ha- passed
he will talk willingly, greatly because
tite recoimtal brings back to hint the
life to which he is attached, and from
which hois forced to abstain w hen there
is a poor crop of wrecks.
"I have been in some pretty tight
boxes, and I can tell some things about
my tradethat are not generally known."
said Mr. Downer to a reporter. -1
suppose mine is a risky business." he
continued, "but it isn't half so bad as
people generally think 1 know of
nothing I could work so cheerfully at.
and lis dangers never enter my head.
I always hankered alter it. though 1
never came to it till eight years auo.
Whenever 1 broached the subject, wife
and mother leagued against me and
silenced me with a rattling lir" of pro
tests. So 1 never got further than men
tioning my dearest ambition until I
finally made a bolt and bought myself
a "rig." Well, 1 would have sold that
"rig" dirt cheap not many hours aft"
I got it. Whyy liccausc I made m
first trip without knowing any more
about the business than you do. Every
fledgling shrinks from going after his
first dive, for he has suffered a pain
that you land-lubbers know nothing of.
Take two sharp pencils and force them
steadily in your ears, and you will have
a pretty fair idea of the pain that
shoots through the head of a diver the
first time he's lowered, lie gets tlx d
to it in time, and doesn't feel it much
unless let down over fifty feet, and
then it comes a-shoutin'. Once at the
bottom you canstop it in a jiffy by bend
ing over, setting your teeth and swal
lowing air like a hog. through your
"There's one thing we can't get ued
to, though, and that's the perspiration.
You can't wipe it off, and it feels as
if a thousand llies were crawling over
and feeding on a man's face. l!ut itch
ing aside, I would as soon have air
pumped to me as blown to me. It
doesn't use a man up, either lor the
time or for good.. To-day I am ia bet
ter health than I ever was before.
"I've rubbed pretty close against
eternity, though, several times. 1 w as
working on the Yazoo river last year,
in connection with the New Orleans,
Texas & Louisville railroad bridge. I
was lowvred through a four-foot hole
in the center of a casing, to knock the
boards off from the bottom that had
been put on for the convenience of
launching. The top of the casing is
solid, you know, except the man-hole,
and the bottom hollow, so that it can
settle down on and close a section of
piling. When I signaled to be pulled
up, I found the bole covered by a loos
ened board. I signaled theiu to stop
hauling, but lubbers kept on. There 1
was bobbing from top to bottom, and
at every bob expecting the water to
rush in through a busted head piece.
Fnally they quit and I got out. Anoth
er time, when gutting the F. F. l'arks
in the Detroit river, the schooner The
odore Voges ran into the scow Hero
from which I was working and carried
away her fore and main rigging. The
men rushed from the pumps to cuss the
captain of the Voges., and I was left
for four minutes to try air in every
stage of contamination. Finally they
returned to the pumps, and 1 was pulled
up as limp as a di.sh-rag. The stillness
of those four minutes w as simply deaf
ening. I have been in the water four
teen hours and came up almost as
fresh as I went in. I think I can stand
water as deep and as long as any man
on the lakes.
At the banquet: "Fellow Irishmen:
I am glad to be with you here. I hope
we shall meet often. Gentlemen you
may not have supposed it, but I am
myself something of an Irishman. I
have a cork leg."
Wtifr Tlujr rt KoiiimI hikI IIiiv, They
ir tt lUnl.
"Fresh-water pearl lisheries have
long been of more or less importance
in this and other countries." said a
dealer to a reporter the other day. "In
th" west the best localities have been
' fo'md in st. chtir ei-mtty. Illinois,
, U i'lle Hl.tili-rford encil'y. 'I t .ilO's.-.'.'.
j and tlti- Utile Mia iti. in Ohio, have
piY.iiicid many vaiii.tMi- "-- .-, as
maii other -tic oils 1 1 1 -in '1 t''
along tin Ohio. me of the finest
! pearls w as taken a few years ago from
a stream near Sah-m. X. .1. It was
; over an inch across, and w as sold in
Paris for over $V" ' ."
! "D- European rivers produce pearls V"
I asked the reporter.
i "In N-otla'.id," said the expert, "there
' is an equally good harvest of them;
in fact, the pearls then- are letter.
Tle-y con. e pi iiu ipaliy from tho rivers
Tay. lsla. I i and o'bet-s, and the
; pi-ails are prelci r. d l s-mie to their
marine fellow-. In a .m-1- summer
pearl valued a! '. have been tak
en from tin- vc ! ' li s'reauis. an I I be
lieve ail the-e pas-i-d throliL'h the
hands ..f I'ger, the great I'.diitburg
jewel!-,. The si.,-!! that products
t'n-i is the common black unis, so
rich in pink and silver tints in the in
terior. The pearls an- formed by
small particles ot dust or mud lodging
in the inside that are ivered with
pearly nacre by the animal. At the
hinge of the shell is a pearly promi
nence that is also sawed off."
"How are these utilized y" asked the
"In a thousand different ways," w.e;
the reply. "The majority of these
pearls, lolitul in the Ohio valley by tin
fishermen and tln-ir children, find
their way to the large manufacturing
jewellers of Xew Fork, where they are
bought at what seems a fair price;
but the roughest piece of pearl, that
nerhaps the fisherman received half a
cent for. sells for. may be $J'. Ilowy
t -Why, just this way," and the speaker
took out a pin that w as made of a
' piece of pinkish pearl, shaped exactly
: like au el.-phant. "I paid 2" for
that." he said, "and the pearl part was
probably .-old for a M'lig; but you see
tne wholesalers buy up the pieces and
div ide t tn-lii up. onie like fishes, and
ot hers itorses" heads, birds, eggs and
animals of various kinds; so, w ithout
much work, they are mounted P i"
scarf-pins, are odd, become the fash
ion, and the result is an enormous sale,
and in this way the odd pieces are
w orked i iff. The small, perfect pearls
are much Used in onyx jewelry, set in.'
"Have there been any attempts to
force growth of pearls y" asked the
"A good many," the dealer replied.
"The famous naturalist. Linn rus, after
observing the efforts of the oyater to
repel inv a.--ion, thought that by bor
ing th; shell, in fa t, imitating the
parasite, he could force their growth,
and to this end the Swedish govern
ment paid him $lS"ii; but it was a
complete failure. The him-M- are.
however, successful. They seed their
oysters and produce small pearls, and.
by placing figures or images in tha
shell, they become fastened and covered
with a pearly luster in time. This
trick was used by the lbiddhists for a
long time, the instigators pretending
that it was a natural growth. In
Jupan the oysters are salted, particu
larly the fresh-water mussel uno
Hyacinths in Masses.
The following rule, given by Wil
liam Paul, Esq., of London, will, if fol
lowed, enable any one to grow hya
cinths successfully in glasses, which
are exceedingly elegant and appropri
ate ornaments for the living-room :
1. If yon cho ?e your own bulbs,
look for weight as well assize: be sure,
also, that the base of the bulb is
'2. Use the single kinds only, be
cause they are earlier, hardier, and
generally preferable for glasses,
:. Set the bulb in the glass so thai
the lower end is almost, but not quite,
in contact with the water.
4. I'se rain or pond water.
5. Do not change the w ater, but
keep a small lump of charcoal at the
bottom of the glass.
0. Fill up the glasses with water as
the level sinks by the feeding of the
roots and by evaporation.
7. When the bulb i3 placed, put the
glass in a cool, dark cupboard, or in
any place where light is excluded,
there to remain for about six weeks, as
tho roots feed moro freely in the dark.
2. When the roots are freely devol
oped, and the flower-spike is pushing
into life, (which will be in about six
weeks), remove by degrees to full
light and air.
1. Tho more light and air given
from the time tha flotrvirs show colors,
the short jr vlll be the leaves and
Hurrah for the Man Who Pays!
Tdicre are men o! binins wlio count their gain
Ity the million dolhirs or more;
They buy and sell, and really do well
On the money of the poor.
1 hey luunage to get quito deep ui dht J
By vu i ious crooked wayp; .
I And no wo lay that the mini to-day j
Is the honest man who pays). sj
' When in the town lie novcr sueaks down 1
s.iino alloy or way-back street ;
Wuli heiid erect he will never deflect,
Hut hiililly each nmn will meet,
i Ilu coiiiiIh tin-cost befuie lie is lost
It, dt-lit'd liivstoiious iniiz?,
1 And bo never buys in lmiuner uuwise,
, lint full- lor his lulls lllld pnys.
; There's li oeilulii nir of dt-bonnnir
In tho mini who buys for cash;
Ilu is not nliaiil ol Uinji Ixitrayod
By a jiick-lig shyster's ('atli.
: Wlmi he siiys to you he will certainly do,
II it's oiibli or thirty days;
I And when he puts out, tho clerk will shout,
Ilurtah lor the nmn who pays!
- Vtcli Slnlc vi lexat SiJUngt.
A horticultural haul Dragging
big bouquet across the stage.
"At last!" cried the convict, while
breaking stone, "I am a striking ex
ample." Tho high tenor commands a high
salary and every singer should make
a note of it.
The new song called "Only my
Love and I," should bo followed by
"Three is a Crowd."
"Alice," said Mrs. Pctulia in a sub
dued tone to her little girl ono evening
at supper, "you must eat bread with
your jam." "But, mamma," protested
Alice, -it's plenty good enough without
Maker of musical instruments, cheer
fully rubbing his hands: "There,
thank goodness, the bass fiddle is lin
ished at last!" After a pause: "Ach,
Iliiiiiucl, if I haven't left the glue-pot
A new mineral called adamascolite
has been found in Missouri, and it is
said that it will cut steel. Adamasco
lite will till a long-felt want. Now
the traveler can have a knife that will
cut a railroad sandwich.
It is said that Americans are indebt
ed to Mrs. Alexander Hamilton for the
introduction of ice cream. This set
tlement is calculated to endear Mrs.
Hamilton's name to young men whose
girls have an appetite for ice cream.
-l!y .love! there goes my birdie," ex
claimed a sw ell, dodging around the
corner and dragging his companion
alter him. "Where is sho'f" excitedly
asks the latt. i. "It isn't a she. It's
my tailor." "Your tailor! Why do
you call him your birdie y" "Because
he's always pres nting his bill."
A Chicago i ciidenee man, who be
gan upon a count ryman in the usual
way, was surprised tube greeted heart
ih with ;i "I suppose you will come
and see me soon." Then the country
man handed the .sharper his card,
which ran thus: 11. W. McC'laughrey.
warden state penitentiary. Joliet, 111.
1 The Ideal Beefsteak.
Any one can cook a beefsteak in his
mind. As a mallei of fact, it requires
: an artist to il i it; and this view is
shared by a correspondent, w ho writes:
1 "A member of my own family has
j brought the cooking of this article of
'food to perfection. The first require
! mint is not so much a tender and juicy
I steak, though this is always devoutly
I to be desired, but a glowing bed of
i coals, a wire gridiron, a stout one with
' good sized wires, a double one so that
i you can turn the steak without touching
: it. The steak should be pounded only
i in extreme cases, when it is too thick
I and is 'stringy.' Attempt nothing else
I when cooking the steak, and have
: everything ready for the table, the
' roasted potatoes and vegetables all be
i ing in their respective dishes in the
1 wanning closet or oven, with doors left
! open a little way. From ten minutes
I onward is needed to cook the stfak.
j The time must depend upon the size,
! and you can easily tell by the color of
the gravy, which runs from the steak
i w hen gently pressed w ith a knife, as to
' its condition. If the master of the
, house likes it 'rare done,' when there
! is a suspicious brown gravy with the
j red it w ill be safe to infer that it is
: done enough for him. If, as is gener
idly the case, the next stage is the
i favorite one. remove the steak from the
I gridiron, the instant the gravy is of a
light brown, ilemove it to a hot plat
i ter, pepper and salt it to suit your
j taste, put on small lumps of butter and
then for two brief moments cover it
I with a hot plate, the two moments be
: ing sufficient to carry it to the table.
I One absolutely essential factor in the
preparation of good beefsteak is that it
must be served at once. If you can
impress it upon your cook that he is
not to let the steak stand and steam
while he Is doing other things, yon will
be likely to receive jour reward for so