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Joy dnd Sorroir.
Pomo5"ii heart is gay,
And somebody's heart is sad,
For lights leam bright across the way,
And a door with crapo is clad!
Fadnrss and gladness e'er
Are dw l ers sido by 6ide.
A dear oi e on her bier.
And tho wreathing of a bride.
Bright eyes are filled with mirth,
Talc faces bend ia prayer,
And hearts beside the cheer' hearth
Are crushed by stout despair!
Ah. sorrow and joy and hoie
Are parted by thinnest wall,
And only on hearts which never ope,
No gbootly shadows fall!
No thoughts of the funeral train
iVme t j tho fitive throngs;
Xo hojie that joy will dawn again,
To stricken souls belongs.
Tho future is e'er a sunny sea
To the children of joy and mirth;
But only the frost and its memory
Comes to stricken ones of earth!
Somebody' heart is gay.
And Homebody's heart is sad.
For light yiim bright a-ros tho way,
And a doer w ith crape is clad!
Sadness and gladness e'er
Crowd round us side by side;
A sunny smile and a iea!ding tear,
So close they are allied!
IL. G. RigRs in St. Louis Magazine.
A BUNCH OF BANANAS.
BY W ALLACE T. HEED.
I.
''She will be a princess, if-
Jiian Vakhz leaned forward eager' y
to hear what the wrinkled old hag hid
to s ly.
The fortune-teller again scrutinized
the innocent baby face before her, and
looked at the pink little palm extended
in her brown, leathery hand.
' She will lea princess, if "
Again she paused with evident re
luctance. "Speak!" commanded Senor Valdez.
"Surely the power of your evil art has
not deserted you. If you can look into
the future, tell me what is to befall my
daughter, the lat of her line."
The fortmc-tclkr threw her head
back with a proud air. She was a very
old woman. There were people in San
Bias who remembered her when she
came to the village three score and ten
years before, and even then her hair
was gray and her face wa? wrinkled.
She claimed to be considerably over a
century old, and no one disputed her
ward.
"Senor, Valdez," said the brown
faced sibyl, turning her fierce black
eyes full upon him. "I knew your
father, and his father before him. For
three generations I have been at the
cradle of every new-born babe in the
village. I have foretold whatsoever
there was of good or evil in their lives,
lias any one ever said that Perdita made
a mistake or made false predictions?"
"You misunderstand me, Pcrdit-i,"
was the humble reply. "It has unnerved
me to gain a daughter and lose a wife,
all in one bitter-sweet hour. My heart
is filled with mingled grief and joy, and
I am impatient to know tho future of my
last hope, tho heiress of tho most mag
nificent estate in Mexico. "Will she live
or die? Will she bring joy or sorrow to
my house?"
Perdita dropped the tiny hand of the
pretty child, and shaded her eyes with
her hand.
"I see, "she murmured, "the proudest
beauty that ever brought our gallant
cavaliers to her feet. Her gifts of mind
and person are the wonder and delight
of her father and all who behold her.
Something tells mo that sb.3 will be a
princess if she lives to see her 18th birth
day. My eyes have followed her through
h;.r infancy and childhood, and clown to
tho night before her fateful day. Be
yond that I cannot sec. I know that
she will be a princess, if she is alive on
her 18th birthday. But I know nothing
more.''
Sorely puzzled, and uncertain whether
to be hopeful or despondent, Senor
Valdez gave Perdita a purss of gold and
dismissed her.
II.
Seventeen years had rolled away.
A republic had gono. down in a sea of
blood and an empire had risen. Maxi
milian was on the throne; the beautiful
Carlotta had surround. d herself with an
imperial court, rivalling the brilliancy
of the one at the Tuillerics; Bazinc's
le;ion covered the land, and it seemed
the usurpers had come to stay.
Among the Mexican hidalgocs who
rallied around the imperial standard, the
wealthiest and most influential, was un
doubtedly Senor Valdez.
"The prediction is coming to pass,"
tho senor would frequently say to him
self. "The republic is dead, and Ave
have a court swarming with princei.
Kita is the most beautiful woman and
the richest heiress in Mexico. AVhy
should she not bo a princess? Old Per
dita told the truth."
Iiita was presented at court, and even
the empress looked at her ia delighted
admiration.
"Your daughter will be a princess V
hhc whispered to Senor Valdez, who at
that moment was lookiug at his gold
laced coat tails in a mirror.
"She has the noblest blood of old
Spnin in her veins, ' replied Valdez
proudly.
Z
VOL. X.
"That does not need to be said," an
swered the empress, taking the girl by
the hand and leading her to a quiet cor
ner of the salon.
The S:norita Valdez had been cducat
cd by the best European tutors that her
father's liberal offers could secure. She
was mistress of every accomplishmentt
Carlotta mads no secret of the fact tha
she liked her better than any of the
ladies around her.
"She will be a princess!'' old Valdez
would repeat a hundred times a day.
The Benor moved to the capital, and
established himself in a palace. He
raised regiments for Maximiiian, loaned
the government money, and lived on a
lavish and extravagant scale.
In his round of pleasure and excite
ment Valdez came near forgetting a very
important matter. One night it came
upou him with a shock.
"By all the saints! ' he exclaimed,
leaping from his. bed. "In one week
from to-day Rita will be eighteen ! What
did the old witch say? Her words all
depended upon an if. My daughter
will be a princess, if. Ah, that if! I
inuit see to it at oice. If any danger
threatens Rita it is during the present
week."
The scaur hastily dressed himself and
ran into his daughter's room.
Rita was sleeping quietly, and her
face wore the glow of health.
Valdez examined the fastenings of the
windows, and then retired locking the
door and taking the key with him.
The next morning he told Rita of his
fears, and secured her consent to remain
indoors for several days.
"Wc must run no risk," the old man
said, as he stroked her head affection
ately. III.
On the morrow Rita would be eighteen.
Valdez passed the day in a state of
dazed illumination.
He refused to let his daughter come
down stairs to breakfast, for fear that
she would trip.
"No coffee, my dear," he said, "A
glass of lemonade is more wholesome.
Heavens!" he shrieked.
"What is it?" asked the astonished
girl.
"Thera is a lemon seed in tho glass,"
said her father. "You might have swal
lowed it."
Rita laughed. It was such a trifle,
she told her father.
But Valdez would have his way. He
poured out another ghs ami examined
every particle of food that came into the
room. He pio'.ii! it d meat, because it
might produce few r.
He was just as particular about every
thing, and before the day was over Rita
grew so nervous that she did not much
care whether she lived or died.
Before night the windows were se
curely barred, the room was searched to
sec that no assassin ha I concealed him
self, an I finally at a late hour Valdez
told his daughter that he was afraid to
give her any nipper.
"The truth is," he said, "lam afraid
of poison."
"May I have a few bananas?" pleaded
the senorita.
"Bananas," shouted her father. "Why
of coursa. They cannot hurt you. Yes,
you shall have a whole bunch."
He gave his orders, and in a few
minutes the tempting looking fruit was
brought into the room.
Valdez kissed his daughter, and
locked her in. 11c did rot tell her of
his purposo but all night long he paced
the hall in his stocking fect with a pis
tol in his hanJ.
The first glimmer of dawn came
through the windows of the palace.
"Rita's eighteenth birthday!" said the
happy father with a smiling face. "She
is safe, and what is more, she will be a
princess!"
Gradually the servants began to stir,
and the bright sunshine bathed the walls
in a flood of glory.
Senor Valdez quietly unlocked the
door to the well-guarded chamber, and
stole in on tip-toe.
In a moment the wildest shrieks and
cries rang through the palace.
The servants rushed to Rita's room,
and the unutterable horror of the sight
before them struck even the boldest
dumb.
Senor Valdez lay stretched on the
floor in a death-like swoon.
On the bed lay Rita, her face whiter
than tho snowy pillow. There was a
horrible, brown, hairy something on her
throat!
One of the women approached gently,
and tore the ugly thing away, and killed
it with her slipper.
It was a tarantula, and it had done its
deadly work only too well. Rita's throat
bore the mark of its poisonous sting.
The servants understood it all when
they saw the bunch of bananas in a chair
by the bed. Tin tarantula had crawled
out during the night, and had stung the
lovely victim to death while she slept I
Valdez recovered consciousness, but it
was only to be driven from the palace
to the asylum. To the day of his death
he remained a gibbering maniac, without
the faintest gleam of sanity. Perhaps it
was a blessing to have his mind so com
pletely wiped out.
When the Empres3 Carlotta heard of
8
PITTSBORO',
the death of her favorite sheat once dis- f
continued her court entertainments for
the season. The empress f elt'the shock
so severely that it is believed by itaaay
in Jlexico that her subsequent m sntal j
troubles really dated from the death, of
the unfortunate Rita.-(AtlantaCcJnsti-tution.
N
Mushroom-Growing ip Illinois. .
A company was- re cent i vorgan ii ;ed in
the city of Chicago whichdias lea ;sed five
acres of the tunnels of the? JJtica 'Cement
Manufacturing company for" t wed ty years
for the production of mushnioms. Tues
day, H. S. Weaver, superintended!; of
this new industry, left for Fiance in the
interests of the organization and wUl
bring back a supply of mushr com spawn
imbedded in rich compost, at handful of
wThich spawn or seed would be sufficient
to plant acres. There arc sevt sral gen
tlemen interested in this new inctustry,
which is surely a novelty in thitt .part of
the state, or probably in the United
States, for that matter, for, as far as
known, no such large company ex ists in
this country. The method of ;raising
this cryptogamic plant as profpc? ;cd in
the tunnels will doubtless be interesting
to our readers. There are num
bers of these subterranean cham-
bers owned by the Utica
Cement Manufacturing Comproiy, but
only a few of them wiikbeused at first
in the mushroom industry. The soil or
manure will be brought frotji Chicago by
the carload and made into bedsvin thf
tunnels and the spawn set therein'.
A crop can be growTn every twenty-
four hours, and two crops if desired, as
all that need be done is to clip off. the
head and the fringe will, inside the next
twelve hours, produce another mush
room plant. The experiment of gxoiving
this delectable article of food has"' been
tried in English mines, but with ttoe'im
purities of the gas, air, etc., itwtfsnot
possible to obtain success and the at
tempts proved failures. Iheairofthc
tunnels is not impregnated wit h foul
odors, is of an even temperature, and
the entire conditions are such that a
failure cannot possibly result. The com
pany at first proposes to put in sufficient
beds to yield 100 bushels p,r day, -which
sell in the Chicago market for 30 cents
per pound. La Salle (111.) Press
Qncer Indian Customs in Brazil.
The Indian prayer meetings in the
country are rather a singular admixture
of superstition and devotion. A doll is
dressed in silk clothes, with randies on
each side, a good bit of tinsel work
about it and a ribbon tied about its
waist. It rests on the table. Eight or
ten Indian men stand around; one has a
large drum, which he beats continually.
The women sit on the floor, while the
men sing prayers to the saint, the women
responding. They commence praying
about 7 or 8 o'clock and keep it up two
or three hours. Then the women with
their little children kiss the ribbons,
askinst favors of the saint. The men
then iro through the same ceremony.
The saint is then loekeef up in a box,
and dancing commences and lasts the
rest of the nMit. Frequent potions of
whiskey are imbibed by the men, coffee
and wino by the women. When the
men become too drunk to dance longer
they retire to their hammocks and sleep
until sober. Pittsburg Gazette.
Practice.
A Texas parent had a son who took
piano lessons at Professor Zweibeer's
house, but was supposed to do his prac
tising on the piano at home. The parent
had a suspicion that the youth did not
practise much. One day he said:
"Tommy, do you practise regularly on
the piano when I am down town?" I
"Yes, pa."
"Every day?"
"Yes, pa."
"How long did you practise yester
day?" "Two hours."
"And to-day?"
"Three hours."
"I am glad to hear that you practise
so regularly."
"Yes, pa."
"And next time you practise be sure
you unlock the piano. Here isthe key.
I locked the piano and put the key in
my pocket a week ago." Sif tings.
A Severe Mental Tax.
"Bobby," said his mother, "I told you
not to forget to bring up three scuttles
of coal before you went to school, and
you only brought up two."
"I know, ma, but I forgot the third
one. Three scuttles is a good many for a
little boy like me to remember." New
York Sun.
Both Tired.
"I've been making mince pies," said
a wife, as the after-dinner coffee was
brought on, "and I'm very tired."
"And I've been eating mince pie,"
remarked her husband, ' 'and I am tired,
too," and he bowed his head upon the
table. New York Sun.
A New Process.
Patron It's astonishing what a num
ber of new artistic designs have been
invented lately.
Poor Artist Yes, indeed, sir. I hove
often drawn on an empty stomach. -ITid
Bits.
CHATHAM CO., N. C,
CHILDREN'S COLUMN.
Grandpa' Barn.
Ob, a jollj old place is grandpas barn,
Where the doors stand open throughout tho
day.
And tho cooing doves fly in and oat,
And the air is sweet with fragrant hay.
Where the grain lies over the slippery floor,
And the hens are busily looking around,
And the sunbeams flicker, now here, now
there,
And the breeze blows through with a merry
sound.
The swallows twitter and chirp all day,
With fluttering wings in the old brown
eaves,
And the robins sing in the trees which lean
To brush the roof with their rustling leaves.
Dumb Animals.
A Smart 0:d Rat.
On a very warm day in early summer
I happened to ba standing near a chicken-coop
ir. a back yard, whan I noticed
the head of a very gray and grizzled rat
thrust from a neighboring rat-hole, and
concluded to watch the movements of
the veteran. After a careful survey of
the. surroundings our old rodent seemed
to he satisfied that all was right, and
made a cautious exit from the homo re
treat. A fresh pan of water had been
recently placed before the chicken-coop,
awl the water looked a friendly invita
tion to the thirstly old rat, which started
immediately toward it.
The rat had not reached the pan be
fore five half-grown young ones rushed
ahead and tried hard to be lhc first at
the water. The old rat thereupon im
mediately made a leap like a kangaroo
and was first at the edge of the dish in
advance of tho foremost of her litter.
Then ensued a most remarkable occur
rence. The mother-rat raised herself on
her haunches and hit and scratched her
offspring so severely whenever they at
tempted to reach the water that they all
finally scudded away, evidently very much
astonished and frightened at the strange
and unaccountable behavior of their
mother. When the little ones were at a
safe distance the reasons for her extra
ordinary behavior began to be revealed
at once in the intelligent action of the
old mother-rat.
She first wetted her whiskers in the
water, looked suspiciously about her,
then very cautiously and carefully took
a dainty little sip of the liquid. She
tasted it as tentatively and critically as
a professional tea-taster, and when she
was satisfied that it contained no poison
ous or other deleterious matter, she gave
a couple of squeaks, which quickly
brought her young and thirsty brood to
her side, and all fearlessly drank to their
fill. Does not this look very like rea
son? American Naturalist.
The Queen's Tobacco-ripe.
One evening as Uncle Cap gazed medi
tatively at the smoke wreath? from lm
cigar he said: "Children, who, do you
think, has the largest tobacco-pipe in
the world?"
"Emperor William," answered Jack
anapes. "The Sultan," said Bryce.
The little girls wondered, but could
not even guess.
"No," said Uncle Cap, with a smile;
"you arc all wrong. The largest pipe
in the world is known as belonging to a
certain lady of whom you all have
heard."
"A lady!" exclaimed the children, in
great astonishment.
"Yes, and her name is Queen Victoria.
In her pipe which is called the 'Queen's
Tobacco Pipe' hundreds of pound? of
tobacco are cousumed at a time. It is a
huge furnace built in the centre of the
vast tobacco warehouses at the London
Docks and in it i? burned all damaged
or unsaleable tobacco arriving at that
port. It stands in a spacious room by
itself and is of the same conical shape !
that you may see in glass works. In it
an iutense glowing fire is maintained day
and night from one year's end to anoth
er and a fireman is always on hand to
feed it with the material with which the
room is filled, and which is constantly
replenished from the warehouses. Be
side tobacco many other things arc
thrown into this enormous pipe, such as
cigars, teas, spoiled meats and even
manufactured articles."
"I should think there would be a hor
rid smell from it," said Lady May.
"Oh, no; tho draught is "so strong
and so constant that every bit of odor,
as well as the smoke, is drawn up the
tall chimney, and so not noticed. The
tons of ashes from this queer pipe are
sold by auction to farmers and gar
deners for fertilizers or for killing in
sects, to soap-makers, and to chemical
manufacturers. On one side are piled
cart-load? of nails and other bits of
iron that were thrown into tho furnace
with broken casks and boxes, and have
since been sifted from its ashes. These
are eagerly sought by gunsmiths, and
used in the manufacture of gun
barrels." "But why is it called the Queen's
Pipe?" asked Miss Blue.
"Because it stands in what is known
as the government or Queen's ware
house, and on its iron door are painted
the royal crown and the letters 'V. R.' "
answered Uucle Cap. Harper's Young
People.
C5
AyAy
NOVEMBER 10, 1887.
LOBSTERS.
Some Facts Concerning the
Warriors of the Deep.
Their Voracity Leads to Their
Easy Capture.
During the early period of its growth,
says the Baltimore Sun, the lobster casts
the whole of his shell frequently in the
second year every two months but as
its size increases a new dress is less often
required, till at last, when arrived at the
fullness of physical dignity, its armor
grows as it were rusty, aud becomes
coated over with parasitic shells.
Dr. Beard tells us that "the lobster
only increases in size during the short
period of molting, but this increase is so
great that it is almost as difficult to be
lieve lhc cast off clothes ever fitted the
large fleshy mass lying languidly beside
them, as that tho gigantic gcuie ever
came out of the jar the lid of which
had been in an evil hour removed by Hie
Arabian fisherman."
When the pea is sufficiently ripe the
fish has the power to place her egg? un
der the protection of her over-arching
shell, where they advance gradually to
maturity, one lobster producing from
20,000 to 25,000 eggs each season. The
spawn is thus carried by the mother till
nearly fit to commence independent life,
and when cast off it soon gives birth to
the young lobster, which grows rapidly,
but parses through nnny chiugcs beforj
it assumes the form and color with which
ordinary observers are more familiar.
Enormous as is the increase from a
single female lobster, their numbers are
considerably diminished by predatory
fih, which devour them with great
avidity and relish, but we arc told that
the mother protects her progeny to the
utmost, and by no means ceases her care
with the deposit of her spawn, but con
tinues it in a very pleasing and interest
ing manner longer than in most animals
of a far higher grade of organization.
Many fishermen assert that they have
frequently seen during the scr.svn the
old lobsters with their young around
them. "Some of these infants have
been noticed at six inches long, the old
lobster with her head peering out from
under a rock, the young onc3 playing
around her. She appeared to rattle her
claws on the approach of the fishermen,
when herself and young family took
refuge under the rocks; the rattling was
no doubt to give the alarm. This is
told by old and experienced men, with
out the slightest concert or question of
collusion.
"The lobster's home," says Dr. Peard,
"is in the purest water, beneath which
he walks through brown and tangled
forests of palmy weeds, a warrior in full
panoply, ever ready to do battle with all
comers."
It is here in rocky ground and in the
fastnesses such localities afford to a
creature so frequently defenseless he
feeds chiefly on the aquatic vegetation
which surrounds him, chopping up his
salad with the large claw, little con
fcious how his example may be followed
by man at a feast at which he may be
the principal invited guest.
Lobsters and crabs vary in their tastes.
Lobsters will be attracted by almost
any description of offal, the more putres
cent the better; the crab will refuse to
enter if the bait is not sweet and fresh.
Dr. Blakey says the lobster is consid
ered an unclean cater, and is often
called the scavenger of the seas. He is
a fierce marauder, pouncing on de.d or
living substances of all kinds. He ap
pears to have a powerful sense of smell
although no distinct orgaus for this of
fice have yet been detected. His car
nivorou? voracity leads to the animal's
destruction. Baited traps made of
strong twigs, like the common wire
mousetraps, are lowered into the water
and marked with a buoy, and these be
come the most effectual means of cap
turing this epicurean cr ustaccan.
Boring a Square Hole.
A man has spent fourteen years in
solving the problem of boring a square
hole, and he has succeeded. A company
is organized to put his invention on the
market. It is simply an oscillating
head with chisel edges and projecting
lips, which cut out the corners in ad
vance of the chisel. The balance of the
machine is an almost exact counterpart
of the old-style boring machine. It will
cut a two-by-four mortice in from four
to five minutes and do it with perfect
accuracy-that a carpenter cannot com
plete in less than half an hour. Hal
ifax Critic.
Care of Canary Birds.
A writer on the care of canary birds
says that a raw apple, cabbage leaf and
plantain should be provided. Aim to
give one or the other of these things
every day the year round. Occasionally
give a piece of bread soaked in milk,
but never cake or candy. Once a week
give boiled egg mixed with cracker.
Never hang any birds in a draft or the
wind, and never set them out of their
cages. In moulting time give a ducting
of cayenne pepper to their egg and
cracker, or bread and milk.
NO. 10.
The Came of Progressive Observation.
Progressive Observation" is tho
nrme given to a new Boston game that
has been taken up with interest in social
circles. It has an advantage over 'don
key parties," and progressive euchre in
that it teaches something useful. The
hostess provides five tables, at each of
which arc seated four or five persons,
or even more if desired. Table No. 1, or
the "head" table, represents the sense
of sight, the highest sense. Table No.
2 is touch, No. 3 hearing, No. 4 smell,
and No. 5 taste. There is a teacher for
each table, and the teacher is supplied
with a variety of objects suited 'to the
use of the table. For instance,
the teacher at the sight table
holds before each player in turn
a collection of small object? on a tray,
and after the lapse of half a minute
takes away the tray aud asks the player
to name the articles. Or the teacher
gives each person a single article, and
after a short inspection calls for answers
to all the questions that can be asked
about it. Score is kept by the teacher,
and the player miking the least mistakes
progresses to the next tabic.
At the close o"f the evening the player
who has made the most "progressions"
is awarded tho prize. The variety of
objects for the several tables is only
limited by the teacher's ingenuity and
tho resources of the house. At the
"touch" table the p'aycr? close their
eyes and depend on the sense of feeling
alone for their impression of the article
given them. Thi? is not so easy as it
may be supposed. For the "hearing"
table a musical instrument may be used
and the test given on a note or combi
nation of notes ; or a number of thin
glasses may be used in a like way, the
player being askc I to give tho number
of a particular sound which is given
alone after being struck in a regular
succession. For the ta-to and smell
tables the kitchen can be drawn upon,
and such things as Hour, meal, powdered
maccaroni, corn starch, granum, and
others, whose ta-te and smell in the raw
state are either not very pronounced or
not familiar, arc good for the purpose.
The game is not so much like "child's
play" as may be thought. True, it had
its origin in the "plays" of kinder
garten, but, as d veloped and enlarged,
the idea proves very well adapted to the
entertainment of grown people, who are
rational enough to like a little sense with
their fun. Minneapolis Tribune.
Smoking Under Water.
"Do you know how that trick of
smoking under water is done?" asked a
showman the other day. "You'll see it
tried in the swimming tanks. It looks
strange, I admit, to sec a man go under
water with a lighted cigar ia his mouth,
smoke calmly at the bottom, and come
to the surface with the cigar burning as
nicely as if he were smoking in his'casy
chair. It is a trick, but it requires
practice. I used to bo quite proficient
at it. Just as I threw myself backward
to go down, I would flip the cigar end
for end with my tongue and upper lip
and get the lighted end in my mouth,
closing my lips water tight around it.
A little slippery elm juice gargled before
going in prevents any accidental burning
of the mouth. Going slowly down back
ward, I would lie at full Lngth on the
bottom of the tank and blow smoke
through the cut end of the cigar. Just
as I reached the surface again another
flip reversed the cigar, and there I was
smoking calmly. The reversing is done
so quickly that nobody notices it." -Philadelphia
Call.
Bullets Without Billets.
The question has often been raised,
what proportion of balls, exchanged by
hostile armies, will hit their mark and
kill. Difficult as it is to solve it exactly,
some approximation may bo arrived at
from the number of balls estimated at
20,000,000 which " were fired by the
Germans iu the war of 1870-71. Tho
French army lost, in dead and wounded
about 140,000 men. According to this,
only one ball out of llo fired hit its
man, and assuming that on an average
only one man out of seven hit was actu
ally killed, it would seem that only one
rifle-ball in 858 proved fatal. If it is fur
ther considered that the number of men
wounded and killed by the guns of the
artillery arc included in the above esti
mate, it may safely lrj said that not over
one rifle-ball ia 1000 fired proved to be
fatal. Boston Beacon.
Japanese Agitators.
Youugmen clad iu the garments for
merly worn by student; have been
numerous in tho streets of Osaka, Jap-in,
lately. They lecture in out of tiic way
corners, and even in crowded streets
when no constable is at hand, upon
political subjects, and frequently urge
the doctrines that "official salaries are
the life-blood of the people." Chicago
News.
It Couldn't Help Falling.
'Tat," said ai American to an Irish
man who had lately landed, and who
was staring at Niagara. "Pat, did you
see such a fall as that in the old coun
try?" "Faith, and I nivcr did; but do vcr
s( why shouldn't it fall? What'? to
prevint it? fallln'? That's what I'd like
tcr know."
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A Face.
Between the curtains of snowy lace,
Over the way, is a baby's face.
It peeps forth, smiling in merry glee.
And waves its pink little hand at me.
My heart responds with a lonely cry.
But in the wonderful By-and-by,
Out from the window of God's "To Be,"
That other baby shall beckon to me.
That ever haunting and longed for face,
That perfect vision of infant grace,
Shall shine on me in a splendor of light,
Never to fade from my eager sight.
All that was taken shall be made good
All that puzzles me, understood;
And the wee white hand that I lost one day
Shall lead me into the better way.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox.
HUMOROUS.
About the first thing lost at sea is tho
sight of land.
A first-class tailor you will always find
good at figures.
Half the boys to-day would rather be
drum-majors than presidents.
"Won by a mere scratch," as the hen
observed when she turned up the worm.
The only people who are fond of get
ting into court arc lawyers and young
folks. .
Waiting for a letter that never came is
not a circumstance to waiting for a back
ward sneeze.
A man may be behind in hi? work and
still show push. This is so if ho is
wheeling a barrow.
The emperor of Russia plays the cor
net. Can this be the real secret o
nihilistic activity.
The man who wrote "O, solitude,
where arc thy charms?" was a business
man who didn't advertise.
Old lady (ia drugstore, to small boy):
"What am I to take this medicine in,
sonny?" Sonny: "Take it in your
mouth, mum; tain't to be rubbed on."
When a boy is caught in an orchard,
the first thing he says is invariably as
follows: "I wa'n't goin' to steal none of
yer apples."
Tourist: "You have a fine farm, in
deed!'' Farmer: "Yes, I reckon it's
one of the best." Tourist: "What's tho
most profitable source of income?"
Farmer: "Summer boarders."
Rivals to Tea and Coffee.
If tea and coffee can never be wholly
dethroned from their dietetic pride of
place, it is quite possible that new
beverages may be invented to rival
them. Mate, which the Peruvian sucks
hot through a silver pipe; guarana,
much richer than the Mocha berry or
the Chinese leaf in thcinc; tho kola nut
and the coca plant aro all possible com
petitors. The negro of tho Soudan,
Mauritius, West Indies and Brazil
would not give up the kola nut for tho
best tea or coffee. Then there are mil
lions of people who drink infusions of
the leaves of saxifrage of ledum, of
pimento, and the partridge berry, and
hundreds of unsuspected plants contain
the ingredients which the human race
seeks for in such beverages. Tho chief
of these are the alkaloid, which is
present by a proportion of about 3 per
cent, in ordinary tea, and the aromatic
oil which give to that and to coffee their
special favor. Tho Chinese will not
drink new tea because it contains too
much of the latter ingredient, and is
sometimes actually intoxicating. Lon
don Telegraph.
Stick to the Text.
The difficulty with many actors is that
they think they know better than the
writer of the piece, or even the audience,
what will please, and so take liberties
with the text. This is sheer ignorance.
To such an actor W. S. Gilbert once said,
while rehearsing "The Mikado:" "You
must read tho lines as I have written
them, and make no changes."
"I think I am old enough to under
stand without telling me," was the
resentful reply.
'You certainly arc," returned the
author.
"And I ought to know," said the ac
tor. "You certainly ought," was tho dry
response; but as Mr. Gilbert said noth
ing further, the actor became even moro
resentful, though obedient. He found
afterward that he got more applauso
from cultivated psople when sticking to
the text than when attempting to "gag"
it.
Struggling with his Memory.
Bobby was spending the afternoon at
his aunt's, and for some moments had
been gaziugoutof the window in a pain
fully thoughtful sort of a way.
"What makes you so serious, Bobby?
a-ked his aunt.
"Why, ma told me that I must remem
ber not to ask for anything to eat and I'm
trying to remember it New York
Sun. "
Somewhat Personal.
A humpback met a malicious one-eyed
neighbor.
"Ah," said the latter, "you have your
load on your back early this morning."
"Yes," responded tho humpback,
looking intently at tho one-eyed man,
"it must be rather early. I see you
have only got one )lind open," Sift-inss.