Newspapers / The Chatham Record (Pittsboro, … / May 3, 1888, edition 1 / Page 1
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i,-.- -" " T"5 - 3 (El)c Chatham Utcorfr (tljc i)atl)am Uccorb. 11. a. ioivroiv, EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION, BATES or ADVERTISING Ayx Ay o One square, one insertion One square, two insertions One square, one month - $1.0(1 1.50 ONE LOLL&R PER TEAB Strictly in Advance. VOL. X. PITTSBOKO CHATHAM CO., N. C, MAY 3, 1888. NO. 35. For larger advertisements liberal con tracts will be made. dm a. wrirar The Lost Child. 1 Vt Kt n child O, toll me, did you moet Vv Int If dar ing in the sunny street, With windblown ha r, bright eyes and flying f.vt Like swift winged bird i -How Ywfffi was she." Why, just a tiny thing. T s mi'.i a short time since I used to siug l.ow. .-ie.'py songs, and feel her soft arms .lin,' Ah ut my neck. AX slier' Why, really 1 forget; .t : 0J.4I1 to love and kiss and petj .1 in i i little maid, and yet t quiti a child. t Mv-.i u;. yesterday I saw her go, !....( ;j Ji '' playmates in a laughing row; If vc:i ii-i 1 met her you would surely know I lor binding face. You :' ueht 1 er older, more than twelve, yo:: say; 'Put 1:111 lot t e until aucther May '!"u- i!i buds and brings the harpy day That g ivo her life. "N t!i:t th e eh Id? Almost a woman grown She lis htr girLsh Ik ad high as your own; Some one will till J. her though she goes alone; You need not fear.'' I know she's tall and c ires no more for toys That's Harry with her making all this noise; Why don't he go and play with other boys, I'd like lo kno w? "Ti-s live years since her twelfth birthday was green With 'en.lor leaves, and all tho months be tween Have slipped aw y til sh is seventeen The child is loit ! His Chance Acquaintance. 'Picae let rac assist you?' There was no respoase to my request, 1 -m 1 uuow urn m tnis case silence gv-e co is en t. The word? were addressed to a pre 11 -ess;ug young woman as I was about tiget nboaid a west bound train at li:ighamptou one morning. Her satchel had slipped from her hand while she v;is waiting to be helped up the car sups by tho attendhg porter. Its over crowded condition caused it clasps to jive way and out rolled a half dozen articles comos, urush, drinking cup and such things as ladies invariably cany with them when traveling, and winch no unmarried man will attempt t i renumber. Sue scram bio d after the things her self, and I did my share ia a race after iv round box of tooth powder that rolled along the platform like a steam uni- cycie. It did not get nway, however, and I irot back with it in time to pick up a gilt-edgod volume of Whittier, which, with th; somewhat soiled box of tooth pulidi, I pre cnted to the fair lady with my most graceful bow. Of course she sai I, Thank you!" I can see her iiow a handsome brunette, in plain but tasteful attire. She did not shoot me with that cold, heartless, al.brevi ateci ana expressionu33 expression, 1 "Thanks!" Her reward was a modest look of the eyes, a faint blush on the checks, and in a sweet voice, "Thank y;ti!" hho packed the riotous articles back into her satchel, and I relieved the small hands that endeavored to bring the two sides together, grappling the bag with sufficiant mu clc to close it and fasten the clasps firmly. 'Won't you let mo carry it into the car for you? It is very heavy." There was another modest look, blush! "Thank you." When docs a man feel happier that whoa contributing to the comfort of nn appreciative woman? If it is right in his way to be of assistance, and the woman h young and more than ordinarily attractive, so much the happier i he. Have you not seen a man carry a woman's weighty satchel a half dozen blocks when if it had been his own nn e xpressman would have rec.ived a quarter for the service? There is a deal of importance ia the ownership of :i -atchel. The big in my hand seemed t bo u as light as a. toy balloon, but now n my thoughtful moments I am sure that there were in it several changes of : ttirc in addition to the traveling out lit already mentioned. I confess that I waB pleased to find the ar we'd occupied and only one seat en tirely vacant. The experiences had made acquaintance easy, and alter giv 'a:r her the p'aca next to the window and depositing the bulky satchel at her f-t't, I made inquiry if I would be in truding if I took the remainder of the .it. "Oh, 1.0 sir. I am all alone. I shall : ' t need it at all. You hive been very khd. "How beautiful the September morn i; b arc !" I said by way of opening a (ouvcrsation. "Aren't they lovely! After the sua has swept away the fog the Su quc 'i .t;na valley is ns picturesque as one could wis'i to h ivc it. I do dislike fogs. 1 think when I find a place where therj are uo fogs I shall engage a building lot- How far is it from Elmira to Buffa-- she added. "A hundred and forty-six miles," I f( plied with the celerity of a schoolboy who had learned it in hi lesson. "Are you croiDg so farf "Yes,'' she leplied, "I am going to v'it a friend. And you?' ' To Buffalo abo. Do you think you can endure my company for eo long a distance? ' "Oh, yes, but do you not thinkyoung J ladies are stu pi I traveling companions?" I expressed myself much hurt by the intimation that such u thought had ever entered mv mind. 1 talked till mv throat became dry, then rested and re peated the experience. In the course of the conversation tdio had gathered the narac3 of my ancestors as far back as the third and fourth generations un- dcultedly, and I had not been wanting ! in respectful iaquisi iveacss concerning hcrowulumj aud family. I learned from her mo. lest and enchantiag lips that her home was ia Middletown, and that she was the daughter of an old resident of the place who had been a banker. Havini? amassed a satisfactory fortune, ha had retired from nctive business Hfe, living with his family in s spacious old-lY.shioncd house on one ol the principal streets of the village. Wc ate together with the familiarity of brother and si-ter th j luncheon I had procured during the live-minute stop at Bath. Th; nfi.icd mann.-rs a:iJ uausu al knowledge of thi cou try possessed by the young la ly impressed n;c. I had looked many times into hjr dark and lovely eye, and if any one had told mt they were not honest ones I should have laughed at his idiocy. We arj all phy siognomists, but there arc people whom wo meet closely and forget to stu ly or criticise. A skilful physiognomist would have been b. fiL- l ia this case, I thiak. If anything in her appear ance had mystili.d me, her ready con versation and frank muincrs dispelled unfavorable thoughts. Sometimes she ha 1 spoken with slight hesitation, but seemingly it wai for a choice ol words rather than of thcurhts. A young woman, with a taste for the re fined Whittier, who talked knowingly of poetry and pj;ts, ar.d was familiar with tin events of tin d y who would havo suspected that th?rc wero two si.lcs to her life? A sheep that had its he a I fast in the fence atd a beny horse laboring with a load of heavy stones were ol j?cts of her pity a3 the train whirled by them, and her heart went out towarl tin poor people that were compelled to livj in the mud-surrour.deel and uncomfortable looking dwellings in the eastern suburbs of Buffalo. II r name she gave nn on a delicate card E la Thorpe. Of course I reciprocated and prosentcd her -both my name and ad Ir.-ss. In the city after a six-hour ride, helped her to a street car, and at Niag ara street regretfully left her to walk to my office, promising to call on hei the next day if li ue would possibly al low. "Hello, Sam," fchouted my friend, Detective Langspine, next morning as ho came across tin street to walk down town with me. '"Have you got youi watch with you yet ? "1 guess so (.ecling for lelt vesi pocket) Why?' "Well, you ran a rather big risk yesterday with that pretty girl I sum get off the train with you?" "How so?" "AVhat? Didn't you know her? 3 thought perhaps she was a client o yours. That was Sally Fitz Williams, the shoplifter and jewelry thief of Bal timore. I'll bet that the satchel yot carried for her contained sonn of hei 'earnings.' " "Aren't you mistaken about that?" "I may be mistaken about the satch el's content8, but not about the girl. Come over to my effice and I'llshow you her photograph. She knows better than to try to work Buffalo, but we keep an eye on her whila she 13 here. She .usually works large villages in the country." I was thunderstruck, but concluded to keep my counsel. I was positive that the detective was wrong. I found that afternoon, however, that the Main street number my friend had given me was a church. I recalled tin name of a friend who livjd in MidJlctown and wrote him. The reply was thnt Ella Thorpa was a name quite unknown there. Could it be true that I had been so easily deceived? I met my detective friend a few days afterwards and referred to the young woman. I d.d not tell him that I had lost three $10 bills that were fol led to gether ia my left vest pocket, and which I supposed, I had pulled out ac cidentally with my watch on the day that I rode from Bin jhamptoa to Buf falo with the coy damsel. I walked with the detective to his office, and there, sure enough, ia tin toughest possible company, was the very face that I had been so enchanted with. What did you say about studying physiognomy? I have never sen my fair friend since, nor am I anxious tc meet her. Inter -Ocean. Land in India. The results of the survey and last census of India arc that the area of the Peninsula of Hindostan is 1.382,624 squ 're miles, and the population 253, 81, 82L Although immense tracts o! country are annually cultivated, accord ing to the most recent survey 10,000, 00C acres of land, suitable for cultivation, have not as yet been plowed. At me ?ame time, 120,000,000 of acres arc re- turned as wasteland. Public Opinion CAPTIVE SOLDIERS. How They Are Punished For Desertion and Other Crimes. A Prison With Considerable Freedom for the Prisoners. Situated on the higlnst point ia Fort Li .ivea worth, Km., and ovcrlook i ig the Missouri river is the United Stat, s military prison tin bottom to which the dregs of the army settle. The law says tha prison is "for the confine ncnt and reformation of offenders igainst the rules, regu'ations and laws for the government .tf-1he army of the United State1, in which shall be securely confined and employed at labor, and governed in the manner hereinafter di rected, all offenders convicted before any court martial or military commis sion in the United States and sentenced according to the law t imprisonment therein." Unlike institutions of similar charac ter, all possible liberty is allowed the convicts. The "silent system'' is not in vogue except in working hours, and even then speech is allowed be tween the men on matters pertaining to their tasks. The use of newspapers and books is not denied at times when prisoners are not employed and. unoffi cial visitors are admitted to the prison two days a week. The prison r may communicate with his friends on the outside by letter and receive mail sub ject to inspection by the chaplain. Once a week the convicts must bathe, and they are supplied with an unlimit ed quantity of clean clothing. ThU clothing is a uniform ot gray, tin dis tinctivc maiks being a largo red num ber plac sd o 1 tin b .c c. " When a convict enters the prison he is treated muchii tha way usual to such institutions. His fac3 is shaved and haircut; he is bathed and sivon a number, which, while In is confi led, is his only cognomen. Henceforward he is no longer Smith or Jones, but (say) "No. 3G0." The piison physician then takes him in hand, and even the most minute personalitias arc noted. On cc in tin prison the convict is in charge of the provost guard, a party of men assigned by the secretary of war or cn isted under his direction, ana se lected with a special eye to their fitness for the duty. Few of them arc under six feet in height and a majority are men who havo seen years of hard service. These are the subordinate officers, and the only ones, excepting tin chaplain, surgeon and commandant. The latter is Captain James W. Pope. -Despite the eay discipline there are few escapes from the prison. Perhaps the law has something to do with the vigilance of the guards, as it makes the escape of tin prisoner a penal off e- s:for the guard. Although there are 406 prisoners con fined, there are but thirty-six cells, two of these being dark. These dark cells arc the only punishment inflicted on the prisoners, further than the cutting off of "good time." New men are first placed ia the cells. If, after a while they m?rit the favot, they are sent to the dormitories, where greater freedom is allowed them. Pris oners nre diviied into three classes, each class beincr designated by a distinctive badge attached to some conspicuous part of the outer garment of the prison dress. On being assigned to a class the prisoner is made acquainted with the rules relating to the conduct and treat ment of prisoners. Prisoners of the third class whose conduct may warrant it arc promoted after ten days to the second class. Prisoners of the first class arc those whose quiet, orderly habits and general good conduct in class second has gained them the confidence of the offi cers. Promotions are made by the com man dan t. The dormitories differ little from the quarters of common soldiers. A row of iron cots, around which a broad aisle iuns, and separated from each other by a space of two feet, constitutes the furniture. During the day the beds arc made up. Each prisoner is allowed to keep a box, provided by himself, in which he places such mementoes from the outer world as he chooses, besides some articles of apparel other than those furnished by the prison. A grating cut3 off the guard room from the sleep ers, and at the same time furnishes an easy view of the whole sleeping room. During the day the prisoners are cm ployed as the commandant may elect, but the greatest number at one employ ment are in the shoe shop. This is in a Jong room in the third story of a build ing two hundred feet long. There is made all the footwear for an army of fifteen thousand men. The enormous number of shoes consumed may be seen from the number made last year, when 11,700 pairs of boots and 65,421 pairs of shoes were turned out. A pair of cav alry boots costs the government about $3.70, and a pair of brass screwed calf skin shoes $2.72 Next in order comes the harness shop, J where Unde gam- s ambulances, riding 4 re mi.de. The tin shop turns out tin piates, cups and all the ware needed by tin. th ftft&y, including copj er boilers and kettles. It is all hand work, except a power cutting and stamping machine. ( The Ivoom shop manufactures these u .e- ful articles, and no less than 23,000 brooms are turned out per annum. Tha prison carpenters manufacture barrack chairs, mens tables, benches, company desks, cart saddles, supporting sticks and batten3 c( aparejos. Tho black smith shop irons the wood work from the carpenters, makes bolts and such other iroa work as may bo necessary about the prison and post. In the tailor shop is made the prison clothing. Besides these modes of disposing of their labor tho prisoners quarry rock, burn lime, erect th- prison building. anel arc loaned to ihe depot quarter master for work on the roads, being charged up to that department at so much per day. Prisoners do the cooking, baking and washing, all done with speci d and new style machinery. The dining room will accommodate half tin prisoners at one time and everything moves like clock work. At a signal the prisoners seat themselves and rise alter eating. The diet is the army ration, supplemented by tho prison farm products more than two-thirds of the vegetables consumed coming from this source. The time al lowed for each meal is twentv-five min utes, and tho prison records show that the alimentation of prisoners is adequate to maintain them in their normal status throughout their imprisonment. Work ing hours range from seven and a half to nine hours per day, varying with the season, and there seems to be no C3pocial tendency on the part of the men to shirk their tasks. Globe-Democrat. The Tutored and Philosophic Piute. A prematurely old and shrivelle 1 Piute was sunning himself on a rock near hi3 wickiup, below the Ophirdump. With motionless form and grim, sober visage, he sat pensively eyeing the dh tant, snow-capped mountains. Appar ently ho was overhauling th) past, aid thi iking of the many glorious feats of valor he had long ago performed by wood an I stroam among those siine lofty hills, and of how different a good many things aro now from whit they were then, before the tricky pale face had sneaked in and gobbled up tho poorPiuto's birthright. A San Francisco la ly and gentleman were walking by the campoodie on thoir way to inspect tho California mill. Af ter they had passed about a rod beyond the dusky old muscr hi suddenly re called himself, and vociferat ed a hearty, rousing "Good morning, madam!" The startled lady turned around and sai l: "Why, how do you do, sir? ' and evidently much astonished, then blurted out: "Who aro you anyhow? ' "lam Lo," said the indian. "Low Mr. Low? Why, you are an Indian, aren't you?" "Yes, madam, a man of 'untutored mind.' " "You astonish me! What are you do ing here?'' "Here seated here. I see God in the cloud and hear Hun in the wind." "And, looking as you do, you quote Pope?" "Aye, looking as I do," said the old Piute, and he turned and walked away, leaving the lady to stare after him and wonder. The old Piute was one who was sent , East about thirty years ago to be edu cated, and who spent threa or four ye: n in Oberlin College, Ohio. When ho came back to Nevada he at once settled down again into the shiftless ways of his people. His home is at or near Wadsworth, but he occasionally strays up this way for a change of cold grub. The incident rel ited above was witnessed by two or three employes of the Con. Cal. and Virginia, who greatly enjoyed the surprise of the lady from tho Bay. She will doubtless return to San Fran cisco with high notions of the mental acquirements of our rugged "Children of the Desert?." Virginia City Enter prise. The First Phonograph. A gentleman recently repeated to me an account given him by Thomas Edison of the making of the first phono graph. Busily engaged in innumerable things, Mr. Edison carried in his mind for a long time the idea of the phono graph, turning it over and over, and from time to time jotting down sketches and memoranda concerning its construc tion. At length he said to an old Ger man machinist, who made models for him, that he wanted a machine con structed in a certain manner, but for the use of it he gave no hint. Now and then, as the work went on without see ing the model, Mr. Edison ordered cer tain changes, which, of course, were duly made. Finally the German was told to bring the machine for examination. Mr. Edi son fitted into it the sheet of tinfoil, and turning the crank spoke into the funnel the somewhat familiar voice about Mary id her little lamb. The G.rmaa re--vrded him as if he thcught he had ne mad; but when Mr. Eiison re- rsed the motion and the phonograph 1 ipingly repeated his stanza, the old nvin thrcw UP hU Lands ia lhe utmoat J astonishment. Pxovidccce Journal, astonishment. TProvidccce JournaL Useful Reptiles. When wc have secure i protection to the birds, it wi'u be timo to teach the people to havj more mercy on the j reptiles. The popular, almost uncon q -.erable prejudices against this class of animals are regarded by science as mis taken, except as to a very few kinds; but the public still need enlightenment on the sul ject. Professor O. P. Hay has embodied a popular lesson on the innocence and even value of most rep tiles i.i his paper on 4 'The Amphibians and Reptiles of Indians," which, being comprised in the State Agricultural Re port, will reach all the inhabitants of at least cur commonwealth. "Many am phibians and reptiles," ho say, "are of diroet value to man. M tny, as various kinds of turtles and lrogs are ucd a food, and such might even be profitably bred for that pu pose. ' Many others un useful because of their propensity for devouring insects, mice and rats.that are the pest of the farmers. A few, in deed, rre danger. u ; but it is worth any person's while to stu ly our rep tiles, if for no other reason thm to be freed from c instant fear of them. Of nearly a bund reel species of amphibian 1 and reptiles to bo found within Indians not more than three cr four are poison ous, and these are of rare occurrence. Somo others may strike, or bite a lit tle, or constrict, as they have a right to do, but they are not venomous, and can do little hurt. Snakes that roll along like hoops, snakes that blow poison, snakes that sting with their tongues 01 the tips of their tails, and snakes that live for weeks ia people's stomachs are creatures of the imagination. Therefore, considering their usefulness as destroy ers of vermin, no amphibian or reptile ought to be killed, unless it is to be employed for practical uses or preserved as a specimen for scientific purposes. If the boya of the country are to be al lowed to shoot all tho birds and stone to death all the reptiles, ws may yet be compel cd to surrender to the vermin." Popular Science Monthly. Who is Sever Crazy. There are many firm believer? in the theory that most people are crazy at times, and facts seem to support their belief. The following, from a source unknown to the writer, will likely re mind a number of our readers of some incident in their experience, which at the time of its occurrence seemed to them most unaccountable: "A wise man will step backward off a porch or into a mud-puddle, a great philosopher pwill hunt for the specks that are ia his hand or on his forehead, a huntor will sometime? shoot himself or his dog. A working girl had been feeding a great clothing knife for (en years. One elay she watched the knife come down slowly upon her hand. Too late, she woke out of her stupor with one hand gone. For a few seconds her mind had failed, and she sat by her machine, a temporary lunatic, and ha I watched the knife approach bar own hand. A distinguishc 1 professor was teaching near a canal. Walk ing along one evening in summer he walked as deliberately i :to tho canal as hs had been walking along the path a second before. Ho was brought to his senses by the water and mud and the absurdity of the situation, lie had on a new suit of clothes and a new silk hat, but, though the damige was thus great, he still laughs over the adventure. Oiu mail collectors find in tho iron boxes along the street all sorts of papers and articles which have been put in by some hand from whoso motions the mind has become detached for a second. A glove, a pair of spectacles, a deed, a mortgage, a theatre ticket, goes in, and on goes the person, hoi iing on to the regular letter which should have been deposited. This is called absent-mindedness, but is a brief lunacy," Public Opinion. A Venerable Pair of Pistils. Mr. D. T. Sheriff of Piir.ce George's county, Maryland, has sent to the Bal timore American effice an in teres-ting pair of flint-lock pistols manufactured by Mooro of London about 176). They are perfectly prescivcd. They were formerly the property of Washington Warring of Baltimore cou 1 ty an 1 were Uicdbysomcof his ancestors in the revolutionary war. They arc about six inches long with brass breeches. Ia order to firs them a duplex slide on top is pulled back, releasing the pan cover and allowing room lo cock the hammsr, the cocking of which discovers the trigger, which lies concealed until prepared to fire. When the trigger is pulled, the hammer holding a picco of flint stone about one half of an inch square and one eighth thiclc, tapered to a wedge shapod point, come3 in contact with the perpendicular portion of the pan cover, throws it ft .r war 1 and the sparks ars directed by the impetus of the hammer into the powder pan below J and ignites tho ch irgo. A Night's Rest. 'Will ycu allow me to sleep in the ten-acre lot back of the barn, ma'am?" pleaded the tramp. 'Certainly," responded the woman, ! kindly; 4 'and hero are a ecu pie of matches ia e it sho ia zie it should turn cola oc re morning, iww. WATERSPOUTS. The Tornadoes and Whirlwinds of the Sea. Theory Concerning the Forma tion of these Phenomena. Such an unusually largo number of waterspouts has been reported off this coast and ia the western part of the north Atlantic ocean during the last two months-, says th? Njw York Commer cial Advertiser, that the govornmont hy I lographic service his taken advan tage of tho data furni-.h'd by ship cap tains to compile some interesting infor mation about th m. Several theories are supported as tho result of these com pilations. Up to withi 1 a comparative ly few years little was scientifically known rcgardiig those marine phe nomena. Somotim.'s thesa waterspouts were observed to move along the ocean with immense rapi lity and at other time3 to remain almost stationary. They have been shattered by a gun shot, and at other limc3 they have disippcared of themselves. The general theory regarding the character and formation of w..tcr spout', which these latest report bear out, is that they are simply sp cial cases of tornadoes and whirlwiuds, but on a much smaller seal-. These are princi ples underlying all these phenomenas: A layer of w.:rm, moist air at the sur face of the ocoan happens to have above it a layer of cooler, diiir air; this con dition of things is one of unstablo equilibrium, and sooner or later the warm, light nir at the surface rises throu ;h the coo'er and heavier air above. This process sometimes takes place gradually over large arars, but at other times it is mro local, and there seems to bo formed in the upper layer a break or opening through which the air of the lower layer begins to drain up ward, as through a funnel. Under favorable conditions, that is when the differences of temperature and moist ure and the supp'y of warm air at the surface aro great, thi3 ac tion becomes intense, and this in tensity is still further increased by the condensation of tho rising air and tho liberation of the latent lnat, which drives it upward. As this surface air rushes in and escapes through the open mg thus formed in the upper layer, it takes up a rotary or whirling motion, tho velocity of which increases toward the centre or axis of tho fu inel, and a suction or partial vacuum is created, a3 is indicated by the low rcadiag of tl.o barometer at tho centre of a cyclone or whirlwind. In tha case of a great cy clone or hurricane, the direction 0 ro tation is determined by the rcvol ition of the earth about its axis, and the well known law of storms is founded cn tho fact that this rotation i--, in the northern hemi3phere, invariably against, i.nd in the southern hemisphere with, the hands of a watch as you look at it when laid down with the face up. In the case of tornadoes and . waterspouts this direction of rotation is not so imiform, although the same law holds good in most cases. When a whirlwind is thus formed over the ocean water is often drawn up the cc: tro of tho whirl for some distance, owing to the suction created, and at tho s-aT.c time the mois ture of the nir is condensed as it rises, so that tho name 4 'wate rspout" is very applicable. When a spout is .forming, its upper portion is oft ;n visible first, seeming to grow dowiwarl from the clouds. By observing carefully with a telescope, however, it has been seen that the motion ia tho column itself is upward, although the moi;ture in the air which is rising is condensed lower and lower down, thus rendering the whirl visible lower down continually and making it appear to bo actually descending. That portion of the north Atlantic from the northern coast of Cuba to the fortieth parallel, and from tho Atlan tic coast of the United States to the Bermuda?, is pre-eminently a region where waterspouts arc liable to occur owing largely to the warm, moist air which hangs over the Gulf stream aid the cool, dry air brought ov.rit by the northwesterly winds from off the coast. Easily Told. "What is a diamond?'' asked a teacher. "Carbon," replied the class. "Yes, a diamond 13 pure carbon ; but you must remember that coal is also carbon. That was taught in tho last lesson." "Ycs'm," "Now, how could you be sure to tell the difference between the two kinds of carbon?'' "Ask the price ! ' piped up a small boy. Judging from the Outside. Tramp "Will the gentleman give a trifle to a poor m in?" Gentleman "How do I know you are a poor man?"' "How do I know you are a gentle man? It is only by the outside that cither of us can judge the other." Sittings. The Old Clock. "Oh! the old, old clock, of the household stock, Was the brightest thing and neatest; ; Its hands, though old, had a touch of gold, And its chime rang still the sweetest; Twas a monitor, too, though its words were few, Yet they live, though nations altered; And its voice, still strong, warned old and young When the voice of friendship faltered: 'Tick! tick!' it said 'quick, quick to bed, For t?n I've given a warning; Up! up! and go, or else you know You'll never rise soon in the morning I ' A friendly voice was that old, old clock, As it stood in the corner smiling, And blrssed the time with a merry chime, The wintry hours beguiling; But a c; oss old voice was that tiresome clock, As it called at daybreak boldly, When the dawn looked Bray 0er the misty way, And the early air blew coldly; 'Tick! tick!' it said 'quick out of bed, For five I've given warning; You'll never have health, you'll "never have wealth, Unless yxni're up soon in the morning!" "Still hourly the sound goes round and round With a tone that ceases never; While tears are shed for bright days fled, And the old friends lost forever! Its heart beats on though hearts are gone, Its hands still move though hands we lovfl Are clasp. d on earth no longer! 'Tick! tick!' it said 'to the churchyard bed, The grave hath given warning; Up! u: ! and rise, at d look at the skies, And prepare for a heavenly morning."' HUMOROUS. The crack club The policeman's billy. Song for tho farm hand The spring time has come, oh, hoe ! oh, hoe 1 R.fled cannon are considered great bores by those who have to face them. The boy who was kept after school for bad orthography said he was spell bound. Why are fishermen and shepherds lika beggars? Bccauso they live by hook and crook. Nice life a married man leads when every timo he asks his wife for a cup of tea he knows she'll make it hot for him. "Tommy, my son, what i3 longi- tude?' "A telegraph wire, papa. M "Whv so. mv son?" "Becauio it stretches from pole to pole." Young Wife "John, mother says sha wants to be cremated." Young Hus band "Tell her if she'll get on her things I'll take her down this morning." The reasoa why Englishmen are red faced is due to the fact that tho sun never sets on the British empire, and the Briton never gets a chance to re move the tan. "A foul tip!" was the exclamation of the base-ball-loving waiter, as he mournfully examined the counterfeit quarter given him a few minutes before by one of the restaurant's patrons. Mi s Gushingtoa Do you not find Dr. Smalltalk entertaining? Ho is such a mimic. M . Sneerington (who de tests the doctor) I have often noticed that the doctor takes people off very cleverly. Young Mr. Wabash (to Miss Waida of Bstoa at "a dancing party) "Will you favor mo with two or three rounds, Miss Waldo? ' Miss Waldo (an admirer ot John L., of course) "Certainly, Mr. Wabash, with pleasure. Or, if you like, we will continue it to a finish." A Child's Victory. A child was more fond of candy than her mother thought good for her. What was thcught a proper share was doted out to her one day, and the rest put away on the high shelf of a cup board beyond the child's reach. Her mother cnutioncd her not to attempt reaching it, then left the room. R iturning after a while, sho looked i:.to the room, standing where tho child could not soe her, and surveyed the scene. There stood the child, her feet on the first shelf, to which she had climbed by ail of a chair, and her hand crrasninff tho candy, which she had reached to her lips. There it paused j for a moment, the little faca bent ia earnest thought. Suddenly the candy flew from her lips and into the bag again as the child leaped from the shelf on to the chair and thence to the floor, where the struck an attitude and shouted exultantly: "There, Godl I diln't eat it after all !" Boston Record. He Was Fnll of Life. "Your money or your life!" demand ed a footpad of a pedestrian who at a lata hour one nipht was threading his way along a dark and narrow s-trcet. "I've more life than money," replied the pedestrian, and proceeded to dem onstrate his possession of the former in such a manner that, an hour later, when the would-4c robber gathered himself up from the dut, he felt of his body all over to assure himself that he was some thing more than a suit of cast-off cloth ing. Harper's Bazir. Friendship. A f tiendship is a precious gift But friends are very rare, Who, when 3011 chance to need a lift Have got a five to spare. Merchant Traveler. IF s . V..'t .... . , .r:.-Fti. -v.
The Chatham Record (Pittsboro, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
May 3, 1888, edition 1
1
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