The Chatham record. (Pittsboro, N.C.) 1878-current, March 09, 1893, Image 1
$1) l)atl)am Brcorii $)c l)atl)am Record. EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR. RATES ADVERTISING TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION, One square, one insertion One square, two insertions One square, one month 11. 1.69 - 2.80 $1.50 PER YEAR Strictly in Advance. For larger advertisements hi er-sl ccn nets will be made. VOL. XV. PITTSBORO', CHATHAM CO., N. C, MARCH 9, 189:?. NO. 28. Moonrisc T lire a strftch of shining sky I.Iks some fair ocean sunset-Ill j Peaceful and wide ils spaces Hp. And purple shores encompass il. A little slender silver bont Vpon it bosom is afloat. This craft, unstayed by winds or tides, slips out across the twilight bar; Through rosy ripples soft she glides, Led by a single pilot stnr; With shadowy sails and fairy crew, She drifts along the summer blue. She's filled from stem to stern with flowers, And Love, and Hope, and Happiness. Will aught of what she brings be ours? A h, dip ! if we could only j?uess '. She rides elusive and remote, This llllle slender silver boat. -The Speclator. "The Girl I Left Behind Me." One rainy day in tho lato winter of 1882 I found myself ling and boggage on tho railway platform at (J rami Junction, Color.ulo. As (lie train les sened in t he distance I took a survey of my surroundings. Xot a tree, not a spear of grass- mud which looked ns if il might ingulf one to bo some time dug up ns an unknown fossil not a sidewalk visible except now and then tho uneven remain of a brick pavement fast resolving Itself into its original c'ay. I had been traveling through tho Wcsi, and now on my way here I had flopped lo see one who was my oldest and dearest friend, the wife of the superintendent of a mi no on tho head waters of the White river. She had tried lo prepare nic for tho discom forts of iho journey after 1 should leave Mm railroad, but I found no words c 'iild describo it ns vividly as 1 afterward felt it, mid I heartily wished myself safo in the luxury of a Pullman and speeding east ward. How over I pulled myself together and went to the agent lo ask when the Mage would loiive for Meeker, and found 1 could, not go till morning; so giving a small boy a quarter to carry my giip, I gingerly picked my way from brick to brick along the c.uiscw.i y that led to the town proper. The next morning was elenr and pleasant and tho air bracing ns wc dragged laboriously out north through the a'lnost bottomless clay road. Thcro were no other passengers, but two men and myself, so I turned my attention to iho scenery. The two men had eyed tnc curiously at first and then began talking of mines and the various arts and tricks of the unscrupulous to outwit tho guilliblc tenderfoot. Hut gradually they over came thoir apparent difll letico iu ad dressing a woman and began after true American style to want (o know all about my antecedents, and above all my reason for taking such an un usual j inrney. When I told I lie in I fipeclctl to visit Mrs. Keufrow at the Tin Cup Mine one whistled expres sively and said: "You be likely to s'.ay all winter." Why?" I asked. "Because, if signs go for anything there is going to hp an everlasting snowfall before long." Ail the di-eomfo.t of my Journey was forgol'en in the overflowing en" thusiasm of inv welcome. Over and over again did "My Margaret,'' as 1 had called her in oldiimc school days, rush in from her little log kitchen lo uk uic if there was any thing sho could do to ease my aching bones. As 1 looked around the little rooms, uu ptustcrcd save with grout dug from ncighbo ing hills, 1 began to appre ciate tho decorative possibilities of dotted Swiss and red ribbons, but then Margaret could find beauty to utilize oa the bleakest of desert isles. From my seat by the same window I could see the log mine buildings on (ho opposite slope of the gulch and the day shift coining out liko bees from a hive and scattering to (he various shanties dotted along the side of the stream. As 1 looked Margaret came and looked over my shoulder and ex claimed: "There's John,'' and then, "Why, what can be tho matter," for just behind him on an improvised stretcher of pine boughs four men wore carrying another, so stiff and still it did not seem as if ho could be living. Margaret said: "Help mo get n lied ready,'' and by the time tho men reached tho doorway with their bur den a bed was stripped to mattress uud sheets, and they had laid him upon it, while John said, briefly: "An accident to Iho machinery. lie is not dead, but 1 don't know Low badly hurl." We soon found one arm and one leg broken, but no evidence of other injury. Mr. Ilcnfrow, with the as sistance of two of the inon, who through many years of Western life had learnod a rough sort of surgery, tot Hie limbs, while tho womoa waited tho result in suspons. Through tho long night we watched besido the poor fellow for some signs of con sciousness, ana toward morning were reworded by seeing him open his eye and recognize Mr. Ilcn frow. During tho weeks of nursing which followed we women had not much ti ma to think of weather, but my friend at Meeker had been a true prophet, anil the feathery Hakes began to fall during the fiist. night after my arrival and kept il up steadily for a week, and trail and canyon and side slopo wcro covered with a white pall. Wc were as securely shut up from the outside world as if wo had been walled around with adamant. Whilo one's sympathies cannot fly round the world with the click of Iho electric needle, ono natuni'ly 6oeks for sub jects of interest in the .humdrum life around, and so I began to study our charge as I sat bc.tido him day after day. Not that ho seemed n difficult subject or wrapped in any mystery, but ns he lay there swathed iu band ages he seemed to be intently thinking. One day ho abruptly asked how long since he had been hurt. I told him (hrco week. lie turned his head away with a deep sigh, and said no more for a fow minutes. Then" he asked: "'Bout how far is it to Cairo, III?'' I said I didn't know exactly, thought nearly a thousand miles. "Wish I was there," he jerked out, with an effort. 1 began to suspect that ''Tim girl I left behind me," was troubling him and he wanted (o talk about it and did not know how (o begin. So i rather bantcringly said: "Tell nic about her." Ho locked at me with a look of comical dismay, and said "Why, how did you know?'' mid then said: "I might as well tell some one, though there ain't much (o tell. I used to live down in Cairo and was a roust about on a Mississippi steamer. There was another fellow always worked on (he same gang with mo and wo were thicker than molasses iu winter. He was as vain as a peacock and thought he was some one when ho got ou his Sunday togs, and he was a putty sizable sort of a feller. Well, there was a girl who lived down Iho river a few miles, whose dad innn truck farm and sent garden sastoSt. I.3uis, you know. 11 ink Simpson and me both met her at a danco one iiiirht. 1 got introduced first and danced twice with her before Simpson did, and then sho danced scvoral times will, biin, mid when 1 come up once to ask her sho said she couldn't, as she was going (o dance with Mr. Simpson. That made uic hot and I went and (old Hank he was not doing (he fair thing, not allowing her to danco with any one but him. He laughed and said she didn't seem to think of any hardship. Well, wc both got mad, and I told him 1 would danco with her anyway, and I went back and aid Hank couldn't keep hit engagement. Wei', the dance I wi:h me, but Hunk and me were enemies and he did nic every bad turn he could. Well, I used to go down ll.e river every Sunday to old man Lac's place, and someiini'S found Hank Simpson ihcre, and he went down sometimes iu the week. I couldn't tell which of us K sic liked the best or whether she was fooling both of us. She was prclly enough for better than us." Here a tender note crept into his voice. "1 had to go down on the boat to Vicksburg, which would tako about two weeks, as wc would have to wait for a cargo. It was a regular purga tory to mo all the lime I was gone, for 1 was afraid Hank would get the best of mo, and 1 made up my mind lo have it out when 1 got back. The next Sunday 1 went down. I had bought a ring in Vicksburg, wiih two clasped hands holding a little garnet, to give her, and thought may bo that would help me out. I found her in a little arbor in the corner of the gar den. Sho seemed glad to see me, but sho acted the same to Hank, so 1 couldn't tell anything from that. She a-ked me about iho trip, and wantcl to know if 1 had lost my heart lo any pretty girl in Vicksburg. 1 thought it was now or never, so I said: "How could I when I left it at home?' "WIk) took caro of it while you were gone?'' she asked. 'I'd like to think you d'.d,' I said. I wish, Klsio, you could make mo a littlo better than I lank Simpson. Yon know how much I caro for you. "She looked down and dug her shoe into the dirt and said: -How should 1? You never told me.' " 'Well I tell you now, a. id I can't bear to think of Hank coining here to see you when I waul you tcr marry mo.' "12 sic looked at me and then said Why, Bob, I didn't know that yon inet tray thing.' "Well, Miss Majors, sho didn't make much fuss when I put my arm around her and kissed her. I foil as if I was in heaven and even felt sorry for Hank Simpson. I wanted to do something groat thai would make me worthy to have Klsie for a wife. After sho had given tnc her promise I didn't caro for Hank Simpson and wasn't A bit jealous of bim. Sho told j me that she had begun to c ire for mo nt tho dance but had been afraid lo ' cross Hank, as ho had such a temper, j "Maybo you want to know why I am away out bore. Well, Klsio and mo agreed that it was no use trying I to make any money io buy a home j working for day' a wages on the river. I heard that good men in tho mines in the mountains got big wages, uud j so I thought I would try. I went to ' see Klsio Iho night before I came ( 01lli lne novelist, lo prova his state away, and she cried and hung to nic moiil, picked up a book and began to till I almost lost my courage to go, 'read niud: "I have Iwo lazy, good but I did. 1 have been here a year j for nothing dogs who lio by tin) lire a year now and saved a good deal. nmi giocp, ami Id the cattle ruin my I have writton to Klsie every time any I g:u-tleis. one went out to Mecker.and had let'crs j TlC ,0j.s raised their heads, listened pretty often. We were to bavo been iltl, ,, ,.., flot the room, but, mairicd at Easier, and now it iu only ihuliiitr the garden empty, soon ro il month away, and here I am laid up turn"d lo the hcanli rug. Sir Walter and snowed iu, too! What will Klsio again read the story, with like result; think when she don't hear from mo?"' 1,1 01:C more the dogs came back dis Thc poor fellow turned his head j appointed. Instead of rushing from awav with tears in his eyes. By way the ro iin w hen their master com of consolation, Isiud: "You may bo able to send a let 'or soon." 'X a,'' he said, "ihorc'a (cu feet of snow in White Canyon." He seemed iu the de ths of misery and I left him. j Two wocks slipped away, and tho i weather was steadily cold, with occa sional light falls of snow, ami ns Bob Travcr-ly looked out of his litlic win dow at the rounded outlines of the peaks I could sec that his heart was far away with the girl ho loved, per haps thin that his rival was taking advantage ot his silence to calcli a heart ou the rebound. A week heforo Kaslcr the weather suddenly moder ated. The snow incited rapidly and bogan to disappear iu our little valley and ou the lower slopes of Iho moun tain. Kvcry now and iheu on sonio distant peuk wc could see a slido come" down, leaving a black trail behind. A couplo of days before lvister iwo of the men had announced their in tention of trying lo get lo Mocker. Mr. Ron f row warned them to be care ful, and above all things not to get caught in a slide. In ihe afternoon I was silling reading to Bob, who was lying with his face to (ho wall and apparently not paying much attention. Suddenly lie turned over. "Have 1 been asleep?"' he asked. "Xo, n by ?" 1 u-ke.i. "Fvo been dreaming awake then. I thought I heard F.'sie's voice." Then sitting straight up in bed without any regard fur broken legs, he ejaculated with Ihe greatest aston ishment and joy: "Klsio!" 1 t in tic 1 to the door, and there wii tho living embodiment of ihe pretty irl whose pic'.ure Bjb kept under his pillow. But only an instant she stood there, and then had bulb arms around Bob crying and laughing by (urns. It seems she had arrived at Meeker a week before, but could get no one to venture with her through the snow to the Tin Cup Mine until Iho fortu nate arrival of the (wo miners. The only thing that prevented a wedding on Faster was that thoro was no min ister nearer than (Irani Juuctijii. Omaha Bee. Arithmetical Progression. The old bewhiskered story with which wc are familiar has ari-cu, this lime in new form. The yarn comes from Bull'ilo, X. Y. A man con tracted lo furnish twenty bales of rags for one cent for Iho first bale, two for the second and four for third, etc. The contract was made in writing, but aficr going home and figuring out what it would cost the buyer con cluded bo didn't have such a snap as he imagined when tho bargain was made, so he repudiated it. The court ! sustained him and refused to grant a ! judgment. The original of this tale is that a j father once agreed to lay up a com- pctence for his son by depositing ouo ceut and doubling it every day for six'y ' days. Ho hadn't the funds to carry I il oul, for the sum total (don't imag- j iuo that I have figured it out; il was j ono who had more time) would i amount lo $4,856 007,022,0151,231.88. j S;ilt Lake Tiibuno. I She Couldn't Br. Miss Peart Did you ever look at yourself iu the glass when you were angry? Kival Bo lo Xo, I'm never angry when I look in tho glass. New York Weekly. CUILDUKX'S COLUMN. VAIN W1NIIK. I'd like to spend vncatiou-tiiif A-journeying around. And visit every fore'itm clime That on the earth is found. I'd like to so to Spain or l'r.in , r e'se to Africa. A nd. join a caravan, peivha.:cs, That starts from Zanzibar. To visit every distant port, The Hussion and the Hutch. Would be. I think. silchcliarniiiiRsport, I wouldn't care which, much. I'i' love to go to far I'.oml.ay, SI. Petersburg or Kimie; Hut I must spend my b"lid iy In slaying right at home. (Harper's Yoi;.j People. ll! WAI.TIII S l)0'".S. Sir Walter Scott once (old a visitor that two hounds which were lying lie fore il.o tiro understood evory wor.l he said. The. friend seeming iiicreiltt- incneod reading the third time, huh hounds came and looked up into his face, whined mi l wagged their luils, ns iftosav: "You have made panic of u twice, but you can't do Our Animal Friends. il again." I'ol.irt'. JA1'ASKK (IIII.Dtll'.V. j The Japanese are trained to civility J from babyhood. Before a baby can : speak it is (aught lo lift the baud to j (ho forehead on receiving a gifl. i Should a child fail to make this signal r or respect and gratitude it would bo improved by some bystander, says an ' ...i.,,.,,,., Albert Tracy, who rambled through Japan without a guide, while strolling about a town, stopped to seo lh chil hen coming from school. They walked sedatoly and quietly, with books and sht'cs under their arm. The sight of a bearded foreign er startled the first to come, but they made a ro-pectful bow and passed on. The next ones repeated this civility, ond Iheu as fast ns the pupils canto they made a profound reverence. The iiuiatc gentleness of the people impressed the rambler. Ho i coords that ho never saw a single instance among the boys of that tyrannical, bullying spirit so often observed iu ether countries that delights in in dicting pain on woakcr companions. Japancso children arc well behaved, even towards each other. "sun .Fran cisco Kxaminer. an imiti.siv k urn t kin. King Aiphomo of Spain, although of an age when ho might be taught in a kindergarten, is already greatly alive to the honors of bis o-ition. F.very afternoon Alphonso drives .with his mother to Iho public gardens, where bis little majesty unbends a jot t of his dignity and plays with (he other j children. But, once seated in his car j riagc again, he becomes tho King of 1 Spain, and acknowledges (he salutes ' of his suhji'cts iu the most kingly ; manner. One day, as little Alphonso was i taking his usual afternoon drive, there ', passed Ihe royal carriage a man who i did not give the customary salute. I "Carlo," called out the baby King ! lo his footman, "go get that man and I order that ho be severely punished be i cause he did not bow lo me." i In Spain the word of (tin King must ulwavs be obeyed, and so tho footman had nothing to do but to overtake the neglect ful subject and bring kim to !tlsliC'. "Did you order hint to bo punished, Carlo?" demanded iho little King, n Ibe footman, all breathless with run ning, returned to iho royal carriage. "1 did, but the man is blind uml he rould n)t seo the royal arms to salute them." "Then giV'5 him this pursa of money," coininmded tho King, "and tell him it is from Alphonso, who is sorry that he cannot see the bcautifu' carriage in which his King drives. A Persistent Dog. Mcthet "Horror"! Where didjou get that dog?" Young Hopeful "He followed me liomel ' "Hum! Why did you coax hiiii?-' "1 didn't coax him. I threw tilings At him, but he would come any how." "That's strange. What did you Ihrow ?'' "A lot of hud, ugly, old bones the butcher give me."- rtjood Xuwg. CRUSHED FEET. Frightful Sufferings Endured by Little Chinese Girls. ! A Freak of Fashion that Tor j tures for Many Years. i An F.nglish paper quotes f.om a , i iter in (he Japan Mail who appcurs 1 to have a special knowledge of the ! well-known Chinese custom of coin ! pressing (he feet of lemale children j of Iho better classes iu China. He j hopes that few of his reader have j been so unfortunate as lo 6cc ibe j naked feet of an orthodox Chinese lady. But many have looked at photo I crapln of this terriblv-t wisted and I dittoried member, and tho sight must ! have suggested thoughts of barbarous I sulleriiig inflicted on a pirlicularly. sensitive pari of (he human body. Y oar by vear hundreds of thousands j of little girls throughout the wide ; Fmpirc of Cliina are subjected to n j ruthless process which crushes the I bones and wrenches the sinew of ' their tender feet, until at lust a re ! voliing deformity is produced and the ! foot crumpled into a shocking mons trosity, boenncs almost valueless as a ' means of Iocomo:ion. The wretched girl emerges fiom her period I of feverish torture a mutilated nip pie, condemned to hobble through life 1 on feet which preserve no semblance of nature's beautiful mechanism li.vin" become as hideous as they are i j useless. t At intervals the missionary erics out, j the traveler writes and the charitable i ngil itc; but Ihe poor little children ! never boned:. F-r them there re ' mains always the satno ruthless bend ing of bones, tho same agonizing ap j plication of tight ligatures, Iho same long months of bitter pain oud una ' vailing tears. Peihap", he suggests, ' it is to this singular contrast between ! "cncral refinement and cultivation of i j tho Chinese ou the one hand, and this callous cruelty on Iho other, that we must attribute the periodical appear appearance of apologists for the ap- ' palling custom. : Some people say that, (hough the foot is ultimate'' deformed, though j the woman is indeed condemned to bo ! little better than a cripple, yet the : prociss is not so very painful after all. The tones are soft, Ihey say, in early you'll; Ihe sinews supple. Twisting, crushing and wrenching are operations that may be performed w ithout much sulbring ou baby feel, whereas adults would be maddened by (he toiture. To this the writer re plies : Let no one talk ot tho yielding character of young bones or the pli ability of baby sinews. We have lis tened with our own cars to the cries of a little girl undergoing ihe tor turing process. Such agonizing wails never before fell on our ears. They were (Itc sin icks of a child absolutely wild with sulleriiig. When the liga tures were loosened and the shocking succession of breathless screams ended in long-drawn wails of exhaustion and uiisory. the listener tinned almost sick with horror and sympathy. Yet a mother was the deliberate torturer of the poor baby, and a father calloiuly listened to its hrarib. ol.eu cries. "Think that Ibis fiendish barbari y is being practised daily ond hourly throughout the length and breadth of ! a land containing :' ;0,0'm,iHiO inhabi- tants. Not alone are Ihe tender bodies ! of the poor little git Is ruthlessly i racked and tortured, but the purest sentiment of humanity, the lovo of parents for (heir children, is pcrpelu ' ally outraged. Such unnatural cruel. , (y could be tolerated only iu Iho pics 1 euceof the worst kind of demoraliz j ation. How much can smvive of the i inotal brainy of the paternal relation ; when fathers and mot hers, in ! deference to a mere freak of i fashion, consent lo hill cl on their I daughters day by day, lot luro that I well-nigh maddens the baby brain and wrings sin icks of excruciating agony from the Utile lip-': This is one of : hose Lie's ilia! make us marvel when ! wc hear a great destiny predicted for the Chinese nation." : Poker and Hie Pointer Puppy. IVker was a large green bird, vt ith a ' Inijjlil yellow head, and a few scarlet I markings on its wings. Prior to my ! friend's ownership of it, it bad be ' longed to some people who had a son called Hariy, to whom ihepairot was j verv lunch attached. Ls favorite ivili ! was "H in y," uttered in all kinds of i endearing tones. It was a clever la ker, and sometime it did a lot of thiiiki l', at simi t mil ice. ,' owner's propci ty a Ij li-ied my old bom , aud as ihe bird was well Viiovvn and c. mi l It.' only a short ili lati' il w us M'oi.ved f ;l liberty of oolh premises. Frequently it would attempt to cross the street and would get fast iu the mud, whereupon il would shout for "Harry" in an irre sistibly comical fashion. The first passer-by would rescue il nod place it upon iho palings, whence il could climb slowly up to sonic tree, or work its way gradually homeward, or into our inclosure. The boundry paling was a promenade with Poker, and frequently, when slio'ling about ihe lawn, I would be startled with the abrupt query, "Hello! who arc you?" and turn to find the parrot contempla ting mo grave.lv from its pere'i on the fence. On going oul early one morn ing I saw my friend slnillliiig across ihe smooth.') hum "1 lnvn. All un witting y 1 had let my -ely in for a genuine treat. A moment later, a pointer puppy, about half trained, cantered ttrouud a corner of the house, and in a moment his keen nose winded the bird. I'okcr crouched low on liic grass, and tho green leathers blended admirably with the support ; but the puppy's nose ili iec ed biin aright. Slowly, cautiously, as a veteran of the field, he drew inch by inch upon his game, and when his nose was ahoul two feet from the par rot's rounded head, he settled into a stanch point, with f ire foot uplifted, and tail as rigid as a ramrod. For a moment they faced each oilier, mo tionless a graven images; then, like I an explosion, came tlnj challenge, j ''Hello! Who are yoti? Harry!- j Harry .' II ir-r-ry ! !" the last words in a veritable scream of terror. This was too much for Iho puppy. The green thing spake liko a man. Horrors! Ho gave ihree wild bounds siilcwise, halted one instant to look at tho frightful thing again, then another ringing "Harry !" put wings to his feet, and with a whimper of dismay ho bolted back to his quarters ns fast us his nimble legs could carry him. I Icmorckl'n Magazine. Tho Safest ( ar. "I'm very particular," said a com mercial traveller at adowtown hotel, "what car of the train I select. 1 travel thousands of miles a year and have made il a rulo to observe in the accounts of railroad accidents which cars of the train arc the most often demolished. The result of my experi ence for I have been in a dozen siuasli-nps and observation is that the middle cars are the safest. I revcr under any circumstances ride iu the rear ear. I avoid (he car next to the baggage car, though this is selected by many as (lie safest. The greatcsl danger at present in railroad travell ing is lelcsc.opi'ig. When a man has been in a wreck and afterwards seen the engine of a colliding train half way in-ido of the rear car, or rather what's left of it, il impresses biin most forcibly. The baggagn car is usually heavily loadtd and in Ihe col lision its weight, together with the ponderous engine, geneially smashes the next car lo splinters, while the central cars are comparatively tiuiii iured. When the train is derailed the baggage car and next conch, as a rule, go over. The road-beds of our great Iriinscontinciital lines are so solid, each section is so carefully examined, the rolling stock is so inn. -li improved, that a broken rai1, broken wheel or axle and liko mishaps are reduced lo a minimum. Bui where trains follow one another on a minute or two Ice- way and the block or automatic signals I don't woik well, look in ihe Star ihe the next day for fun her particulars ami tec if my judgment rect." Washington Star, not Hon He knew. Before Iho fish couiuiissioie-rs of California decided t si . k iliet e.iuis of the st..l willi li it much depised audovcn'ul lih, Ihe I .criiian carp, Il ev weie grcai'y concerned as to whether it would live in certain water-. Tin! qucstioa was debated at n veral meeting-, and was finally mhui I cd lo Prof. II . r.u eminent autl.ority. Samples of the Wat 'is woroobt lined and t iriied over t the professor, who in ush.iil lin e submitted a favorable repait. and Ihe carp -i immediately turned loose iu Ihe riv is. The coiiimi-sioneis w.-ro greatly impessed by ihe.luof.-sso;' km w lcdge, but one of them had a quest in i to ak How c u'.l you h. sure that carp would live iu the wa'ci ?" he in quired. "Why." answered the pivsessor, with an amused loo',, '! lo iht a carp o I -n cei t . a id put it into fie w.ttr. It live I." The "ronif Time. Mother .No wonder you calcli cold. F.very night yon kick all the covers .ll". Why do you do il ? Little Boy I don't know, minima. Y 'U'd have In ask lot! when 'm as'eep," I io.nl New. Ti red. Tne wind is, 'list a far-off voice Jleyond the pale-blue bound of sky : Too weak lo murmur or rejoice 1 watch Ihe moments driftinn hv. So large the world, and ah. so chill The treat pale Bky, the drifting snowj The lonely wind ia calling still With a voice of human woe. Now all my hih ambitions fade; The things I hoped for seem so far From work once loved I shrink, afraid I.est some inis'ake that work should list And all my louginys turn to this; To hold one well-loved hand, to know The rest of home, the smile, the kts. And let the (;reat world go. J. K. lloberts, in Churchman. HUMOROUS. Walking-slick A woodcu leg. Dealers in lard ought to bavo no uifliouliy in rendering their accounts. Maude That was a politic move of Lottie's. Leila Yes. a kind of a Charlotte ru-e. Constance Do you think she ha faith in him ': Clara She gave him some ribbon to match. "Aw, do j on think that fashionablo women appreciate a rising young man?" "Yes, iu street cars." 1 sec II iiighpath hn got down to work. L'gh linger Struck a good job, has he, for (hewin'er? "Yep; working out a $100 line." Mamie Why do you think he's en gaged to her? Maud Ho lakes her lo Iho theatre in a street ear now oud he used to have a carriage every lime. You know Bigphcc, the groat cor poration lawyer? Well, thieves broke into bis bouse last night." And did they get away with much?'' "Yes, with their lives." McFaddcii (who has ordered a cup of tea ) I' yez Lope open all noighi? Waiter Yes. M.F. Well, yez had better watch the lay, for il looks purty weak an' Oi think it'll die be fore inornin'. Iiacb'e Old Ceiillemau (putting head out of four-wheeler that is crawling along at nil uncoiisciablo pace) Say, cabby, we're not going to a funeral I Cabby (promptly) No. and wc ain't going to no bloouiin' lire, cither. "I can't understand it," 6aid Mr. Gewgaw at the gas office. "Last mouth my bill was .lt and this uu n h it is $:u. 1 haven't burned a bit more gas this mouth than 1 did last. Xow how iu the name of honesty do you account for tha ?"' "You didn't pay last month's bill," said the clerk. Boys Are a Mystery. Kx-liov. Crittenden and Senator George G. Vest wore silling iu front of the Midland Hotel, talking over tho old days of Center College, Dan ville, Ky.. from which institution both of ihem were graduated, says iho Kansas City Times. They spoke of the many young men who had gone forth fiom the university and bad grown fauiou-, the mo it ot I hem in politics. "1 was buck at Danville a few years ago." said (he (iovernor, and had a la'k w.t'i old Piof. Bei.t;. 1 asked ! him who was tho most remaik ible boy be ever hail under him in the -eliool. There were two rem irk-iblo boys,' be said. -O.ie of these was re maik ible iu his school life. I (bought him a marvel and expected that boy to reach the highest posit "o:i iu tho laud. The other was a very ordinary boy in ichool, and I did not hok for much fioai him. 'The hitter boy was John ('. Breckinridge. S'.-nal r, Vice-President and nt one iiuie can lidnt ) for tho P, e-idenry. The mat vol is now leaching iu a deaf and dumb asylum. In our class of twei.lv-live boys, i.iuveriio '. I did not think ibero was ni'irh brillancy, and did not think that a man in the class would ever rise very high, mid now li.t'iecn of them are occupying prominent positions. I have jjiven il up; I c oil I'll a thing about lioys Ihey'ie a mystery."' Both Had Married Well. The late Duke Maximilian, father of ti e Kmpress of ustria, was ono of ihe most simple and ufl'abloof men. One day as he was travelling on (he '.rain between his c.u itry residence and Vienna, he fell in with a banker from Stuttgart. "Are you going lo Vie ma ?" aked the Duke. Yes; to fo'iny daughter. She has ju -t been married." "Ah!" said the Duke, "mine has just boen mariied also. Was it a good ina'e'i?" "Fxcellcnt ! And that ol your d nimbler?" "Not bad either." "My daughter married the banker ( lolilschinid ." "Mine Ihe Finpror of Austria.''- I 11 irpei's B f. ir.