North Carolina Newspapers

EI)f l)atl)am Rcror l)c Cljatljam ttecorb. II. .A. JL-OIVUOIV, EDITOIt AND PROPRIETOR. KATES ADVERTISING One square, one insertion- tl.t One square, two insertions l.t0 One square, one month - 2.60 Forlarg3r advertisements hlK-rnl ccn racts will be made. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION, $1.50 PER YEAR Strictly :n Advance. VOL. XVI. PlTTSBORO1, CHATHAM CO., N. C, AUGUST 31, 18.W. if (Cfrar NO. 1. The Harbor .Mother. Tho little bouts from tho ocean glide Hurrying home with the cventido Fur shelter ami rest To til" peaceful hrcllst Of th( hnrl"r-m"tli'r, whose iirmii stnt'.'b wl.lo. As sho quiets each quivering, wonry wins, lliii is tin1 song that I lnnr her sing, While tin- stum hang 1w, Aiitt tlu night winds blow, Anil strong ami silent tin- slow tides swing : "Itest, little boats, through the doi'l'i'Iiing night R.'st till the smile of the sun in bright j 'J'lien away and uwny Through the loan, fair day ! Nothing tthall hinder your cuger flight. ".Sleep nw and rest ; For Hint Is best. And calm and safe is tin- harbr.r-hrut." tlmee (iomhviii in tho Century. The Minister's Substitute. BY KATE M. CI.PAltr. "Well, M Lit 1 is it, dear?" Japhet Seribner laid down tho morn ing paper nnd betim. d proudly at his only daughter over 1';b gold rimmed F-pCOtUl'IeS. If i' had a good deal of reason to lie proud of her. She whs n beautiful fcirl, mid the best mid most ainialile of daughters, aud only the day previous he hud carried oil' tho highest honors fit tho graduoting exercises nt Lake University. "Please, pnpa, I wanted to tell you that that "Out with it. Svl.il. )o you wutit Borne pocket luoiiey?-' Hut i 1 1 Sybil hesitated. She stood 1 y the big rosewood bookcase in tho lil.rary, tapping one little silver buckled slipper nervously on tho Turkish rug, and twirling the spray of liouey suckle she held. She was tall and fair, with lutuinouti piny eyes, curly, reddish gold liair, nud an expression at one intellectual, resolute and decidedly sweet. "No, it is not aliout money, papa" an 1 she was rosily pink from the riifUiii.tr at the neck of her chullis gown to tilt' reliellioiis tendlils on her fort -head ' I I I'm engaged !" "What I" roared 'laphet Scrilmer. He wa.s not beaming now. He had started to hi;-, feet. Hf looked uppul lingly njaqilectic. Sybil hud faced the guzo of several hundred people tho previous day, snug, played the harp, and read the aledietory without a tremor. Hut this was different. She Hushed harder than ever ns ehe l.odded and looked a t her father. "Engaged .' You must be crazy, child. Ho you know how old you Bre?" "Eight, cu." "Exactly. An absurd age - absurd ! And talking of being engaged ! You fduin't he cngoged with my cousetit u ilny before you're twenty-five. Tell liim, if he still wants you, to Come around then." Sybil smiled. "You want him to serve seven vears for me, pupa?" "I Want Von to leulli sense." "You said yesterday, papa, that there was not another girl who gradu ntcd as sensible ns I." "Well, I'm finding out to-day what li mistake I mu le. Who is he, any how ?" The (,'hl laughed out heartily. "It is time for you to ask. He is stay ing nt the Theological University, and his inline " "That's enough. Never mind his Iiauie. If he is one of those penniless young fellows over there who is study ing for the ministry, X am more deter mined than ever you shall have noth ing to say to him until he him proven himself. " "Hut he has proven himself!" she Cried, aiiddeiily becoming serious and a little indignant. "He has been do ing missionary work among the Indi ans iu the Northwest. He is only vis ting tho Theological University. He has a splendid record for Zeal and courage and intensity of purpose. Ho-" "I can't spend a whole day listen ing to h list of his virtues!" Japhet Seribner interrupted, impatiently. "Tell him to come and see me when yon are twenty-live. If 1 tiud him tol erably intelligent, I'll talktohimthen." And lie strutted into the hall, put. (hi his big 1 m ii ii in ii hut, aud took an irate departure. Left alone, Sybil sat down nud fried. Two minutes afterwards she was laughing. "Tolerably intelligent ! This comes of boarding at the school. If papa had eer met Alfred, he would not hpeak so sarcastically. I know Min nie Merivale'a father thought him just the cleverest of men. I'm in reg ular quu.idory. I love Alf, and I would like to marry him this summer nud go to Montana with him in the full, Ittit I would like t gratify my father nlso. Oh, Gertie, I did not hear you !" She sprung up to greet the daughter of the resident rector. "What wero you crying about, Sybil?" "Was I crying? Since you have found ino out, 'listen to my tale of win' !' " Gertie was all sympathy when she heard tho distressful tale. Suddenly a happy thought struck her. She sprang up, seized Sybil by the waist aud weJit whirling down the room iu a mad dance. "Whatever is the matter, you unac countable girl? " (tertie paused, punting. "Don't you see how delightfully it can all be arranged? I'apa's health is breaking of late and he has decided on r European trip. I have frequently heard him speak iu terms of the high est praise of Alfred Vaughn. Now, your father and niv father ure the best of friends, and each values deeply t In opinion of the other. If only pupa would agree to have Mr. Vaughn called iu his place ! And if only your father would fall down and honor tin temporary pastor of Grace church, as ull have hitherto done who have come under the Bpell of his eloquence and magnetism why, it might nil turn out exactly satisfactory. " Although the possibility gave Sibyl hope, she could not share in her friend's enthusiasm. "There ure too nianv 'ifs,'" she said laughing, However whether it was fate feminine wire-pulling, or destiny which persists iu shaping our ends Miss Seribner heard announced the following Sunday from the pulpit the fact she hud hopelessly longed to hear. Alfred Vaughn was to take the place of the rector during his enforced vn cation. The departing minister intro duced his successor w ith many eul gtstic reniiirks as to the voung mans powers ami mental brilliance. Her heart throbbed and her brain whirled as she walked sedately home beside her father, who spoke much on the subject of the Hew pastor. "Eli.ubcth," he said to his wife at dinner, "I think we ought to place th" gilest chamber at the disposal of Mr. Vaughn while he serves iu Mr. Decile's stead. " "Mr. Vaughn!" ejaculated Mrs. Seribner. "Wasn't that the name of the young gentleman you met at the I Merivules, Syb?" But Sybil pressed her mother's foot under the table and abruptly changed the conversation. The following day Japhet Seribner brought home Alfred Vaughn to dinner, introduced him to Mrs. Serib ner ami daughter, ami triumphantly installed him in the best room. Very aggrieved was Japhet Seribner when his daughter departed that even ing to spend S week w ith (tertie Decile. "Now that her father is gone, she will be so lonely!" Sybil declared, hy p icritically. Her father missed Sybil terribly, ne played chess with the minister's substitute, found himself wishing he had such a son, aud capped the climax ono evening by telling Vaughn the story of his daughter's ridiculous at tachment. "You say yon do not know her lover?" Vaughn questioned, quietly. "I don't," avowed the choleric old fellow. "What's more, I don't want to." "You might like him if you did." "Impossible! If he were a good, straightforward, upright, generous fellow like you " "Do you mean to soy yon are will ing I should win her?" "Nonsense! You don't know her. Hut Mr. Docno has told me so much, 1 know you. And I'd bo proud and happy to see you cut out that other man." The next evening Alfred Vaughn walked into the parlor of tho Scrib ners w ith Sybil blushing and holding to his arm. "Eh!" cried Japhet, scenting a sur prise. "What's this?" "I've taken your advice, sir, ami cut out the other man!" said young Vaughn, laughing. "And I've married the other man !" declared Sybil. "Kiss me, pupa!" -Saturday Night. The Itritish Soldier. Military imprisonment in the Itrit ish Army is very different from the civil kind, with more rigorous dis cipline, worse diet, and far more slav ish labor, of which the most common form is 'Vhot drill." This, while ap pearing to be a simple thing enough, is capable of producing an extreme amount of agony. The following is the lununer of it, as described by an expert iu the Philadelphia Times: A number of soldier prisoners are stood up in the prison yard, at dis tances of eight to nine feet from each other, a cannon ball weighing about 10 pounds, resting on the ground at the feet of each one. The drill master gives the word of command, and each prisoner stoops, picks up his ball, raises it almost to his head, carries it for ward to the next man's station, mid puts it on the ground there. He then fnt os about, walks back to his own place, where he finds another like ball brought there by the next one of the gang. This ball he picks up, raises and again takes forward and deposits, the process being repeated as long ns the taskmaster chooses. The constant stooping, the endless lifting, raising aud putting down the heavy weights b me after a little while nl iuost unbearable. It is a heart-break ing as well as a back-breaking business. Other punishments, including severe (logging, may be indicted, especially on refaretory prisoners, but the shot drill is the most customary. Tl liniax of trouble iu the English soldier's life, however, is probably reached in the matter of marriage, which plunges hiiii into worse ditliculty than all other alllietioiis. First, mar riage is only allowed to men who have nerved seven years and hold at least one good conduct badge. and then they must obtain the Colon. l's consent, which is never given, if any exeu- e can be found for refusing it, it being n standing rule to keep the inilllied roll us small as possible. Still, ninny young soldiers Hud wives, ju.-t like other .voung men, and accept the inevitable dire poverty, us well us tho most cer tain separation when ordered on for eign serv ice. When this oceers 1jie poor young wife is h it to run th" gauntlet of suffering and want alone, us best she may, tin result being the ruin of the lives of both. This it is which makes the departure of a troop ship a s t tw of sadness, which teii.hr heurted men should studiously uvoid" The ( onil Sen. In no quart"!' of the world are the partly -buried ocean wonders more lav ishly displaced in all their endless va ricty than oiT this northt atei n coast of Terra Atistrulis, within the (.rent Harrier Keof iu the Coral Sea. As the boat is launched to take us ashore, the wonders commence at once. It is surely some fairy forest where t ltlli Kings court Princesses in lishly guise, or water babies sit and pout oil So mo coral boulder. (r is it a submarine llovvcr garden where the mermaids dwell? Deep down in clear, bright water wondrous shapes and colors are seen, at first iudistinctly like a tinted pho tograph out of focus; then, us the water gets shallower ulid shallower, more and more distinctly llash the ewel tires, ami the picture is com plete. Large tint bowls of milk-white coral lirst attract the eye. Then oth ers with branching aiitb rs like u fallen deer, "idy the fairy herd there are ly ing buried in a hiigh, confused mass. Some are covered with ten thousand sharp pinnacles of a light piirpl.v color, cuch pinnacle having a bright blue eye (or what looks like uu eye) at the extremity. All in a sea of emerald, this dreiiui of enchantment. We fear before we sec half the glory of it we might awake ami, alas! forget too soon. There light aud feathery brunches of fern like coral are blushin ( a soft pink or pule nasturtium yellow. Here large solid masses of brain coral, round ami white, the surface ineriisted or en graved with the most delicate lacti tracings; and others green and shaped like u course moss. (!ood Words. A Literary Sandwich Man. "That," said u publisher, "reminds me oi u siory mni anoui v M. .lames O'Hrien and Fletcher Harper, then the head of the Harper publishing house. O'l'.rieii had a habit of always finding his way down to tho Harper office when he was unsteady, us vou cull it, and borrowing money. One .lay the poet went down to Franklin Square and begged Fletcher Harper to let him have Harper refused, and this made O'lirien mad. He swore around, and linally seeing a large placard with 'Livingstone's Africa' printed on one side, he took it, turned it over, aud on the blank side Irew in large black li tters the wolds: 'One of Harper's Authors. I am starving. ' "Before any one was uwarc of his intention, OTrien had attached a string to his cardboard, hung it about his neck, walked to the street ami pa raded up ami down before the publish ing house. Of course u large croud gathered, but O'Biieu was obdurate against all entreaties. "'Won't stop till I get some money from Harper,' said hi-, aud ho didn't. "A compromise wu. soon if. t I through the medium .it a J", bill." -New York Recorder. A DOGJJARBER. A Carious Occupation ia tho French Metropolis. Shaving, Clipping and Shampoo ing Fashion's Tots. Tlx crossing the Seimi at the Solferi no bridge in I'aris, you s e hii odd looking boat pulled up nt the side of the water. At first it looks like some kind of camd boat ; but it is too small to be that. As you stand wondering what this queer boat can be - a boat with a little house iu it a In ly with a black poodle comes down the steps from the bridge and approach s the boat. Immediately n man appears nt the door of the cabin and bows to the la ly. lie also speaks to the dog and the dog wags his tail and says iu his best manner that he is Very happy to be there. It is a warm tiny and tho poodle is punting with the heat of his thick win ter coat of hair. His mistress unfas tens his collar and sits down on one of a row of chairs m ar the boat, and you wonder what 1his performance melius. Then t'ue man, who is n dog barber, licensed by the government, takes the punting poodle under uu awning at the end of the boat and sits down near a little green box. He opens this box aud takes a comb from a large' assort ment of shears, brushes, etc., and holding the dog across his knees he gently combs the long hair for a few minutes. Then lie calls his wife, who comes out with n pair of bright clip pers. Th" j .He holds perfectly still as tho man spreads out the little black hairy toes and the woman carefully clips between them and up his legs, leaving bunches of hair jus! above the feet. The barber turns him over and twists him around many times, but al ways the little dog remains exactly as he is put, while the sharp clippers run over him and the hair falls down in big bunches. They are giving him a very stylish dip; they leave several little hunches of hair on his hau.- 'hes and nearly all there is on his fore shoulders and neck. His face is clip lied entirely with the exception of a mustache, which gives him quite the air of a cavalier. When it is all finished the poodle breathes a little sigh of r.-li.-f and starts to run to his mistress. But the bar ber laughs, shakes his le ad and says: "Oh, no, sir; you've got to be sham pooed yet." Then the barber rolls up his trou sers, takes the dog iu his arms, and wades into the river. This isn't so much fun for the poodle. He groans and sighs, and thinks how cold the water is going to feel. But the bar ber douses him iu, and holds him by the tail while ho swims und paddles around and gets soaking wet. He has to have his head ducked too. Then he is taken out beside a tub. where he is soaped aud scrubbed. The barber holds him between his knees and shampoos him till tie' mice black dog is u mass of white soapsuds. Then he is again taken intothe river and rinsed. Next the barber gives him a good rubbing with a roue.li towel. Alter that he carefully combs und brushes him, net forgetting to twist the ends of his mustache to make it stand out like a dandy's. The little poodle fairly dances for joy when he is turned over to his mistress, and she puts on his collar. There are many different styles of "cuts." There is one where only the hind quarters are clipped; mil there is the complete "hot weather clip," which leaves only the hair on th its, the mustache aud a few bunches on the legs. Some of the "cuts" ure very queer. For instance, ii little reddish brown dog is clipped to resemble a lion, and his shaggy mane ami his tail, with a switch oil the end of it, give him a most ferocious look which is hardly in keeping with his diminutive size. The prices lor the dilVereiit cuts vary according to the amount of work. An ordinary clip for a poodle costs SI.""; but if he is to have many bunches of hair left and is ut nil troublesome, it may amount to !?-.!". A shampoo for a small dog costs fifty cents, and from that it increases to if 1. 20 for a big shaggy hound. There are many dog barbers along the Seine, but the one who lives in the queer boat is the fashionable one and rarely clips any but dogs belonging to the best Parisian society.- New York Press, The British soldier receives doily as rations forty-four ounces of food ; bis nit. twenty ounces ; me.it, fourteen: peas er b: an. sev. n; sugar, two; coeoD, one. The Shopkeepers of Fez. The sun was sinking, and one by , one the sleeping shopkeepers seemed to awaken to the fact ihut another day of toil was gone. For a moment they I hustled about, covering their wures with cloths, and then proceeded to ! shut up shop. Th'-y t,,k hold of a j rope suspended from the roof und gently let themselves down, feeling cautiously for a foothold. The av.-a-age distance from the lloor of a booth in the Imiiius to the ground is about two fe.t; but they are very brittle, these merchants of Fez, and they let ! themselves down very gently, ns though fearful that the slightest jar or jolt would break their bones. Some of the merchants even keep ill their lilt If six by four booths a private step ladder, by means of which they effect , their exit., and their eiltraiiccs. When I the booth is securely closed and can i fully locked, tho merchant scribbles all over tliu door with red chalk very my -t' l ioiis and cabtili ..tie characters, which do not mean "Will be back iu an hour," or "flipped out across the str. it for live minutes," but ure rather iu the nature of threats to evil-do is and jinn of what misfortune will over take them should they dare to break open the doors during his abs. nee. And now our shopkeeper shook him self thoroughly, as though his limbs ' were still benumbed with sleep; he ar ranged his huik jauntily about his shoulders, and then cheerfully trotted oil' up the narrow street. Soiuetimes I have seen them, ill the gla l antici pation of a tilling dinner, purse up their lips, as though th y too f. It tho absolute necessity of whistling like all other w. ll-eoiidilet -d shopkei -pi rs the world over when they turn the key on their shops for the day; but it is not j advisable to whistle in Fez. The proe- j tice bus fall- ii into disrepute, owing to the general belief among the Moors that people who whi tie are calling up spirits and evil spirits from the invis ible world ; and so it happens that pie who whistle are v.ry apt to have curved knives stuck into th. in as they walk iu the d.ti-kii"si- of the narrow streets. I ('. iituiy. Arab Horse iiiiinslii. The Arab, w hen he is a hors nian, is a superb one, even though In' does not conn: within our canons of the art. When the horse is only a means of transportation, or u beast of burden, the Arab is no better than his ilk else where. When, as iu the il.-s.Tt, the horse is his p.-t, his companion, his dream by day and night the Arab is iu a sense incomparable. No master can be more kind. No dog is mm-.' intelligent than the dark, liquid-eyed steed he has bred and trained, whosv ancestor, a hundred generations buck, his ancestors have loved and trusted. This horse would that we human be ings had not be.-n civilized out of so many of our animal qualities! will follow him day and night. He would fret out his soul at being hitched to a post, and his master would scorn to tic him. He will stand immovable in the midst of .l inger und fright which would luakeauy civ ili.'ed horse frantic. He will carry his m ister through lire and water. He will untlineliiugly face wounds and death, so long us the hand which has fed him is placed upon hii tieck. He will stand over his disabled lord till help arrives, or le will g.: alone to seek It. He will kneel fo him to mount, oiul he will bear bravely home, if h foils a sacrifice ol his devotion at the door of his mas tor's tent. Th"se ore not always fo ld, s. The horse, treated us he should be generation after generation, develops a rare int dligenee, mil ha. as ii.. He an alV.-cti.ni us the dog. But, us above-said, even iu Arabia the horse is the pearl of great price. Thric. happy the caliph vv ho truly claims t. own one. - Harper's Magazine. Ovcrnlu'lniiiiir Bigness of the Fair. To visit the Fair with profit or com fort vou must leave uiir sense of duti behind. Whoever goes there with in tent to thoroughly "do it" is laving up for lii'nsell' anguish of mind and the complete annihilation of his mus cular and m-rvoiis force. It is far too big for any question of conscience to be allowed to cuter in. Its bigness is b, v i n 1 description. No words or pictures can tell the storv of its size. Experience alone can teach it. You must go there day after day, to return at night with tired eyes rnd aching limbs and with the bitter and ever-in-creasing knowledge that us an exhibi tion you can never grasp it. Where other exhibitions have been satisfied with a display of an hundred cubic feet of any special article, Chicago must have at b ast an acre. Of what ever the world has seen before this time it now sees larger specimens and more of them. This menus for the x isitor nioi e steps, more fatigue, more confusion, more tune and more money . l'EAHLS OF THOUGHT. Ignorance is a prolong! infancy. Coarse kindness is at least better than coarse anger. Proud hearts nud lofty mountains are always barren. ltevcr. nc. , however sweet, always costs more than it is worth. (iieat good is often unaccomplished because it is not attempted. He who seems not to himself nioi i than he is, is more than he seems. Judge no man because the disposi tion of his mind is not like your own He who is most charitable in his idgmellt is generally the least unjust. It isn't so much what a man has that makes him happy as it is what he doesn't want. Leisure for men of business and business for men of leisure would cure many complaints. The only thing which everyone can do, and the only thing which anyone need do, is his duty. It is a sign of wis lorn to be willing to receive instruction; the most intel ligent sometimes stand iu need of it. Hett.-r followthe sternness of a truth than the glittering delusion of a lie. Men often follow- lies bee inse they shin i). A true conviction, anything thor oughly believed, is personal. It be comes a part of the believer's charac ter us well us a possession of his brain ; it makes him another and a deeper man. Wh.-n the flesh presents th. e with delights, then present thyself with dangers; when the world pos-ess.- thee with vain Imps, then poses. thyself with true fears. The way to be safe is never to be secure. She Had Found Hi in (tut. Belle was an Irish setter. All a tine dark brown color, with a white star on her breast. She had great, long, silky brown ears, and altogether was a beau ty. Better than this, she was Very knowing. Aud, better still, she was very faithful and alVeetioliate. Her muster seemed to love her greatly. He always fed her from his own hand on the daintiest of beefsteaks and chops, und, big us she vvus, ulwitvs made her sleep on his ow n bed. After years of nil this petting and coddling Belle's master determined to move away and leave the dog behind. Perhaps he hadn't talked tibout this in Belle's presence. Anyhow, sin; had not un derstood about it. ami when her mas ter's last load of furniture hud gone and she was left alone in the empty house, she seemed to think it her duty to guard it. If a workman whom she knew very well hud not be.-n with them, the persons who came to clean the house for the next coiners would have had a hard time of it. For ner.r ly four days Belle refused to leave tin house, though very hungry, and tempt ed with food. Then she heard her friend Tommy telling another man how meanly she had been deserted, for her master was never coming back. With her handsome heiul laid upon her outstretched pows, with curs ere.'t Olid eyes attentive. Belle heard it all. She slowly rose, and without turning to right or left, marched out and across the fields to a hou.se where she had often been before, and there took up her abode. lit lie could not talk about it, but words could not have said more plainly l lint she now under stood and resented the treatment she had received. She certainly must have understood Tom m.v 's words, just us a person would. It was a good while before she recovered her spirits, ami a year later when her master pass ed through the place, she absolutely re fused to let him touch her. At the same time she jumped with joy ut meeting another of the family.- New York Press. Millionaire Learns to Swim. Says the Philadelphia Bccord : Pro fessor Julius Payne, the well-known swimming master, has since ls."S taught till.ltll" people hon to swim, and he tells a good many interesting anec dotes. One of his most interesting pupils was the late Joseph W. Prexel, a brother of A. .1. Pre.xel. "Mr. Drexel came to me nianv xcars ago," said the professor, "on.! told me he was anxous to It-am to swim. 'I have, determine 1 to master the art,' he said, 'and 1 thi not want you to stand any trilling from me. If at any time I should be late for my lesson I want you to fine ine SI".' (Ill the day of the third lesson Mr. Prexel was 10 min utes late, 'f must tine you SI", Mr. Drexel,' said I. 'Very well,' said he, and he paid his line. He paid '10 iu tines before he h-tu tied to swim, hut he finally became one of the best pu pils I tr had." Parent ul Advice. Keelin' streukid, uui't ye. Jolmiiv? Wall, this is the way 1 view it, That til"' (Jills would like to love y", J I nt you've got to make eni do il. Duu'l K" hrowsin' ul a dist.-men lu some .iiFur' way olT yonder, Doh't believe wllllt idiots tell VII "Abseu' .' makes the heart grow fonder.' Step up t" 'em Johnny, smarter - Kerry Kate give you tic mitten ; She'd said "Yes." as sure us g..s,. I If you hadn't been s.e-li kiin-n. Yea will learn to view this mutter liilliebv j.'s tie- way i view- it. That tin- gals would like to love Uat you've got to make 'em do it. Everybody's Im .und to have 'eul All, at any rule, but few arc; An' vv'en I was young an' lively I was taken jest us you ui'-. An t went in.' popped it to her Skeered completely "Ut of l.lll'ir', Tr.'iiil'liu' lik .. fi igliteiie.l rabbit, lilusliin' like a red tenant. t, After sli-' had t.." me "No, sir.'' 1 Wll- je-t about us you be, fioiu' round limp an" kinder dumpish, J eelit,' like a blu-l-d In.oby. I tut I llu'ly spunked ii i iirugM I. ike ii nam to go an' win In r - All' -lie's I ) blessin' to me I emi t say u word agin' her! "Idd I get her'.-" Now- you're .-i.-i.y. Jlo Vol! s'pose I'd get another Weil I loved the gill like 1 did ;- (in an' nsk her---lie - yr niotlier. .Kinec that time I t'-ll lie yoiu,g-ter Jest the way 1 alius view it. That llio g.-ils would like t" lov- 'em Ilut they've got to make 'em do iu .Sum V. l'oss in Yankee JSIadc. Ill'MOKOUS. Non-committal Bail. Generally in the van The man who .rives the furniture wagon. Tom --"Yoiir best girl's father is a, bank cashier, isn't he?" Dick "Yes. H.-r small brother is a teller." "These trousers nre awfully short." "Well you t.dd my collector th" other day that you Were awfully short your self." Mrs. Neighbob - "Why do y..ii call .Tuck 'The Fisherman?'" J.ss -"Because he never goi s away without a itmiick." Mrs. Naggs - -"Words cannot ex press my contempt for you." Naggs "I'm glad to hear it. Now I will have a little peace." "Look lu re, now, when ure you going to pay me the five dollars I h ut you six weeks ago?" "How can I tell? Do you take me for n prophet?" Mrs. Wunghtitit --"Oh. I'd jn-t give the world for u cottage at Newport." Mr. Wii'ightitit - " Well, my dear, that's pretty near what tin y cost." "How did the rumor that Bill Cure, the restaurant keeper, was financially embarrassed get started?" "Si.nieono saw him eating in hi - own restaurant, 1 believe." Fred "The very (ii"-t thing she said tome wlnn I called on her last night gave me hope." Arthur "What was it?" Fled "She said h.-r lit)!.' brother was asleep." Daughter - "Yes, I know Mr. Stav Inte comes very often, but it i.-n't my fault. I do everything I enii to drive htm away." Old ( i. tit l.-miiii- "Fudge ! 1 haven't heard you sing to him once ! " Friend--"One of your clerks t. -lis me you raised his salary und told him to g.-t married under penalty of dis charge." P'Usiin-ss Man- "Yes; I .1.. that with all my clerks wh.-n they get old enough to marry. I don't want any of your independent, conceited men around my place." A KetrNter for the Tremors. The " tionoinetre " is a device of Dr. (jbiintur.l, a l'r. i t'hmuii. f..r gaug ing the treniHing of nervous people. It consists of u metal plate pit ret d with twenty holes of dill'er. nt sizes in a graduated scale and a lie. die which the putiellt enilellVoIs to put into tll.l holes. Wh.-n he has succeeded ill placing the needle in a hole he com pletes an elect lie contact and rings ii bell. The immoderate use of cotVeo and stimulants, as well as lend or mer curial poisoning, produce tremblings which can be tested with this simple appliance. It may also be useful to marksmen and others. London Globe. Fall" in Hivers. Generally speaking, the slope of rivers llow ing into t lie Mississippi from the east is, on mi average, about threo inches per mile ; those entering it from the west have an average descent of about six inches per mile. The aver age descent per mile of the Missouri after it leaves the mountains in reckon ed at about a foo, ; t'le Dos Moines, from its source to its conjunction with the Mississippi, about 7.:l inches. Tho entire length of the Ohio shows n fall of five inches. The Mississippi, from the mouth of the Ohio to the Gulf, has B fall of about 2) inches, - St. Louis He-public.