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)t Cnatijam ticcoro. H. A. LONDON, Editor and Proprietor. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION, $1.50 Per Year. fStrtCtiV m rice- n f V W lVtll HAMMOND, THE MISER.. I j By Prof. Win. Henry Peck, I Copyright 1896 I G I I I Author Of the "TO Stone-Cutter I ' x so-. I l Usbon, EtC I (AH rights reserved.) . Jj ' i CHAPTER XX. . JOHX MABKS TELLS A SECRET. Midnight found Hammond la a fever of impatience. For nearly an hour tie bad been counting the minutes, and when the little bronze clock struck twelve lie sprang up, saying: "Us time! And with all his faults, John Marks was ever a man of his word to Hie." As he spoke he heard his fierce dogs liny loudly for a moment, and then as suddenly cease. v ''They are coming! I shall see my sou! My Charles!" exclaimed Luke, more excited than he had been for many a long year. . He "was wicked, fierce and cruel, but he adored his son. , Soon a tapping at the door and he sprang to open it. He opened it -with a jerk. A tall, handsome youth, of twenty-four years, leaped into his arms, crying:. "Dear father!" ' '-My boy! My darling boy!" ex claimed Hammond, and then father and sea. "srere silent with emotion, as they gazed upon each other. , Stephen entered hi his sneaking way, and then caniein Marks, with his long, sweeping stride. His clear, deep voice called for Hammond's attention, j. "You, Hammond," said Marks, "now feel that joy that I hope to feel. You are embracing .your only child." Ha! John Marks, are you there?" said Luke, extending his purse as if for reward. . Marks put the offer aside. He seemed to spurn it. f "Keep your gold, 'sir," said he, stern ly. "I serve for a higher reward than that. I have something now to lite for. A hope. Its realization shall make John Marks a better man." "Earn it, then," said Hammond, cold ly; for the changed tone of Marks pleased him not at all. Then address ing Charles, he saidi ' "You look well, my son. You wrote that you were in ill health, and in tended to try a voyage before the mast. You have stood it well." "Henceforth a life on tZio sea shall be mine," said Charles. . The little bell over the desk tinkled merrily. 'Ah! what's that?" asked Charles. "We have a sick friend in the house," said Hammond; and he continued to Stephen: "Go, attend the call." Stephen grinned and hurried away. Considerable conversation upon vari ous matters not pertinent to our story followed between father and son, dur ing which Marks smoked his cigar in silence; yet as Hammond ever and aaon glanced towards him, there was an expression on the dark features of Marks that made Hammond feel uneasy. 'Twas too soon to unfold all to Charles, yet haste was important. ' It is late, my son," said Luke, at length, "and you must be tired. Sup pose you retire to the apartment I have prepared for you." "But this mystery," said Charles. "Mr. Marks has been talking mystery to me all day. And " "You shall soon know all, my boy In the meantime I wish a little private conversation with Mr. Marks." "Ah! Then I'm off at once," said Charles. "But you have never asked a word after your handsome cousin, Kate," said Luke. Charles turned very red, and John Marks puffed at his cigar until it was aglow. , "Is she very handsome, father?" "Very and charming. But you shall see her to-morrow, my son, and judge for yourself." "Time enough," said Charles, care lessly. "But I am more anxious to hear about the mystery, father." "Yes, yes! you shall hear all about it, my son," said Hammond, lighting a lamp. "And now, my deac boy, fol low me." "Good-night, Mr. Marks," said Charles, extending his hand to Marks. Marks grasped it warmly and the next moment was alone in the library. He laughed a low, dry laugh as the father and son departed, and muttered, as he lighted another cigar: "Now there'll be a blow-up! And I have that to tell Luke Hammond which "will make him stare. If be plays me false about my son " His face grew darker, and his white teeth gleamed beneath his heavy mus tache, as he said: . "Luke Hammond shall lose his son, or his son shall lose Luke Hammond. But I suspect." Hammond soon returned, and locking the door, said: "And now, John Marks, begin at the beginning." "No. Do you tell me about that 'sick friend,'" said Marks. "By Jove! I will not open my sack until you do yours." - "I am ready, now to do it," said Luke; and then rapidly told of his two prisoners in the eastern wing. Marks smiled darkly as he listened. "Always a cunning dare-devil," said Marks. "But how did you deceive Henry Elgin's wife!"- VOX S3E YIII. A mm mm. mm . J "I will tell you of that to-morrow," said Hammond. "Time files 'tis near ly one, you see; and I wish to hear of Harriet Foss." "Oh, you'll hear .enough of her," said Marks. "Well, Stephen and I left here last night after or near mid night. It was blowing a gale, and we had hard work to find a boat and crew to take us down the bay. At daylight we were on the bark Gleaner. You own her don't you?" "Yes or rather it belongs to Henry Elgin's property," said Hammond. "Well," resumed Marks, "as soon as I got aboard I roused up Charles, Who had been on watch that night, and was then asleep in the forecastle, like any Common tar. A prime lad is Charles. He must have inherited all his good ness from his mother not from you. I gave him your letter, and from his surprise I saw at once that you were much mistaken in him." "How! What!" "Yes, your son is a clear-heart. I mean, he has never done anything to be ashamed of. We have. First, I told him we must leave the bark. I spoke with the captain, and as Charles was a privileged character on board, he was allowed to go with me in my boat. At 12 o'clock wc landed near the Battery, and whom should I see disguised as an old applewoman but our dangerous friend, Harriet Foss." "And why what " "Waitl . you are stammering," con tinued Maxk. "I saw her, and knew her at sight. But she did not know me. I was disguised as a sailor, for I was wide awake. You see she must have had spies out last night; and they, I think, told her that during the storm a boat had put off for the bark Gleaner. So she was on the watch." "On the watch for whom for, what?" asked Hammond. "For you, Luke Hammond. No doubt she imagined that a loving father would hasten to meet , his son. Or, maybe, she thought you had suspected her presence in New York, or met me, and would go to warn Charles. Any way, she was near the boat when it landed, and came right down as if eager to sell apples. I saw that she rec ognized Charles and failed to know me. Evidently she sought for some one who was not In the boat Stephen se cured a hack and we made for the next clothing store, where we changed our garments wholly. We left the store from the rear, where another carriage took us up." "And why the precaution?" asked Luke. "Because the apple woman, that is, Harriet Foss, had hired a hack, and I saw her following ns," said Marks. "For a small sum the storekeeper pro cured wigs and false beards for us. "I had much trouble in persuading Charles to follow my advice; and only by telling him that his father's fortune and life were in danger -coiild I have succeeded. We reached the Metropol itan Hotel, and took rooms uader as sumed names. Stephen acted as our servant, but unfortunately a servant of the hotel recognized him and greeted him with: 'Ha, Stephen! is that you? Are you with Mr. Luke Hammond no more? When did you leve him?' and. forty other .questions the rascal rattled out, while Stephen was near us. That instant I saw a porter prick up his ears and look sharply at us. I kept my eyes on him and soon saw him slip away, after speaking privately with one of his fellows. Then I knew we were watched. That Harriet Foss is a reg ular female Via" acq! I was afraid to leave the hotel during daylight, lest we might be tracked. So at night we first went to the theatre, where I hoped to find a chance to slip off. But I am sure two men kept their eyes on us." "Was Stephen with you?" asked Luke. "Yes; I was afraid to let him stay. He has a weakness he Crinks when ever he can get a chance. Suppose Harriet Foss had got hold of my friend Stephen in his cups!" said Marks, with a whistle. "After the theatre we re turned to the hotel and by my life! the men I feared were there as soon as we were! Harriet Foss has as many spies as a despot.. Just before mid nightabout half-past 11 we pretend ed to retire, locked our doors and ex tinguished our lights. I saw nothing suspicious in the hall when. I looked from my room, except a sleepy cham bermaid dozing near a window. But that was enough for me. We made our exit by a rear door-jnto another room, fortunately unoccupied. Out of that passed into another by swinging on the shutters outside, like thieves or burglars. It put me in mind of old times! Stephen and I were old hands at such tricks, and as Charles was just from before the mast he was as active as a cat. Well, we got away by the rear of the hotel and reached here, I think, unwatched. Now What are you going to do?" "Ycu must ' earn your son, John Marks," said Luke. "That is, put an end to Harriet Foss," said Marks. "I'll think: about that. But what was your plan to deceive her?"- sife vr A it wimp PITTSBORQ, CHATHAM COUNTY, N C THPBSD AY, SEPTEMBER U, 1805. NO. 5.' o get some one to personate me said Hammond; "to let Charles returft to the hotel as secretly as possible, and to-lnorrow suffer him to introduce Haf riet Foss to the pretended Luke Ham mond as his father. She will not find her sister's husband, be deceived, and seek for her vengeance elsewhere"- Marks shook his head, and saidt "You cannot deceive her. She has been toid that, if you are not the man she seeks, you resemble him very much. She will seek for that resem blance, and not finding It in the fic titious father of Charles, will Instantly suspect some trick. Besides, Charles will not consent to the deceit." "I will command him! I will tell him he must! to save his father from total ruin, if not from death," said Luke. "Well, if he consents he will not b able to do it so as to deceive Harriet Foss," said Marks. "And, by the tray, I must tell you also that Charles will never marry Catharine Elgin. He al ready lOVeS." ., .;.:. - "Ah!" said Hammond. '''' "' "Yes. And he is young, enthusiastic, romantic, in fact," said Marks. "In time you might corrupt him, but now he is too honorable. You have made a great mistake in having him reared away from you." "I have 1 have," said Hammond. " Tis the fault of my sister of Nancy Harker. I will tell you that the mother of Charles, my second wife, died one year after I married her died in giving him birth. I cared little for the moth er, but I loved my boy. At that time, my sister, Nancy Harker, who had fled to America with me, and aided me in passing myself off as the genuine Luke Hammond, took charge of. Charles, a mere infant, and I did not see him for three or four years. When I saw him again he was running about and play ing, with your son." "My son! Ah go on," said Marks. "Your son was some two or three years older than mine, but being first cousins, they resembled each other very much. My sister persuaded me to have the lads educated in Europe I think she' desired to have them reared as what squeamish people call 'honor able, honest men.' " "Well, that was green in Nancy," said Marks. "Still she was always flighty and took queer notions. I am very glad now that she persuaded you to have the lads educated away from you. But what became of Harker, whom she married?" "Harker was killed In a duel, one month after my. sister married him," said Luke. "And you have never seen Charles since he was three or four years old?" asked Marks. "Never," replied Hammond. "I be came immersed in speculation for many years, and only heard from the lads by letters from Nancy and Charles. After a time I conceived the plan of marrying Charles to Catharine Elgin, and since then have thought more of my boy than ever." "And where is my son now?" de manded Marks, eagerly. "I do not know," said Hammond. "What! are you trifling with me, Hammond?" said Marks. "No, I am not. Nancy Harker knows where he is," said Luke. Marks closed his - eyes in deep thought for a few moments and then said: "Where has Nancy Harker been during these long years?" "Sometimes in America, sometimes in Europe. But never known as my sister, and never known out of this house as Nancy Harker," said Ham mond. "Harriet Foss must have learned all this from Charles," said Marks. ' "No. My letters have always forbid den him to answer any questions about me or about himself," said Hammond. "For the last four years he has been traveling in Europe and Asia." "And my son?" said Marks. "Nancy says your son was not with him; nor have they been together for years," replied Hammond. "Charles would not recognize 'Nancy Harker now, for he has not seen her since he was a boy. Charles was reared by an English clergyman, to whom I have always sent funds and advice. Do you know I was afraid that terrible woman, Harriet Foss, might learn who he was, and take vengeance on my son. As for myself, I can defend myself. You shall learn more hereafter. And now tell me who my son loves, and how you found it out." "Why, Charles is an impulsive fel low," said Marks; "as unsuspecting as a girl, and just as talkative.. He looks twenty-four or six years of age at. one minute, and less than twenty the jnext. But he has made a tremendous ' mis take." . "A tremendous mistake!" said; Ham mond. "Yes. He has fallen desperately in love with a woman at least twenty years older than himself." "My life!" exclaimed Luke. "Who is she?" "A very handsome and fascinating lady," said Marks, puffing furiously. "You know that when young men do take a passion for women older than themselves they go mad about it." "True! How - unfortunate!" said Hammond. "But-who is she? and where did he meet her?" "He met her in England," Jsaid Marks. "She was known as Madame Burr, a rich widow. Charles told me he adored her, and I think he does. I've seen her." "Ah you have seen her?" ' "Yes; and she is one of the most charming women in, America," said Marks. 'In America! Is she in America?" "Yes she is now in New York," said Marks. To be continued. A Model Good Koad, An experiment in good road build ing that will prove of practical benefit to the State is the model dirt road which was built by the Government experts, Messrs. Harrison and Sheets, through the Louisiana State University campus. This is an object lesson in roadbuild !ng that is receiving some attention from the parish officials. This road is built of no material except dirt and at practically no cost, but it is solid and firm, and the hard rains and the heavy hauling to which it has been subjected has not injured it in the least. When the model good road was be gun through the University campus, constructed of crushed brick and ground gravel, it was held that this road as an object lesson was valueless to the parish, for it would be impos sible for the parish or the city to spend the sum of money that was being invested in this piece of road, and as the cost has figured up to about $2000 this criticism has been well founded. The dirt road building by the Gov ernment experts is the first practical object lesson done la this section, and it shows what can be done at little cost with the native soil of the parish. The road was built principally with the scraper and roller. The secret in the whole business seems to be In get ting the right curve on the road and rolling it firm. The water does not stand on the road and, heavy traffic even after a hard rain has made no impression on the surface. This dirt road was completed last week, and since that date the rain has fallen in torrents and the traffic over the road has been heavy, but the road has not been effected by either and- stands as firm and as solid as the day it was com pleted. Baton Rouge (La.) Times. School of Roatl Building. It is announced that the Iowa State nigh way Commission, will conduct the first good roads school in America at an extra session of the State College, at Ames. The Good Roads' Associa tion has wisely decided to hold its an nual meeting simuItaneousIyxwith this session so that the attending members may have the benefits of the system atic, practical instruction which will be given in the fundamental and essen tial features of road building and maintenance. An extensive exhibit of modern road building appliances will be shown in operation by experts in th different lines of work, short sec tions of road being constructed during the demonstrations. The all important principles of road drainage for both surface and soil water will receive proper attention, and full detail plans for culverts and drainage systems will be available. Road surveying and pro file map work are also included within the scope of the lectures. Water the Greatest Foe. All practice and experience have clearly proven that the greatest foe to good roads is water.' The drain ing of improved roads is, therefore, one of the first principles of road con struction, and its importance should not be lost sight of. Water will make mud of any soil however hard, and unless it can be led away, mud must follow as the inevitable result. The fact has been stated so many times that it almost seems out of place to refer to it here. Increases Land Values. With first-class roads, over which two horses can draw two tons in a two-horse wagon 365 days in the year, irrespective of weather conditions, the land fifteen miles from town would be worth as much as it is now two miles away. Beaches Our Islands. The good roads movement is reach ing Cuba, Hawaii and Porto Rico. Source of Pride and Profit. A creditable public highway, owned and controlled by the people, could harm no one and would be a source of pride and profit to every class. Air ay From the llush. "If you want to see real country life come with me and I'll show it to you, and within fifteen minutes' journey, too," remarked a friend of mine We crossed the river on the little ferryboat for: Upper Rensselaer. The scenery is very fine at this time, and we enjoyed a long walk immensely without feeling the heat that was blistering Albany. On our way back we stepped into the tavern. We had to wait quite a while before we got served. The reason? The proprietor was having his portrait painted. This may sound extravagant, but he was having his picture painted; not "taken." In the middle of the barroom, sur rounded by his paraphernalia for work ing, stood a typical traveling artist. Seated against the wall was the pro prietor, and the likeness which the artist was jpainting in oil on the can vas was a really good one. "The last time I witnessed such a sight," remarked my friend, "was years ago and away up in the heart of the Catskills." Albany Journal. Human Hair Industry, In the rural districts of France the human hair industry is very active. The average price given for a full, long head of hair is from two dollars to two dollars and sixty -five cents for the best quality and color. Only very poor girls consent to sell their hair, and they stipulate that it shall not be cut short in front. The shorn portion at the back is concealed by a draped colored handkerchief. A gigantic baobab of Central Ainer ica, with a trunk twenty-nine feet through -was thought by Humboldt to be not less than 5150 years old. The Murray system of printing by telegraphy has been used by the Brit ish postoffiee with great advantage. The German postofflce has been giving it a prolonged trial, and the Russian postofflce has just given an order for the apparatus. Mexican botanists believe they have now discovered a life span even great er than this, and from the annual rings a cypress of Chepultepec, whose trunk is 118 feet in circumference, is assigned an age of about sixty-two hundred years. A Boston scientist says that hypno tism can develop only natural instincts and the best hypnotist in the world cannot make a really moral person do wrong. From experiments he has made he believes that seventy-five per cent, of the human race, if unre strained by family pride and' other lifre considerations, would steal. A Viennese naturalist declares that nearly all reptiles that die from natural causes close their lives between mid night and morning and fewer still in day light. Most reptiles seem aware of their approaching death, seeking out particular places and there await ing the end, while those whose lives are spent underground come to the surface before death. It was recently demonstratedbefore the Society of Biology at Paris that the ancient custom of burning such sub stances as sugar, resin and certain aro matic plants for fumigation and disin fection was of considerable value, as these materials gave off vapors with antiseptic properties which made them most useful germicides. This is due to a large amount fornic aldehyde in the vapors, and it was found that when two grams (thirty -one grains) of sugar were burned in a bell glass of twelve litres (12.6 quarts) capacity, objects in fected with the. bacillus coli, bacillus typhosus, the vibrio of cholera, the bacillus tuberculosis, and other path enogenic germs were destroyed within half an hour. Other more resistant bacteria required a somewhat longer exposure, but eventually succumbed. Harper's Weekly. In a recent address Professor n. F. Osborn gave some additional facts about ancient American horses. It ap pears that in North America there were always from four to six entirely different varieties of the horse family, living contemporaneously. Some were slow moving and relatively broad footed horses, living in the forests; others were very swif t, having narrow feet more resembling those of the deer, and lived on the plains. Moreover, there were American horses larger than the huge Percherons of to-day, and others smaller than the most di minutive Shetlands. Strangely enough, the greatest beauty and variety in the development of the horse family were exhibited here just before the total extinction of horses on the American continent, a catastrophe which still offers an unsolved problem for investi gation. " AGAINST FREAK NEWSPAPERS. Significance of Kecent Decision of Post offlce Department. In their struggle for business some newspapers have found it necessary to bolster up indifferent publications by the addition of calendars, sheet music, patterns, blocks of postal cards, cut out animal pictures, animal masks, cut-out dolls, soldiers and naval ves sels, circulars,' hand-bills and card board spectacles. The purpose is- to make the customer believe he is get ting a bargain, and this forced circula tion, which is not won on the merit of the paper itself, is offered as proof to the advertiser of actual worth. It is a deception to both the reader and ad vertiser, and has been made all the easier of accomplishment because the publisher has been permitted to circu late his cheap John assortment through the mails at second-class rates.. The Postoffice Department, casting about to decrease its enormous expe ditures, has . discovered that these newspaper owners have been imposing upon it, and has issued notice that the practice must cease. The point is made that this matter is purely extraneous, and cannot come within the provision of the law of 1879, which permitted the mailing of newspaper supplements at the second-class rate of a cent per pound. It is estimated that this action will work a material reduction in the amount of mail handled, and will, to that extent, relieve the present conges tion. It should also have the effect to in crease ne standard of the newspapers that have engaged in the business. The publishers will be forced to furnish a higher quality of news in order that their publications may compare with those newspapers which have been hewing strictly to legitimate lines. Toledo Blade." Kasy Fishing. Catching fish by hand is becoming a great sport on the Auxvasse. The method is to feel under the roots of trees overhanging the water, under old logs, rock heaps, etcfuntil Mr. Fish is located, when it is a comparatively easy matter to run one's hand into his gills and pull him from . the water. Several catfish, weighing in the neigh- rwvrhnnri nf spvpntv-fivp nnnnds. hnve been captured in this way during the past few weeks. Mokane (Mo.) Her- I aid-Post. ' wit ANCIENT WAR SHIPS. targe "Vessels of the Egyptians, Phoeni cians and Greeks. The inventions of the Alexandrian age trete both numerous and varied Under the Ptolemaic kings of Egypt ships were built of lengths varying from 312 tot 420 feet, the latter carry ing 4000 rovvefa, 400 sailors and 2850 soldiers, altogether mdft? than 7000 per sons in one vessel. Demosthenes men tions a merchant ship which, besides the cargo, slaves and crew, carried more than 300 freemen as passengers (Boackt, 69). Archimedes built A ship for Hiero, of Syracuse, which was pro vided with dirilng rooms, galleries, gardens, fish ponds, Stables, mills, baths, eight large towers and art engine for hurling stones of 300 pounds weight and spears thirty-six feet long. Its decks were inlaid with scenes from the Iliad, and it contained a temple of Ve nus and other wonders. Although this huge vessel may have been more use ful as a pleasure boat than a man-of-war, yet the Greeks of this age con structed fighting ships of scarcely less gigantic dimensions. -Not only this, but they accomplished in them the most distant voyages. That of Pytheas to the Baltic nas oeen aireaoy men tioned. They also sent ships to the In dies, and several around the Cape of Good Hope, which, after having made the voyage from the coast of Spain, were found wrecked on the shores of Arabia. Eudoxus also made the same voyage, though in the opposite direc tion. However, this feat had already been performed by the Phoenicians un der Pharaoh Necho, 611-605 B. C, and by the Carthaginians under Hanno. The art of sailing, on a bowline, or "against the wind," if not also antici pated by the Phoenicians, belongs to the Alexandrian age. The invention of an inclosed basin or dock, for ships, Is also of the same age. Philon con structed one at Athens, which har bored 1000 ships. The Maritime Code and the Colossus of Rhodes were of the same age. Scientific American. WORDS OF WISDOM; The noblest mind the best content ment has.-xSpenser. The best part of beauty is that which no picture can express. Bacon. The seed sown in the ground con tains in itself the future harvest. The way of the world is to make laws but follow customs. Montaigne. A rude jest will sometimes create an unfavorable impression which never is wiped out. To carry'the head above one's sta tion denotes ambition and a pride that is dangerous. ' Finding fault over trifles is apt to blind the sight to errors of greater consequence. Economy that entailsv suffering shows lack of sound judgment and brings few rewards. Words, money, all things else are comparatively easy to give awaj-, but when a man makes a gift of his daily life and practice, it is plain that the truth, whatever it may be, has taken possession of him. Lowell. To say, then, the majority are wick ed, means no malice, no bad heart, in the observer, but simply that the ma jority are unripe, and have not yet come to themselves, do not yet know their opinions. Emerson. I long 'to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty and joy to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. It is my service to think how I can best fulfill the demands that each day makes upon me, and to rejoice that others can do what I cannot. Helen Keller. The GaNUich-Quick Fallacy. In this commercial age when a man gets on to some scheme that will make a wagon load of money he does not hunt around for some other man to get the profits, "but he goes straight way and takes them in for himself. The only protection against these sharpers is to be suspicious of all in vestments promising very large re turns. Any business manof standing can cheat his customers if he has a mind to do it, because they have confidence in him, but these same customers would at once become suspicious of a stranger who should offer them an in vestment that promised 100 per cent, profit in six months, because they would know that if the man had such a sure investment any good bank would advance the money on it for a reasonable interest. Anything as safe as Government bonds always brings small- returns. The man with the swindle and the get-rich-quick , concern does not look for the man who is willing to invest in Government bonds, but for the man who wants to speculate and make large profits. Almost any man without money thinks that if he only had a few thousand dollars he could make fabu lous sums in a very short time, and when he gets the money he is ready to buy a gold brick. Witchita Eagle. The Lonrre Threatened. A new danger threatens the Louvre. The great palace of art has for years been imperilled by the presence of the Colonial Office in the wing on the river front, and each session the Minister of Fine Arts vainly asks that the Col onies shall be provided for elsewhere. The Colonial Minister objects to the demand, but professes an equal solici tude for the safety of the picture gal leries. Now, ' however, it has been discovered that the Colonial Minister has had a room fitted up for his auto mobile exactly beneath the Rubens gallery. An explosion of petrol might I occur here any day, and then the i tar-famed collections might be burnt j up. London Chronicle. Stye Chatham ffecorfr. RATES OF ADVERTISING, One square, one insertion $1.00 One square, two insertions. 1.50 One square, one month 2.50 For Larger Advertise ments Liberal Con tracts will be made. With ihe Eunny Xh Young Man's Plaint." ' The hope of hoarding money Is but an idle dream; It used to go for oysters And now it goes tor cream. The Place For Him. "Notwithstanding .what you about Kraftie," said Goodart, say "he seems to be a loyal fellow. He appears to keep in with his friends." "He should be kept in with them," replied Crabbe. "Most of his friends are in jail." Philadelphia Ledger, . . Generous. ' Jack "Uncle John, do you believe in dreams?" . ; Uncle John "Why?" T dreamed last night that you lent me a hundred." "Keep it, my boy, keep it." Trans lated for Tales From Meggendorfer Blaetter. w. A Morning Dreaui. Mrs. Skynflynt "What are yon chuckling about, Jonas?" Mr. Skynflynt "I dreamed I waa going to give a Pullman porter a quar ter." Mrs. Skynflynt "Shouldn't think that 3rouId make you grin." Mr. Skynflynt "Well, I woke up just as he was reaching for it." Louisville Courier-Journal. The Good Old Dayst The Maid "Unhand me,' sirrah! If you attempt to kiss me, I fchall scream for help." The Man "Trouble not, sweet one I need no help." Ally Sloper. Manipulated the Scales. "What did Van Osier say the fish' weighed?" "Thirrv-two Dounds and four ounces. He says he weighed it himself." "Let's see what's Van Osiers busi ness?" "He's a retail coal dealer." "Huh!" Cleveland Plain Dealer. A Quick Choice. "Whv should we cive so much at tention to military science and naval equipment?" said the benevolent man. Wo. 4c at Uact a torrililo thine" IT XOj (lb MVJl t. v -0" "Yes," answered the practical citi zen, "but when it comes to a question of conquering or being conquered, it doesn't take me a minute to maKe my. choice of two evils." Washington Star. The Psychological Moment. "Yes," said the married man, rtedita- tivelv: "when you see a woman hang ing out a line of clothes, and the line sHds and lets the blessed . lot down in the mud, that, my boy, is the psychological moment In which to leave that woman alone." Chicago Journal. ' Snappy Talk. Miss Anteek (in open trolley car) "Are you going to stop smoking? Yoa must see how it annoys me." Mr. Weed "But, madam, these seats ere reserved for smokers." Miss Anteek (scornfully) "You're a gentleman, I must say!" Mr. Weed "And you, madam, are not, ,1 regret to say." Philadelphia Press. Cruel Man. Husband "What! Do you mean to sa you haven't decided yet what to do in that matter?" -Wife "Just leave me alone for a few minutes. I want to make up my, mind." Husband "Hum! I'm afraid you'll have to use a microscope." Philadel phia Ledger. Butcher is Humorous. "Look here, butcher, this meat is half bone." "Ypu are mistaken, sir. That is good jneat." "Botheration! Do you suppose I don't know bone when I see it? I say this Is bone!" "Yes, certainly that's bone. The bone is bone but the meat isn't. You said the meat, was half bone." Chicago Journal. ' Ap prehen sire. . The Czar was approached by the Yankee novelty concern. "If we can't sell .you a loving cup," said the agent, "let us sell you a rattle for the baby?" But the Czar frowned. : . "Don't talk to me about rattles!" he stormed. "I'm rattled enough without v. . kKh ln.Mtr ra ttlorl "Detroit ' Tri lii,- uavj niv bune. J - - i . '
The Chatham Record (Pittsboro, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
Sept. 14, 1905, edition 1
1
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