Newspapers / Winston-Salem Chronicle (Winston-Salem, N.C.) / Sept. 6, 1984, edition 1 / Page 26
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I' Page B14-The Chronicle, Thursc Snmp npnr ^vm"v rwtj By DR. CHARLES FAULKNER Syndicated Columnist Being calm isn't the easiest thing to do, but it isn't as difficult as it may seem. The fact is no matter how calm you may be, if you are constantly in the company of someone who is insecure, you are going to suffer threats to your security, and thus cause the same degree of in 41 _ ^ . t <*** sccuruy mat mey suner. So it is best to disassociate yourself from the person who is in the throes of inadequacy and looking for a fight with anyone nearby. Most people with an acutely negative feeling about themselves will feel threatened by anyone who seems to be even remotely better than they. For instance, if a person thinks he-she is not attractive, they might dislike anyone whom they feel is more attractive. Such a person may feel inadequate in this person's company. Often, this reaction is deeply psychological and subconcious. In other words, one might feel uneasy, stressful and nervous around another individual without realizing that it is hap pening or even why it happened. Thus, one can develop a deep dislike for someone else without knowing why they feel the way they do. They might even treat the person rudely without realizing the kind of behavior that they are protecting. This is what we mean by habituated, conditioned ' . or subconcious behavior. It is usually caused by a deep-seated feeling of insecurity in which another person's abilities reminds one of his-her inabilities. The behavior, therefore, of the victim of t)ie insecurity implies more about that person's behavior than it does about the person with * whom they have become angered. In other words, if a person begins to react rudely to you for no obvious reason, it can usually be traced to the fact that something positive about you makes them feel negative about themselves. A person who cannot sing might start an argument with you because you can sing. A person who cannot afford to dress expensively might argue because you can. A person who thinks heshe is not attractive might be rude to you because they think that you are more attractive than they. Usually, this is merely a perception. It might be simply the way they think they look rather than the way they really do look. Or, to put it simply, a person whom you think is beautiful or handsome may not feel the same ...... . 1 ..A Al 1 - ? way auuui inemseives mai you ao about them. Although you think they are attractive, they may think they are unattractive. We usually fail to attain success in our lives merely because we think we cannot achieve success. This might occur in spite of the fact that we have tremendous talents. When you allow such a person to upset you, you are allowing them to make you feel insecure or - ~Ha& J3f tK tL2K some ieeling oi inaHAni,ar>\; aKont *?/%??<?' <-? - b it n* ouu u l <3 U111 ^ A5 pCWl U1 ourselves, whether it be our appearance, behavior, intelligence or talents. Patience, understanding, kindness and concern are NAVY irs NOT JUST A SNUFF, IT'S AN ADVENTURE. Helme Tobacco Company awiptnv of Cuttero Corporation ira lay, September 6, 1984 ile project i the ingredients of successful relationships. We must provide the empathy in response to a person's feelings of insecurity that we wish to receive from others in response to our feelings of inadequacy and |FOODL f *1 I USPA Choie* Bt I Chui I Roas liH ^porc [CHlNASSbN | I PRESTIGE PATTER Brillltftt Mlt M Oftrtlst Maaar fli Dalittft Fltfil Pari Platiaaai Trla | Hthittlir Salt Pkf. of 1^2 r negative fee periods of insecurity. Understanding these basic points about behavior can make life more worth living for ourselves, as well as others. There are incompatible rela jonlmi I""1"""1'"11 W? iiiirvi tk? rlckt I u Rl t? limit INKHIII. fife Lb. C35Q 09 f Chuck Bone-In ' /i . Jt rW?*** I "* rr.*-,- ^f////00^ _^ M FEATURES: $ "{' ? " ' u CEMfiiioi Piaaa la* prlaaa. Saab | trt alaaaat aUittaa tabla. Saa tbaa plaaaa at aar ttar wmmmm [S 02.Ciii-Ri|/1(. lid ? aukee^H yiMl ( b lings of thei tionships in which each of us is t sometimes involved. It is possible t to escape some of them, but it is < not possible to run away from family, friends and loved ones. i Responding with gentle t N M?OI IN 6R0CERIISI * u. UN ektlo M MmI boneless Roai ,M7*r u MM (kiln Ijrira 1ms "Stew Beef ViVi^ I Ilk lM?lf -^1 t f????rtie ^ III k ? f?n ilaatr iIIiiIm. "f t~ ^ ? ? ft Of. ?lM Cottage ^ r{! Frio# J nselves on inderstanding and compassion tfill provide each of us with the :almness we desire. Do not respond to anger with ino^r Rji nali?nf on/4 una*. (uivi uiv uuai" ractive period of inadequacy will 10.00 lmH>M. HK? .1*15 W us --W Pofe | I Eaeli bull pla?? nHIm lib mry *5.00 pireh THIS WEEKS Liter - I r ? * < ? * rito others pass and you will have won a friend instead of an enemy. (Please send all questions to Dr. Charles W. Faulkner. P.O. Box 500/6, Washington. D.C. 20004.) TWpj ? I 10 Lb. B?g I ! #1 I ilte? I itoes I pim Each I III. Dinner Plate I VM I H## Cok? Ctff?lM Fru Cilrt/ ^3 Fni
Winston-Salem Chronicle (Winston-Salem, N.C.)
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Sept. 6, 1984, edition 1
26
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