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The Chronicle January 30, 2020 B7 BY MELISSA WELCH NOVANT HEALTH When one considers vulnerable populations in the U.S., impoverished children, individuals fac ing homelessness, or phans, and other popula tions come to mind. One population that is often overlooked: People with dementia and their care- givers.. Imagine for a moment that you and your spouse have been involved in your church for a long time. You have developed connections and friend ships to most of the indi viduals there. Then one day, your spouse begins exhibiting signs of demen tia. As time goes on, he or she begins to not only have problems with their memory, but also begins to say socially inappropriate things. Neuropsychologi cal testing and imaging confirm your worst fears. Your spouse is diagnosed with dementia. Sunday after Sunday, the church that you used to love going to seems a little less “warm.” You drop Sunday school from your weekly activities af ter your spouse makes a rude comment in response to one of the discussion questions. You know that people are aware of your spouse’s dementia because you have been open about it. Yet, you notice people avoiding conversations with both of you. When they do talk to you, their discomfort only magnifies yours. You are surrounded by a group of people and yet you have never felt so alone. Eventually, getting Memory Makers: Making memories for two your spouse to church be comes quite burdensome, so you stop going alto gether. Social isolation is just one of the many bur dens caregivers face. Care- givers of all age groups re port poorer physical and emotional health than their counterparts (Gal- lup-Healthways, 2011). Caregiver stress has been linked to financial strain, self-neglect, decreased sleep and unhealthy eat ing. Even more important ly, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that caregivers can have “increased risk of early death.” Caregivers and those who are facing dementia need opportunities to en gage, to bond with each other, to be accepted, to laugh and to decompress. They are grieving so many losses. Caregivers need opportunities where they can make “memories for two.” They know that in time, the person they love will continue to lose func tion and their ability to communicate. Memory Cafes were first started in Europe. In 1997, Dr. Bere Mie- sen introduced the idea of memory cafes to re duce stigma for those who have dementia and their loved ones. Memory ca fes have been recognized for reducing social isola tion and providing brain stimulation. Dementia is never mentioned during the cafe, as our focus is making memories and not on the disease itself. These gatherings are growing in popularity across the United States. North Caro lina now hosts about 20, several of which are in the Triad region. Novant Health opened its first memory cafe, “Memory Makers,” on Aug. 7, 2019, through funding by the Novant Health Forsyth Medical Center Foundation. This February will be our third Memory Makers event. Our cafes are held at Mount Carmel United Methodist Church in Win ston-Salem from noon to 2 p.m. Now, people who are in similar situations as the above scenario have a place to go and in the words of one of our partic ipants, “It’s a place where we can just ‘be’.”' Our last “Memory Makers” event was so spe cial. We had a “Memory Tree Farm” theme. A pro fessional photographer was hired to capture the moment for those who participated. Ornaments were made collaboratively by participants to repre sent their lives. Some of the ornaments were given to us so that we could rep resent their lives year after year on our Christmas tree at the clinic. Others went home with participants to serve as a visual reminder of the “making memories” with their loved one. Memory Makers is free and open to the community, but RSVPs are required as lunch is provided. To register for the February event, please call 336-718-7300 or email Melissa Welch, mn- welch@novanthealth.org for more information. Submitted photo Memory Makers Ornament Tree Resolve to protect yourself and your money in the New Year BY ROBIN H HURDLE I find that the new year offers an unusual fore shadowing of what the future can bring with its “20/20” vision. I like to think of this new year as the Year of Focus. How can we put in place measures to safe guard our life savings? If you are retired and try ing to be wise with your money, let’s talk about the top scams that have taken thousands of dollars from many people like yourself. Here I can speak from experience. One of the top scams that has swin dled so many people is the “Grandparent Scam,” which actually happened to my parents. They re ceived a late-night phone call informing them that my son, their grandson, was in jail and he needed money and was afraid to call his parents. The call er even went so far as to have someone sounding like my son talk with them on the phone. You would think that they would know their own grand son’s voice, but I believe in a highly emotional situ ation, they were caught off guard. The scammers scared my parents into acting immediately with out thinking everything through. The first red flag was that the payment had to be on a certain type of prepaid credit card. The second red flag was the increase in the amount once my parents paid the first payment. By the time I realized something was going on with my parents, it was too late. The money was gone. The scammers were untraceable. Neither the police nor the bank could get my parents’ money back. How can you make sure this doesn’t happen to you? Here are a few simple tips: *Have a family plan with the members of your family. Use a code word or phrase to question the authenticity of the caller. An example would be to ask the caller, “I thought you were at Uncle Rex’s in Florida?” The truth is there is no uncle or anyone else in the family named Rex. The caller will have to give you an answer and this should be a tell-tale sign if this is a scam. ♦Secondly, make sure you write down their name, phone number and where they are saying they are calling from. If they claim to be with the police department, Social Security Administration or IRS, hang up, find the local phone number and call that number back— not the number they called you from. Never, and I mean NEVER give your Social Security number to someone claiming to be with the SSA or IRS. They will never contact you by phone. ♦Email scams are also big. We have all heard about the guy in Nige ria needing help with a plane ticket or receiving an email that looks a lot like it is from your bank or credit card company. In this technical world, it only takes a few seconds for scammers to steal from you once they have valu able information. Always call your bank or credit card company to verify documentation in emails. You can also find many informative articles on the Internet to help you to avoid being scammed. It would be a great public service if grocery stores, drug stores and other places that sell these types of prepaid credit cards would train their employ ees about the signs of someone possibly being scammed so they can alert the customer. Even a large warning sign about scams placed with the cards would be helpful. If only my parents had taken the time to give it more thought, they would have known our sons are very close to us, so regard less as to what was going on, they would have called us first. Today scammers are high-tech savvy and very creative with their methods of extortion. Be proactive. Be fo cused in 2020. Robin Hurdle and her husband Scott own a small business and live in Da vidson County with their three dogs. The writer’s corner The Special Love of Sisters BY DOROTHY E. D’ANNUNZIO Sisters are really special. I am the youngest of six girls. My daughter, however, being an only child, will never understand the compli cated dynamics of having sisters ... and the pain of los ing them. On May 28, 2016, my sister Darlene, 73, passed away after a long illness. Fifty-four years earlier, to the day, we lost our mother at age 43. Somehow I knew Dar lene was waiting for that day to leave us. There was a time when we were as close as any two people can be. But like a lot of families, we grew apart, but I never stopped loving her. I am thankful that we were able to spend quality time together at the end. I think of her often and will always miss her. On Christmas Day 2019, my sister Dolores passed away at the age of 76. Once again, I somehow knew she was waiting for that day to leave us. Two years ago she came to live with us in North Carolina and it was one of the best years of my life. It was also one of the most dif ficult. Her diabetes was out of control; her kidneys were failing; she needed to be watched constantly. I became her caregiver, her chauffeur, her card-playing partner, her movies mate. She called me her drill sergeant. She cheated at cards then got mad at me when I won. Most of the movies we saw were what she wanted to see -1 usually fell asleep. She would ask the most embarrass ing questions, always when I was corralled in the car and couldn’t avoid them. Almost everywhere we went, I would inevitably take a wrong turn. She would laugh and say it was a new area for us to see. When her kidneys started to shut down, she refused dialysis and the decision was made to take her back home to Michigan to be with her children and grandchildren. The last time I saw Dolores was in July 2019. She was healthy enough to know I was there and happy enough to eat the White Castle hamburgers I brought for her. My remaining sisters are scattered around the coun try. One I see when 1 go back to Michigan. One I haven’t seen since 1990, but we talk on the phone occasionally. One is completely out of my life. There’s the compli cated -sister dynamics. The biggest lesson I have learned in life is, you can not help someone who will not help themselves. We all make our own choices in life and in death. And you can’t pick your siblings. Just love them and laugh, either with them or at them. Sisters really are special. Have a Story Idea? Let us Know! News@wschronicle. com fordable Senior Communities w/Aentat Assistance & Section 8 Assistance Available (Income (Restrictions Apply Wachovia Hill 100 S. Spruce Street 336.251.1060 24 hour on-call maintenance and laundry room Cherry Hill Apartments 840 West 14th Street 336.723.7524 24 hour on-call maintenance and laundry room Alder’s Point 590 Mock St. 336.725.9021 Garden space, community room, computer lab, resident activities, laundry room, 24 hour on-call maintenance, exercise room, and beauty salon Azalea Terrace 100 Azalea Terrace Ct. 336.723.3633 Community room, computer lab, resident activities, laundry room, and 24 hour on-call maintenance Spring Hill 618 N. Spring St. 336.251.1060 24 hour on-call maintenance and laundry room St. Peter’s Heritage Place 3727 Old Lexington Rd. 336.771.9028 Community room, computer lab, resident activities, laundry room, and 24 hour on-call maintenance Country Village 201 Park Ridge Cir. 336.765.4354 Community room, computer lab, resident activities, laundry room, 24 hour on-call maintenance, pool tables, and hot tub Assembly Terrace 3731 University Pkwy. 336.759.9798 Garden space, community room, computer lab, resident activities, laundry room, and 24 hour on-call maintenance Spacious One-Bedroom r Ayartments for Seniors Community Management Corporation takes pride in offering affordable, professionally-managed apartment communities for seniors
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