I Even The Uniformed Knows It's An Election Year
iven the uninformed knows that
£ is an election year. Every
rner is plastered with posters...
>te for him...or her...or them...
reat buys all...they shower...
hat more reason do you need?
Stakes are driven deep into the
round and si:k screened signs are
istened to each stake. They
pring up faster than weeds, on>
very street corner, in every lot, in
very vacant space...up and down
very block in every neighborhood.
This should not be called
'ELECTION TIME"..."THE
/EAR OF THE PRINTER",
would be more fitting. While every
volunteer is busy spending money
trying to get his candidate elected,
the printer is busy collecting the
candidates contributions. I believe
that a politician should own a print
shop...or a printer should run for
something...a vertical operation
would save the taxpayers a small
fortune.
In addition to the signs and
posters, let's not forget the ban
ners, bumper stickers, buttons and
the straw hats...each carrying that
all important message...VOTE
FOR OUR CANDIDATE ..WHY?
BECAUSE HE IS OUR CANDI
DATE. We love him...he will stop
inflation...he will lower taxes...he
will increase the hourly wage...he
will get you a job, or better yet, he
will guarantee you $20,000 per year
whether you work or not. MY
KIND OF POLITICIAN.
I think that cheap corner adver
tising should stop. Signs, buttons,
bumper stickers and the like
should also cease. The eye absorb
ing, brainwashing shower of poli
ticking should stop once and for all.
If the candidate is so insecure as to
only plaster his name about, I
suggest that he carry on his
shoulders...at all times, an A
frame billboard. This board can be
imprinted to his specifications...it
could show his name 1,000 times if
he so desires...but our neighbor
hoods would be saved from the
By Joel Saperstein
Funny
Side
Up
blight of sorely misplaced decora
tion.
HAVEN FOR LEFTOVERS
As a public service, there should
be some kind of seminar for the
general care and maintenance of
food leftovers.
At the conclusion of the main
meal of the day, whatever isn't
forced fed to the family hound is
neatly stashed away. The refri
gerator is a haven for leftovers...
without any place to go. Odds and
ends are neatly wrapped in Saran
Wrap or foil. Each square package
have hospital corners and stacked
in the rear of each shelf...unla
beled. ...one on top of another.
Plastic bowls and glass jars are
also used on the lay away plan.
There are deep ones. ..shallow ones
...square ones...round ones...one in
every color and description...each
one begging to be used as an
intermediate storage depot.
The ultimate kitchen challenge
is to use the stored leftovers before
World War III, of course, if we
wait, each stored package may be
used as a secret weapon. If
dropped from a high altitude the
impact would surely be dévasta
ting for all within the radius of on*
mile.
— 1
The great chefs could perform a
humanitarian function..all crapes
aside....and devote at least one
portion of their expertise in order
to accumulte 101 ways to use your
leftovers within a sixty day period
...transcribed into braille and sim
ple enough to be understood by the
mentally handicapped.
Petrified meat, after laying dor
mant for six months...leaves much
to be desired. We can camouflage
it...cover it with gravy or tomato
sauce...or bury it in a stew or
casserole...but ultimately the truth
will be known by way of a stomach
pump.
For the future, I strongly recom
mend that the manufacturers of
storage containers, foil and the
like, provide a sign and timinf
device on each of their respectivi
products. THIS PACKAGE CON
TAINS (BLANK)....IT MUST
BE USED BEFORE (DATE)
...OR THE PACKAGE WILL
DISINTEGRATE, LEAVING NC
TRACE.
Sailing With Aspiration
If you have never gone sailing in
a small, one-man, single masted
shell, you have missed the scare of
your life.
On the beatiful Isle of St. Martin,
rn^5^^5^oun^rienddecide^
that sailing was his aspiration. ..es
pecially since it was part of a
complimentary pass given by the
hotel.
The morning was warm...wea
ther clear and sailboats very in
viting. Unfortunately neither of us
had prior sailing experience. Other
than seeing Persuit of the Graf Spe
five times, all floating vessels were
completely foreign.
The boat tender demonstrated
his sure fire sailing method in a
capsulated two-minute lesson. It
all seemed simple enough.
My slightly obese pal just didn't
wait a moment longer. He just had
to get his chubby hands on that
I ■
tiller. He climbed into the first
boat, inserted the stabilizer, hoist
ed the mast....and it caught the
wind and off he went.
The sleek, multi-colored vessel
knifed across the calm inlet...hard
ly rippling the water. It zipped
across the water as if Captain
Bligh himself were at the helm.
For a non-uniformed swabby, he
was doing pretty well.. until he had
to return.
Turn the sail...tilt the tiller...and
the little craft listed at a very
nervous 45 degree angle...he al
most went into the drink...and 250
pounds of him. The boat righted
and carried its cargo even further
away.
—X J
Lauch Henry he^edjktd
the mssng KigmcMerrt
to educate minority
Lauchlend Henry e a teacher Anda
soenost And an engineer Hesgen
urety concerned about other people
%&nd he has expressed some of that
concern η he parncpaton with the
hianonal Fund for Minority Erxfneenng
Students
The fund is a non-profit organize
oon attempting to increase the number Λ
of Blacks. Pueno Rcans. Cfucanos
MeocanAmencans and Amencan
Indans enroled in engineering schools
These under-represented mmorwes
constitute a rich untapped resource to
help fΛ the growing need forenptieers.
a need that is expected to continue
through the md-1980's
IBM s sooal feete program enabled
Or Henry to take a year 's leave to asset
thehrd And IBM continued to pay
hm he ful salary
The National Fund lor Minority
Engneemg Students e a very worth
wNaprogrem Wé think so Lauchtand
Henry thrks so But most mponant of
tt. bts ofmmonty engneermg students
enroled at cotagas and unrn&sities
a! otrer the country thmk so IBM.
1
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inf liÎrtail Uue'a mil a I w. fin -
fiw*w V WIW Ww ww
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Overhaul .. ^ M..
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Chock & Charge
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1627 Freedom Dr.
'3344775
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