Ask Your Son To Share
Household Responsibilities
Dear Carole,
My wife and I have talked
about this often during these 3
years of our marriage. We have -
seen people in our church who
have been married for 25, 30 or
even 40 years. How do they do
that?
Now my wife and I think we
have a good marriage. We’d like
to believe our marriage is for
ever but how do we know our
feelings won’t change? We
might get tired of each other -
during all that time. Do you
think, a man and woman can love
and stay with each other for a
whole lifetime? Isn’t that just
too much to expect?
D.B.
Dear D.B.,
In a marriage that is still
young and new, it may be hard to
understand how a relationship
can last for many years.
Couples who are happily mar
ried over a period of years
discover many beginnings and
endings within one relationship.
Feelings may be warm and
caring at times and cool and
distant at other times. A founda
tion of love, trust, and respect
can be a cushion for changing
feelings. These ingredients al
low each partner the freedom to
grow even within the same rela
tionship over a period of years.
A marriage relationship is,
and should be, constantly chang
' ing to emerge into something
different and better than before.
Carole
Dear Carole,
Our son, in his 20’s, wants to
come back home to live. I’m not
sure that I want him to. He
finished school and worked for 3
years.
Recently he was laid off. So he
had to give up his apartment
IS_£
until he finds a job. My wife says
we have to take him in to help
him. That’s okay with me if he
stays for a while until he gets on
his feet. But, I don’t want him to
stay here forever. And I don’t
want this situation to cause
problems between me and my
wife.
Although I love-my son, how
• can I make sure he doesn’t wear
out his welcome?
H.W.
Dear H.W.,
You and your wife should talk
> to each other about what you will
expect from your son during his
visit with you. Then, discuss
your ideas with your son. It is
difficult to predict how long it
will take for your son to find
employment. But he should look
actively and consistently. After
he finds employment, he will
need time to save money before
he can be on his own.
uemember that a young man
in his 20’s is an adult, not a young
. child. Ask your son to share
household responsibilities just as
you would ask another adult to
do so. The length of his stay with
you won’t feel burdensome if he
shares the chores.
Thoughtful planning, prepara
tion and open communication is
the best way of assuring a
supportive, loving but fair visit
for all.
Carole
..Editor’s Note: Carole B.
Ricks, A.C.S.W., is a mar
riage and family therapist
with a private practice in
Charlotte, N.C. If you have
personal, parent-child, or
marriage problems, write
Carole’s Corner
P.O.Box 371*7
Charlotte, N.C. 28237
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