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tCFje Cljarlotte
THURSDAY, MARCH 13.1997
1B
WEDDINGS ‘91
Budget
Wedding
THK ASSOCIATED PRESS
Weddings are big busine^. Somewhere
aroimd 2.4 million couples marry each
year, spending anywhere finm himdreds
to tens of thousands of dollars on each
ceremony.
As you
begin to
make your
plans,
you’ll
quickly
find out
how costs
can add up.
A budget
should be
one of your
first priori-
ties,
because
determin
ing your
bottom line
will help
you decide
Diamond engagements
rings by Cartier
-infor-
what style of wedding you’ll have -
mal, formal, large, small, etc.
Use the following basic budget planner
to get an idea of what your expenses will
be. How-to books or bridal magazines
will help you think of every possible
expense that could come up. Be as com
plete as possible in figuring your budget,
and you'll avoid last-minute unexpected
costs.
Wedding budget:
Wedding Consultant
Parties:
Engagement
Bridesmaids’ luncheon
Rehearsal dinner
Reception
Stationery:
Thank-you notes
Invitations
Announcements
Stamps
Clothing:
Bride's gown/dress/suit
Groom's tuxedo
Flowers:
Wedding party
Parents
Grandparents
Wedding ceremony
Reception
Catering:
Pre-wedding parties
Reception
Cake
Music:
Ceremony
Reception
PhotographyAddeo
Additional Expenditures:
Marriage license
Rings
Clergy’s fees
Honeymoon
Bridal party gifts
Hairstyhng ___
Transportation
Guest book
Tips/gratuities
TOTAL
If you’ve compared the potential
expenses with what you can afford and
things look tight, there are many ways to
cut costs. You may want to forego the
limousine, have the ceremony flowers
transferred to the reception, have a fami
ly member take photographs and videos,
or serve a buffet-style dinner. Also, many
couples are skipping the big wedding
altogether and getting combined mar
riage/honeymoon packages. If getting
married on the beach and starting your
honeymoon as soon as you say “I do”
sounds appealing, this cost-effective
approach may be right for you.
Finally, talk over who will cover the
costs. In the past, the bride’s parents
paid for most of the wedding. Today,
there are no rules. Both the bride and
the groom may contribute, and the
groom’s family may foot some of the
costs. A word to the wise, however: Lots
of folks think a contribution entitles
them to offer an opinion. So if you’re
accepting money, be prepared - and be
gracious - if it is accompanied by advice.
Picture Perfect
PHOTO/ CALVIN FERGUSON
This ivory silk sheath from Mon-Cheri has a detachable train in two-tone (ivory and rum pink) A crowning
fingertip veil comes with matching rum pink roses. Gown found at Bridal Mart by Kristy Lynn. Cost:
under $600.
Careful planning smoothes transition
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
The white dress, the glow of pearls
and the aura of love all help to
make brides beautiful, but it takes
more than that to make the dream a
reahty.
There is also, Stacey Okun wrote
in an article in the current issue of
Town & Country, the hairdresser,
the makeup artist, the just-right
wedding day lipstick, facial and
massage, the manicure, the pedi
cure and so on.
“The effort most brides put into
the way they’re going to look on
their wedding day is quite extreme
these days,” wedding consultant
Marcy Blum said. “But think about
it - for most brides, it’s the one and
only time in their lives that 100 or
more pair of eyes are watching
every move they make.”
Here’s a countdown to wedding
day:
After you get engaged, head for
the hairdresser.
“The average engagement is 10
months long,” Blum said, and Nikki
Albino, a hairstylist at Minardi
Salon in New York City, advised
having a game plan early on for hair
and makeup.
Most hairdressers agree that this
is the time to let hair
grow - you can cut it
later. It is also the time
to start a once-a-month
facial regime and to
start taking care of
your hands.
“Everyone”s going to
be looking at your
ring,” said Aerin
Lauder, director of cre
ative product develop
ment for Estee Lauder.
By five months
before the wedding you
should have chosen
your dress and head-
piece.
“Now we can start
planning exactly how
you should wear your
hair and what length it
should be,” said
Laurent D, the owner
of Los Angeles salon
Prive.
'Three months before,
interview and book a
makeup artist and
have your first practice
session.
Two months before,
think skin and hair.
See Plan page 3B
Weddings
reflect
uniqueness
NEW PERSPECTIVE TECHNOLOGIES
While interests and appreciation for
Afiican culture is growing, many people
still are reluctant to embrace some
aspects. And when it comes to some
thing so personal as a wedding, things
can get touchy if the partners can’t
agree on whether to have an Afirican-
centered wedding. We decided to ask
psychologists Darlene and Derek
Hopson for their opinions on the subject
Jtist what do you do if your spouse-to-be
wants to have an Afiican-centered wed
ding and you don’t? Or vice versa? Does
this spell trouble down the line? The
Hopsons have their own practice in
Middlefield, Conn., and are experts in
black male-female relationships and
family.
They’ve authored several books,
including “Friends, Lovers, and Soul
Mates,” “Different and Wonderful:
Raising Black Children in a Race-
Conscious Society” and “Raising the
Rainbow Generation: Teaching Your
Children to be Successful in a
Multicultural Society.”
Q: When an engaged couple discovers
that they may have different opinions
about planning their wedding, what are
some general ground rules that should
be followed? How should a constructive
discussion begin?
The Hopsons: It is very important for
a couple to acknowledge and accept the
fact that each individual can and often
do differ in
opinion, pref
erence, taste
and expecta
tion when it
comes to plan
ning their
wedding. In
terms of
ground rules,
the couple
should take
turns listen
ing carefully
to each other's
views and
preferences no
matter how
contrary they
appear to be.
So, from the
outset, each
person should feel encouraged to openly
express similarities/agreements as well
as differences. Ideally, the couple should
derive at a decision that includes input
finm each partner and satisfied most of
what each person wants.
Couples who do not put in the time
and commitment to accomplish mutual
involvement run the risk of hidden
resentment resulting in passive resis
tance such as lateness or even a more
direct sabotaging of the wedding by
refusing to cooperate during the event
Constructive discussion must begin with
taking turns at active listening. The ulti
mate goal is to include some contribu
tion firom each partner in order to foster
mutual commitment and involvement in
the wedding.
Q: Why are some people reluctant to
have Afiican-centered weddings? Does it
necessarily mean one is ashamed of
Afiican culture?
Dariene Hopson: It doesn’t necessar
ily mean that one is ashamed. As black
folks we are not monoUthic. We differ in
our levels of Afincentricity and interest
in connecting with Afiican heritage and
history. We must respect each other's
differences and not be critical, accusato
ry or attacking.
Q: What are some of the things couples
should keep in mind so that they don’t
come to blows (figuratively) over the
issue?
Derek Hopson: Negotiation and com
promise. Eai^ partner is entitled to his
or her opinion. The goal must be a “win-
win” outcome. If either person believes
or feels that they have lost then the cou
ple has lost. Team
effort is important in arriving at a
mutually involved and satisfying deci
sion. The combined involvement of each
person yields a solution beyond what
See AFRICAN WEDDING on page 2B