mm
JAMES G. DOYLIN, Publisher. The Wadesboro Messenger and Wadesboro Intelligencer Consolidated July, 1838. pniCCSI.So a Year.
NEW SEKIES-YOL. V.-NO. 8. . - WADESBORO, N. C THURSDAY, JUNE 11, 1891. WHOLE NUMBEU, 503.
V
- ! ".
71
The Importance of purifying the Mood can
not be OTerestimated, for withoutrure blood
you cannot enjoy good health.
At this season nearly every one needs a
good medicine to- purify, vitalize, and enrich
-the blood, and wo ask you to try Hood's
Dnnilinr Sarsaparttla. It strengthen
rcCUlldr .and builds tip the system,
.creates an appetite, and tones the digestion,
while It eradicates disease. The peculiar
combination, proportion, and preparation
f the vegetable remedies used give to
'Hood's Sarsaparilla pecul- "T" . 1CfMf
other medicine hassuch a record of wonderful
' .cures., If you have made up your mind to
buy Hood's. Sarsaparilla do not be Induced to
ttske any other instead. It Is a Peculiar
Medicine, and Is worthy your confidence.
Hood's Sarsaparilla Is sold by all druggists.
Prepared by C L Hood & Co., Lowell, Mass.
100 Doses One Dollar
W. A. KOSE
Represents the leading Fire and Life Insur
ance Companies.
Office Martin Street, Wadesboro. N. C. 6
LEE D, ROBINSON,
ATTORNEY AND COUNCEIXOB-AT-J.AW,
WADESBORO, N. C.
tOfficeoverK. A. Covington's & Co.'s Drug
Store. '
AM business given prompt attention
W. 1VGEAY, IX JD. S.,
DENTJST,
(Office Over L. Huntley's Store,)
Wadesboro, Nortk Carolina.
ALL OPERATIONS WARRANTED.
Anson Institute,
WADESBOKO, N.C.
0. A. MoGrboor. A B Principal
THE SHRINO TERM
BEGINS MONDAY. AN. 12th, 1890.
Tomow I1T LrTKRABT 3partiusht $2,
anl $4 per month.
- ifHo deduotiou made for lost time.
Morven Institute.
The Spring tern of this senool will begin
,on MONDJY THE 12th DAY OF JAN-
fj ARY, 188L Tuition from $7.50 to $10.00
or English .branches; Latin, Greek and
French, each, .$5.00. Having secured
services of Frof. J. C. BSnes, a teacher of
over thirty years experience in the school
jroom, we bvye to give entire satisfaction to
alL ' :'.-.
HUGH JOHNSON,
J. L. PRATT,
: .C C. AVOORR,
(O.'A. MARTIN,
' T. E. JtfOORE,
Board of Directors.
WADESBORO
Shaving Emporium.
. o -
lv Barher Kip is now furnished with the
jFINEST and moat COMFORTABLE Chairs
,of any town in thisection, and all who wish
SM nice, bloodless snaro will find me always at
JUV post, with a steady hand and a desire to
please. Hair cut or trimmed in all the latest
.tyls and we guarantee to please the most
aMtidimra,
Ehen TjJlman is now with me and will be
pleased to serve all his old patrons.
1 A-f-.l 1
Ralph Allen.
T. J, INGRAM,
Corner Wade and Rutherford streets,
WADESEpRO, N.C.,
.Will continue to' furnish his patrons with
BEEF,
Mutton, Poxjk, poultry, Butter,
Eggs, Freh Oysters, Fish,
Fruits and Vegetables,
And whatever aJaeap satisfy the appetite
f a genUem-lways giving the best the
market affords. jvifi pay the highest mor
,fcat price for Cow jflogs, Sheep, CbjLakeiu,
.Egg". &c. , -v--... 27tf
WAR FEELING AT HOME.
Money to Loan
AT '
O ppr Cent.
The Wadesboro branch of the Equitable
Building and Loan Association of Augusta,
,ta., off era great inducements for small in
. .vestments, and has money to loan on town
,or country property ,
AT PER CENT.
Homes can be tinilt for less than ordinary
rental and savipgs can be compounded to ag
gregate large, Returns.
J. O. McLacchus, Preeldent.
JoHsD.i.KAK.Sec'y aDdTreas.
(IyEK D. RymiisoN, Att'y and Agent.
WHEN
yu are looking Cora "THOJtOIJaH
EEPBSESTTATIVE- line of
MBROIDERXE?!, G INQfiAMS,
MUSLINS, CAPETINGS. MAT
'TINGS, S?0, SIL8, MOTIONS,
.or ip.tfwjt anything ip Hio ' "
J)iy floods Xine,
brother lines, wiite to JULIAN $X-
LITTLE, .Charlotte, N. 0. : J
f "" rfv!.;9( r"3 cr-
SELECTIONS FROM THE- WRITINGS
OF ARTEMUS WARD.
The Showman Becomes Captain of
: Tolonteer . Company, and Breathe
Forth Threats and Slaughter He At-
. tends Public Meeting. -
XCbpyrighted and published by special arrange'
aient wiut u. w. uuungnam, mew xotk, pua
Usher.
. ' xrv. ... .
THE WAB EEYfLB IN BAXDntSTILLE.
SSOONasI'drecoo
perated my physikil
Byatem, I went over
into the village. The
peasantry was glad
to see me. The
skoolmaster sed it
was cheerin to see that gigantic intel-
Jeck among 'emonct more. That's what
he called me. I like the skoolmaster, and
allers send him tobacker when- I'm off on
a travelin eampane. Besides, he is a
very sensible man. . Such men most be
encouraged.
They don't git news very fast is Bald-
insviUe, as nothin but a plank road runs
in there twice a week, and that's very
much out of repair. So my nabers wasn't
much posted up in regard to the wars.
Tsquire Baxter sed he'd voted the dimi-
cratic ticket for goin on forty year, and
the war was a dam black republican lie.
Jo. Stackpole, who kills hogs for the
'Squire, and has got a powerful muscle
into his arms, sed he'd bet $5 he could
lick the3risis in a fair stand up fight, if
he wouldn t draw a knife on him. So
it went sum was for war and sum vas
for peace.
The newspapers got along at last, chock
full of war, and the patriotic fever fairly
bust out in Baldinsville. 'Squire Baxter
sed he didn't blieve in Coercion, not one
of em, and could prove by a file of Eaales
of Liberty in his garrit, that it was all a
Whiglie, got up to raise the price of
wmsky and destroy our other liberties.
But the old 'Squire got putty riley when
ne beard now the rebels was cuttin ud.
and he sed he reckoned he should skour
iap his old muskit and do a little square
Btin Kjr tue Old D lag, which had allers
tin on the ticket he d voted, and lie was
too old to Bolt now.
The next mornin I 'rose witk the lark
p. B. I don't sleep with the lark, tho.
A goak.)
My little dawter was execootin ballids.
accompanyia herself with the Akordeon.
and she wisht me to linger and bear her
sing, "Hark, I hear a angel tfngin, a
angel now is onto the wing
Let him ny, my childT.sed I, a-bneklin
on my armer, "I must forth to my Biz."
x naa a sens time gittan into mv milli-
tary harness, as it was bilt for me manv
years ago; but I finally got inside of it,
tho4 it fitted me putty clost. Howsever.
ouet into it, I lookt fine in fact, aw-in-spirin.
"Do you know me, Mrs. Ward?"
sed X, walMn into the kitehin.
Know tod, you old fool? Of couraa
I do.' -
I saw at once she did.
We air progressin pretty well with aar
drill. As all air commandin offissers,
there ain't no jelusy, and as we air all
exceedia smart it faint worth while to
try to outstrip each other. The idee of
company composed excktosively of Com-mandere-iB-Chiefs,
orriggernated, Ispose
Iskurcelyseed say, in these Brane. Con
sidered as a idee, I flatter myself it is
putty hefty. We've got all the tackticks
at our tongs ends, but what we particly
excel in is restin muskits.
Our corpse will do its dootv. We eo
to the aid of Columbr we fiarht for the
stars! . ,
Well be chopt into sassige meat before
well exhibit our cote tales to the foe.
We'll fight till there's nothin left of us
but our little toes, and even thev shall
defiantly wiggle! "Ever of thee," . .
A. Waed.
A WAR MEETING.
Our complaint just now is war meet
in's. They've bin havin 'em bad in varis
parts of our cheerful Republic, and
nat'rally we caught 'em hero in Baldins
ville. They broke out all over us.
Posey County is aroused. I may say,
Indeed, that the pra-hay-ories of In
jianny is on fire.
Our big meetin came off the other
night, and our old friend of the Bugla
-was elected Cheenaan. : .
The Bugle-Horn of Liberty is one f
Baldvinsvillels most eminentest institoo
tions. The advertisements are well
written, and the death oui. marriages
are conducted with signal ability. The
editor, Mr, Slinkers, is a polished, skar
castic writer. Folks in these parts will
not soon, forget how he used up the
Eagle of Freedom, a family journal pub
lished at Saootvflte, near here. The
controversy was About a plank road.
"The road may be, as our contemporary
ays, a humbug; but our aunt isn't bald
headed, and we haven't got a one-eyed
ister Sal!. Wonder if the Editor of
the Eagle of Freedom ees it?" This
sed up the Eagle of Freedom feller, be
cause his aunt's head docs present a
ikjnned .appearance, and 1 his sister
Sabab is very much one-eyed. For
genteel home-thrust, Mr, Slixsebs hai
Zewekals., . . , : .
: I was fixinT myself up to ' attend the
great war meetin, when my daughter
entered with a young man who was evi
dently from the city, and who wore long
hair, and had a wild expression into hu
?. In one hand, he earried a port
olio, and in his other paw claspt a
bunch of small brushes. - My daughter
Introduced, him as Mr. Swetbiek, the
distinguished landscape painter from
Philadelphy. j .
"He is a artist, papa. - Here is one of
his master-pieces a young mother gaz
in' admiriulv urxn her first born." and
my daughter showed me a really pretty
picter done an ile. "Is it not beautiful.
irows so inv&h soul into his
papa? He
work.
''Does hn
- r va
our fence. It needs it. What will you
charge, sir," I continued, "to throw" some
soul into my fence?"
My daughter went out of the room in
very short meeter, takin the artist with
her, and from the emphaticai manner in
which the door slam'd I concluded she
was summat -disgusted at my remarks.
She closed the door, I may ay, in italics.
I went into the closet and larfed all alone
by myself for over half an hour. ' I larfed
so vilently that the preserve jars rattled
like a cavalry offissers sword and things.
which it aroused my Betsy, who came
and opened the door pretty suddent. She
seized me by the few lonely hairs that
fitill linger sadly upon - my bare-footed
lied, and dragged me out of the closet.
incidentally obsarving that she didn't
exactly see why she should be compelled,
at her advanced stage of life, to open a
assylum for spoperanooated idiots.
. My wife is one of the best wimin on
this continent, altho she isn't always
gentle as a lamb, with mint sauce. Net,
not always.
But to return to the war meetin. It
was largely attended. The Editor of the
Bugle arose and got up and said the fact
could no longer be disguised that we
were involved in a war, "Human gore.'
said he, "is flowin'. All ablerbodiedmen
should seize a musket and march to the
tented field. I repeat it, sir, to the
tented field.'
A voice "Why don't you go yourself.
you old blow nardr"
I am identified, young man. with a
Arkymedian leaver which moves the
world," said the Editor wiping his au
burn brow with his left coat-tail: "I al
lude, young man, to the. press. Terms,
two dollars a year, invariably in advance.
Job printing executed with neatness and
dispatch!" And with this brilliant bust
of elekance the Editor introduced Mr. J.
Brutus Hinkins, who is surf erin from an
attack of College in a naberin place, Mr.
Minions said Washington was not safe.
Who can save our national capeetle?
"Das Setchell," I said. "He can do
it afternoons. Let him plant his light
and airy form onto the Long Bridce.
make faces at the hirelin foe, and they'll
ail snedaddiei Old Ketch can do it."
I call the Napoleon of Showmen.'
said the Editor of the Bugle, "I call
that Napoleonic man, whose life is
adorned with so many noble virtues.
and whose giant mind lights up this
warlike scene I call him to order."
I will remark, in this connection.
that the Editor of the Bugle does my job
printing.
You,"aid Mr. Hinkins, "who live
away from the busy haunts of men do
not comprehend the magnitood of the
crisis. The busy haunts of men is where
people comprehend this crisis. We who
live in the busy haunts of man, that is
to say, we dwell, as it were, in the busy
naunts or men."
I really trust that the gentTman will
not tail to say suthm' about the busy
naunts or men before he sits down.
said L -
"I claim the right to express my senti
ments nere, said Mr. Hinkins, in a
siigntly indignant tone, "and I shall
brook no interruption, if I am a Soft-
more.
"You couldn't be more soft, myyoune
friend, I observed, whereupon there was
cries of "Order! order!"
l regret I can't mingle in this strife
personally," said the young man.
VYou might mlist as a liberty Txale."
saia l m a silvery wnisper,
But," he added, "I have a voice, and
that voice is for war." The young man
then closed his speech with some strikin
and original remarks in relation to the
star-spangled banner. He was followed
by the village ministerA very worthy
man inaeea, Dut wnose sermons have a
tendency to make people sleep pretty in
austnousiy.
"I am willin' to inlist for one," he said.
"Whafs your weight, parson?" I
asked. ,
"A hundred and sixty pounds." he said.
"Well, you can inlist as a hundred and
sixty pounds of morphine your dootv
bein' to stand in the hospitals arter a bat-
A North Carolinian Probably the Big
gest Stan This Country Ever Prod need.
B. W. L. Bolt in Richmond Dispatch!
in quoting Mr. Oglesby ta your
issue of the 15 th on "Southern Thinkt
era, you say: "He mentions, by the
way. that the largest man that Bus
sex country ever produced was Miles
Darden. who weighed 1,000 pounds.
and that you would like to know
something more about Me. Darden,
and especially if the weight given is
correct and bow long be lived. ?
Mr. Dardenlias two nephews living
in Sussex county Mr. K. G West
and Mr. W, .. West who are pros
perous-and highly respeeted farmers.
and one mece-t-Mrs. L T Harris ; also
one niece living in Surry Mrs. Tom
Atkinson andone in Prince George
Mrs. Hlchard Johnson.
One of Mr. Darden'8 great-nephews
Rindiy furnished me today with a
notice of Mr. Darden cut from the
Wilmington Journl after his death
and pasted in an old memorandum
book, a copy of which 1 send you
The article is headed "The Heaviest
Man on Historic Record," and is as
folio W8:
"Miles Darden, probably the largest
man on record, born in North Caro
lina in 1798, died in Henderson coun
ty, Tennessee, January 23, 1857. He
was seven feet and nine inches high.
and ui 1845 weighed 871 pounds. At
his death his weight was a little over
1,000 pounds. Until 1843 be was active
and lively and was able to labour, but
from that time was obliged to stay
at home or be hauled about in a two-
norse wagon, in lbsa ms coat was
buttoned around three men, each of
them weighing more than 200 pounds.
who walked together in it across the
square at Lexington. la 1850 it re
quired thirteen and a half yards of
cloth one yard wide to make bfm a
coat. His coffin was eight feet long,
thirty five inches deep, thirty-two
inches across the breast, eighteen
inches across the head, and fourteen
across the feet, and twenty-five j ards
of black velvet was requisite to cover
the aides and lid. He was twice mar
SAVED BY A MOUSE. .
"... "
The Remarkable Presence of WK of
IfouiniUe Girl
A young society man, who moves
in the younger eircles, told the town
talker of the Louisville Commercial
something out of the unusa! run the
other day. He said that be attempt
ed to kiss a pretty girL and just as
be got bis arm around ber slender
waist and was about to kiss ber she
said that it be dared she would
scream. ' .
Not wishing to have a scene which
such an action would cause, be with
drew his arm and resumed bis seat
at the other end of the sofa.
'Oh, I thought you were A braver
man than that,' she said.
She, however, obstinately refused
to let bim kiss ber, but she likewise
threatened to scream if he should at'
tempt it.
He thought be would profit by his
former experience, and paid no at
tent ion to the warning.
He kissed her she screamed. Her
mother came in and demanded an
explanation.
The girl came to bis rescue, how
ever, ana sakt a mouse was in the
room, and she had screamed as it ran
across the floor. . -
Furthermore, by saying that the
young man had gallantly tried to
catch the mouse, she explained his
blushes to the mother's satisfaction.
Keal Estate as an Investment.
National Realstate and Investor's Guide.
Real estate is the best properly in
which money can be invested. To
understand this statement it must
be remembered that security is worth
something risks must be paid for;
that there is real value as well as a
fictitious, and that too often the latter
is the standard of judgment. Men in
discussing this subject usually talk
about improved and un -improved
real estate, bub this makes little dif
ference; in either case it is the best
place for money. Cashiers may
ever reach half the weight of their
father.
Mr. Darden moved from North
Carolina to Southampton county.
Va.. where he live several vears.
then moved to Tennessee. -His re.
latives and old friends in this section.
while they had not seen him for
many years previous to " his death.
do not think his weight exaggerated
by Mr. Oglesby.
in these larger places; in 1870 there
tie, and preach while the surgical opera- were twenty-one; in 1880 tweuty two;
performed! Think how an n "-oao twenty-nine.
tions is bein'
much you'd save the Gov'ment in mor
phine,
He didn't seem to see it; but he made
a good speech, and the editor of the Bugle
rose to reaa tne resolutions, as toilers
Resolved, That we view with anxietr
me xaci mat mere is sow a war goin on,
ana -
Resolved, That we believe Stonewall
Jackson sympathizes with the secession
movement, and that we hope the nine.
montns men
At this point he was interrupted by the
default, stocks rise and fall the pro-
ried and his children are very large, perty remains intact. When the
though probably none of tbem will great law of demand and supply is
more thoroughly understood in its
relations to landed interests then will
they boom. If property pays iu the
city of New York, where an acre is
worth $15,000,000 and the buildings
Ion it as much more, why do not
village and farm properties pay!
They do, when the same, skill is ap
plied to the management of them.
But to -build a ten thousand dollar
house in a town where the demand is
for ten dollars a month rents, or
where rents are abundant to build a
shanty in an undesirable place, or in
any town to build a badly planned
house, is simply to court loss. Or,
for the farmer to produce stuff that
brings bim either into competition
with cheaper land, or to market it
in a bad . shape is to fail. And be
cause these things are done the whole
class of property is blamed, and
mismanagement decides the value.
Landed property of any kind pays as
well as any other. The man who has
earefuliy invested in real estate and
lost is a party who cannot be found.
Some people complain about property
they bought several years before
'taint worth half as much as it was
then," but barring the fact that
thpy may have paid fictitious prices
for it, buy it of them at their pur
chase price if you can. .Wherever it
may be, it takes little to keep it and
requires no more attention than one
chooses to give it.
; City and Country.
Youth's Companion.
According to the new census more
than eighteen million, two hundred
thousand of the people of the United
States reside in cities and large towns
of eight thousand inhabitants or
more. Of the total population of the
country twenty -nine per cent, live
in these large places.
We may say, roughly, that seven-
tenths of the people live in the couri
try, and three-tenths in cities. The
proportion of eity population i con
stantly increasing. In 1860 only six
teen persons out of a hundred resided
The number of towns having eight
thousand inhabitants increased dur
ing the last ten years from two hun
dred and eighty-six to four hundred
and forty-three. ' There are no less
than forty-seven such
Massachusetts, and almost seventy
per cent, of the population live in
tbem.
It is evident, not merely from these
fafttfl hill: fmm
sounds of silvery footsteps on the stairs, th JZZ. w"""" uuoe"awoD'
and a party of wimin, rirrvin' iruns and' th&t 6 C,Ue8 aro wing heavily
led by Betsy Jane, who brandish'd a upon ine C0"0""!. and that the pro-
loud and rattlin' umbreller. burnt into
me room.
-'Here," cried I, "are some nine-months
wimmjT
"Mrs. Ward." said the edit- f Ka
augie-xim. ward and ladies, what
means misextr oruTi'ry demonstration?"
"jx means," said mat remarkable fe
male, "that you men air makin fools of
yourselves. You are willin' to talt nA
urge others to go to the wars, but you
don't go to the wars yourselves. Wai-
poruon or. the people who devote
themselves to agriculture, tbe basis
or all industry, is steadily diminish
ing. -
mis is a melancholy fact. Everv-
ming mat it is possible to do tocoun
counteract the tendency should be
aoue. Great as the country is and
varied as are its resources, the pro-
IS!itii?tvry nict3 in their out ducta tne soil are of. mauy times
mey. aun t keep bTosrEWAiA Jacksos I
. - . . "-l
xiruxu ojmia over to Aiarvlanii and helr
m himself to the fattest beef critters.
What we want is more cider and less
talk." -.
"Gentl'men." said I. 'o
Gom old gair and I throw'd up my
ancient white hat in perfeck raptors.
"Is this roll book to be filled np with
tn.me3 men or wimin?" she cried.
greater importance and value than
anything else.
Moreover, as cities grow and agri
culture declines political and social
evus increase. City-life is vastly
attractive to young people who have
passed their childhood amid rural
. . Dlin r,Ilrll. m
With men with men!" and r, I surrounding hut fnr tho num.
was mrt , J - - 7 7 ' " J
" "" " ' a peaceful fe th Rmmtrr .
to be preferred. So have sung the
Merit Measured by Success. ' poets Biuce the world began, and so
The wonderful popularity of Swift'a tne universal experience of the human
Specifiers. S.S.)isthenatm-nl r0if race teaches.
the tests to which the public has put it.
Ihe merits of the medicine have re-I She ana Dreams.
mained the same.' but the knowledra I New York Herald.
oi me people with respect to its re
markable curative properties bas in
creased until now there is a demand
for it wherever the English language
is spoken. S. S. S. was first offered!
as a specific for contagious blood
poison. For that it was, and is, truly
a specific. But it is now regarded.
wherever its virtues are known, as a
true specific for all forms of blood
disease. Whole colums could be
filled with testimonials to this effect.
8he sits and dream of knights of old "
(Her tnothsr at the washtub scrubs), ';
Of maidens fair with lovers bold,
And longs for one with wealth autoM ; 1
Whose arms her fragile form might fold.
And prove the priaceliest of hubs; . -Bhe
sits and dreams of knights of old . .
' (Her mother at the washtub scrubs).
' 1
I "well, I I
English Spavin Li ninent removes all Hard
Soft or Calloused Lumps and Blemishes from
horses, Blood Spavius, Curbs. Splints,
Hweeney, King-bone, Btifles, -all Swollen
Throats, Coueha, Etc. Save o0 by use of
one bottle. arranted the most wonderful
kinisb Cure er known. t J,i by AlcLeu-
TbeBeet Iteoutt. -
Every ingredient omoloved in rro-
ducing Hood's Sarsaparilla in strictly
pure, ana is tne Desc -or its Kind it is
possible to buy. All the roots and
herbs are carefull y selected, oeraona
ally examined, and only tho best re
tained, bo that from the time of
purcha?" until Hood's Sarsaparilla
9 prepaid I, verythinj; is carefully
. -vatched wiib view to attaining the
.l)esir.es,;!.i V'i;y dju'.t you try it;
Saving Her Boy.
Detroit Free' Press.
I think when a boy has become an
habitual loafer be is then ready for
something worse, and I was greatly
worried to find my boys come slip
ping in very quietly v about the time
the stores closed for the night; so I
just resolved to try and make a pleasi
anter place to spend the evening than
the aforesaid stores.
Our best room bad hitherto been
kept sacred to the use of visitors and
for the Sabbath; but after thinking
the matter over very seriously.
started toe fire, arranged everything
as nicely as though I were looking
for company, and then just let the
boys have it. So far the plan bas
been a great success, for although I
have never said a word to tbem about
it, they took right. up with' it, and
now spend tueir evening at uotue
reading, playing (for they, are all
three musical), and besides, being
better for the boys, it is better for
us. .
Now, sisters, just between ourselves
of course they'll spoil the carpet, and
it's a real pretty carpet too, and I
have, been so careful of it. 13ut 1
mean through God' help to have my
boys all grow up to become good men.
and if it is going to lake a pretty
room and a pretty carpet to help do
it, why I atu very glad 1 have them,
that's all. . , .
"Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pick .
led Peppers," was a line of alliterative
nonsenxe, that the- children used to
say. Nowadays they can practice on
the Perfect,- Painless, Powerful Pro
perties of Pierce's Pleasant Purgative
Pallets. It will impress a fact which
will be useful to know. These Pellets
cure sick headache, billtaus at
tacks, jndigestiou, .constipation,
and all', stomach, liver and bowel
troubles. They are tiny, sugar-coat
ed pills, easy to take, and, as a laxa
tive, one ia sufficient for a dose. No
more groann and gripes from the old
drastic remedies 1 Pierce's Purgative
Pellets tire a painless us tbev'are
He Got Bis Dollac
Hew York World.
A strapping young man eat in the
Erie depot, across the Hudson, the
other day waiting for bis train. He
had twelve scythe-stones in a bundle
on his right hand, and a cuckoo
clock in a boxen his left. As he was
looking around the waitingHroom be
gave a sudden starts Then he started
some more. Then be rose up and
walked over to a flashily dressed man
about forty years old, whom any one
would have spotted as a fakir, and
asked; ,
won t you travel around with a
tooth-powder t
, No, sir,' was the Bharp reply.
Wasn't you up in Elizabeth last
Falll
No, sirr
'Yes you was, and 111 bet oa it
You are the same durned feller, and
I know itl
Sir! What does this meant de
manded the other.'
'It means that I was in Elizabeth
last Fall and bought a box of your
tooth powder. You changed a five
dollar bill, and darn my hide if you
didn't bornswaggle me out of a dol
larr
Sirl'
'No use, old fellow! Xknowedye
the mintt I got eyes on ye. Same
big diamond pin same red necktie
same nose, humped up in the mid
dle like a circus camel 1 I want that
dollar V
This is outrageous I 111 call a
policeman 1' shouted the fakir.
'Call and be durned to ye, but Hi
lick ye first 1 You either come down
with that dollar or I'll wallop ye till
ye can't holler!' "
'Look hereP replied the other in
much milder tones, 'you are mis
taken. It was my cousin who was
in Elizabeth. He is dead now '
'Then I'll take it out of youl
'He is dead, as I remarked, and
rather than have any blot resting on
his fair escutcheon I will pay you the
dollar.
That's all right! I don't know
anything about 'scutcheons, but I've
got to have that dollar or pull bairl
I've bin lookin' for your bump backed
nose all over the face of the earth.
And I've laid awake nights thinktn
bow I'd make ye holler like an Injun
if I ever got my paws on yel'
He was given a dollar, and the
fakir disappeared at once, and the
young man explained to those about
him:
'I'm almost sorry be give up so
soon. I was just achin' clean down
to my toes to lick bim all over a forty-acre
lotf
Gifted.
Youth's Companion.
'What does your husband dot'
asked a traveller of aslatternly wom
an wbom he found living in a little
old eabin iu the back woods.
'Well, was the reply, 'he's one o'
these bandy, gifted sort o' persons,
my man is. He kin jest turn his
band to anything.
'He's a blacksmith by perfection,
but he cooked in a rest'rant in town
most o' last winter, and be done
kyarpenteriu' and paintin all spring,
and then be lectured on temp'rance
awhile until he got a chance to run an
ingine for a mouth or two, and. then
he dug wells and hung wall-paper
until he got a good chance to lay
brick at three dollars a day.' .
'And what is be doing now!' asked
the amused guest.
Teachin eingin'-eehool, but be
allows to give it up pretty soon, and
go to practisiu' medicine He kin do
anything he's a mind to turn his
hand to.'
In The larlc
The Table.
Ths hall was dark. I heard
The rustle of a skirt.
"Ha-har thoughtl, "IU catch
You now, my little flirt!"
Softly I sallied forth,
Resolved when I had kissed her
That I'd make her believe
- I'd thought it was my sister.-
The deed was done. Oh. bliss!
Could any man resist her?
Apology was made?
, lias! it was my sister 1
Highest of aH in Leavening Power. Latest U. S. Gov't Report.
O
x0m
IP I SHOULD DIB TO-NIGHT.
(The followiag beautiful poem we
eee going the rounds of the press at
tributed to Henry Ward Beeeher.
We have before read it severtJ times
and published it more than onee, but
never saw its authorship credited to
the noted preacher until after bis
death. We donotthink Mr. Beeeber
wrote the poem. In a volume con
taining enotce selections of poetry
and prose in our possession these
lines appear with the name of F. K.
Crosby as the author. Editor Gold
Leaf.
If I should cUa to night,
My friends would loak npoa my quiet face
Before they laid it iu its resting place,
And deem that death had left it almost fair;
And laying snow-white flowers against my
hair
Would smooth It down with tearful tender-
And fold my hands with lingerness -
Poor hands, so empty and so cold to-night.
If I should die to-night,
My friends would call to mind with loving
thought,
Some kindlydeeds the icyhands had wrought;
Some gentle word the frozen lips had said;
Errands on which the willing feet had sped.
The memory of my selfishness and pride,
My hasty words would all be put aside.
And so I should be loved aad mourned to
night.
If I should die to-night,
E'en hearts estranged would turn once more
to me,
Recalling other days remorsefully.
The eyes that chill me with averted glaaoe
Would look upon me as of yore, perchance.
And soften in the old familiar way,
For who could war with dumb, unconscious
i clay!
So, I might rest forgivea of all to-night.
Oh, friend I pray to-nigh
Keep not your kisses for my dead, cold brow.
The way is lonely let me feel them bow.
Think gently of me, I am travel-worn;
My faltering teet are pierced with many a
thorn.
Forgive, oh, hearts estranged orgrve 1 plead!
When dreamless rest is mine I shall not need
The tenderness for which I long to-night.
Time Wasted.
A farmer's son up in the country
conceived a desire to Bhine as a mem
ber of the legal prefession and un
dertok a clerkship in the office of the
village pettifogger at nothing a week.
But at the end of his' first day's study
be returned home, . '
"Well, Tobe, how d'yer like the
law!" asked bis father. ' .
"Taint wat it's cracked up to be,"
answered Tobe. "I'm sorry I . learnt
Fating All th Time, ' '
Kew York Weekly. .
Mr.' Hayseed (arriving at city
hotel) : I s'pose I kin bear the , gong
hers when it rings for dinner, can't
Clerk;- We have - no gong. We
have breakfast from 8 to 11, dinner
from 12 to 6 supper from 6 to 11.
Mr. Hayseed: Jehosaphatl How
am I to get lime to see the eity I
tr t
A box of Ayer8 Pills bas saved
many a fit of sickness. . Wheu a rem
edy does not - happen to be within
reach, people are liable to neglect
light . ailments,' and. of course, if
serious ilhieas follows tbey have to
suffer the coutx jueiice. "A btitch
ia iiMi&Ya Hum,"
Rhymes; of the Merry Months.
Xew York Sua.
The old poem of the daya of the
months, entitled Thirty days hath
September, has been changed in the
New York public schools, so that the
charm and beauty of iu defects have
vanished, aad it is now correct and
commonplace. As it stood for a cen
tury or more it ran:
Thirty days hath September,
April, June and November,
February has twenty-eight alone,
.411 the rest have thirty-one;
Excepting leap year, that's the time
When February has twenty-nine.
The version peculiar to New Eng
land would have done so far a cor
rect rhyming goes. That version
ended with these lines:
fxeept the second month alone
Which has but twenty-eight in fine.
Till leap year gives it twenty-nine.
But the form in which it Is taught
in the publie schools is neither more
correct nor as simple. This is the
part that bas been subjected to mod
ern improvement :
AH the rest have thirty-one,
.Excepting February aloue,
Which has four and tweuty-four.
And every fourth year one day more.
How Can TtiaX Be?
Over the mantle-piece of an old
inn, in Lincolnshire, England, may
be found this droll quiz:
A man without eyes saw plams oa a tree,
Keither took plums nor left plums.
Fray how can that be!
The answer just below the riddle Is
this:
The man hadn't eyes, but be had just one
ye. .
.With which on the tree two plums he could
spy. . -
He neither took plums, nor '-plums did he
leave,
But took one and left one, as we man con-
ueive. -
XfiWS KOTE3.
Bev. Sam Jones, ia aa interview,.
estimates the number of conversions
nnderhu preaeniag at 150,009 ia"
200,000.
A man was recently fitted out with
two.g1as8 eyes, a complete set of false
uper and lower teeth and an artificial
nose in a New York hospital.
Montana is larger than the Empire
of Turkey. Texas is larger than the
whole Austrian Empire by 30,030
square miles, aad New Mexico' is
larger than Great-Britain and Irelaad
together.
The record of thieving in places of
trust for the year to date is given as
embracing the names of ICO men and
the sum of $4,210,000. The present
month has been a particularly bad
one furnishing no less than $2,270,
000, or more than one half the total
stealings of the five months.
A female passenger on the Santa Fe
Railroad threw her child from the
window of the toilet room of the car
as the train passed over a bridge near
Cimarron, Kansas. The conductor
saw the body sink beneath tbe water.
The woman could give no account of
herself. ,
Among the arrivals at the barge
office in New York recently was a
little old woman of wood. It was aa
automaton figure of and old Lsdy
knitting, and the most carious part
of it was that it was actually a knit
ting machine. It ran by clock work.
and, to all appearances, had every
movement of life.
John You, an inmate of the county
hospital at Reading. I'a., twenty-one
years of age, partook of food for tbe
last time 27 daye ago and died yes
terday, having starved to death. His
body was reduced in weight from 115
to 38 pounds. No appeals could induce
him to take food, and why be entered
upon this eourse of starvation he re
fused to explain.
The Chattanooga ' (Torwi.) Times
has an account of the discovery of a
peti ified human body by Prof. N. S.
Shaler, Harvard College, and Presi
dent W. T. Morrison, of Boston Uni
versity, in Falling Spring Cave.
Sequache Valley; Tenn. Thebedyse
perfect. Many curious weapons of
copper were at its feet, aad Shaler
and . Morrison say the discovery M
undoubtedly evidence of the exist '
ence of a prehistoric race.
Thirty young men. whose names
are unknown, have been arrested at
Waldo, 25 miles from -"Sheboygan.
Wiuconsiu, on the charge of hayiug
caused the death of fourteen-year-old
Fred. Kopwood, near Cascade. Some
men were washing sheep in a mill
dam when the boy came along. The
men offered the boy a drink of whis
ky, which he refused. They com
pelled him to drink of the stuff and .
threw him into the mill - pond. The
boy crawled out into the woods and
died from exposure.
Mr. Singerly has made an interest"
ing experiment as to the time requir
ed to print his Philadelphia Record
upon paper direct from tbe tree. This
is the record: Chopping one and a
half eords of poplar wood, stripping
and loading on boat, three hours:
time consumed in manufacture of
wood pulp, twelve hours; manufac
turing the wood pulp into paper.
five: hours; transporting to Record
office, one hour and twenty minutes,;
wetting paper preparatory te t print- -
ing, thirty minutes; printing 10,000
Record, ten . minutes. Total time
from . tree to paper, twenty-two -hours.
'.
A Strange Case of Discipline.
Baltimore 8an.
One of tbe most remarkable eccle
siastical cases in modern times is re
ported from Americus, Ga. Mr. J. J.
Dukes, a prominent member of the
Hardshell Baptist Church, recently
put up a lightning rod on his new
$10,000 residence, and thereby deeply
pained bis religious brethren by his
evident distrust of the beneficence of
Providence. Tbey said that he was
endeavoring to interfere with the will
of God, and the whole congregation.
beaded by the pastor, came to his
house and labored with him to lake
down the blasphemous and faith
less rod. Mr. Dukes declined, where
upon an eccletuastical court was!con
veiled and charges preferred against
tbe offending member for interfering
with the will of God.
Making F"rtaes.
Dr. Kingsbury, in one of bis "Pis-
tolgrapha," says: "If the evangelists
keep on they will all get rich. lid v. ,
Sam Jones Dr. Pearson, Mr. Fife and
others are well paid for preaching
the gospel. They get aa much for
tbe labor of a few a" ays as a Southern
editor can make in a whole year of
day and night labor Wid no holidays
or rest days. Mr. Fife received f300
at. Raleigh, (600 at SttesvUia and f
$1,000 at Iioulsburg. Salrn Jones got.
more than $2,000 iu Wilmington
UU1Q tAltJIO (IOcrVUll,
for
Sarsaparilla belon'ra to the amilax
family of plants, and is found vrv
geuerally ovsr the American con
tinent; but the variety that i richest
in ineuiciuai propertied h tbe lioii
duras root, of which the famous
Ayer's Saruapai ilia is made.
tot o Sleep by Ughtni
St. Louis Republic .
Luja, Ohio. MayJltv-'
case fa attracting atten '
Ella Ragnn was sitting
during a thunder to
last Thursday, when
ttome object Ui-4
Ragan fell over
mained soev"
awaketn ,
peixsf
A flower Unit fru4
iba ruu blossom."-.
cunnut v