Newspapers / The Hornet (Bixby, N.C.) / Sept. 8, 1915, edition 1 / Page 4
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Signs of unrest are never noticed at a popular loafing place. Some of the weather bureau’s worst predictions come true. Among the common mental dis eases include cold feet Patience is a virtue when it is pos sessed by our creditors. "The more the merrier” doesn’t fit well when applied tp war. War, it is observed, is becoming more and more a shell game. Genuine civilization is not the kind women and childen have reason to fear. Nobody objects to “broken English” when it voices solid American senti ment Sometimes the man who likes peace most fights hardest when war comes, Man, every time he looks at a cor set advertisement rejoices that he is not a woman. Shooting the ferocious clay pigeon is another way of accustoming a citi- zenry to arms. Men would better stop sneering at woman’s styles or woman may resur- , rect the bustle. Now that Venice is among the first ’points of attack, they ought to mobil ize the gondolas. What has become of the old-fash ioned girl who wanted a young man with a mustache? Human nature is always the same. [Furthermore, it couldn’t be changed [to satisfy everybody. A woman gets relief from tears. A man chokes a few times and finally swallows his emotions. There are people so ill tempered they would try to slam the gate shut [it they got into heaven. "Golden” shoe buttons are the latest [fashion fad, but most girls won’t have [the "brass” to wear them. A Harvard professor says that he [has discovered a substitute for sleep. Still, sleep is not unpleasant to take. Probably the undertaker would never get busy with some people if they were [to live until they had acquired wisdom. Damp days are indeed melancholy to the man who has just Invested seven hard dollars in a new panama hat. Berlin announces that “bread is going down.” That is the general di rection it is taking in this country also. Young persons will kindly note with approval that the government urges the tulip as suitable treatment for parks. The incoming fashion of low-neck shirts will find some men insisting that the Adam’s apple is the seat of wisdom. You may have noticed that the ma jority of husbands look as if the wom en they belong to didn’t take very good care of them. England’s new solicitor general is said to owe his place to sheer ability. This should greatly encourage a host of country editors. When your enemy smites you on one cheek you can turn the other, but when he slams you on the nose, what Is the biblical thing to do? People may sympathise with a man who makes a fool of himself occa sionally, but not with one who insists on giving a continuous performance. Woman barbers will never become popular with men. They can’t forget the sorry scrape old man Samson got into by going to a woman for a hair cut After the war the people will need much romance and many stories of love in quiet places to get their minds and hearts in tune with beauty and sentiment. Astronomical experts say that the Mellish comet has been breaking up If this is a sign that the war is go ing to do likewise, the comet is to be highly commended for leading in the movement. A genius has invented a piano that weighs only 120 pounds. The tired papa who wants to rest and read can throw that sized piano into the back yard when Julie Ann persists in pounding it After devoting forty years and a for tune to experiments in perpetual mo tion, a Michigan man has died in an insane asylum. All motion ceases some time—even the wheels In the head of the inventor. An American who has made a pro fession of collecting botanical speci mens says he believes that certain flowers and plants can see and that their perfume is their song. There are a lot of sensitive people who don’t think much of the song of the onion. FIRST AID. WW"' ' The patient writhed in the chair. Anger made his face crimson, but the rubber dam in his mouth prevented speech. The dentist stepped quickly into his laboratory and came back with & placard which he hung up on the wall high enough to be seen by the patient in his semirecumbent position. On the card were printed in bold type half a dozen lines of profanity that fairly sizzled. “Is that how you feel?” asked the dentist, sympathetically. The patient nodded his head. "Well, keep your eyes on the card. I’ll soon be through.” First Aid. "Hey,” yelled the man in room 606 through the phone. "Well?” asked the busy hotel clerk. “If the woman in the next room is singing, move me to the fifteenth floor; if she’s moaning, send a doctor up at once.” True Spellbinding. “What is your idea of real political greatness?” "Well,” replied Senator Sorghum, "these days a man doesn’t seem to be considered a really great politician until he can keep a crowd interested, without saying a word about politics.’* WISE KID. Mamma—Now, Harold, at the party if anyone asks you to have some thing, you must say, “Yes, thank you,* and if you don’t want it you must say— Harold—Don’t bother, mamma, I don’t expect to refuse anything. A Quick Response. Alas, to think how many fall And lay the blame on fate, Who, when they hear temptation calle Don’t eVen b«sltate!
The Hornet (Bixby, N.C.)
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Sept. 8, 1915, edition 1
4
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