The Charlotte Messenger.
VOL. 111. NO. 44.
THE
Charlotte Messenger
' IS PUBLISHED
EVERY SATURDAY,
AT
CHARLOTTE, N. C.
In the Interest* of the Colored People of
the Country.
Able and well-known writers will contrib
ute to its columns from different parts of the
country, and it will contain the latest Gen
eral News of the day.
Tub Messenger is a first-class newspaper
and will not altyw personal abuse in its col
umns. It is not sectarian or partisan, but
independent—dealing fairly by all. It re
serves the right to criticise the shortcomings
of all public officials—commending tho
worthy, and recommending for election such
men as in its opinion are best suited to serve
the interests or the people.
It is intended to supply tho long felt need
of a newspaper to advocate the rights and
defend the interests of the Negro-American,
especially in the Piedmont qoction of the
Carolinas.
SUBSCRIPTIONS:
{Alivayt in Advance.)
One Year $1.50
8 Months 1.00
C Months 75
4 Months 50
3 Months 40
Address,
W C. SMITH, CHARLOTTE, N.C.
Improving Farm Homes and Grounds,
The immediate surroundings of farm
ers’ homes generally are far From being
as attractive in appearance as they can
easily be made. Indeed, the rural
front yards are, as a rule, much Igss
beautiful and interesting than those of
people in the same general circum
stances in towns and cities. In (he lat
ter, lawns are well cared for, and
choice ornamental trees, shrubs and
flowers, are much oftener met with
than about country homes. There is
no valid reason for this. Such embel
lishments are not more easily acquired
in the city, but just the reverse. The
farmer has teams, implements and ma
nures for putting the house grounds in
the best condition for ornamental treat
ment; labor is quite as cheap as in
town, while sodding a lawn costs far
less in the country. Trees and plants
are as cheap to the farmer as to any
one, while in many places some of the
best kinds for ornament can be had
from the woods for the digging.
Thgre may be points in which life on
the farm lacks the attractions common
to town life, but in charming home
f rounds the farmer is certainly to
lame if the city dweller excels him. It
is often wondered why country life has
not charms sufficient to hold the boys
to the farm, and that they grow up
longing for the city. If more atten
tion were given to making their home
surroundings more cheerful and at
tractive for the sons and others of the
family, there would be less heard of
this trouble. And in all such work
every proper effort is sure to be seconded
by tho wife; while nothing is more
natural than for the children to be en
thusiastic helpers in this work. Such
improvements of course require some
outlay, but this can hardly prove
otherwise than a good investment.
Every dollar judiciously spent in this
way will soon be returned many fold
in the increased valuation of any place,
should it be desirable to sell, to say
nothing of the greater happiness and
love of home that will thus be inspired
Now that long evenings are at hand,
this subject should receive due consid
eration. Plans may be drawn up for
an improved arrangement of walks,
drives, flower beds, shrubbery, borders
and other matter. Every detail of
these can be decided upon, and entered
upon a map, long before winter is over,
so that when spring opens the work
can go on intelligently’ and to the bc»’
advantage. —Elias A. Lung, Architect .
in American Agriculturist.
A Practicable Scheme for Saving.
Four hundred Harvard professors and
students formed a co-operative society
nine months ago, and opened a store,
where books, sporting articles, station
ery, fuel, pictures and clothing were
either kept in stock or sold by sample.
The price of everything was five per
cent, above wholesale cost and members
could buy, but on no other terms than
cash down. They also paid 92 a year.
The experiment has thus far been high
ly satisfactory, and no reason for fail
ure in the future is apparent There is
no capital at risk, the five per cent, and
yearly dues cover the expenses, and the
members, now increased to 636, get
their supplies at an average of twenty
per cent, less than they would have to
pay elsewhere. A novel branch of the
business is the sale of second-hand
books and furniture, by which students
get pay for their discarded things, in
stead of throwing them away.
A Frontier Humorist.
Away on tho extreme Western front
ier, in the foot hills along Giren River,
(Jen. Forsythe, of Sheridan’s staff, found
a humorist during a tour of inspection:
He came upon a solitary station-keep
er who lived in a hut containing four
•tails for animals and a combination
parlor, kitchen and sleeping apartment
«ix by ten feet in size. Over the door,
outside, were in huge letters: "Hotel do
Starvation; 1,000 miles from bay and
grain, 70 miles from wood, and 15 miles
from water."
Tho walls of the room were decorated
with pictures cut from police publica
tions. Over tho door, inside, in charcoal
letters i foot in length, were the words,
"God dess oi Jr home,’’ and In another
place he notice: "Wanted—A nice
roung girl for general housework,
tpply within.”
Bitter-Sweet,
TUere comes a time when even grief grows
weary,
And eyes for want of tears must ceese to
weep:
When life for want of light Is scarcely dreary,
Beoause the shadows are so very deep.
We grow forgetful of the sun’s existence.
And find protection In eternal night;
Hope does not mock us with its mad persist*
ence,
Nor gage our gloom with its deceptive light.
Bemorse has seasons when it sinks to slum
ber,
And sweet, dead days of bliss are lived
again;
So real seems pleasure that we do not num
ber
The intervening days of wo and pain.
The sin remembered seems well worth tho
sinning
For that one taste of rapture that It
brought;
And broken bubbles seem well worth the
winning
When triumph with such precious joy was
fraught.
There Is no hell without Its glimpse of
heaven—
Brief moments when a common source sup.
plies
Delight as rare as that to angels given,
And peace as perfect as tne saved onca’
prize.
—Flora McDonald.
NIXIE.
Nobody would take little Nixie Mark
ham for a heroine, nor would one sup
pose that little quiet figure possessed
nerve enough to save hundreds of lives
by her prompt action, but this was the
way of it: It was a hot summer after
noon, and the most absolute quiet reign
ed over the little railroad station of
Parkerstown, up in Northern New
England, on these sweltering July days.
Not even the customary loafers were
around, and only at train time was
there any show of life.
The down-train was due at 6:10, but
until then, as the sensational writers
say, "all was quiet as the grave.”
Nixie was the station agent’s daugh
ter and only child, She was 15, al
though so small she looked three years
younger, and was usually quiet as a
mouse—“ Dot much zip to her,’’ as the
country folks said. In spite of the cur
rent opinion, however, she had, except
the small portion of time which the lit
tle country town set apart for the school
season, spent nearly all of her time in
the ticket-office with her father, pick
ing up, letter by letter and word by
word, the sounds of the Morse instru
ment; and, finally, one day she aston
ished her father by taking a telegram
by sound, giving bim a neat “copy.”
From that day Nixie was installed as
telegraph operator, and the indulgent
father often said "Nick could ruu that
office jest as well as he could himself”
—which, considering that Mr. Mark
ham was considered by the boys "a
plug operator;” might be called a doubt
tul compliment to Nixie.
Well, this particular afternoon we are
talking about, the aforesaid “plug”
sauntered into the depot with trouble
enthroned on his majestic brow.
"Nick, I’m summoned on a jury case
up to the Centre Village this afternoon.
Ire too late to get anybody here, even
■’posing there was anybody to get.
What are we going to do about it?
S’pose you can ’tend the concern alone
until I get back—probably by 6?”
“I guess so, father,” replied Nixie.
"There won’t be much of anything to
do. Likely there won’t be many pas
sengers for the down train this hot day,
and I hope I know enough to sell a
ticket or two if there are.”
"Well, see that those boxes go by ex
press. The waybills are ready and in
the drawer—guess you’ll get along all
right” —and off he went, leaving Nixie
mistress of the situation—which phase
meant more than you might imagine,
that very particular day.
At first she felt her nowlv-acquircd
importance somewhat and stepped
briskly around, dusting the musty little
office and watering the few plants in
the window, but there being absolutely
nothing to do and no one coming near,
she dropped into inactivity and listened
to the click of the telegraph instrument,
which to her was as companionable as
the talk of near friends would be. As
the i...ernoon passed drowsily along
the heat and stillness overcame her,
and dropping her flaxen head on the
desk before her, she was soon—as one
of the good ladies of Parkerstown was
wont to express it —“in the arms of
Morphine.”
Afterwards, the first thing she could
remember about it, a voice seeming to
come from her dreams said: "’Taint
likely she is left here alone, and asleep,
too.’’
"No,” responded another evil voice,
“the old man’s prob’ly ’round some
where—but,” in a lower tone, "come
on, let’s go ’long. The down train ’ll
bo along and we’ll just lay ’em out”
Nixie was wide awake enough now,
but she had presence of mind in her
■mall body, and realized that safety lay
in keeping stilL
"How fir is it up there?”
■••’Shi Keep mum. Do you want to
knock the hull thing in the head, and
yourself too?” And then the girl’s
quickened hearing caught the sound of
heavy footsteps passing by the window
and on bp the track.
Nixie waited until she couldn’t bear
the footsteps and then cautiously turned
and lookea out of the window. There
they were —two miserable-looking
tramps hastening up the track. She
recognized them at once as two men
who had been discharged from a con
struction-train that bad been at work
down the road. Wbat should she do?
O, if she could sand for her father! But
thfere was no one anywhere near, and,
besides, by the time ne could get home
it might be too late—for it was evident
that tho desperate wretches were bent
upon revenging themselves of their
faacied wrongs upon the innocent. She'
looked at the clock. Half-past 4! She
ran oat and looked around the lonely
CHARLOTTE, N- C. SATURDAY, MAY 21, 1887.
station. No iivj-ng uotug in aiguu uno
called once, feebly, buCwhat - was the
use. If she sent for her father she had
no tangible explanation to give or real
reason to make him hurry home—only
she was sure there was harm coming to
the down train—that long crowded ex
press filled with mountain tourists. But
she must do something.
The men had disappeared around a
slight bend in the track. Nixie ran in,
locked up the oillce, snatched a hat from
a nail in the corner, and then hurried
up the track until she arrived at a slight
curve. Then she "made haste more
slowly," for there were the men. Step
ping behind a clump of bushes she
watched them. They had stopped and
were doing something, she could not at
first see what, to the track. Pretty soon
up came a rail, and in a minute more it
was thrown down a steep ledge within
four feet of the track—where the whole
train must be precipitated in less than
an hour if something could not be done
to warn them. Nixie saw it now,
and for a moment stood, her eyes di
lated with horror, while she saw the
scoundrels shake their fists toward her
way and heard an imprecation. Then
they passed on and Nixie, growing cold
in the sudden extremity, turned and
sped toward the depot.
The rail had been removed on a
curve which was shaded on the west
side by a high bank so that at half-past
sit was quite dusk there, and as the
train always came in on a down grade
they came at full speed. So Nixie
thought to herself, “I’m so glad I came,
for now I’ll hurry and telegraph to
Stratford before the train comes by,
and then we’ll see, Mr. Tramps, bow
your little scheme comes out,”
She reached the office and looked at
the clock. Five minutes to 5! and the
train left Stratford at 5:03. Well, eight
minutes was more than plenty of time
if she could “raise” Stratford. She
grasped the key. “Sd-sd-sd,” clicked
the idstrnment. Never before was there
so impatient an operator on that line.
With her eyes on the clock, which seem
ed then, if ever, to say “forever—never
—nevor—forever." sho kept up the call.
Somebody on the other side “broke her”
twice, but she gave all the danger sig
nals she could think of and kept on.
The moments kept on—one. two, three,
four, five—slowly pealed the old clock
—each stroke an agony to tho girl.
Meanwhile the agent at Stratford
could ;ot operate at all, and the boy
who t uld and who served as general
chore-boy about the place, bad gone for
the cows, and there was no one to an
swer the call on which so much depend
ed.
A few minutes and it was too late,
and Nixie was in a new dilemma.
Nixie closed the key in despair. She
did not know the train signals, but
seized the red flag undor the old desk
and nn for dear life—literally the dear
lives ot her fellow-creatures. Not until
she got to the wrecked place did sho
remember that she must go beyond the
curve to stop them or she would be of
no use. Already she heard the approach
ing train rumble in the distance. Fast
er, faster she sped round the curve
straight on up the track. She could see
them now coming in. On they rushed,
the great engine bent on destroying its
precious freight Nixie stopped in the
midst of the track and frantically swung
her red flag, but still the monster rush
ed toward her, showing no abatement
of speed.
Meanwhile the engineer and fireman
had seen the slight form of the girl and
the fireman stood aghast to see the en
gineer so utterly regardless of her.
“Stop, man!” he shouted; “don’t you
see the girl?”
“yes, said the half-drunk engineer.
“Why don’t the little fool get out of my
way? I’ll teach her,” and made no
movement to stop.
Nixie waited with a sinking heart—
O, why did everything go against her?
Was it the will of Goa that this dread
ful thing must happen? The engine
was close upon her and she ran up on
a jutting rock by the railroad still wav
ing her scarlet flag—but just as the en
gine came alongside of her she heard
the sharp click of the call-bell in the
engine and saw the fireman push the
engineer aside and reverse the engine.
The conductor, who had just seen her
and excitedly pulled the bell-rope,
jumped off and came toward her. But
the reaction was to much for poor Nixie
and Bhe could only gasp out: "Round
the curve,” and then she was a white
heap, with no sense of anything.
Passengers rushed out, and, aft
er some had been to the curve and seen
what the little girl had saved them
from, no lady in the land could be so
loyally waited upon as sho was when
■he bad been lifted into the car and
told modestly her little story. It was
some little time before the track was
ready for the train to proceed, and,
when Nixie got out at her own station,
many kind hands pressed hers in fare
well, and the conductor left something
in her hand, too, just as the train left,
saying: "Ton are the bravest little wo
man in the State.”
Not until she had been in the office a
good half honr with her father, who
Bad got borne from his lawsuit and
wondered what made the train late and
where Nixie bad gone to, and told him
all the story, did Nixie think to look at
the packet. Then she read a note:
"Will Miss Eunice Markham accept the
accompanying from the friends she so
bravely sa'vea Aug. 23, 1880?”
The note was wrapped around 9500
In bank notes.
“O, papa! now you can pay off the
mortgage on the house,” cried Nixie,
and the father said:
"I declare, Nick, you get higher
wages as agent than 1 do!”
The Superintendent of the Q &L.
Railroad Company came down to Kark
•rstown that week, and soon after there
was a vacancy In one of the best office*
of the comaauY in a neighboring cllr
and Mr. Markham was tendereH the
situation. ,He accepted, "so Nixie can
have tlie schooling she wants so much,”
he said; and to-day Miss Eunice Mark
ham is one of the most promising pupils
in the high school of that city. But
more than ever is she the pride of her
father’s heart, who never tires of tell
ing of the afternoon "his girl was sta
tion agent”
But. after all, you would novel - take
her for a heroins.
Hotels in the Yellowstone.
My return journey to the Mammoth
Hot springs was hurried, but it gave
me an opportunity of learning some
thing about the way in which the park
employes live. At nightfall we reach
ed the only camp within thirty miles
to find that a party of visitors had just
arrived, and that there was no chance
of accommodation. In this dilemma—
and it was so dark that we could hard
ly see two rivers through which we
passed —our indefatigable guide recol
lected that a mile and a half distant
there was a log cabin belonging to a
wheelwright in the service of the com
pany. He dashed off to ascertain if we
could have friendly shelter for tho
night, and speedily brought word that
we might have supper and a blanket on
the floor. No weary guests could have
received a heartier welcome, and, im
mediately the wife heard that one mem
ber of our party of four was a sick lady,
she showed tho kindest attention. The
sleeping apartment occupied by the
hard-working couple was remarkably
simple. A canvas screen was stretch
ed across one end of the cabin, and a
rough straw bed was to them the soft
est couch. The little house really
boasted two rooms, but one was for the
storage of lumber and provisions. The
cabin itself was given up for our use.
Certainly the company having control
of the park take care that their work
men are properly housed and protected,
both from the extremes of climate and
the wild animals, which in winter time
prowl around human habitations in
search of food. Every chink was so
soaled that tho only ventilation was
through the open door. A supper and
breakfast were provided far better than
any we bad tasted for days. Fresh
coffee was ground and served equal to
that in a Parisian case, and there was
an abundance of fresh e<jgs, milk,
cakes, and bread. For the hospitality
wo were only asked 75 cents each—less
than the price of a single bad meal at
many other places we nad entered. In
one respect the good nature of these
worthy people was inconvenient Tho
night being cold, a fire was kept up in
a stove, until at last we could scarcely
breathe, and a large hunting dog, un
accustomed to seeing strangers lying
on the ground, deemed it to be his
duty to keep strict watch. In the
morning he manifested less suspicion
in our movements, and listened with a
kind of personal interest to his master,
as he related some of his adventures
with wild animals which infest the
park. When he exhibited his rifle and
the skull of a fine bear —one of the or
naments of tho cabin—the dog evident
ly meant us to understand that on these
shooting excursions his intelligent aid
was of some importance. •
The wheelwright had had no experi
ence of the depths of winter in the
park, as he and his wife had come from
Canada early in the spring. At that
time they had to obtain provisions
from a distance of 120 miles. Nearer
than that, prices at the squatters’ huts
and tents were about famine quotations.
Nor did they expect to remain at their
present comfortable quarters during
the coming winter. All traffic through
the park is then out of the question.
To be stationed here when the snow
has blotted out tho trails and paths,
when the rivers are swollen to torrents
and the ice on the hills renders them
impassable, must be as cheerless an
existence as that of a light-house keep
er on some lonely island, where the
storm-tossed waves forbid all approach.
The light-house keeper, indeed, would
have the advantage. He would not bo
cut off from all chance of rescue. Dur
ing a cairn lie could receive supplies,
and vessels are constantly passing in
the distance. But these high mountain
ranges and desolate alkali plains are
as forbidding as tho arctic regions to
man. Soon after the end of September,
when bad weather duly commences,
all those who have been busy minister
ing to the wants of tourists and hunting
parties pack up and hasten away. A
few hunters and squatters may behcard
of now and then roaming about certain
parts in search of game, but the park
is practically abandoned.— Cor. Lon. Ttl.
Salt in Salt Lake.
It was noticed that the reading desk
ot the Tabernacle was hung in black.
The visitor asked if any one were dead.
The reply was that it was done in mem
ory of the elders in prison. Tho gon
tleman took a bath in Salt Lake. The
water, he says, is much more salt than
that of the ocean, so much so that the
attendants warn visitors not to swal
low it, as it burns the tissues of the
throat It was very easy to koep afloat
in tho waves, but very hard to get into
an upright position. A trip on the
steamer on the lake was taken, and the
captain said lie could make but three
knots an hour because of the great re
sistance of tho water. It was reported
that there were no fish in the lake, but
the visitors filled a bottle with tbe water
and found two little fish in it Very
beautiful and bright crystal formations
were found along tbe edge of the lake,
looking like pure rock candy. Some of
the sage bushes, upon which the water
liowcil. were covered with this crystal
formation. —New York Mail and'Ex
vrest. .—>
Alexander Dumas, the yoonger, Is now
In his 63d year and his hair is silvery
•Bile. _
MISSING LINKS.
The farmers of Butte county, Cal.,
propose to plant olives extensively next
spring.
Dudes need not fear the decline of
the standing collar. It is as universal
as ever in "Lonnon.”
An Augusta, Ga., lawyer has defended
forty-three men charged with murder
and cleared forty-one.
Advertisements for wives are inserted
in western papers by miners at Red
Gulch, Indian Territory.
A young lady at Deseronto, Canada,
attracts attention by promenading the
streets with a cigarette between her
teeth.
George Francis Train gives his auto
graph to everybody who asks for it,
and predicts that it will sell for 910 in
five years.
Mrs. Hannah Enston has left to
Charleston, S. C., the sum of $400,000
for the purpose of “making old age
comfortable.”
A great religions revival is sweoping
over northern New Brunswick. It is
said to be unequaled in the history of
the provinces.
The public has paid for Appleton’s
“American Cyclopedia” in its various
editions, including annual supplements,
nearly $15,000,000.
Gifts at wedding anniversary recep
tions are now understood to be discour
aged by people “who do not have to
live on their friends.”
Garabed S. Azhdarian, an Armenian,
is making his way through Amherst
college by selling Oriental embroideries,
scarfs, etc., sent him from home.
Two men of Philadelphia wet a load
of slate so that it looked like coal and
then sold it to an unsuspecting citizen,
who thought he was lucky in buying it
for 94.50.
Pierre Lorillard favors a legacy tax
of ten per cent on all fortunes exceed
ing $200,000, which, he says, would
not oppress the heir, and could not be
regretted by the dead.
Statistics in the New York Herald
show that deaths by alcoholism in this
country have decreased during the past
fifteen years from a ratio oflll to 45
in each 1,000 from all causes.
Jay Cooke, now 65 years old, is de
scribed as still an active worker and
man of affairs. He has an office in
Philadelphia directly over tbe banking
house he conducted during the war.
Mrs. Campbell-Praed, at a recent
reception in New York, seemed to an
American man of letters as having just
stepped out of one of Du Maurier’s so
ciety pictures in Punch, so patrician
was her air.
A glass as hard as any cast metal,
and not more expensive than cast-iron,
is stated to have been produced by Mr.
Siemens, of Dresden. Experiments are
being made to determine whether it can
be used for rails on railways.
A quiit containing 3,162 pieces of
calico has just been completed by Mrs.
Mattie Wooten, of Viola, Tenn. No
two pieces in the quilt are alike, each
one having been taken from different
pieces of calico. It required several
years to gather material for this work.
King Humbert of Italy has been pre
sented with an enormous wreath of
bronze, surmounted by a golden star,
in recognition of tho bravery and hu
manity displayed by him during the
cholera epidemic in Naples. It was paid
for by popular subscriptions limited to
1 cent each.
It is more than doubtful whether the
Boston Metaphysical club will be re
vived. Mrs. Julia Ward Howe has too
many calls upon her attention and her
strength to direct its course, and there
seems to be no other woman with suf
ficient mental equipment and personal
influence who is willing to take up the
work.
A festive bachelor, sixty years old,
hairless and toothless, will have to pay
$14,000 for trifling with the affections of
a demure maiden of about forty-five
living at Portland, Ore. He refused to
come to tbe scratch, so she sueu him
for breach of promise and the jury
awarded her the above amount.
A winsome centenarian, whose hand
some face has but few wrinkles and
whose intellectual faculties are st.il un
dimmed, is Mrs. J. Witherspoon Smith
of New Orleans. Her husband was a
grandson of John Witherspoon, sign
er of the Declaration of Independence,
and one of her nephews was John C.
Breckinridge of Kentucky.
Tho celebrated shop called the Bon
Marche, in Paris, has a "band” or or
chestra composed of 250 of the men and
women connected with the establish
ment. The other evening, writes a cor
respondent. they gave a concert in the
huge halls of the store, and eminent
artists like M. F’aure, of the Grand
opera, were among the singers. There
were no less than seven thousand peo
ple in the audience.
Several months ago. In a mill at
Tatrp, Conn., a 14-year-old boy was
caught in a shaft and whirled around
soveral times. His right arm was torn
from the socket with such force as to
■end it a distance of fifteen feet, his left
leg suffered a compound fracture and
bone comminuted, nis right knee was
dislocated and fractured, and he was
otherwise fearfully bruised, and yet he
is alive and well.
Queen Victoria has conferred the
title of “Highness” upon the Batten
burg baby, because, being tbe offspring
of a morganatic marriage, he inherits
neither rank nor precedence from his
mother, and is not born royal. The
new "Highness” Is likely to do very
well in life, as It is no secret that the
Duke of Connanght and the Prineees
SKS, be the principal heir* of
Terms: $1 50 per Annum. Single Copy 5 cents.
WIT AND HUMOIL
When a Boston wifo puts apostscript
to her notes her husband catches on.
N. B.—Notabena in the house. •
"No, sir,” said tho practical man,
“no bric-a-brac on the mantel for me.
It’s a nuisance. Where’s a man to put
his feet?”
It takes four rat-skins to make a pair
of slippers, with the understanding that
tho slippers are not to bo sold in Chica
go or St. Louis.
"Always go to bed on a cracker or
crust of bread,” says a hygienic writer.
Most people would prefer to go to bed
on a clean sheet.
Boy (with feeling)—l’m an orphan,
and father’s broke his legs and is in
jail, and mother’s in an insane asylum,
and if Igo home without any money
they’ll lick me.
"The first umbrella appearedin Eng
land in the year 1777.” It is not stat
ed when tho umbrella disappeared in
England, but it is,safe to wager that it
was also in 1777.
“McSwilligen, have you read tho new
story, ‘A Cry in tho" Night’?” asked
Podsnap. “No,” replied McSwilligen,
“being a married man, my children
supply me.” — Oil City Derrick.
So you don’t know what Burdette
means by a "macadamized pike,” eh?
Just you tackle a pike that is about six
days caught and eight days cooked on
a railroad lunch-counter, and you will
know.
The humorous market is dull. We
quote coachmen jokes, prime, at 5 to 6
cents per million; ice cream jokes, no
demand; bank cashier jokes, weak at 1
tolj cents per ton; choice plumber
jokes in demand at $1 to $2 per ton.
The man who prayed for thoso who
sit under the “drippings of the sanctu
ary” was a near relative of another
who besought tho Lord to “prop up da
brudder and sister with the propera
tion9 of do gospel.”— Harper's Bazar.
The man who drove a mule in a race
and won in remarkably quick time un
derstood mule nature. He kept tug
ging at tho reins and shouting, “Back,
back, you brute!” all the way round the
course, and tho mule went ahead forall
he was worth.
"The wisest of all sayings,” said
some one one night at the old Fielding
Club, “is tho old Greek maxim, ‘Know
thyself.’ ” "Yes,” said Charles Ken
ney, “there’s a deal of wisdom in it
Know thyself; but,” he added, "never
introduce a friend.”
A reporter in describing the turning
of a dog out of court by order of the
bench, says: “The ejected canine, ashe
was ignominiously dragged from the
room, cast a glance at the Judge for
the purpose of being able to identify
him at some future time.”
“Mother,” said a little girl, who was
engaged in making an apron for her
doll, “I believe I will be a Dnchess
when I grow up. ” “How do you ex
pect to become a Duchess, my daugh
ter?” “Why, by marrying a. Dutch
man, to be sure,” replied the little
girl.
A Lewiston family recently received
a visit from a well-known clergyman.
In the family is an active little girl of 3
years. She listened very attentively
while grace was being said, and at its
conclusion she looked up in the c.ergy
man’s face and said: “ ’Tain’t pretty to
talk so at the table. My papa don’t.”
—Lewiston Journal.
Strangers arc surprised to sco New
Orleans policemen in full uniform
drinking at bars with hoodlums, and
smoking cigars on thoir beats while on
duty. The New York policeman sneaks
around to a back door to get his smoke
and drink; but he has some stylo about
him when he walks his beat.— New Or
leans Picayune.
One of tho Japaneso students, whilo
out for a stroll, was accosted by a
sophomore with the inquiry: "What’s
your name?” The gentlemanfrom Ja
pan answered politely, giving his sur
name. “Oh,” rejoined the questioner,
"you heathens don’t have but one
name, I sec.” “What was the first
name of Moses?” was tho reply.—Har
vard Lampoon.
Tho Greely expedition cost the Gov
ernment $762,996. Wo don't want to
appear parsimonious and mean in these
matters, but couldn’t it be arranged to
starve a few men and freezo them to
death a little nearer homo and at less
expense? A winter’s sojourn in a
“spare room” of a Michigan farm
house would accomplish tho samo re
sult, and we’d learn just as much about
tho North Pole.
Just starting on their wedding trip:
Young wife—"l am afraid, dear, that
our trip to Montreal and Quebec will
be very expensive.” Younghusband —
“It may be a trifle expensive, but just
think what a delightful time we will ,
have!” Just ending the wedding trip:
Roung wife—" What a delightful timo
we have had, dear!” Young husband
—“Yes, we have had a pleasant enough
time, but just think what an awful ex
pense it has been!”— New York Sun.
A charming young girl, accompanied
by her octogenarian great-grandmoth
er, who is all that the name implies,
enters a Paris dry goods store. “How
much is this ribbon ?” she asks of tho
polite young clerk, who has bounded
agilely over several stools to wait upon
her. “A kiss a yard!” replies tho
young masher gallantly. “Givo mo
ten yards, then. Grandma'll pay you
—she always settles tho bills when wo
go shoot)in?.”
More than 60,000 New Yorkers live
at hotels, and there are 100,000 stran
gers in townevery night.
George Alfred Townsend, says Now
York journalism, is going to seed.