Newspapers / University of North Carolina … / March 9, 1966, edition 1 / Page 3
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CAROLINA JOURNAL Wednesday, March 9, 1966 Page Three The Hot Line Drafted— Swahili Style By ELLISON CLARY, JR. The following story is rumored to have taken place in the Swahili National Army. Only the names have been changed to protect this writer. Besides, it’s hard to spell Swahili names. Recruit Jones was nervous as he tried to stand with his company at attention on his first day at boot camp. He fiddled and fidgeted with his belt buckle and before he knew what had happened his trousers were on the ground instead of him. It was then that his sergeant caught him with his pants down. “Jones,” yelled the sergeant, “What are you doin’ with your pants off? You hot? Well then Jones, you can drill in your drawers all day long. Underwear, I mean understand?” “Yes,” replied Jones. “Yes what?” screamed the rail-chewing tack-spitting sergeant. This made poor Private Jones even more nervous than before and he stammered, “Yes ma’am, sir.” The crosstie-chewing toothpick-spitting sergeant cursed Jones until he was hoarse. All the while. Private Jones was shaking like a wet dog without his master or a dry man without his pants. There was nothing Private Jones could do about it. He’d always been a sensitive boy. Once he’d almost hanged himself by running into his mother’s clothesline and he’d been high-strung ever since. The sergeant received a message requesting him to come to the colonel’s office. Upon his arrival, the colonel told him, “Sergeant, this boy in your unit, u-uh Jones. His sister died today and I wish you’d break the news to him.” “Yes sir,” snapped the sergeant and he hurried back to his men. He called them to attention and bellowed, “Private Jones! Two steps forward! Your sister died!” The news hit Jones like a ton of bricks falling ten stories on a pygmy ant. He dropped his gun, it discharged, and shot off the sergeant’s hat. Jones passed out in the dirt. After spending two days in deep shock, Jones returned to his company. He nervously listened to the glass-chewing ash tray-spitting sergeant bark commands and wished boot camp could be more like Y-camp. He decided the councilors were much nicer back at Y-camp. Again the sergeant was called to the colonel’s office. “I know this is Private Jones’ first day back,” explained the colonel, “But his father died today. Will you tell him. Sergeant?” “Yes sir,” snapped the sergeant. Back with his men the sergeant’s steely voice rasped, ‘‘A-ten-shun! Private Jones! Two steps forward! Your father died!” Jones was hit harder than a freight train running over a fishing worm. He passed out and spent the next three weeks in a coma during which he kept calling, “Bruce, Bruce, Bruce ” No one could figure why he did that because his father’s name was Sidney. He later explained that he was dreaming of Batman and that “Bruce” was Bruce Wayne. On his return, Jones’ nerves were shot worse than the targets on the rifle range. Every time he heard his diamond- chewing phonograph needle-spitting sergeant yell a com mand he shook so hard you could hear his liver bile gurgle. Once again the colonel called for the sergeant. “The Jones boy’s mother died, Sergeant,” the colonel said, “And I want you to break the news to him. Now I’ve heard about how you’ve informed him of deaths in the family twice before and I think it’s a shame. What would you do if I told you some bad news in the manner in which you’ve told Private Jones?” “I’d take it like a man, sir,” replied the sergeant. “Is that all?” asked the colonel. “No Sir. Then I’d blow your head off. Colonel sir.” “Well now Sergeant,” said the colonel, “That boy is highly sensitive and I’m ordering you not to be so blunt this time. Is that clear?” “Perfectly Sir. L understand. Sir, and you don’t have to worry about me,” assured the sergeant. “I know exactly how to do it.” The sergeant rushed to his men. “A-ten-shun! ’ he commanded. “Awright all you guys whose mothers are still alive, take two steps forward! Jones! You stay right where you are!” Off in the distance a radio was playing. Jones could hear the Rolling Stones singing, “Here comes your nine teenth nervous breakdown ” Langdale Gestures To Make His Point During Forum Meeting Molinaro, Rous See Hope For American Cities Speaker Rules Adopted (Continued From Page 1) and address of the organization, a list of its officers, the name of the faculty adviser, copies of its constitution and by-laws or state ment of purpose, or both, and a statement as to any affiliation with a regional or national organization. Subject to State laws and the regulations adopted by the Board of Trustees pursuant to the Law and 'Trustee Policy set forth above, recognized student organi zations are authorized to invite visiting speakers referred to in General Statutes 116-199 and 200 in accordance with the following procedures: Procedures Regarding Invitations to Speakers Affected by G. S. 116-199 and 200 In order to provide the Chancellors with an opportunity to exercise the responsibilities Imposed upon them by trustee regulations respecting visiting speakers, the following pro cedures shall be observed prior to extending an invitation to any visiting speaker covered by G. S. 116-199 and 200. 1. 'The officers of a recog nized student club or society desiring to use University facil ities for a visiting speaker shall consult with the club’s faculty adviser concerning the pro posed speaker. 2. The head of the student organization shall submit to the Chancellor a request for reser vation of a meeting place along with the following information: (a) Name of the sponsoring organization and the proposed speaker’s topic, (b) Biographi cal information about the pro posed speaker, (c) Request for a date and place of meeting. 3. Upon receipt of the above information, t he Chancellor shall refer the proposed invita tion to a joint student-faculty standing committee on visiting speakers for advice. He may consult such others as he deems advisable. 4. ’The Chancellor shall then determine whether or not the invitation is approved. Once a speaker affected by G.. S. 116-199 and 200 has been: invited and his acceptance re ceived, his appearance on the campus shall be governed by these regulations: Regulations Regarding the Ap pearance of Visiting Speakers Affected by G. S. 116-199 and 200: 1. All statutes of the State relating to speakers and the use of facilities for speaking purposes are to be obeyed. 2. Student attendance at camp uswide occasions is not compul sory. 3. The appearance of speakers on the campus does not imply either approval or disapproval of the speakers or what is said by them. 4. As a further precaution and to assure free and open discus sion as essential to the safe guarding of free institutions, each Chancellor, when he considers it appropriate, will require any or all of the following: (a) That a meeting be chaired by an officer of the University or a ranking member of the faculty; (b) That speakers at the meeting be subject to questions from the audience: (c) That the opportu nity be provided at the meeting or later to present speakers of different points of view. The Chancelior shall keep the President informed of the appli cation of these regulations cover ing the invitation to and the appearance of visiting speakers affected by G.S. 116-199 and 200. All groups, including non- University organizations that may be authorized through official channels (such as the Extension Division) to meet on the campus, shall conform to applicable laws and trustee policies in the use of the university facilities. The Uni versity welcomes meetings of international, national and re gional learned societies and professional associations, and invitations to use the facilities of the University for their meetings may be extended to them by the Chancellor or by any one authorized by him to issue such invitations. At such meetings the parti cipants shall be invited and the programs shall be arranged by those authorized by the society or association to do so. The laws of North Carolina (G.S. 116-199 and 200) require the Board of Trustees to adopt, publish and enforce regulations. It is the intention of the Board that once regulations are adopted and published they shall be administered and enforced by the responsible administrative offi cers of the University o£ North Carolina. Forirni A Success (Continued From Page 1) here are still on the human scale,” he said. However he predicted a large rise in the urbanization of the country. “In the next 35 years, we will build more than what was built since Plymouth Rock,” he said. He called lor more careful city planning in the future, especially in Charlotte. “Charlotte will be big and ugly, too, in 20 or 30 years if you don’t take advantage of your opportu nity.” Rouse said he thought Charlotte and other cities could learn a lot from his project in Columbia, Md. People really want rationally designed cities and rational growth is much more profitable in the long run, than haphazard growth, he said. Instead of just allowing Char lotte to sprawl, then trying to accommodate for the mistakes, she must “first take a look at what it wants Charlotte to be . . . then examine ways to see how to do it.” Rouse noted that Charlotte’s biggest problem was neither cars nor buildings. “The first problem in Charlotte is not how to move cars or where to build office buildings. You have to start by deciding what makes the most constructive environment for people. Then the other things will follow — the streets, the office buildings. . .” The forum was the first of what is hoped to become an annual event planned for the University in compliance with the day the “Charlotte College bill” passed the North Carolina Legis lature. We’re Not Really Materialists (Continued From Page 1) we are sincere in our belief in democracy is one of the greatest needs of America according to Hyatt. “We’ve got to be a showcase in the area of human rights. You get a lot of talk about combating communism from the Birchers and others. I wish they’d put the principles of brotherhood in action on the home front. That’s the best way of combating communism.” The speaker also had some sharp words for foreign critics of American policy. “We’re called materialists. But when you come back to this country, you realize this country is great not because of its ma terial wealth, but because we care about our fellow man. We’re trying to put our Judaeo, Christian teaching of the value of all men into everyday democratic life.” Hyatt wholeheartedly suggested the field of foreign service to any college graduate who w'as in terested in the world around him.
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March 9, 1966, edition 1
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