Newspapers / University of North Carolina … / March 16, 1966, edition 1 / Page 3
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THE CAROUNA JOURNAL Wednesday, March 16, 1966 Page Three The Hot lAne Beat Farm State By ELLISON CLARY, JR. The sportswriter looked around him. In the distance he could see a sprawling, modern university but, immediately in front of him, all he could see was an old, ramshackled pink and green barn and places where cows had been. This must be the place,” thought the sports writer. “Pink and green are Farm State University’s colors all right.” Just inside, he spotted Farm State’s basketball coach, P. F. (Suc'tioncup) Flyer. Recognizing the writer. Coach Flyer smiled and yelled, “I still got the moves, Babee.” To prove it, he faked a move to put his feet on top of his desk and then leaned back in his chair and flipped his body to the floor. He quickly scrambled to his feet, feinted to his right, then fainted to his left. The sports writer moved in to administer mouth-to- mouth resuscitation but stopped about a foot short and called, “Foul.” Coach Flyer revived and instinctively asked, “Whaddya mean ‘foul’?” “Halitosis, P.F.,” came the answer. “Too much ammonia gargling, I guess,” mused the coach. “What?” “Ammonia gargling. Just before a big game once I was so nervous that I gargled with ammonia instead of mouthwash,” explained Flyer. “I had to be rushed to the hospital during halftime, but we won the game. Since then I’ve been doing it before every ballgame for luck.” “You do what before every game,” asked the writer, “gargle ammonia or go to the hospital?” “Both'; They tend to go hand-in-hand,” Coach answered. “Coach you don’t have much room to practice in here,”' the writer observed as he gazed at the one basket and a half court drawn on the floor. “No,” said the coach, “but you should see this place when we unfold the bleachers.” “What’s that drawn on the far wall?” asked the scribe. “Oh, that’s the other half of the court and the visiting^ team’s basket,” was the explanation. “Too bad we can’t play our games here. It’s pretty hard to get a ball in that hoop up here next to the ceiling.” “Hey, did you see that guy drive straight down the lane without drawing a foul?” exclaimed the reporter who had been inspecting the talent. “Well we only admit careful drivers at Farm State,”" said Flyer in a matter-of-fact manner. The reporter wondered, “What ever happened to your star scorer who was averaging 40 points a game? I don’t see him here.” “Haven’t you heard? He flunked out of school. Too bad about that boy. He had been offered a Rhodes Scholarship,, you know.” “It’s been difficult to recruit star players since Farm State de-emphasized basketball, hasn’t it P.F.?” asked the reporter. “Yes, it’s a shame we had to de-emphasize but when the dean and four trustees were convicted of bribing players to shave points what else could we do?” “I understand,” the sportswriter said. “I suppose, con sidering the^ circumstances, that your 2-24 record this season was to be expected. Tell me, do you have any hot prospects on the freshman team?” Flyer took the sportswriter out of the barn and around to the side. There all the freshmen were hurling basketballs at the broadside and none were hitting. Coach Flyer nudged the writer arid mumbled, “You know, if one of them ever hit the wall, the whole barn would probably fall down.” The sports writer said he’d seen enough and Coach Flyer offered to walk with him to his car. On the way, they passed the coach’s office which was an empty telephone booth. “They took out the phone last week,” explained Flyer. “I didn’t mind though. I was running out of dimes.” “Isn’t that dummy hanging from a limb over there supposed to be you?” questioned the sports writer. “Yeh, I do a lot of hanging around these days,” allowed Coach. “Lots of luck, P.F.,” yelled the sports writer as he drove away. I hope this column serves to prove to those of us who were dissatisfied with UNC-C’s first basketball season that things could be njuch, much worse. Would You Believe? By LEE WASSON (1) "Who writes the column “Carolina Style” for the Daily Tar Heel? (2) According to an informal poll of UNC-CH students, what was the most popular feature of the Daily Tar Heel? (3) What do Sean Connery and Frank Sinatra have in common? (4) Who was the first American to win the Nobel Peace Prize? (5) When was Walt Whitman born? (6) What do UNC-C students have in common with the prison er (spook) in the “Wizard of Id”? Here is a portion of the column “Carolina Style” by Mr. Ed Freakley. This appeared in the March 4, 1966 issue of the Daily Tar Heel. “It’s bad enough when Char lotte College has to steal our name and become part of the University of North Caroiina. “That was a rifficulous move. But the most nauseating thing that has ever happened in volved their new student news paper the Caroiina Journal. “In their issue of Feb. 23 they had the gall to steal our Trivia! They just took questions right out of the DTH and used them without giving the DTH credit. It’s preposterous.” Yes, I am guilty as charged. I did use some questions which appeared in the Daily Tar Heel. But, I did not use all of Mr. Freakley’s questions. Less than one-tenth of the questions to appear in this column came from Mr. Freakley. I apologize to you, the students of UNC-C, for my having been the cause of such unkind remarks about our school. I apologize to Mr. Freakley for having used his Trivia without having given him proper credit. However, M r . ,Freakley’s comments concerning our school are entirely unwarrant ed. As the Daily Tar Heel is the student newspaper of UNC- CH, I assume that Mr. Freak ley is a student. This is phenomenal — a student who is better qualified to judge our fitness to be a part of the University of North Carolina than are the Board of Trustees, the Governor, and the General Assembly. It seems strange that Mr. Freakley does not accuse UNC-G of name stealing also. Or, is it that he does not wish to anger a girl there? One more thing, the student newspaper here is not new. It has been published since 1949. Only the name, Carolina Journal, is new. ANSWERS 1. a Freak(ley) named Ed 2. the crossword puzzle 3. they both wear toupees 4. Theodore Roosevelt 5. May 31, 1819 6. they both have to eat swill ‘God Is Dead’ In Georgia Thanks^ But No Thanks^ Ed Old Boy There once was a man named Freakley, Who wrtes a D T H column weakly. His claim to fame Is his school’s dear name Though UNC-C thinks him reek- ly! FRANK JONES KERNY SMITH Continued From Page 2 common in ancient times, have been exceedingly rare in recent centuries, and it is understood that the family wishes to review details of earlier funerals before settling upon rites suitable for God. In New York, meanwhile, the stock market dropped sharply in early trading. Volume was heavy. One broker called it the most active market day since the assassination of President Ken nedy, Nov. 22. 1963. The market rallied in late trading, after reports were received that Jesus —see ‘Man in the News,’ p. 36, col. 4—who sui'vives, plans to assume a larger role in manage ment of the universe. Reaction from tne world's great and from the man in the street was uniformly incredulous. “At least he’s out of his misery,” commented one housewife in an Elmira, N.Y., supermarket. “I can’t believe it,” said the Right Reverend Horace W. B. Donegan, Protestant Episcopal Bishop of New York, who only last week celebrated the 15th anniversary of his installation as Bishop. In Paris, President de Gaulle, in a 30 second appearance on national television proclaimed: “God is dead! Long live the republic! Long live France!” Mrs. Jacque line Kennedy, widow of the late President, was reported “in se clusion” in her Fifth Avenue apartment. “She’s had about all she can take,” a close friend of the Kennedy family said. News of the death was included in a one sentence statement, without comment, on the 3rd page of Pravda, official organ of the Soviet government. The passing of God has not been disclosed to the 800 million Chinese who live behind the bamboo curtain. Public reaction in this country was perhaps summed up by an elderly retired streetcar conduct or in Passaic, New Jersey, who said; “I never met him, of course. Never even saw him. But from what I heard I guess he was a real nice fellow. Tops.” From Independence, Mo., former President Harry S. Truman, who received the news in his Kansas City barbershop, said; “I’m al ways sorry to hear somebody is dead. It’s a damn shame.” In Gettysburg, Pa., former Presi dent Dwight D. Eisenhower, re leased, through a military aide, the following statement: “Mrs. Eisenhower joins me in heart felt sympathy to the family and many friends of the late God. He was, I always felt, a force for moral good in the universe. Those of us who were privileged to know him admired the probity of his character, the breadth of his compassion, the depth of his intellect. Generous almost, to a fault, his many acts of kifidness to America will never be forgot ten. It is a very great loss indeed. He will be missed.” From Basel, Switzerland, came word that Dr. Karl Barth, vener able Protestant theologian, in formed of the death of God, declared: “I don’t know who died in Atlanta, but whoever he was he’s an imposter.” Dr. Barth, 79, with the late Paul Tillich, is widely regarded as the foremost theologian of the 20th Century. (There have been unconfirmed reports that Jesus of Nazareth, 33, a carpenter and reputed son of God. who survives, will as sume the authority if not the title, of the deceased deity. Jesus, sometimes called the Christ, was himself a victim of death, having succumbed some 1932 years ago in Palestine, now the state of Israel, purportedly on o'-ders of a Roman governor, Pontius Pilate and at the behest of certain citizens of Jerusalem. This event, described by some as ‘decide’ has lately occupied the deliberation of the Vatican Coun cil, which has solemnly exoner ated the Jews generally of re- .sponsibility for the alleged crime. The case is complicated by the fact that Jesus, although he died, returned to life, and so may not have died at all. Diplomats around the world were speculat ing today on the place the resurrected Jesus will occupy in the power vacuum created by the sudden passing of God.) Dr. Altizer, God’s surgeon, in an exclusive interview with the Times, stated this morning that the death was “not unexpected.” “He had been ailing for some time,” Dr. Altizer said, “and lived much longer than most of us thought possible.” He noted that the death of God had, in fact, been prematurely announced in the last century of his life, may have confused “certain symptoms of morbidity in the aged patient with actual death, a mistake any busy surgeon will occasionally make.” Dr. Altizer suggested, “God w.as an excellent pat lent, compliant, cheerful, alert. Every comfort modem science could provide was made available to him. He did not suffer — he just, as it were, slipped out of our grasp.” Dr. Altizer also disclosed that plans for a memorial to God have already been dis'cussed informal ly, and it is likely a committee of eminent clergymen and laymen will soon be named to raise funds for use in “research into the causes of death in deities, an area of medicine many physi cians consider has been too long neglected.” Dr. Altizer indicated, finally, that he had great person al confidence that Jesus, relieved of the burdens of divinity, would in time, assume a position of great importance in the universe. “We have lost,” he said, “a father, but we have gained a son,” (Next Sunday’s New York Times will include, without extra charge, a 24-page full-color sup plement with many photographs, reviewing the major events of God’s long reign, the circum stances of his sudden and untime ly death, and prospects for a godless future. The editors will be grateful for pertinent letters, photographs, visions and the like.) There has been as yet no statement from Jesus, but a close associate, the Holy Ghost, has urged prayer and good works. He also said that it is the wish of the family that in lieu of flowers' contributions be made to the Building Fund for the Cathedral of St. John the Divine in New York City so that the edifice may be finished. -ANTHONY TOWNE Strong Leaders Are Needed Continued From Page 2 this University and what it can become. To the “attenders” this will all sound quite corny ; I will not apologize to them — I merely pity them for the shallowness of tneir existence. Fence-sitting as an avocation lias become more hazardous lately; the fence tops have become sharper with the passage of time. I ask then, that every student cast an intelligent \ote in the forthcoming elections: for so doing you will receive your own thanks in the form of good campus leadership. But even this is insufficient. Leadership which is nonrepre sentative can often run contrary to those goals desired by the majority. Let us not 'top ex pressing our opinions af'er elec tions are over. Let us talk to our student and class officers and representatives, write letters to the newspaper, and in e\’ery way cooperate with and support our elected leaders. Only in this manner will we have a Universi- tv in which wc can- take pride — aod be able to take pride in ourselves as valuable members of this community. MITCH BORDEN
University of North Carolina at Charlotte Student Newspaper
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March 16, 1966, edition 1
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