Newspapers / University of North Carolina … / March 23, 1966, edition 1 / Page 3
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THE CAROLINA JOURNAL W«ln«sday, M«rch 23, Paao 3 The Hot Line New Case For Ratman No Dust And Boxillg Is No ‘SpOl't,’ iVo Columii 1 I 1 Should Be Banned By ELLISON CLARY, JR. In a secluded room in stately Mouse Manor, home of multi-millionaire bachelor Mighty Mouse, the Ratphone sounds its ring of distress. As the butler rushes to lift the receiver. Mighty himself appears in the doorway and calmly yells, “Get ya grimy hands off the Ratphone and get outta here, Alfred.” “But I always answer the...” “What do you think this is, TV?” yells Mighty. “Now, move!” Mighty yanks up the Ratphone and in a subdued voice says, “This is Ratman. What’s the trouble?” Suddenly Mighty’s face takes on a bright crimson hue. “No!” he screams, “There is no one here by the name of Captain Midnight.” He slams the receiver down and murmurs, “I can’t stand those wrong numbers.” Once again the Ratphone rings urgently. This time it’s for Ratman and the caller sounds desperate. “This is Chief Herd in the Queen City,” says the voice on the other end, “We’re having a terrible crime wave here and we have every reason to believe that the Pilferer is behind all these robberies and breakins lately. He’s even stolen Commissioner Waldron and threatened to turn him over to the Fender Masher if a ransom is not paid. And on top of that, I bit my tongue. Ratman, we need you!” “I’ll be there in five minutes, Chief,” says Mighty. Hanging up the receiver, Ratman strips down to his longjohns with a giant, block “R” on the seat flap; yanks a quilt off a nearby bed and fastens it around his shoulders in cape fashion; dons his mouseketeer ears; and slides gracefully down the Ratpole into the Rathole. His nephew. Rodent the Boy Wonder (wonder if he’s a boy), is waiting in the front seat of the beautiful, shiny, sleek, Ratmobile, fashioned from a huge hunk of Cheddar cheese. “Hi Ratman.” says Rodent. “Holy hiesters, do you think we’ll have much trouble with the Pilferer?” “Rodent,” asks Ratman, “How did you know we’re after the Pilferer?” “Aw, jumping eavesdroppers Ratman, I was listening in on the extension Ratphone,” admits Rodent. “Well, yes. Rodent, I think we’ll have quite a bit of trouble with the Pilferer. I once smashed his little toe in a window and he’s never gotten over it,” explains Ratman. “Heapin’ grudges, Ratman, do you think his crime wave in the Queen City is just a trick to trap you?” Rodent asks. “Probably,” aiRows Ratman. “I can’t say that I blame him for his hostile attitude toward me. He’s had corns on that toe ever since the accident. By the way, Rodent, how did you give your Aunt Harriet the slip so quickly?” “Holy Busybodies, Ratman,” Rodent exclaims. “She was listening to the c^ on another extension Ratphone.” “I’m going to have to talk with Southern Bell about that,” mumbles Ratman. Just inside the Queen City limits, Ratman decides to refuel the Ratmobile with Ratfluid. He pulls into a Ratstop and he and Rodent pile out to stretch their Ratlegs, leaving tthe Ratkeys in the Ratignition. A ratgrettable mistake by the Pitiful Pair. In his office downtown. Chief Hord wonders what has happened to Ratman and Rodent. He flicks on his radio and hears a voice rasp the bad news. “Good morning, everyone. This is C. Michael BlackweU with the Big WAYS big story. Ratman and Rodent’s Ratmobile stolen from under their very Ratnoses as Queen City crime wave continues. 'The only comment from the Pitiful Pair was Rodent’s ‘Holy hijackers, C. Michael’. More details in 20 minutes.” Is this evil deed the work of that foul villain, the Pilferer? What will become of the Pitiful Pair? Read this column next week to learn the answers. Here’s one clue. The situation gets much worse and so does this column. ★ ★ ★ A shapely blonde shnked down the street and dropped a paper cup on the sidewalk as a police car cruised by. The policeman stopped and said, “You’re littering, young woman. Don’t you know you can get picked up doing that?” She answered, “I certainly hope so, officer.” Continued From Page 2 again. Of course this reminds you that you couid use a cigarette right about now. Groping about for your cigar ettes hurriediy (because you know you’ve got to get on the stick and write the coiumn the world pants for) you suddenly come face to face with your image in the mirror. It unhinges you. That hair resembles a mop used at a truck drivers’ diner. Wash it you must. . Now that all these necessary evils are out of the way, you have that clean taste of confi dence. Once again you can surrender yourself to the golden keys of the typewriter. Self- expression and creativity shall reign again. You can empty that vacuum cleaner-like mind of yours on a clean sheet of paper (not that you’re a dirt magnet). This is your moment. Sb now you’re a pulsing nu cleus of inactivity. There you are “counting flowers on the wall” and not about to come up with any profound ideas. There are exciting happenings to write about but as a consolation just remember “if you didn’t hear it on Big WAYS it didn’t happen.” UP, SP To Lock Horns In April Continued From Page 1 to concentrate on electing people to the Student Legislature rather than trying for the executive council positions. The University Party has endorsed Brenda Powell, Anna Ryder, and Jean Hudspeth for senior class representatives. This leaves the party with vacancies for senior class pres ident and vice-president as weii as two representative spots. Nominees for these positions will be announced later as will the party candidates for vice president of the junior class, and four junior class repre sentatives. Jim Cunning will run on the U.P. ticket for president of the Junior class, and party chairman Bud Stokely will run for Junior Representative. The full sophomore class slate for the U.P. ticket has been announced. Tommy Thomas is the nominee for president and Dwayne Spitzer is the vice presidential nominee. Larry Mc Afee, Anne Champion, Marilou Garrett, Gerri Vest, and Cindy Trexler make up the U.P. slate for sophomore representative. While chairman Stokley did not rule out the possibility that the party would run candidates for the executive council positions, he said that the legislative positions would, get the party’s “major emphasis.” By KEARNEY SMITH JOURNAL STAFF WRITER In rer.-'iit years, several boxers have died of injuries received in the ring. An untold number of other men have suffered crip pling injuries through prizefight ing. It is incredible that dogfight ing has been outlawed, and yet we still permit men to beat each other’s hrains out. The “sport” of boxing should be ended in this country on the grounds that it is barbaric, inhuman and completely alien to any truly modem civiliza tion. Th,e usual counter arguments Would You Believe Continued From Page 2 what do Eisenhower and Khrush chev have in common? 20. What is a social insecurity card? 21. What is the title of Chris tine Keeler’s autobiography? 22. Who is head of the Ameri can Nazi Party? 23. Who is known as the “caped crusader?” 24. Why is Bobby Kennedy raising such a large family? 25. Who is Chairman of the Senate Foreign Affairs Commit tee? Answers 1. Davidson 2. He plays Gen. Crone on “Mona McClusky” 3. Andy Devine 4. The closing of the cafeteria 5. James Butler Hickok 6. William Barclay Masterson 7. Tag 8. Walter O’Malley 9. Arnold (Red) Auerbach 10. Bob Keeshan 11. My old roommate at Chapel Hill 12. Elanor of Acquitane 13. George A. Elam 14. Ossining, New York 15. Michael Landon 16. Mary W. Shelley 17. James Arness 18. Bram Stoker 19. They are both communists 20. 1-A draft card 21. “I was a Teen-age Cabinet Maker.” 22. George Lincoln Rockwell 23. Batman 24. He will need all the votes he can get. 25. Sen. Wm. Halfbright Swain’s Charcoal Steak House 1800 W. MoreKead St. RESERVATIONS: 332-2414 for boxing are that other sports are dangerous and players are injured while playing football, baseball, and ice hockey. But there is a notable differ ence between boxing and other sports. The object of boxing is to inflict injury to the opponent. Other sports can be made safer through rational means, but box ing can be made safer only by nullifying its objective: physical injury. Take away the dangerous ele ments in football or baseball and you still have a game, but take the knock-outs and physical abuse from boxing and you have nothing. Beside the welfare of the boxer, one could seriously ques tion the emoticnal needs of a fan who feels compelled to witness such bmtality. Sure, let’s have dangerous, masculine sports activities that develop admirable skills — but we should never .encourage sports that aim for and often achieve disaster. Teacher Exam Scores Are High Continued From Page 1 certificate a student must score 450 or better on the NTE and all of our students topped this mark. The Charlotte-Mecklenburg sys tem uses a score of 500 as a guide in hiring new teachers. Only two of our students fell below this mark. To receive a master’s certifi cate in North Carolina requires a score of 500. A principal’s certificate requires a score of 600. Workshop Will Be Held On Exports Our campus will be the scene of a two day workshop on export sales this week. The Thursday and Friday affair is being spon sored by the N. C. Regional Ex port Expansion Council, the in ternational trade committee of the Charlotte Chamber of Com merce, and UNC-C. Top governmental officiaks, noted international business men, and national civic leaders will be on hand for the event, which will “cover all phases of export frcm the research to the shipping stages.” coal I le j Ivan C. Hinriciis campus representative Connecticute Mutual Life Suite 909 N. C. National Bank Bldg. Ph. 377-4961 If You Sincerely Believe In Progressive Two-Party Campus Pol itics, Then Vote For And Support Your University Party Candidates.
University of North Carolina at Charlotte Student Newspaper
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March 23, 1966, edition 1
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