Newspapers / University of North Carolina … / Sept. 14, 1966, edition 1 / Page 3
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WEDNESDAY. SEPTEMBER 14, 1966 THE CAROLINA JOURNAT. PAGE 3 Perry Mason Protege Puts Lawyers In Proper Place By Frank Caton Not much time has elapsed since our beloved C.C. added the extra two letters of eminence to her moniker; but in that time she has dis tinguished herself as a bastion of progress. I speak in particular of the legislation enacted to support our Honor Code— The Student De fense Agency Act. I am priveleged and pleased to serve as your Student Defense Agency Director. In laymen’s terms I am the Perry Mason of UNC.C With due restraint and modesty, I must teU you of my qualifications. I never miss Perry Mason on television; I even watch the reruns. I have also logged many viewing hours watching “The Defenders’’, “Divorce Court’’, “The Trials Of O’Brien’’, and the Joe Valachi hearings. One of my favorite pastimes in recent years has been to spend an afternoon in a real courtroom with real juries and everything. Not long ago I witnessed a masterful defense attorney at work. He had no match in the state District Attorney, and he displayed such skill that I would like to give you my impression of the way he conducted his case. “Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury: For the last hour and a half, I have sat idly by while my. worthy opponent, the District Attorney has made a complete idiot of himself. Now, it’s my tuml Your Honor, I must object and object strenuously to the Une of quest ioning employed by die District Attorney in this case. It’s easy for him to stand up here and make accusations about my client. It’s easy for him; he’s got proof! AU I have are trickery and deceit.” “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury: My cUent,Mrs. GUck, is accused ai murdering her husband, Mr. Click; but that’s not the important thing. The important thing isthatshelovedhimlYes, she loved him, and we all know that everyone kills the thing he loves. Some do it with a kiss, others do it with a look or a word; Mrs. Click did it with six slugs from a .45 automatic. She should have been given a medal; those six shots were right between the eyesIButno; insteadshehas been thrown on the mercy of this court. She has been beaten and badgered at every turn. She has been caUed a murderess, a kiUer, and a homicidal maniac. I want you members of the jury to look at the defendant, I want you to pay particular attention to her legs. Notice the sUm ankle, the weU turned calf, the dimpled knee. Now I ask you, are those the legs of a homicidal maniac?” After tiiese startling revelations, I’m sure that even the State would welcome amotionfordismissal,buttheskUleddefense attorney must not only vanquish his client’s guilt he must teach the arrogant District At torney a lesson, “The stress and anguish that my client has been subjected to is un believable. Look at her sitting there on the edge of her chair, every muscle tensed, pleading with her eyes,hanging on to every word, every gesture, every expres....” “Bailiff, will you wake the defendant and sit her on the edge of her chair? Thank you. “If it pleases your Honor, before proceeding I would like to..” Your Honor. ’’BaiUff, wiU you wake the judge and sit him up in his chair? “Sorry “Sorry to disturb you your Honor, but as I was saying, before con tinuing, I would like to call the star witness for the state, Mr. Harry Star, back to the stand.” “Mr, Star, you left some doubt in my mind as to the authenticity of your testimony when you were on the stand previously. As I under stand it, you contend that Melvin Rasp knew, but he wouldn’t tell because he was afraid of Elwood’s dog. Yet, Charley StillweU didn’t even suspect it, and he’s the local president of the SPCA! As you im plied -- only implied, mind you— if anyone should have known for sure, it was the maid, but she was in Hoboken with Melvin’s cat. j On the basis of this, you have the audacity to think we should believe ' you? I wili not go into detaii about your charter membership in the commumst infested Mousekateers Club or your association with cer tain Mafia-linked persons, because I do not need to resort to character assasination to refute your testimony Mr. Star. AU I need to re fute your testimony, is this copy of last year’s “Farmer’s Almanac” which states clearly and without a doubt that on the night in question, there was no moon! And if there was no moon, Mr, Star, how could you have possibly seen the defendant when she pumped those six slugs into her husband’s body?” “I was inside and aU the lights were on.” “Your Honor, May I take back what I said about character assasi nation? No? Well, Thank you Mr. Star, that wiU be aU. Try not to wake the jury as you leave the stand.” “Your Honor, in view of the late hour and what my assistant just whispered in my ear, I move for a recess until next year sometime while we uncover new and startling evidence that wiU clear my cUent. ’’motion denied.” “Well, could we recess until tomorrow?” “Motion denied. I’m double parked. Get on with it!” Naturally, the courtroom buzzed with excitement at this new turn of events. I felt something “Your Honor, I call the defendant, MrsJJlick, to the stand.” defendant and send her to the stand.” August thirteenth?” “Parking m lover’s lane.” “What were you doing last night?” “Parking in lover’s lane.” “What are you doing tonight?” Oh, I’m sorry your Honor, I didn’t mow you had asked first. ‘Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it has come to my attention mat today is your foreman’s birthday. Is that right Mr. Graft? Con- gratulations. Mrs, Glick and I chipped in and bought you this Uttle D j Go ahead, open it. Have you ever seen a more beautiful watch‘d Head the mscription on the back.” “To the foreman of the jury that acquitted Mrs. Glick,” “ That’s right, and there are rings with simUiar inscriptions for HU tne rest of you. Lstfmnn!!™ defense, after Hstening to all the evidence and .testoony presented here.m all justice there is but one verdict you can fh f U*''® ^®'" ® ®^®® the sun once more, men ^ree, fresh air of the great outdoors. Ladies and Gentle- Fmir n ® 1ft my client......„Ladies and gentlemen c£ the jury... t fihff-~Jlailiff...! The defense rests; I mi^7as pvell, everyone else is.” Registration Brings Many ing Views Varyii The many faces of registration hit UNC-C again last week. Robert PUner, Journal photographer was on the scene to record some of them. At right, students line-up at the familiar checking station, the last stop before fee-paying-time. The moment of truth is caught in the shot immediately below. Once the fees are paid, a person becomes an official student. Be fore they are paid, however, there is one last chance to back out and give draft-dodging a try. Finally, on the far right below, giant-sized Bobby Lemmonds pro duces a giant-sized yawn and says,' “To heck with the whole thing.” You have to go through a lot of junk just to play basketball, don’t you. Bob? Profs Added To Faculty (Continued MA from Wake Forest College. Gary Peterson, counselor, who holds the BA from Humboldt State College. Rounding out the list of new instructors are: Paul Atwell, instructor in En glish; Mrs. Margaret Bryan, in structor in English; Mrs. Ann Bryson, instructor in biology; Th omas M. Burton, instructor in bio logy; Christopher Cook, instructor in English; Mrs. Joy Anne Crocker, From Page 1) instructor in German; Mrs. Helen Ferguson, instructor in nursing; Miss Barbara Gaddy, instructor in French. Miss Patricia Harris, instructor in sociology; Curt H. Hartog, in - structor in English; Mrs. Leita Marrotte, instructor in sociology; Edwin L. Rogers, instructor in economics and business admin istration; and Mrs. Virginia Val entine, instructor in English. Exotic Carnes Add Amusement (Continued of the individual. Shoot the Moon is a game in which the player act ually tries to get a ball to roll up hilL The Chinese Tangram Puz zle consists of a number of cut, wooden shapes which the player tries to assemble in a given pat- pern. The pieces are unnumbered and placing them in a certain pat tern proves quite a task. One more game has been added which is an outdoor game, French From Page 1) The charge for billards has been set at $1.20 an hour. Any number of persons may play, the charge being per hour rather than per person. The charge for Ping Pong has been set at $.60 per hour. The game room wiU be open daily from 9 A.M. - 4:30 P.M. Are you dateless tonight? Pine no longer! Our CUPID COMPUTER will scan, check, match, select and introduce you to your MOST COMPATTBLi: single dates. You will receive their names and phone numbers; they will receive yours. Now, the Sceince is Chemistry - and ROMANCE is yours! Fill out and mail the coupon below, and you will receive our FREE compatibility questionaire. Complete and return it with a minimum computer fee To: MATCII-MATT':! P.O. ilox 7024 Stewart Station ■MATCH 1 MATE Richmond, Va. 23221 Please forward'me one I’REE compatibility questionaire! Hoops. All rules for playing this, as weU as the other new games, may be obtained in the game room. A charge of $.25 an hour has been placed on the new games. During the hour a person or group of per sons may play any of the avail able games. BEST ICE CREAM 3101 The Plaza GoUegians cool it with us VISIT BEST FOR THE BEST IN ICE CREAM Scott Weiton Ivan C. llinrichs Campus representatives of Connecticut Mutual Life Insurance Company — Suite 909 N. C. National Bank Building INSURANCE - STUDENT PLANS — ESTATE PLANNING TyUin !a SioM now ha.s two (2) locations to better serve your needs: loOO Central Ave. and 3732 Coliseum Center. We feature Con.servative, Traditional, and Continental clothing fashions. Traditional fash ions are featured through the two stores. We solicit your patronage. The Management
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