VOLUME XL
Reporter and Post
1M BLHHF.D WEEKLY AT
DANBURY, N. C.
PKPPKE k 80N3, Pubs. &■ Propi
IIATI3i Hl' M IKdtll'l IICi •,
Ciib Vo ir. |>ai>Ml>'o In iiilvmu'c *I.M
§ix Month* : 7.1
II AT KM OF ADVIIXTINISiUt
One S.|»mre (ion linen or low) 1 time «1 cm
1- »re««!i u«ttittliiiiiU ttiM'rtioii
» »»itra for i inper time or more spare chii l»o
r.vde in :»r»j"»rt'n) i !•» the above rate*.
i i n'is'r:»♦ adx oitlmrs w' 1! 1.0 cxwH tril to remit
nr. to the»c rutcs nt tho time Uiry m»ihl
tliolr flnr»n»*.
i.«H - 'li N»t !«•«■» will be charge 150 per cent, higher
thim nlMirv raton.
Cumliioim Card* will bo Inserted at Ten Italian*
j.or annum.
PROFESSIONL CARDS.
ROBERT J). GILMER,
Attorney and Counsellor,
MT. A iky, n. c.
Practices in the courts of Surry, Stokes,
Yadkin iiti*l Alleghany.
W. F. C.IUTEIi,
tr.
MT. AIRY, SUHHY CO., X. O
lYactieos vbeivvev his services are wanted.
R. L. HA YMORE,
ATTORN KY-AT LAW
Mt Airy. N. C«
S;>ccial attention given toike collection of
claims. I—l2m
H. M. MAETINDALE,
WITH
]j:u. J. C. dclany $ co.,
KTATIOXEtIff A XI) UOOKSELLEIIt?
IVAHEIIOI'SK.
School Hook* a Sfiwialt
Stationery « full kind*. Wrapping pu|*?r,
Twines, li«>:tiK't Hoards, Paper liliuds.
Ki.'NV. liAI.TIMOItK ST.. IIAkTIMoUK. Vl>
J. 8. LIAHKIBON,
WITH
A, L. ELLET &CO.,
DRY GOODS & NOTIONS
1", 12 & 14 Twelfth Stree'.,
I. Ki.; ,:tt, J
A .to . u\ \V \TKINA, f
" sßichm'd, Va
11. I'. KIXC,
WITH
,70/INSOA; SUTTON \ CO., \
S)EJV
X» *• 71 an.'. 20 South Sharp, Street*
T. W. JOUFBON, R. M. KI'TtJON
J. 11. R. (MAWE, O. J. JOUXtfON.
O. Y. I»AV, ALDKUT JUN KB.
Day &; Jo»©s^
mauufa-'turers of
BAn i»f i:i: v.hA h n KSS . coixa Rs. tki*N k S
>. > Situ w. Ualtinmre htreet, l.altiniorc, JVd•
\Y j .t. 'Parker, 11. C. Smith, S. 11. Spruncin-
Tucker. Smith & Co-
ManufaeturhtN wholewile I>calcr» in
.boots, .hoes, hats am> caps.
No. 250 Unit', more Street, liaiMmorc, .Vd.
ELII.IRT, WIT/ $ CO ~
luiportorit A >vt>olc«ile dealer* in
NOTICNB, HOSIKUV.(iT.OVi:S, WHITEAXI>
FANCY UOOUS.
No. 0 Ha«o\«r street, llaltiinoro, Jfil.
11. J. £ it. K. BEST,
WITH
itenry Sonneborii ?• Co.,
WHOLESALE CLOTHIERS.
20 AaiHiycr St., (tutwccnO I innti & lA>inbnrd Stf)
DMTIiIOHE Ml).
11. fIONNKBORN, B. BUIIUNK.
c. WATKINS, W.s. BniIIiKTSOX,
O. i. "T'l H1.1.1., A. ». WATKINS.
Watkins- CottrellCo..
linpurterii ami .lobbersof
iIAROWAHK.
1807 Main Street,
liICUMOXD, VA.
Apcnti* for Farhltrikf Standard Sea tun, and
Aui.or I>ruti*l H .Iting Cloth.
St+yhen l'utnrj/, L. II Dluir
Ir. 11. MILES,
WITH
STEPIfENFUTNE 3 CO.,
If 'holcMtlc dealer* in
Boots, Shoes, a rid Trunks,
1210 Main Street,
iS*jtl. 8-Rl-Om. KUII MOM), VA.
». Ht VniKH, WM. It. HKVRIKM,
(.UMiHT'.S UKVUIKB, MU1.0.1/ON KIJ/JfKL,
ItM. DECRIES* CO.,
linjioiieTß and Jobber* of
FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC DRY
GOODS AND NOTIONS.
812 HVof Itulthnor* Strrrt, brlattu Howard
.ui-l I,ill, it?, It ALU MOlt K.
Extiibliicetl 1844.
S. T. DAVIS
WITH
T. J. MAORUDER and CO,
.iluiiuriu:tl.rur> *ml lle.lcn. In
HOOT S, SHOES A Mi) BHOOAXS , Ar.
No. 31 Sliaq> Street, lialtiuiure, Md.
J. F. YATBB of N. C.
with
Jiaj/ne, Anderson Bard,
Wholesale Grocers,
_ Ko. iiHi \\f t Pratt ami f»!i 8. Itowartl M.,
UALIIMOKE, Ml).
fi li, I. .iiMnjtfig
UiNMIJI.
Little eliiUl, when twilight .shadows
Close the western pates of kolil.
Then those loving iii iiisul mother's
Tenderly about lliee foM;
ts Over lip, iin«l elie.*k, and fotehead,
Like a shower earo.*»ses fall;
For a niothor'.s kis* at twilight
Is the sweetest kiss of all.
Pretty maiden at the gateway,
fcihy, sweet faec ami !owncast r»ves,
* 4 ' Two white, trenihlJng hands iinprisoncd.
How tlie poMen laoments lly !
•[ Llj»s that sofily press thy forehead,
All the rosy, blushes call.
r For a lover's kiss at twilight
'# Is the fnnde.>t Kiss of all.
• Happy wife thy noble husband,
More than half a lover yet—
For those sunny hours «»t wooing
Are too sweet to toon forget—
On thy smiling lips upl.l'ied,
Full of love his kisse» fail.
' For a husband's at lulling
la the clearest kiss of all.
Weary motlter, little children,
With their Uimp'ed hands so fair,
Passing over che« k and forehead, *
.Soothe away all pain and care.
1 Lead your heart to llra v et».
Where no dreary shadows fall,
For the kiss of sinless childhood
la the purest kins of ail.
—Rose llartwick Thorpe, Author of "Cur
few Shall Not Rir.jsTo-Niijht. M
Till: FAKJIS.R'M HYMN.
f
O Pliinter of the fruits and flowers.
We own Thy wise design,
Whereby these human ha mis of ours
May share the Woik of Thiue.
• Our toil is sweet with thankfulness,
Out burden is our boon ;
The curst 1 of earth's gray morning is
The bh'soiug of its noon.
And still with reverent hands we cull
. Thy tfifts, each year renewed;
The good is always lieautiful,
The beautiful is knml.
Buildings Hen Coop
-1 | "My dear," «iid Mr. Spoopemlylcc, i
as lie appeared before his wife with a j
| broad grin on Lis face —"say, my dear,
' I've botfight chickens so wo cau
iliave fresh-laid eggs. Look!"
And be held out a eonplo of pairs of
I fowls tied by the legs for Mrs. SjMjujien
! dyke's contemplation.
"Well, upon uiy word"' exclaimed
j Mrs. Spoopondyke. '•( If all things,
' chickens ! Kver since we've been mar
ried I've wanted chickens.
And she approached the birds call- I
tiously and with a look of uii.giviug that :
belied her words.
"Where can we keep them."
"In a co»>p, Mrs. Spoopendyko— in a
coop." retorted Lor hutband, laying the
chickens ou the bed, while lie took oft
his coat aud vest. "We Bright keep )
'eiu up the chimney or in the clock but
we probably Won't. We'll just keep
i 'cm in a heu coop, and I've got the laths j
and nails dowustuirs to build it with. !
'Joinc down in the yard."
Aud Mr. Spoopcudyke grabbed his new j
j acquisition by tlie legs aud started oft', J
1 followed by his wife.
"Do you know how to uiaice a eoop }"
asked Mrs. Spoopcndyke, as she watch
ed her husband dig a post hole in the
corner she bad reserved for a geranium
bed.
, "If I dou'tyou probably do," retorted
Mr. Spoopeudyke, kicking away at the
spade unii l he loosened his leg. "Mow
1 put this post here and that one there.
Then the two fences nmke the rest, and i
1 ouly lath up these two—dod gast the
post!" he coiicluded as it toppled over
on his ear. "Can't'you liold ft upfcj
Wbat'rs sitting around there like a cork ;
! iu a jug for! Hold it up, will ye !"
Mrs. Spoopendyke grasped the post
firmly with both hand.., aud held it at au
angle of fifty degrees.
••Now, hold it perfectly still while 1
dig the other hole."
Aud Mr. Spoopendyke hacked away at
the grouud again, and set his second
post.
"1 sec what you mean," giggled Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "You slat it up from
ouc post to the other, aud then put the
chickens iu. My! how uice that 11 i
, be!"
Mr. Spoopendyko glared at her u |
' moment aud thcu began puttiug up his j
laths, standing betweeu the posts aud
the feueo corner, aud whistling as ho
worked.
"Mow," said he, as he finished, "what
do you thiuk of that."'
Mrs. Spoopendyke examined the joD
, critically.
"It's a pcrfoct palace ?" she exclaimed,
"llut, say, dear, how are "you going to
get out!"
"Yah-h-h!" roared Mr. Spoopendyke,
bounding into tlie air. "Why didn'tyo
tell me! What'd ye wsuit to let uie
build myself in like a dod gastcd mummy
' for ! Ain't ye got any scnsiyit all any
. i t ik ,
: A
DANBURY, N. C„ THURSDAY, .JUNE 15, 1882.
' wheres ! Why didn't ye watch what I
! wns doing !*'
And Mr. Spoopendyke grinned horri
-1 bly through the slats.
"I supposed you were going to build
a hole in it," faltered Mrs. Spoopcu-
I dyke.
| '-So lam !" yelled Mr. Spoopendyke,
i jamming his log through the structure,
j "Want any more holes?" and he kicked
| the side half way across the yard.
; "Four chickens, four holes !" he roared,
| and the lath* flew in every direction.
I "Wantany moro holes and lie smashed
| the roof out with the spade, "Holes
j constantly on hand ! If you don't see
the hole you want, ask for it!" aud he
blew out the eud with terrific energy.
"New goods coming iu all the time!
Second-hand holes a specialty!" aud he
banged out tho other cud. "Parties
wanting holes to scud in tho country,
will consult their interests by applying
here before going elsewhere ?" and he
ripped down the rest of the coop with
prodigious clatter. "Want any more
holes iu this particular coop ?" he roared,
wrenching out tho posts and slamming ,
them across the yard. "Does this lien j
coop begin to convey the impression of j
| having a hole in it'" he dciuauded,
stalking up tc his wife.
"Yes, dear," replied Mrs. Spoopen
dyke, soothingly. "I'm so glad you got ,
out; but where can we keep the chickens j
now !"
' Keep 'cm ripped Mr. Spoopen-•
dyke, with a horrible grimace, and ]
| grasping wretched fowls by the
1 —"who's going to keep 'em ?" and
|he cut the lathings. "S'pose I'm going
! to" ruin my business just to gratify a
j measly whim of a dod gastcd wen. an !" 1
| and he jerked the chickens into the
j air.
"Never mind," said Mrs. Spoopen
; dyke, as the last bird slid over tho fence j
j and dissappeared, "chickens are a nui
| sanee anyway. We really didn't need
I any", _ i
1 "Why didn't you say so before 1
bought 'em 1" blurted Mr. Spoopeudyke,
as lie dashed into the house.
"I didn't know it," sighed Mrs. Ppoo
pondyke, looking around upon the wreck:
"and, besides, 1 don't believe wo would
have had many eggs, because those ,
chickens were all roosters."— Brooklyn
Ensile.
IMciinetl tu Have Illm Call.
A good old preacher of tho Methodist
persuasion officiated one day at a funeral
in Massachusetts, and at the close had
a word of inquiry aud advice, as is the j
local custom , with many of the audience.
Among others lie approached a lady, a
stranger to him, who was visiting in the !
neighborhood, and after shaking hands,
; asked her if she was on her way to
, heaven. "Yes," she promptly answered, |
•'and if you ever conic that way, I should ;
|be pl'iascd to have you call." The '
i good old gentleman horrified at such
seeming levity, turned away without re
ply, when a friend, sitting near, remon
strated with Mrs. , who, still more
horrified at her mistake, said she under
stood him to ask her if she was oil her |
way to Hudson, where she lived.
Intelligence In lllrds.
English jackdaws arc not behind Jap
-1 ancse crows iu at any rato one of the ,
instances of intelligence. Many years
1 ago it was a frequent amusement of ours
i lo watch the encounters between a tame
jackdaw and the stable cat. Tho cat's
dinner used to be put outside the Stable
door, and warned by experience, she ,
hastened to dispose of as much a» possi
ble before the arrival of the jackdaw,
lie seldom wcut directly to the meat in
the plate, but uttackcd the euemy in the
rear, settling himself with both feet ou
her outstretched tuil to steady it, and
then administering pickaxe blows on it
with his beak. Of course it was impos
sible to stand this, and with a forcible
exclamation the cat would spring away,
ond Jack took possesion of the plate.— i
j [Nature
| Somebody writes to the Boston Tmv
'■ tier of feminine type-setters : As a
class female printers are diligent and
worthy. They never "sojer;" they uov- ,
er bother the editor for chewing tobacco.
they never prowl around among tho ex
changes for the Police Gazette ; they
never swear about the business manager; !
they do not siuoke nasty clay pipes; j
thoy never strike for moro pay ; thoy do
■ not allude to editorial matter as "slush" t
or "bogwash"—in Bbort, they are pa- I
ticnt, gentle, conscientious and rclia
ble.
"People at the mint arc working over
time.'' And yet we >co rery little of
their work.
(Ic Got tbc Dcilred Informa
tion.
It was in the smoking ear on the New
1 York' Central. There was one chap
1 j who was blusterjntr a great deal and tell
' ; liig of how many duels he had fought,
iml behind him sat a small man reading
1 a magazine'.
, "Sir!" said tho big man, as he wlieel
-1 ed around, "Shut would you do if chal
lenged 1 . t
' "Hefuse,*/ m disquiet reply.
"Ah I thoty'ft as much. Refuse and
be branded, a coward ' What if a gcu
tlcuian'jofferSd you the choice of a duel
or a public horse- whipping — then what ?"
"I'd take the whipping."
"Ah ! I thought so ; thought so from
tho looks of you. Suppose, sir, you
, had foully slandered me V
I "1 never slauder."
j "Then, sir, suppose I had coolly and
1 deliberately insulted you. What would
| you do }"
i "I'd rise up this way, put down my
: book this way, and reach over like this
and take him by the nose as I take you,
i and give it a three-quarter twist — just
so !"
When the little man let go of the big
, man's nose, the man with the white hat
on began to cronch down in the corner
■ to get away from the bullets, but there
| was no shooting. Tho big man turned
i red, then pale, then looked the little
man over and remarked :
"Certainly— of course — that's it ex
! actly !"
And then the conversation turned on
the general prosperity of the country.
A Square tlinl Never Sleep*.
Madison Square, says the New York
correspondent of the Boston lie. r a Id, is
j the night focus of Uotbaiugaycty. The
j rest of the city goes to bed early and
| sleeps soundly. Excepting the wicked
end of the Bowery, about all tho public
insomnia is in the Madison square neigli-
Ourhooa .i ~.lll o{s'fcia ur^N*e w V6rk biing
awake and noisy all night is a mistake.
Whole square uiiles arc as still after
| nightfall as a Vermont village. The
| "ceaseless roar of traffic" is pure faney.
ISroadway is deserted for almost its eu
. ure length from a reasonable bed-time
! until daylight. The exception is Mad
ison square, with a few squares above,
; below and alongside and this is the
| liveliness imparted by pleasure seekers.
Ten theaters are here iu a stretch of us
many blocks, and five more are not far
away. Thus at least 20,000 persons
j come into from all directions
iat about 8 o'clock every evening. They
i throng the sidewalks, crowd the horse
cars aud stages, and make the pavements
; lively with carriages. But the great
majority arrive afoot, walking from the
I nearest elevated ruilroad station. A
' New York theater of the fashionable
kind fills all of a sudden. The lower
and second tiers are sold in reserved
seats, so that the aidiencc lias no need
to bo in place long before tho time foi
the curtain to rise. As for the galler
ies, it is exceptions for them to have
any occupants wortk mentioning.
At a mass meeting for some secular
purpose, held one night in a public hall,
llcnry ward BeccUa - was expected to
make tho customary "opening prayer
Tho hour for beginung proceedings ar
rived, aud llsccber did not appear. Tho
Chairman weut to Hyatt Smith, who
was on the platforiufciih other ministers,
and asked hiuiTfl*»'J';''fffy!iy. "No,"
said Smith with omphtsis. "Why not?"
asked the astonisond and embarra-sscd
Chairman. "Uecaipa," answorod Smith,
"I don't feel tike
without being a .);e|, .Do you suppose
that I'm a praying) machine, aud that
you can just tako l»ild of tho cruuk ai)d
grind a prayer out »f mc whenever you
please? "What lhall I do'" asked
the Chairman. "Why,".replied Smith,
"there's the Rev. IV. Blank on the oth
|er side of the platform. Ask him. He
does that kind of prsying. He opens
everything with prayer, rteept oysters !"
Holding his lioso vnd nearly choking
with laughter, the Chairman asked tho
llev. I)r. Blank: and meeting was
■opened" in the usufil way.
Professor to clas*iaa)studont—lf At
las supported the world,«rho suppportcd
Atlas?
Student—Tho qucstio*, ,ir, lias often
bccu asked, but never, lp far as I am
awaie, satisfactorily answered. 1 hare
always been of the opiuon that Atlas
must have marries) a rial wife, and got
his support from her father.
Hogs are being traiutd lo work in
hartioss in some parts oi Pennsylvania,
Armstrong county having several «uch
teams in service. j
r A
So Do I.
In tho office of a Boston hotel, two '
men, living 4000 miles apart, met the 1
other day by accident, and one of them
| observed :
' "Weren't you in the oil rogiotis in
b 1807 ?"
"I was."
"So wns I. Did yon speculate
"i did."
"So did I. Did j*u strike anything
d bi «;: „
"l cs.
, "So did I. Did you got out before
the crash !"
"Yes."
"So did I."
Then came a long pause, in which
11 they carefully surveyed each other.
The first finally braced himself, and con
tained :
"You don't want to borrow £'!Q to
pay your fare home, do you
"I do."
' "So do I! I'll be hanged if I ain't
s flat broke for a dollar !"
t Nave Something.
w If yon cannot save much, save what
you can. Don t think adollar or adimc
r is to small a sum to lay by. Every
body knows how a dollar here and a
j dime here and a dime there gets away j
n with large sums, but few scorn to know j
that the rule will work both ways. If a
dollar here and a dime there gets away I
with large sums, but few seem to know j
) that the rule will work both ways. If a ,
dollar here and a dime there soon makes ,
a large hole in a man's income, so those j
dimes and dollars laid away soon be
come a respectable sum and make one
it.dependeut. How many times do we I
" buy that we do not need or could do ,
without ! Think twice before you part
with your money. Be saving but do
not be stingy. Money spent for tobacco, '
whisky, etc., is more than thrown away.
Half 1-Uo unnnjißacc aijtl 'uvuido in tills'
' world is due to debt. What a crop of
trouble springs up from the seeds of'
debt.
The Country editor.
The chief recreation of the editor is
in correcting and punctuating, with a
blue pencil and a pair of shears, volun- |
, tary communications on "Temperance," ;
"The Cses and Abuses of the Potato i
Bug," "Ensilage as a Means of Grace," j
etc., etc. When he has a controversy
going 011 in his columns between two j
rival theologians, it is quite a holiday \
, time for him, and gives him leisure to j
. pay off the arrears of eussiug that he '
. feels he owes the advertising agents who
try to seduce him into inserting a five- j
, inch display advertisement, topofcoluiuu j
next to readiug matter, one year for
, $7.50, payable iu woodcu typo and pat
. ent cau openers.
I The country editor is usually a good
| fellow, aud, iu tho spirit of progress and
in all that pertains to the advance of
. modern civilization, ho is generally far i
, ahead of his surroundings. Many of the
foremost men iu the land have risen from
the editorial throne of a country weekly
paper.
In view of tho ridiculously low rates
ofiercd by advertising agents, would it
not be better for all of us to drop the
wbolo batch of them at tho expiration of
present contracts and thereafter deal '
directly with advertisers ! We arc sat
isfied that in the cud it would prove ad
vantageous to country publishers. It is
true some of these ageuuics will pay all
they coutraet to pay, 'less usual coiu
missiou of twenty-five per ceut.,' but nt ,
tho eud of tho year you may not have
received sufficient to pay for the com
position at twenty-five cents per tbous-
I and ems. Most of them want the space
iu your paper which should be given to
first-class cash advertisements, aud ex
pect you to take it out in trade. They
would havo their 'reading uotices' among
your editorial matter if they could get it
there and offer you a paltry sum therefor,,
'payable in ink or wood type.' If you J
1 demur, thoy will write you in a tone of
1 complaint that would seem to imply that
they own your columns, or that you
could not possibly live without their
valuable patronage. They will atk you
to advertise in their 'Directories' at rates
500 per cent, higher than the rates they
offer you to insert their advertisements.
' They grow rich at you cost. Souio of
them aro frauds and uuless yon get your
' moucy iu advanco you never get it. In
the long run the country press wculd be
better off without thciu, aud if e litorial
i association, are good for anything besides
,' getting up ploasant summer oxcursions
i thoy ought to be able to establish a prop
er basts for advertising rates.
A Tennessee ISlHrktionrd
The numerous blind roads leading off
! the Virginia pikes aro no comparison to
the number in Tennessee, and neither
can the Virginia negro feel as certain
about mixing a traveler up. Riding out
from Murfrcesboro towards Nashville 1
turned to the right to strike a part of
the battle-ground, and in going half a
mile I found three roads branching off.
All looked alike, and after puzziuij; over
it I rode back to where a uegro was
working alongside the road aud asked :
"Can you tell me where that right
hand road leads to ?"
"Yes, soli. You keep right on dat
road an' you'll riz a hill. Den you'll
go frou some woods. Den you'll go
down hill an' cross a brunch au' go up
auoder hill an' bo right dar !"
"Right where ?"
"I duimo, sali, but it's plain road."
"Where doe the middle one go to
"Wall, you'll go freu do woods fust.
Den you'll conic to au 010 mule balked
wid a load of wood. Den you'll wind
arouti' a hill au' take a slant to de right,
an' by kecpin' straight ou you'll see de
place."
"What place ?"
"I duui.o, sail, but I reckon yo'l'll
find him down ill dar somewhar."
"Aud the other road I"
"Dat's de bes' one of all. Arter you
I branch eff you'll sec a fence. Den
you'll turn de right and sec a big log
! ba'n. After you pass de ba'n you'll
' likely see my brudder Jim cuttin' out
| cotton. Doan mind him, but keep on
j across do branch, slew aroun' to dc left
! n lectle, an' arter you riz de hill you am
all right."
"How all right ? Where'll 1 be then !"
"I dunno, sail ; Ize nebber up as fur
( as dat. If yuu doan' want to sec no
body nor go nowliar nor find uuffiu',
| you'd better stick to de pike. You'll
meet somebody on de pike who'll tell ye
. wliur' to niiilr, a short cut lo hit de *zaCT
plantashun !"
Cheek.
No, my son, cheek is not better than
| wisdom ; it is not better than anything.
' Don't listen to the siren who tolls you j
! to blow your own horn, or it will never
lie tooted upon. Tho world is not to be
I deceived by check, and it docs search
J for merit ; and when it finds it merit is
; rewarded. Cheek never deceives the
world, my sou. It appears to do so to
j the cheeky man, but he is tho one who
!is deceived. Do you know one cheeky
j man in all your acquaintance who is not
1 reviled for his cheek tho moment hia
back is turned ! Almost everybody
j hates a cheeky man, my son. Society
j tires at the brassy glare of his faeo, the
noisy assumption of his forwardness. —
The triumphs of cheek arc only appa
rent. lie bores his way along through
the world, and frequently better people
give way for him. But so they give
way, my boy, for a man with a paint pot
|in each hand. Not because they re
i spect the uinii with the paint pot partic
ularly, but because they want lo take
care of their clothes. You sell goods
without it, and your customers wont run
and hide m the cellar when they see you
ooiuing.
PItIMKR I.KSKoN. llera i« a Castle.
{ it is the Home uf an Editor. It has
: stained Class windows, aud Mahogany
stairways. In front of the Castle is a
park. Is it not sweet ? The lady in
the Park is the editor's wife. She wears
a Costly robe of Velvet trimmed with
Gold Lace, and there are Pearls and
' Rubies in her Ilair. The editor sits on
the front Stoop smoking ,n Havana Ci
gar. His little Children arc Playing
with diamond Marbles oil the Tosselated
Floor. The editor can afford to live in
Style. He gets sometimes Two Shill
ings a Week.
Livery men in New England towns
say that the extending nso of the tele
phone is doing much harm to their bus
! inoss, as many persons who wore accus
| mined.to hire teams to transact business
i iu adjoining places now stay at home
and talk through tho wires.—A" Y.
I Times.
Very kind gentleman "Doyou know,
my dear, that we have to-day the short
est day in the year ?" Lady : "Very
true ; but your presence makes mc for
get it."
When a lliudoo swears he takes hold
of the tail of a cow. In this country
when a mau tukes hold of tho tail of a
cow he swears.
The song of tlie bankrupt is a ruin
•ous rhyme.
JSTO. 1
BMALI, 11ITES.
r A weather report—A clap of tliun
-11 dor.
A rich knave's a libel on our laws.—
1 Young.
[ Close relations arc not necessarily
C stingy one j.
1 fanners report the hens as becoming
• very set in their ways.
"Come, gentle spring," says the bur
glar, as he picks the lock.
Ini|uiror —where is the best place to
learn to sing ? The desert.
' Cattle cam their daily food in the
' summer by the sweat of their browso.
When a couple make up their minds
to get married it may be called a tie
vote.
Why is it that we hear so much about
1 the Cochin China but nothing about the
, horse 1
A lawyer is about the only man that
ever made anythiug by opposing a
1 woman's will.
i
Sleep may "knit up the raveled slave
of care," but it won't darn Shu torn stock
ing of poverty worth a cent.
A whipping-post for wifo-beaters is
beiug built at the Baltimore city jail.
A good institution. Stokes needs one
Two drinks a day, remarks an ex
change, will supply a family with flour.
This, of course, refers to the saloon
keeper's family.
"It has always been my aim in life
to imitate a good example," as the coun
terfeiter remarked while working on a
new set of dies.
Ilad Jay Gould exlibited that $53,-
000,000 before he engaged iu the news
paper business, it might havo beeu the
source of sorno surprise
An Inquisitive young ladyj asks
"What is the most popular color foi a
bride?' If we were going to marry we
should prefer a white one.
A supposed dead man suddenly turn
ed up in St. Louis just as the heirs were
getting ready to distribute the estate.
They were so glad to sac him!
Arkansas has a mule that will stop
kicking if the Lord's l'rayer is recited
to him. It so amazes him to h«ar-an
Arkansas man pray that he forgets ull
about kicking.
The statement is made that Frank
James is now acting in the capacity of a
traveling salesman. If the statement is
Rtue, it clearly disproves the rumor that
Mr. James had reformed.
\\ lion reprimanded by his employer
for absenting himself from the office for
two entire days, Fogg very calmly re
plied that lie believed iu the office seek
ing the man and uot the man
seeking the office.
"I never pretend to know anyting
that Ido not," remarked Brown. "Whon
I don't know a thing, I say at once, 1
don't know." "A very proper course,"
said l'ogg ; "but how monotonous your
conversation must be, IJrown !"
"They tell me Brown has a great ear
for music," said Fcnderson. 'Xa*,' repli
ed l'ufg: "I knew he had a great ear,
two of them, iu tact ; but I did not
ktiow that they were for mu-tic. I sup
posed they wore for crushing flics off the
lop of liin head !"
"Is the neighborhood niutli bothered
with oats ? asked a geutleman who was
negotiating for the lease of a house. "It
used to be," frankly answered the land
lord, "but since a I'ronch restaurant
was opened around the corner thcro
hasn't been ono seen."
Out of seventy-eight members of til©
Tcnticsseo Legislature whom a newspa
per man tried to interview, sixty-three
refused to talk because they exacted
to be nominated for Oovernor, and
didu t waut to offend anybody, whilo
the other fifteen were busy running for
Congress.
A new postal law or decision author
ize the publishers of ncvapapers to ar
rests any man for fraud, who takes his
paper aud refuses to pay for it. This is
a fair judicious law, and should have
been counted ycari ago as a means of
protection to publishers, for ttf re are
lots ofpcrsoua who will take a paper for
a tiuic, and when asked to pay for it will
laugh at the publisher and taußtingly
defy him to get it if he can. In this
nmiiifcv publuhe'rrieS hundreds of dol
lar!. The law is intended to meet just
suoh rascals, and publishers generally
should unite in having it cui'orcod, ■
Leader, %
I
• JMSMH