North Carolina Newspapers

THE REPORTER AND POST. VOLUME XI. Reporter and Post. PCBI.I SUED WEEKLY AT D ANBURY, N. O. FIfiPPER k SONS, Pubs. Sr Props BArra or HI bm IIPTIOX « Cm Y«iar, paeshle In Advance, fl .*» Sis MoiitUb 75 HATDS or ADVEBTIftISCt: On« Square (l*n Unci or ISM) I time F I 00 Korearh additional insertion .10 Contra t* for longer time or more apace ran be made In proportion to the above rate*. # Transient advertisers wilt he expected to remit according te these rates at the time they ■end their faror*. Loral Nuti es will he charfed 90 per cent higher than above rate*. Bualnem Card* will he inverted at Ten Dollars per annum. PROFESSIOJ*AU,CARUS. *. ROBERT D. GILMER, Attorney and Counsellor, MT. AIRY, N. C. Practice's in tlie rouit* of Surry,Stokes, Tmlkill and Alleelamf. ~ "mF~CARTE iC 3iTToß*rßr-*T~&a ?r. MT. AIRY, SL'Rltr CO., N. C Practices wberere.'hi»services are wanted. ~RTLTHAI 'MORE, ATTORNEY-AT LAW Mt. Airy. N. C. Special attention given to tbe collection ol claims. I—l2m ~ 11. M. MARTIXDALE, ~ WITH WM. J. C. DULAJTY CO., STATIOyKBSr A.\l> BOOKSELLERS IVARKIIOVSK. School liookt a H stationery of all kinds. Wrapping paper, Twines. Bonnet Boards. Pa|ivr liiinds. ssi w. n ti.riuoßK ST.. h AI.TIMOBK. JTD ~ J. 87 HARRLSOX, WITH A. L. ELLET&CO., DRY GOODS fc NOTIONS 10, 12 k 14 Twelfth Strse% A. L. RLIITT. ) A. .lcp(*« WiTKine, r iEichm'd, Va V F. KINU, WITH jonxso.v, SUTTOX $ co., DHY GOODS, KM. IT and 7B South Sharp, Street, T. W. dOHFSON, E. M. SlTt OW J. n. R. ORABBK, l. J. JOHNSON. O. r. DAT, ALBERT JONES. 3Qay Joa«fi r manuCictttrcrs ol SADD!«ERY .HARNESS, COLLARS. TRt7XBS Ko. SJC \V. Stltimore street, ilaltimoie, JVd. W.A.Tucker, 11. C.Smith, S. B. Spragglna Tuoker. Smith fc Co.. Msnnfacterhra A wholesale Dealers in BOOTS, SHOKB, HATS ASD CAPS. , No. 160 Baltimore Street, Baltimore. JM. ELHART, WITZ $ CO., Importers A wholesale dealers in , ' K9TIONS, HOSIERY. OLOVF..H, WMTEAXP 1 FANCY OOOf>S. Ko. • Haneter street, Baltimore, JM ■ . i M. J. 6 if. E. BEST, , WITH ffenry Sonncborn Sf Co., , WHOLESALE CLOTHIERS. 90 Aawnror St., (betwceoUerin in * Lombard »U) BACTiMOHM Mt). ■ . SONNKBORN, B. BLIMLINE. 1 C. WAT KINS, W. S. ROBERTSON* O. L. COTTRRLL, A. S. WATKINS. Watkins. Cottrell & Co.. lm|iorttfr» and Jobbers of 1 HABOWARE. . 1107 Main Street, RICHMOND, VA. I Agent* fer Fairbanks Standard Scales, and Anker Brand Belting Clnth. I Mt+yhen Putnty, L. H Blair , H r . //. MILES, ( WITH STEPHEXPUTXE CO., \ H'koltmle » Boot*, Shoes, and, Trunks, 1219 Mam Street, Sept. Ml-flm." RICHMOND, VA. w# Mviin. wu. *. nr.vßtKs, ICR IST'N IiEVRIES, SOI.Oi(ON KIJWKL. WM. DEVRIES « CO., Importer# and Johhers of rORCIQM AND OOMCSTIO DRY • OODS AMD NOTIONS. SI2 Wtnf Hfiitimorr Hlrrrt, hrttrrrn Hoirartl and Liberty, BALTIMORE. E\takli*CT4 1844. 8. T. DAVIS wim T. J MAORUDER and CO. ManutactLrers and Dealers In BOOTS, SHOES ASD BROGASS, Ac. No. 31 Sharp Street, Baltimore, Md. J. F. TATBB of N. C. te with Baipie, Anderson $ Bard, Wholesale Grocers, X». m WeSt Pratt u MB. flowar.t (St., ttALTiMORK MD. LONT, A HO V. He (rent fiom tho old lK>me liearttistnue Just twenty years ago. A laughing, rollicking fellow. It would do you good to know; i Since then we have not seen hlin. And we say with a uamelea* pain, Tlie Iwjr that we knew and loved so i We never shall ««*e again. One touring the name wegave him i Comet home to to us tivday, 1 But this is not the Uenr fellow We kiflM'd ami sent av av. Tall as the man he calls father, With a m ill's look in his fan'. Is he who takes hy the hearthstone The lost boy "a olden place. We miss the |#ii.uh that made mimic tVliM***! htt boy weift; This man lu*,s a smile inosl winsome, llis ryes have .threat intent, We know he is thinking and planning Ilis way in the world of men. And we can not help but love him, lint we long for our hoy agaio. We nre promt of this manly fellow Who ecnies to take his plare. Who hints of the vanished boyhood In hia earnest, thoughtful f.ice; And yet conies hack the loiijfiiis For the boy we must henceforth miss, Whom we sent away from our hearthstone Forever with a kiss. The Sorrowful man lro:n C'o luinbaa. At the Union depot the other morn ing, Officer Button observed a tall, long-legged stranger who secerned to be clothed mostly iu a linen duster, wipe his eyes and blow his nose like one suffer ing mental distress, aud ho approached and asked the cause. "Oh, lots of things," replied the man at he shook out his handkorcheif. "Is thero aeamptucetiug anywhere around here ?" "Not that I know of." "And they doult have nnv prayer meetings herein the duytiinc !" "No." "There isn't anybody around Aie do* pot who makes a specialty of singing Gospel hymns, is there !" "Don't know of any. Has your wifo ryu away !" f . •'No. I never had one." "Lost your wallet ?" "No. 1 never carry a, wallet." "Anybody abused you ?" "No. Everybody is kind to mo." "Then why this sorrow and these to«»? Strong men do not weep with out a strong cause." "I weep—l weep because tho world is cold —because it is wieked-bccause human nature lias bcconio suspicious. I weep because another sun lias risen on the ovil passions of men." "Arc you naturally sorrowful!" "I am. I sometimes wi*h I wasu't that way. How long before tho Lake Shore train goes f" "About twelve minutes." "Then I'll spend eleven minutes in further weeping. Have yo« a private room in which I can sit aud cry ?" "S»y, old man, what's your lay 1" asked the officer, after looking kim over. "My lay is weeping. lam tho sor rowful man from Columbus." "That's too thin. What is tho par ticular ruekot this morning!" "Won't you give me awoyasked the man, after a fresh dig at his eyes. "No." "I'm dead broke, and 1 want to get to Toledo. The couductor who runs out on this train stands over there, and I'm weeping for his benefit ile has already remarked uiy grief, and he wonders what ails me. When he askes me for my ticket, I'll either be a missionary who weeps over the nvarico of railroad corporations and appeal to his charity, or a person from the country who lost bis money on the confidence game. Now let me weep some more. He wept some more, and then laid : "It's the best lay in tho world.' It's a hundred times better than check or riding on the springs, and it costs me oothiag, and is always ready. I cried my way frow Columbus to Indiunupolis, wept from there to Chicago, and then sobbed my way along to Detroit. I now weep that I mayjsee Toledo, and 1 shall depend upon emotion to scoot me through to Colonibu? in good style. 1 will now edge along toward the con ductor and give way to an extra burst of mingled grief and contrition. Ta-ta, old blue coal—don't give away a man who couldn't raise a nickel if his eyes should give out to-morrow." '-Whioh do you like best, your father or yo«r mother !" inquired "n visitor of a little ehubhy list. "Oh, 1 likes uia the best. She spanks me with the soft side of her band ; pa takes a shingle." —.Yew York E rpress. DANBURY, N..C, THURSDAY, AUGUST 24, 1882. A Critique. A man, a desk, a room. Tlic man was in the room, and lii.s feet were on , the desk. Nothing was wasted. The man wat an editor. Somebody rapped at the door. "Como in," said the editor. It was a boy. lie laid a book on the editor's table and weut out again. 'J'lie editor looked at it awhile, and then took it into another room, where j i there was another man with his feet on a desk. He wan writing busily, but | | ceased Li# wort i» iLu wliiar came i jin. lie was a literary person. "Give-this a good notice,'' said the , editor. "All right said the literary person. I ' Then the editor weut out. The clock in one corner of tho room j | kept up an incessant ticking. The lit- | j erary person disliked this clock, but the j man who wrote the financial articles 1 owned the clock and would not allow it to be reiuoTcd. lie said its ticking re | minded liiui of the way bunkers did bus- ! | iuoss. After a while the literary .person fin- ! | ishod his review of a book on the ethics j jof protoplasm and stepped writing, j Presently he looked at the book which 1 tho editor had left. lie had never seen ! ' anything like it before. But ho did not weaken. Again his pen traveled rapid- | ly over tho paper. This is what he j wrote: "Wo have received from the publish ers a dainty little work cutitlcd 'Records of Trotting aud Pacing in tha United! States and Canadas for ISBO,' and can warmly recommend it to our readers. I While tho plot is one replete with sen- j sational incidents and situations, it is j yet of a character that can offend none, ( teaching, as it docs, the lesson that true i progress is attained only by earnest ef- j fort. Tho almost idyllic story of Maud S. aud St. Julian, who seem to be the , principle characters ill-the sttxy, is told ;■ in a simple yet finished manner, and one lays down the book with a restful feel- ( ing at the heart that should always bo ; produced by a properly constiucted nov el." The next day the editor saw that in his paper, lie read it carefully and ; said: Society Xolei. Mrs. Filgibbons has gone to see her aunt. The most stylish purse of the season is made of uudressed sealskin, with j nothing in it. A novelty in neck lingerie, for gentle- ' men is made of hemp or niunilla, and is so worn as to close up pretty snug when I the gentleman steps through the trap. It is much affected in Nevada and New Mexico. The engagement of Johnny Sncbbly and Miss Lebechin will be announced as ; soon as Mr. Snebbly has got a lift in his j salary to sll a week. Mrs. Isinglass held a brilliant recep tion in the back parlor of her fashionable 1 hotel on Saturday evening last. Shore- | cetved $5.05 apiece from all her regular | boarders except young Mr. Fast boy, who : paid her sixty cents and a silver watch,! and stood her off till next Saturday for the rest of it. The fascinating Mrs. Tommary, of ' North Ilill, had a new girl last week ; a j genuine Swede, imported, that runs at i one hundred and seventy-eight pounds | ! and bijfckc two lamps and a soup tureen the first day in the house. Miss Piffenbach, tho accomplished and beautiful cautatrice of West Hill,) slapped her old mother over tho head ; ' with a dish rag last Tuesday evening, 1 because the old lady wouldn't let her go : down and sing in a Dutch chorus at the , 1 masquerade in Bogus Hollow. Miss j Diffcnbach has the true temper of a lyric urtist, and our city will yet bo proud of , her. Mrs. Dinklcman read a profound pa per last week before the "American ' Woman's Society for tho Elimination of ' tho B. 11. in the 11. S.". Mrs. Dinklc- man said she always got the drop on ;; thein when she used corrosive subli- ; mate. | ' Miss Birdie MeWhelter fell up | against the sidoof tile •skating rink the ( other night, and blacked one ofhar eyes a and knocked tho other clear out. 'iho ( one slio knocked out was a glass one. j It was gallantly rescued by Mr. I'erei val de Claude O'llullipun, whounfortu- ■ . ■lately stepped on it before he picked it ' up. luturcd in the Glen Kyeric Mutu- ' al by George Duulcavy. . 1 At the Stamp Window. Just before eleven o'clock yesterday i forenoon there were thirteen men and one woman at the stamp window of the postofficc. Most of the men lad letters to post for the Eastern truins. The woman had something tied up in a blue match-box. She got there firat, and she hold tl»e position with her head in the window and b«th elbows on the elielf. "Is there such a place in this country as Cleveland 1" j "Oh, yes." "Do you send mail there !" "Yes." , . ! "\Yeii; a woman living next door | asked me to mail this box for her. I | guess its directed all right. She said it , ought to go for a cent." "Takes two cents," said the clerk, ' after weighing it. "If there's writing I inside it will be twelve cents." "Mercy on me, but how you do | charge!" Here the thirteen men began to push j up and hustle around and talk about one old match box delaying two dozen busi ness letters, but tlie woman bad lots of ! time. ! "Then it will be two cents, eh V 1 "If there is no writing inside." i "Well, there may bo. 1 know she is I a great hand to write. She's sending | some flower seed to her sister, and I pre- I suuie she has told her how to plant 'em." j "Two threes!" called out one of the | crowd as ho tried to get to the window, j "Hurry up !" called another. "There ought to be a separate window here for women I" growled a third. I "Then it will take twelve centsshe calmly queried, as she fumbled around for her put sc. "Yes." j "Well, I'd better pay it I guess." From one pocket she took two cop -1 pers. From her reticule she took a ! ; three-ceut piece. From her purse she fished out a nickle ; and it was only after a hunt of eighty seconds that she got . thu twelve c»ot* Sbo» then consumed fuui 1 minutes in licking on the stamps, asking where to post the box and , wondering if there really was any writ , ing inside, but woman proposes and man | disposes. Twenty thousand dollars' ! worth of busiuess was being detained by a twelve cent woman, and a tidal wave suddenly took her away from the window. In sixty seconds the thirteen men had j been waited on and gone their ways, ' aud the woman returned to the window, handed in the box, and said : i "Them stamps are licked on kind o' j crooked, but it won't make any differ ence, will it I"— Detroit Free Press. A Little Damp. "Have we had any rain in Indiana this spring !" he echoed, as ho turned in his scat. "Yes." "Well, it's been a little damp out t there," he softiy answered. "The day before leaving home I had to hang up twenty-eight of my ducks. They had become so water soaked they could no longer swim. During the month of April it rained on twenty-nine different days." "What about the other day ?" "O, that was the day on which it j snowed tweuty-two straight houis." "How is corn ?" "Well, I planted mine in two feet of water, and between you and uie I don't j expect over thirty bushels to tho acre?' "Wheat looking well !" "Tolerably well, but the sturgeon and catfish are doing considerable dam age." "Didn't you get any dry weather in May«" "Tbcro was about fifteen minutes one day when it tried to clear up, but 2 hadn't commenced to bring out my sheep before the rain cauie down I again." "Grass must be good "Shouldn't wonder, but can't say. When I get back I'm going down iu a diving-bell to see." "Got your potatoes in!" "Not yet; I've got them loaded on a scow, aud tho scow anchored in the field in three feet of water." "Then the prospect looks gloomy I" "Mot any, sir—not any. I'regotau ark almost ready to sail, and if it will only rain for another week I'll bo the best-fixed man in Indiana." Resolved, That the liourbon leaders of tho Democratic parly arc respon sible for the passage of the prohibition bill and the agitation resultiug there from — Republican Coalition Platform. Prohibition was not and is not a pol itical or party question. 1 regard it as res adjudicate.—Folk, Rspublictn-Coa lihon Candidate for jtidire, A Good Roy. A Detroit grocer was tlie other day hungrily waiting for his clerk to return j from dinner and give him a chance at [ his own noonday meal, when a boy came into tha store with a basket in his hand j aud said : [ "1 seed a boy grab up this 'er basket from the door and run, and I run after him and made him give it up." "My lad, you are au honest boy." "Yes, sir." "And you look like a good boy." "Yes sir." "Aud good boys should always be en couraged. Iu a box in tho back room there are eight dozen eggs. You may take them home to your mother and keep the basket. 'lbe grocer had been saving those eggs for days and weeks to reward some one. Iu rewarding a good boy be also got eight dozen bad eggs out of the neigli i borliood free of cost, and he chuckled a , little chuck as ho walked homeward. | The afternoon waned, night catno and j went, aud once more the grocer went to his dinner. When lie returned he was picking his teeth and wearing a compla cent smile. His eye caught of eight dozen eggs as he entered the store, and he queried : "Been buying some eggs?" ' Yes ; got hold of those from a far mer's boy,'replied the clerk. 'A lame boy with a blue cap on !' 'Yes.' 'Two front teeth out ?' 'Yes' The grocer sat down and examined the eggs. Tho shells had been washed clean, but they were the same eggs that good boy had lugged homo tho day be fore. IIIN Exact Age. When Uncle Reuben Clay, an old darkey of about seventy winters, drop ped into a Uriswold street tobacco storo a day or two ago, and was asked his age, he promptly replied : "Wall, sali, I reckon I'so about as ni.'h 70 y'arsoleas day can make 'oiu." "Ifyoii can't read, or write or cipher, how can you tell ?" "I'se kept de dates iu my head, sali, an' if you'll take a pencil 1 kiu prove uiy age in no time 'tall." One of the loungers prepared himself with pencil and paper, and Uncle Reu ben proceeded : "Now, sab, in whaty'ar did Coluuibus diskivcr America !" "In 1402." "Den sot dat down." "Why, what has the discoverer of America to do with your age !" asked several voices. "It makes uo diffunce, sali. I'so got to git some pint to reekou from, an' 1 take dat ono kase it's haudiest. I'ut dqwn 141)2." "Yes." "Now, den, when was do rerolu bhunay wa' fit ?" "In 177 G." "Exactlv. Take dat from 1492, and it leaves how many !" "Just 284 years.' "Dat's k'rect. Now, when did dcy fight de nest wa'?' "In 1812-14. Take that out and it makes a difference of thirty-stx years, and reduces tho figures io 248.' "Dat's all right,' Miid Uncle Reuben, as he bent over tho figures. "Now den. in what y'ar did my great-grandfather land in ole Virginny !" "Why, how do I know ? You must know if any one.' Tho old man scratched his head, look ed OTcr the fingures aud said : Dat's kiudor curus. De ole man couies in dare sum whar V All the men began to laugh it him. and the old man got up and tied on his comfort and said : "You white folks needn't feel so migh ty peart kaxc you find you'vo got an 010 niggar in a box. I'agwine ober to see my son George au' Uoorge he'll taco a piece o' chalk an de bottom of a cheer an' begin wid do day Cain killed Abel, an' ruu my aigo down to de worry mawn iu' quicker'n do smartest o' you kia rub a so' heel!" «A Newspaper Mau's Sod Fate' is tho title of a touching article which we did not read. Wc suppose it is tho old old story of some editor who married n girl and then the old man refused to lift the mortgage on Inn son-in-law's office.— McGregor JVews. A philosophical boukioller saving that every j>hase of humanity represented some kind of a book, was asked to what kind of publication a baby corresponded. "A baby," he roplied, "is a primer of humanity, bound iu more rocker.,, Dcniocrutlc I'iatl'urni We congratulate the people of North Carolina on the era of peace, prosperity and good government which lias been unbroken since tlie incoming of a Dem ocratic State administration ; upon the pure and impartial administration of jus tice and tho honest enforcement of the laws ; upon the efficiency of our common school system and great advance made in education, aud the general improve ment and enterprise manifested in every part of the State, and we pledge our selves to exert all aiTirte t« udvnnce the material interests of all sections of the State in the future as we have done in tlie «•* Awe challenge a comparison between a Democratic administration of our State affairs and the crimes, out- I rages and scandals that accompanied j Republican misrule. Affirming our ad herence to Democratic principles as de fined iti tho platform adopted by the National Democratic Convention, held at Cincinnati in 1880 : Resolved, That wo regard a free and fair expression of the public will at the ballot-box as the only sure meaus of pre serving our free American institutions, and we denounce tbe Republican party and the interference of its federal officials lor their gross frauds upon the elective franchise, whereby wliule districts, States and the Union have been deprived of their just political rights ; and we be lieve the corrupt aud corrupting uso of federal patronage, and of | üblic money drawn by taxation from the people, in influencing and coutroling elections, to bo dangerous to the liberties of the State and tho Union. Resolved, That we aro in favor of tho entire aud immediate abolition of tha iu tcrnal revenue syntem, with its attend ant corruptions, and that we denounce 1 the present tariff laws as grossly unequal, unjust and vicious. IVc favor such a ' revision of tha tariff as will produce a revenue sufficience for the economical | support of the government, with such , incidental protection as will give to do mestic manufactures a fair competition ; with those of foreign production. That 1 there should bo an immediate repeal of all laws imposing a direct tax for the j support of tho government of the Unit- I ed States, but if it should prove imprac- I ticable to abolish the internal revenue system with all its attending demoraliz ation, fraud and corruption, then we urge upon our Senators and Represen tatives in Congress tho importance of so amending tho law that the revenue offi cers who now receive iu salaries in North Caroliua alone more than $500,000 shall bo elected by the people of tho localities to which they arc assigned. Resolved, That the course of the Dem ocratic pnrly siuco its accession to pow er in North Carolina in furtherance of popular education is a sufficient guaran ty that wo earnestly favor the education of all classes of our people, and that we , will advocate any legislation looking to au increase of tbe fund for that puipose that will not materially increase the present burdens of our people. Resolved, That the question of pro hibition is not now, and never has been, a party question in North Carolina, and never been endorsed by tho Democratic party, aud tlic peopla of the State at the general election, iu the year 1881, having by au overwhelming majority vot -1 cd against prohibition, and the Surprcmc Court having decided tliut the proliibi- i tion act is not aud novor has beeu a law, we regard the matter as finally settled, : and any attempt to renew tho agitation is merely a weak effort of designing per sons to divert the minds of the people from the dangerous principles and cor rupt practioes of the Republican par ty. Resolved , That while wo are not wod ded to any particular form of county , government, we recognize tho fact that! a large part of the taxes of the State aro ! , paid for the common benefit by the white people of our eastern counties, and | that wo consider it tho bounden duty ! of the white uion of tho State to protect j | those people from the oppressive domin atian of ignorant blacks, and pledge ourselves to such legislation as will so- 1 cure this end. Aud whereas it is seriously suggested 1 that a vigorous effort will soon be made 1 to compel the State, by judicial proceod- 1 ings, to pay the fraudulent and unlawful : 1 special tax bonds, amounting to ?22,- 000,000, issued under legislation passed by the Republican Legislature in 1868 j and ISO 7 ; therefore, Resolved,further, That tlic Democrat ic party will resist such recovery and the payment of such bonds by every lawful means. NO. 11 SMALL. ItlTEft. Ilow to handle an iron that is red hot without being burned : wait until it cools. A young lady calls her beau "Hon eysuckle," because he it always hanging over the front fence. A Georgia young wan askod his sweet heart if she had ever read "Romoo and Juliet," She replied that she bad read "Romeo," but she did not think she had ever read Juliet. Why arc a true lover's visits like a successful newspaper ' Because they commence weekly, then become semi weekly, then tri-weekly, and then daily , with Sunday supplement. Will some of our contemporaries I please explain the difference between a j "silent tear" and one that isn't silent * We want to write a "pome" and ring in something about "dropping a silent tear." A New York lady recently accident ally let fall SI,OOO worth of diamonds in the Kast River. Being the wife of an editor, she merely smiled, and then went down to Tiff's and ordered several million dollars' worth more. On the stage the other evening, in Chicago, Sara Berahard, by request, gave a recitation in French. The piece was entitled, "Ot hes nowt hebe autif uls now.' It is unnecesSara to stato that the audience wept. "Any letter for me ?' asked a young lady of the female postmaster in a country town. 'Strange,' said tho young lady aloud to herself, as she turned away. "Nothing strange about it,' cried the f. p. through tho delivery window, "you ain't answered the last letter he writ you yet.' A college graduate, after vainly trying to explain a scientific theory to | a young lady to whom he had been ' rather attentive, said, "The, f "iet aoh is difficult, and 1 ooii':We wmm> 1 Mtk do to make it more satisfactory.— ' "Suppose you pop tt t" murmered tho ' young lady. The editor wrote : "The poet can at J least lay tho flattering unction to his i soul,' etc. The copy fell to the cham pion intelligent who set up without a wave of trouble rolling across his peace ful frame, "The poet can at least lay the flattering unction to his gaul.'— Friends are requested not to send flow ers. It must be rather trying to be mar ried to an emotional actress, to have her clutching you by the thioat at 3 A. St., and shouting in a hoarse stage whisper, "Slave, didst lock the kitchen door ? The key, where is.t, quick 1 I'll strangle tbee : didst lay the milk pitch er on the outer battlements ! Aye, me good lord, I'm mad.' A young man with an umbrella over took an unprotected lady acquaintance in a rain storm, and oxtending his um brella over her requested the pleasure of acting as ber rain-beau. "Oh!" exclaimed the young lady,'taking his arm, "you wiali me to be your rain dear." Two souls with but a single umbrella, two forms that stepped as one. A Michigan boy ate a bar of soap on a wager, and tlieu drank a lot of soda to take the taste out of his mouth, and and the way he spouted suds and soap „ bubbles for the next half hour baffled the skill oi fourteen doctors, who madly performed about him, not having been informed of tho cause of the lad's suf fering. They aro at loggerheads now about what to call the case. A Young lady in Philadelphia is a worthy object of charity. She advertises that while returning from the theatre the other night she losta SIOO breast-pin If she were to vonturo out of the house this Arctio weather without being clothed in a SIOO breast-pin to protect her from the cold and piercing blasts, she would surely freexe to death. It it. a sad case. A Galveston man wont to the dootor and told him: "Doctor, there is some thing the matter with uiy brain. After auy severe mental exertions I have a headache. What is the remedy for it t "The best remedy is to get yourself elected to the legislature, where you will have no occasion to tbmk," The patient replied if it wasn't for the sake of his children he would make the experiment. Hedidn.twant them to go through life wkli a stigma attached ta their tiaucs.