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THE DISEASE AND ITS REMEDY.
KBBN E. BEXFOBD.
The other day our friend McPhail
Was taken with disease;
Pe knew ’twas not a cold, because
With colds you have to siieeze;
It could not be a fever, for
With fevers you are hot,
Ind so we really could’t tell
What sickness he had got.
The first day be began to grin,
Though no one knew what at;
[The second snickering sat in,
And giggling followed that;
The third day it was haw! haw! haw!
The fourth day a perfect roar,
ind every hour the man grew worse,
And scared us more and more.
rhe doctors came, and, looking wise,
>eclar«d they never saw \
; case like this before. McPhail
fust roared out haw! haw! haw!
:ie windows rattled in the sash,
The wise men startled grew,
k.ud said they thought his funny-bone
Congested through and through.
[They said perhaps it might be w ell
To talk of something sad;
[To fix his thoughts Ion solemn things
| Was all the hope jjhey had.
LSo we sat down with faces grave,
I All in a mournful row,
|And talked of sorrow, death and sin,
Till tears began to flow.
f’T
Alas! he only laughed the more
To see the tears we shed;
"was plain this treatment wouldn’t do;
“No hope of him,” we said,
o we gave up in sad despair,
And left him to his fate
n grief, just as we heard the sound
Of some one at the gate.
your
mother’n
[‘McPhail, here copies
law',”
We said,' The roar stopped;
Lis features lost their f uunj' look,
His jaw that moment dropped.
Since then he hasn’t laughed or smiled:
, lie’s s lemn as you .please,
aid seems to think tin: remedy
Was worse than the disease.
[The President’s Speech at the
Centennial of the Constitution.
I deem it very great honor and
pleasure to participate in these im
[ pressive exercises. Every American
Citizen should on this centennial day
rejoice in his citizenship. He will
not find the cause of his rejoicing in
the antiquity of his* country, for
among the nations of the earth his
studies with the youngest. He wi.l
not find it in the glitter and pomp
that bedeck the monarch and dazzle
abject and servile subjects, for in
this country the people themselves
are the rulers. He will not find it
in the story of bloody foreign con
quests, for his government has been
content to care for its own domain
and people. He should rejoice be
pause the work of framing our Con
stitution was completed one hun
dred years ago to-day, and also be
cause when completed it established
free government.
He should rejoice because this
Constitution and Government have
survived so long, and also because
they have survived with so many
blessings and tiavg demonstrated so
fully the strength and value of popu
lar rule. He should rejoice in the
wonderous growth and achievements
of the oast hundred years, and also
in the glorious promise of the Con
stitution through centuries to come.
We shall fail to be duly thankful for
all that was done for us a hundred
years ago, unless we realize the dif
ficulties of the work then in hand
and the dangers avoided in the task
of forming a more perfect union be
tween the disjointed and inharmoni
ous states with interests and opin
ions radically di verse and stubbornly
maintained. The perplexities of the
Convention which undertook the la
bor of preparing our Constitution are
apparent in these
one of the most
earnest words of
illustrious of its
i members. “The small progress we
have made after four or five weeks of
'close attendance and continued rea
soning with each other, our different
sentiments on almost every question,
[several of the last producing as many
[noes as yeas, methinks, a melan
choly proof of the imperfection of
jbippsn understanding. We, indeed,
im to feel our own want of politi -
wisdom since we have been run
ling about in search of it. We have
gone back to ancient history for
models' of government and examined
XELL both; SI DBS, AND TAKE TUB CONSEQUENCES,
YOL. 1.
FRANKIiINTON, N. C., SEPTEMBER 30,1887.
JHU. U.
different forms of those republics
which, haying been formed with the
seeds of their own dissolution, now no
longer exist. In this situation of
this assembly, groping as it were in
the dark to find political truth and
scarce able to distinguish it when
presented to us, how has it hap
pened, sir, that we have not hereto
fore once thought of humbly apply,
ing to the Father of Light to illumi
nate our understandings?” And this
wise man, proposing to his fellows
that the aid and blessing of God
should be invoked in their extremity,
declared —“I have lived sir. a long
time, and the longer I live the more
convincing proofs I see of the truth
that God governs in the affairs of
men, and if the sparrow cannot fall
to the ground without bis notice, is
it probable that an empire can rise
without His aid? We have been as
sured, sir, in the sacred writings that
except the Lord build the house, they
labor i«i vain that build it. I firmly
believe this, and I also believe that
without his concurring aid we shall
succeed in this political building no
better than the builders of Babel.
We shall be divided by our little
partial interests; our projects will be
confounded and we ourselves shall
become a reproach and a by-word
down to future ages and, what is
more, mankind may hereafter from
this unfortunate ii standee despair of
establishing governmehts by human
wisdom and leave it to chance, war
and conquest.”
In the face of all disconfagements,
the fathers of the republic labored on
for four long, weary months, in alter
nate hope and fear, but always with
rugged resolve, never faltering in
sturdy endeavor sanctified by a
prophetic sense of the value to pos
terity of their success and always
with unflinching faith in the princi
ples which make the foundation of
a government by the people. At
last their task was doue. It is re:
lated that upon the back of the chair
occupied by Washington as president
of the convention a sun was painted,
and that as the delegates were sign
ing the completed Constitution one
of them said: “I have often in course
of the session and in the solicitude
of my hopes and fears as to its issue
looked at that sun behind the presi
dent without being able to tell
whether it was rising or setting, but
now at length I know that it is rising
and not the setting sun.”
We stand to-day on the spot where
this rising sun emerged from politi
cal night and daruness, and in his
own bright meridian light we mark
its glorious way. Clouds have some
times obscured its rays and dreadful
storm8 have made us*fear, but God
has held it in its course and through
its life-giving warmth has performed
his latest miracle in: the creation of
this wonderous land and people.
As we look down the past century
to the origin of our Constitution, as
we contemplate its trials and its tri
umphs, as we realize how completely
the principles upon which it is based
have met every national peril and
every national need, how devoutly
should we confess with Franklin,
‘God governs in the affairs of men
and how solemn should be the reflec
tion that to our hands is committed
this ark of the people's covenant,
and that ours is the duty to shield
it from impious hands. We receive
it sealed with the tests of a century.
It has been found sufficient in the
past, and in all the future years it
will be found sufficient if the Ameri
can people are true to their sacred,
trust. Another centennial day will
come, and millions yet unborn will
inquire concerning our stewardship
and the safety of their Constitution.
God grant that they may find it
unimpaired; and as we rejoice in the
patriotism and devotion of those who
lived a hundred years ago, so may
many others who follow us rejoice in
our fidelity and in our Jealous love
for constitutional liberty.—Chronicle,
Homesick
Foolish books tend to make fools
of their readers, a truth well illus
trated by the following picture,
which we commend to boys who are
beginning to hanker after lives of
adventure. Experience is a hard
school master, and it is advisable to
get such lessons, as far as possible,
at second-hand. “By others faults
wise men correct their own.”
A little fellow, not over twelve
years old, was sitting behind a box
at the Omaha depot the other morn
ing, crying softly and looking very
dirty and forlorn.
“What's the matter?” we asked.
“Haint nothing’ the matter,” be
said, defiantly, sitting up straight,
hastily blushing away his tears, and
pushing back his jacket a little so as
to display the handle of an old re
volver in his pocket. Then he looked
off across the river at the strange
buildings, and lost bis bravery, and
buried his head again and sobbed
thiougli his tears:
“O mister, I’ve been arunnin’
away', an’ I want to go home!”
“What made you run away?”
‘ I thought it would be nice, but
it haint, no, it haint,” and he rested
his face in his hands, and looked the
picture of woe. “Dick Dagger had
a heap o’ fun but I haint had a bit.”
“Who was Dick Dagger?”
“Didn’t! you ever hear o’ him? He
was the boy-scout of the Rockies, an’
I wanted to be like him There
haint Indians what’ll hurt a feller
round here, is there?”
“No.” i
“I wouldn’t shoot ’em if there was.
Dick shot ’em, but I don’t want to.
I want to g<et, hack home, but mebbe
I never will,” and once more his
tears flowed.
“Where do you live?”
“Oh, I live down in Marion, in
Illinois, and it just about killed me
riding in that old freight-car; an’ I
hurt my knee, an’ I’m cold, and
haint had no breakfast nor supper,
neither. I wish I’d never heard of
Dick—I don’t see how he got along
so well—and if I ever get home
again, and see my—ray—my—ma,”
but the thought of his mother was
too much for him. • V
“l don’t want to hurt Indians, or
bears, or nothin’ nor rescue no maid
ens, an’ I’m tired of that old thing !”
and he pulled a rusty revolver out of
his pocket that hadn’t fired for ten
years, and threw it across the track.
“Please, mister, get me something to
eat, an’ I’ll work all day for you,”
and he looked up pitifully, and
straitened his little cap on his curly
head.
We took him along, and he ate
three or four meah in one, but even
after that he didn’t say a word about
exterminating the Indian. The next
day a grave-looking father arrived,
looking for a very homesick boy,
and they went back together. So
the Government lost another scout,
but an anxious mother got back a
boy who will never runaway again.—
Youth's Companion.
Puzzle for Boys.
Boys should never get through life
satisfied to be aways borrowing other
people’s brains. There are some
things they should find out for them
selves. There is always something
waiting to be found out. Every boy
should think some thought that shall
live after him. A farmer’s boy
should discover for himself what tim
ber will bear the most weight, which
is the most elastic, which will last
longest in water, what is the best
time to cut down trees for firewood.
How many kinds of oak grow in
your region, and what is each
specially good for? How does a bird
fly without moving a wing or feather?
How does a snake climb a tree or a''
brick wall? is there any difference
i between a deer’s track and a hog’s
I '' ‘ *
track? What is it? How often does
a deer shed his horns andwhat be
comes of them? In building a chim
ney, which shonld be the largest,
the throat or the funnel Shonld it be
wider at the top or drawn in. The
boys see white horses. Did they
ever see a white colt? Do they know
how old the twig must be to bear
peaches, and how old the vine is when
grapes first hang upon it? There is
a bird in the forest which never
builds a nest, but lays its eggs in the
nests of other birds. Can the boys
tell what bird that is? Do you know
that a hop vine always winds with
the sun, but the bean vine always
winds the other way? Do they know
that when a horse crops grass he eats
back towards him; but a cow eats
outward from her, because she has no
teeth upon her upper jaw, and has to
gum it?—Roanoke News.
“Lovely.”
The absurd use of the word
‘lovely” is illustrated in the follow
owing conversation overheard on a
horse-car in the suburbs of an East
erii city. Of course the reporter did
not have his note-beok open, and
therefore he can only be sure of the
general accuracy of his account. But
this is’ the impression the conversa
Xion made on him. The speakers
were a young man and a young wo
man, happy in each other’s society
and a bag of chocolate creams:
“Isn’t it lovely riding on the open
cars?” askedjthe young man.
“Lovely!” was the reply.
“What lovely houses there are all
along this street 1”
,lYes, lovely 1”
“See those magnificent elms form
ing a perfect arch of green over that
avenue. Aren’t they lovely?”
“Perfectly^lovely!”.
“The view -from this hill is so
fine!”
. “Lovely!”
“How beautiful that little cottage
hidden in the green vines is!”
“Lovely!” ^
“See that, lovely lawn. Isn’t it
charming?” p*
“JustTovely!”
“Have you enjoyed the ride?”
asked the young man when the end
of the route was reached.
“Oh, yes !” wa3 the^gushing reply.
“It’s been just too lovejy for any
thing !”—Ex.
She Got up and Walked.
A most remarkable case of "faith
cure” is said to have taken place at
Chattanooga. Tenn., on the night of
the 4th iust. Mrs. W. S. Jordan,
wife of a well known minister, who
had been confined to her bed for
a year and a half with “heart dis
ease,” and a complication of other
troubles, was thoroughly “cured.”
An emissary of “Christian sci
ence,” from Boston, arrived in Chat
tanooga Saturday, and a service of
praj’er was held at the bedside of the
sick woman that night. The services
lased two hours, when to the aston
ishment of all present, Mrs. Jordan
arose from her bed unaided, dressed
herself and started out into the street.
She walked two squares before re
turning home.
The next morning she arose from
her bed, and, after partaking of a
hearty breakfast, went to church for
the first time in two years. When
she entered the church her most inti
mate friends could not believe their
own eyes, although they saw her.
The affair has created a decided
sensation in Chattanooga, and her
husband, who is wild with delight,
says there is no use questioning the
‘ faith cure” in the future.—Pee Dee
Index.
When you ’come to town if you
want your horse fed and well cared
for, go to Morris’ Livery Stable.
Joyner’s Old Gin is the place.
A Little Fun at Home.
Do not be afraid of a little >fun at
home, good people. Dp not shot up
your house lest the sun should fade
your carpet, and your hearts, lest a
laugh should shahe down a few of
the musty old cobwebs that are
banging there. If you want to ruin
your sons, let them think that all
mirth and social enjoyment must be
left at the threshhold without when
they come home at night. When
once a home is regarded as only a
place to eat, drink and sleep in, the
work is begun that ends in gambling
houses and reckless degradation.
Young people must have fun and re
laxation somewhere. If they do not
find it at their own hearthstones, they
will seek it at other and less profit
able places- Therefore, let the fire
burn brightly in winter, and let the
doors and windows be cherfully
thrown open in summer, and make
the homestead delightful with those
little arts that parents so well under
stand. Do not regret the buoyant
spirits of your children. Half an
hour of merriment within doors, and
merriment of a home, blots out the
remembrance of many a care and an
noyance during the day; afid the
best jsafeguard that they caii take
with them into the world is the un
seen influence of a bright little home
sanctum.—Farm and Fireside:
Millionaire Sutro's Literary Taste.
In his frequent trips to Europe
Mr. Sutro found it a recreation to
gather rare and valuable books and
manuscripts, and when he retired
from mining these formed the nucleus
of a great library, until now it num
bers betweeo sixty thousand and
seventy thousand volumes, many of
them unique, and a large number of
Oriential manuscripts, including the
original leather sheets of Hebric
text from which the ingenious Shap
eira made up his spurions Book of
Deuteronomy. Mr. Stutro’s plan is
to establish a free library in San
Francisco that shall be second to
none in the world in the departments
of history and science. In connec
tion with it will be a museum for the
display of Egyptian and other curi
osities. Besides four well authen
ticated mummies of hoar antiquity,
he has a boat discovered in an Egyp
tian tomb, of the time of Abraham.
The California Legislature, which
has just ended its session, passed a
bill giving Mr. Sutro full powers to
establish this library. Its site will
probably be on the heights overlook
ing the famous Seal Hocks and the
Pacific Ocean—a beautiful spot that
the millionaire has already converted
into a great pleasure ground.—
George H. Fitch in the^ September
Cosmopolitan.
Paltry Dishonesty.
A young aspirant for office in
Iowa drove up to an hotel, and
alighted, and engaged a room. He
desired his trunk taken to his room;
and, seeing a man passing whom he
supposed to be the porter, he im
periously ordered him to take it up.
The porter charged him twenty-five
cents, which he paid with marked
quarter, worth cnly twenty cents.
He then said:
“You know Governor Grimes?”
“Ob, yes, sir 1”
“Wqll, take my card to him, and
tell him I wish an interview with
him at bis earliest convenience.”
“I am Governor Grimes, at your
service, sir.”
“you—I—that is, my dear sir, I
beg a-a-thousand pardons! ’
“None needed at all, sir,” replied
the Govemorr “I was rather favor
&bly impressed with your letter, and
had thought you well suited to the
office specified; but, sir, any mau
who would swindle a workingman
out of a paltry five cents would de
fraud the public treasury, bad he an
opportunity. Good evening, sir."—
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FUN.
[dipped from the Exchanges.}
The boy whose mother whaled KM|
witii a five-foot apple tree sproStlMS
be had enough of Long Bridal mt
this season.
If the United State* aoiMMl
ever get hold of the lamented
McGarigle he will be convinoed that
in Union there is strength.
Eaatern railway companies should
revise their passenger tarritt at once
so as to make a slight distinction
between the quick and the dead.
If Jim Jenkins don’t stop shooting
our windows out there’ll be trouble.
This is no rented house and the win*
dows cost money. If he wants to
shoot at us he must come inside.
A Chicago pastor recently prayed
as follows: “0 Lord we ask thee to
send the skimmed milk dairyman in
haste to thy creamatory; and may
the recording angel chalk down every
adulteration.”
Florrie—No, dear, it was not an
editor who wrote that beautiful gem
beginning “Come read to me a
poem, some simple and heartfelt lay,?*
we don’t know who wrote it, but it
was not an editor,
Great actress—Ob, Mr. De Stage,,
we can’t play to-night. Traveling.
Manager—Why not? “Our trunks,
haven't arrived and we haven't a.
thing to wear.” “That’s all right;,
I’ll put on a burlesque.
Teacher—What did the woman Of
Samaria take to the well?
Pupil—A pitcher.
“What foi?”
“She wanted to drown him because
be couldn’t make the up curve.’*"
‘•I see by the paper.” said Scruggs*
“at least by a headline, that a wo
man shot at Coney Island,”"
“Well,” said Muggs, “I'll venture
to say, from what I know of the sex’s
marksmenship, that she didn't hit
it.” - ‘ ~
The first frost of the season has
visited the Northwest and already
people are beginning to pick their
front gates and get" them ready for
the fair. In fact they've been sort
of ’tending the fair in their circular
way all summer.
“That fellow wants the earth,” re
marked the clerk, as the tall guest
disappeared after making many de
mands. “Him?” said the porter;
you couldn’t give him the earth; he
owns three town lots in Wichita.”
Made a hog of himself: Fanner
Hayseed—Got a letter from Johnny
to-day. He’s a gettin’ along fine,
and says he’s got into cube root.
Mrs. Hayseed—Thar! I told you
that tbar boy would make a hog of
hisself. *
The Jersey City Board of Works
are liable to indictment. They re
cently discharged a clerk named
Woodcock, who had served over thir
teen years, and now he threatens to
prosecute them for killing game birds
out of season.
Proud Philadelphian—It was a
glourious celebration, wasn’t it!
Wife—Indeed it was. And how
thankful it should be that our anoes.
tors were members of the first con
stitutional convention.
“More than that! More than that,
my dear. They fought for liberty
on the field of battle. They laid all
they had on the altar of freedoin,
yea, life itself, that we might enjoy
the blessings of human liberty, but I
must hurry down town.” *
“Why, what’s going on to-nigbtf ’
“I want to find out what eandi*
dates Boss McManee has sent up. for
me to vote fort”