THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
SELECT SIFTINGS.
WHOLESALE
BUYS IN CAll
ME AT , FLOTIRj MEAL, 8 u QRj
And ALL FARMERS' SUPPLIES.
HEADQXJARTERS FOR
Look to Your Interest!
AND EXAMINE MY WELL ASSORTED STOCK AND OBTAIN
MY FIGURES.
THEY WILL ASTONISH YOU i
Only Leading Brands of Cigars,
Tobacco and Snuffi
JrC- 32L5- 3E?3EJJLJST9
East Walnut Street, GOLDSEORO, N. C.
YOU
At My Establishment,
AND OI5TAIX MY TUICES BEFORE YOU BUY ANYTHING
ELSEWHERE IN THE LINE OF
GrBOCEBISS
Vy doing so you will save at least ten cents on the dollar on ail you
purchase, besides getting pure and unadulterated articles to pleaseYne
"inner-man."
rioa.se bear in mind that I continuo to carry the most extensive
stock of
TOBACCO, CIGARS AND SNUFF,
THAT CAN B FOUND ANYWHERE.
AH these, goods are from well known manufacturers, and warranted
to please the most fastidious buyer, at prico3 which 1)EFY COMPE
TITION. teZr I can sell you a good brand of Chewing Tobacco as low as 20
cents per pound, and up.
W. H. GRIFFIN,
Cor. John ana Walnut Sts., opposite Post Office.
You Can't Please Everybody !
IS A FACT ADMITTED BY ALL
CAN PLEASE ALL WHO
mm nnn
4 Si E.iens
m Mm mm imm s
ssift iiiik gntu B.ii i,vr
IN MY STORE YOU WILL FIND ANYTHING YOU WAST IN
THE LINE OF
Family a
1 aim to keep always on hand a Fresh Stock of the CHOICEST
CiOODS which can be found in the market, and to give my customers
iho lull enetit of my motto:
" GLuick Sales and Small Profits.".
1 also carry a large supply of the best and leading brands of CI ARS
TOBACCO and SNUFF, which I guarantee to sell to eich ;i:.i
every customer TEN PER CENT LOWER than any other
in the city.
AND EETAIL
LOAD LOTS
li
MUST CALL
WHO HAVE TRIED BUT 1
ARE SEEKING THE
t'V l S"
'1011 111 I.
SouthsideE. Walnut Street
H PAT K rfSPM
d PEOYISIOIS,
p Fancy Groceries
TESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
The Writer's Cramp After the
Hunt Cold Comfort One Way
Out of It Etc., Etc.
TOPH.V
Br PHONOGKAPH.
"Miss Laura," began tho young man,
I long have v.orwiirp ! that is to
lay I what I vuesh to say to vou. idv
-er
"Jt is evident, Mr. Big-gars," inter
rupted the s : eet creature, to whom he
t as trying his be-t to oiler his affec
tions, "it is a try e vh lent that my pres
ence is a serious cnii arras nint to you.
I wit! step out of the. rcom a nioimnt,
i joucau say v, hat you wish to the
p'lOii' gi upIi there on the table, and call
die in when you are through." ICre
Haute Express.
COMMON SYMPTOMS.
Katberine Has Xed Bratebiidge
given yeu any -e..sDiito suppose that he
foves vou ?
Emily Indeed he ha-. He never says
mvthin nice'to me, aud never s tueezes
tny hand, but just hangs around and j
tnopes all tin; tune.
OHEDIEXCF.
Mrs. JJrovvn A long as you liv Ar
thur, never lot n.e eo y n climb up
tha' long laddtr ngtw.
little Arthur -lo.i r ever will, mu'tf
tna. I was seared mysoX
AS OVKJISIOUT.
"Henry!" lie .(v!l-d t the grocery
boy, as lie looked up from his pipers on
the desk, "did y .u make out this bill
iiu'ainfct Mrs. Dailev . "
'"Yes, tir."
"J ,soe you hae left the 'lv out of
sugar in charging her i;.r iive p. muds.
This was nodoub! an o.er.?ighl on your
part, but yon u-.m-i be more careful in
future. Mrs. DaiJey is a kVkeress. a d
the once slool me oil' ir th;ce m m;hs
on a bill because 1 didn't put bat 'two
'rV in carrots."
BEITEK THAN .NOTHING.
Alfred Eufus Mamma-, may I have
tome more per. ch sauje '.
Mamma Xo, dear,
Alfred Ruins (ait.r a pause) Mo .u a,
may J have some chocolate eake'
Ma mmi Xo. de a
Alfred ili-f-.s (with a sigh) Fle.tae
give me a tooth-pick.
lie got it. Judge.
L'ETTER LEFT UNSAID.
Gertrude Speaking of Beatrice's
".77.V6'")-.-AVhi.t u-ilfjuek do now that
lie I os inherited all this n.oiiey.'
i e.ttrice OJi. 1 shall ju-t n akc; him
civo up all business and and live like
a gentleman, y u know.
Gertrude (t;u;et:y) it will bo a gresi
change for him. j i siui Hndget.
nr. woke rv ciiKiiRrn..
Far,- r (at breakfast table) Hiric was
n tire in the house last night ard you
tlepi ihr. ugh it all.
Ma'.er (alarmed)- J'ire ! vdiere.'
rater Iii the siove.
xoTinxe. :v--:v to tjikm.
Fannv Th pap.-is uro n:ak:ng a
great fu-s alout sinikid"sh powd r now.
Arabella Y s ; ju-t ; s th uh weha-l
not us l it for yea; s. Life.
rrnnsr ior. KxowLr.por.
City tk lle I lie e yor.r st iy in our
city will not 1 e shoit, Mr. ie S i. iice.
Mr. Do Science m mb: r of the Amer
ican Ornitholegi t's ("n;c 11 ) Thank
you. but my f-ojourn nu.st be brief. I
am here atbn liug tins t)rj!iih'logical
Gonv. ntion at thv Mustum -f Natural
History, and iho sessions will soon be !
oxer.
"What hind of a comeniiou did you
say:"
"Ornithological about birds, you
know.'"
'Oh, yes, yes. How stupid of mef
Do you think they will b worn much
next season.'" X. Y. YTcekly.
WHY I IK IUSOBCYED.
"Xow, -tohnnie," said his mother,
nf tt r breakfast, "you go right straight
to school and ( ome straight home."
When Johnnie returned heme at noon,
his mother asked:
"Did you go stiaight to school and
come stia:ght home, as 1 told you.'"
"X"-no'm."
"And why not V
"Couldn't go straight to s diooh Had
to turn two corners to get there."
SHE STOOD UP rOKHER lilGHTS.
Hooker Crook (to chum) Ho You've
been getting married during my ab
sence who v. as b . st man i
Hen Fe.k (sorrowfully) Maria.
A MEAN" EliOTHEU.
"What are you pouting about,
Johnny ;"
"Biliie's real me.tn."
"What's the matter:"
"1 cat all my candy, and Bil ie won't
give me any of his."
COLD COMFORT
"Can you let rue have a couple of dol
lars, old man : "
"Can't do it, mv b y, I jut loaned
Smith the las!, ceil'-: 1 ha1. You're too
i
j. m soitv l ru 100 iaie. it s lut mv
luck."
"Oh well," was the comforting res
ponse, "iememb.r the old siying, Met
ttr late than never.' " Epoch.
now sue wo:; it.
Walton I heir that Miss Amature
won the iirst prize at the archery contest 1
ycsteiday. How in the world did she '
do it i And so many male experts par- I
ticipate 1, too !
Daltcn Oh, that's easily explained. '
Miss Amature is near-s;ghte l, and she '
ra'sto k a knot -hr le in a bonj-d feuee ten
het to the right tV-r lie- target, and hit
the l ull's-eye r'gut in the eent:c. The
Ledger. '
NOT SO DEVOTED AS HE THOUGHT.
Huskin Ethel, aie'iit ycu afraiel
ycur sist. r will tell your nunna that
you've been tilting in my lap
Ethel I gucsi she'd bet-r .-.ot; I
know lets of things to tell about hi r I :
Exchange. 4
Snails sometimes sleep for four years at
a time.
There is a breed of dogs in Russia that
cannot bark.
There are thirty towns called AVashing
ton in America.
It is said that the population of Norway
exhibits the highest known percentage of
light eyes.
Mr. and Mrs. Tibbels, of Cincinnati,
have a baby that was born with two
molar teeth in its upper jaAv.
In a hardful of clover, plucked in his
yard, Edward Koehler. of Bethlehem,
Penn., found fifty four-leaf stalks.
A calf whose back is covered with" fine
fur instead of the regulation hair is one
of the curiosities of Appleton, Me.
Sophie Bennington, of Xenia, Ohio,
has given birth to her twenty-fifth child.
Her husband claims this beats all known
records.
A rabbit-proof fence is nearly con
structed between the Iew South Wales
and South Australian borders. This
line of fence at completion will be 350
miles long.
It is weirdly reported that 4 'hideous and
unearthly cries" are heard 'emanating"
from the holds of abandoned canal boats
lying on the river banks near Schuylkill
Haven. I'enu.
The slowest walking horses in the
world are to be found in Germany. They
are trained to a slow gait on the theory
that the slower they move the better they
will keep their flesh.
For the twelve months ended October
31st, 1889, the exports of canned beef
were 02,630,721 pounds, an amount in
excess )f the previous year of a little
over 20,000,000 pounds.
A "fossil forest" has been discovered
in Scotland. Thirty or forty fossil trunks
have already been laid bare, most of
which are gray freestone. One of the
trunks is at least two feet in diameter.
A museum of religion, the Giumet
Museum, has been inaugurated in Paris.
It is intendeel to facilitate the study f
ancient religions by means of a collection
of pictures, objects of worship and books.
A Butler, Penn., draggist had a large
dog that became so vicious as to be a
general nuisance. Repeated efforts to
poison the brute with strychnine were
unavailing, the drug doing no more harm
than so much sugar.
It is said that a singular fact connected
with the cultivation of the banana is that
it seeels only in one spot on the earth
the Andaman Islands in the Indian
Ocean. Everywhere ele it must be
raised from suckers.
Terrell Couuty,Ga., reports a rattlesnake
fourteen feet seven inches long, eleven
inchesaround, with thirty-nine rattles and
a button. The skin has been stuffed, and
will be sent to the National Museum or
to the Smithsonian Institution.
At CrawforiUville, lnel., the other day,
the members of the city school board pre
seL.ed Miss Nellie Constant with a hand
some Se't of Tennyson's works. Miss Con
stant attended the Crawfordsville school
for eleven years without being absent yr
tardy a single time, and the presentation
was made on that account.
An, 1'iitliusiast 0:1 H(;se lTesli.
Ex-Mayor Carjer Harrison, of Chicago,
is ;m enthusiast on horse-flesh as food.
This is what he says 011 the subject:
'The aversion to horse flesh is merely
a whim, as shallow as the superstition
of a heathen about his religion. He can
not logically explain it, "neither can thf
average citizen of Chicago explain why
he would not rather eat horse -meat than
pork. Certain animals are tabooed as
food on account of sanitary reasons, but
surely no one can say that a horse is not
much cleaner than a hog or a duck. In
India the bovine species was made sacred
years ago, for the simple reason that it
was a hard thing to rear cattle in that
climate, hence to preserve the species it
Mas made sacred. The hog is nearly al
ways infested with trichina1 microbes.
It was tabooed by the Jews hundreds o
years ago, and has since remained on the
taboo list. Carrion eating animals, o)
course, are out of the question as an ar
ticle of food. Xow, what is the mattei
with the horse? Everybody knows what
that animal eats aud how clean he is.
Look at the comparison a nice, healthy
horse, and a dirty, puddling duck, that
searches the gutters and sink holes for its
food, which is everything from carrior
to tin cans.
"In my travels I have found many peo
pie who like monkey flesh. I have ate it
in Ceylon, and the flesh is delicious
Bring such a dish before some of oui
Chicago 'four hundred' and they would
flee from it like a grouse from a hunter.
But why? The monkey, like the horse,
is a dean animal. Simply because t
great many- monkeys resemble old men in
appearance, and the resemblance woulc'
sicken the hungry man. I have eaten
rattlesnake! If you can decapitate one
before he thrusts his fangs into himself
or your body, you will tind the flesh,
when roa-ted, tender, palatable and of a
flavor between young lamb and chicken.
-There is no use talking: horse meat
is good, and the day is not far distant
when this fact will be generally recog
nized, and horse flesh will be for sale in
all of our markets."
A New Fruit iu America.
Carlton Bailev, of San Matio. Fla
is in Baltimore looking after the oran
2i
interests of his father, Alfred Bailey,
brought to the oflice several speci
mens of a fruit new iu America. It is
called 'Kuni(piat," and is of the citrus
family and of the orange variety. The
fruit is about the size of an ordinary per
simmon, aud is oblong, otherwise it verv
much resembles the ordinary orange.
The seed was imported from China three
years ago aud planted by Mr. Bailey.
The tree is about ten feet high, verv
prolific, and its foliage is a darker green
than the ordinary orange. Jliltir,t.,,t
mm m mm ,
For Tie Gueapest Man in Tto WorM!
The Champion
Will astonish the Public in the way
of Selling Goods this Fall.
QuestiiBS
and
1. Why is it that Joseph
cheapest men-hunt in this city ?
Because he buys his stock
2. Can you tell me why it is that everybody rushes into Josej
Mdwards' -ore to buy Oods ?
lipoinso he carries the largest and beet selected stock of o!d in
I the .State. His first and second
oods for Y liolcsale and Kelail lrauc.
0. vVliy is it, that whenever 3-ou pass Josepn 1-ri'vards' store,
you sec it crowded wiih customers ami some can hardiv wared on'
Because ho gives his customers polite attention an t f goods don't
turn out iv., represented the money will be refunded in every n.stariee.
1 1. VVnat causes you an 10
nave any trading: to do t
Because it' you see the 818 Suits of Clothes gelling at -So 50. an
those Ladies' all wool 84.00 Shawls at 90 cents apiece, you will cettuiilv
run there too before they are all sold.
5. Why is it that Joseph Edwards is selling all wool SO Brown
Beaver Overcoats, ior men, at $1.25 a piece?
Because the money talks as he don't buy his goods on tick.
6. Why if it that Joseph Edwards prospers in business?
Because he sells the Best Goods for the Least Money.
7. Why is it that Joseph Edwards has the best trade in Shot?
tn this section ?
Because he only carries Solid Leather Shoes and it is very natural
chat when a lad or gentleman buys a solid leather shoe for a small price
and it wears well, to go back and call for the same shoe again.
8. Why is it when the merchants pass Joseph Edwards' 5tcre
they ate making long faces?
Because they all know he is the Champion of Low Prices,
who has no competitor, and don't you forget iu
9. Why is it that Joseph Edwards sells more Bed Ticking than
any other man in the State ?
Because ho sells a yard wide Ticking at 11 cents per yard arJ
it don't shed feathers either, which is bound to keep the housewives is
good humor.
10- Why is it that Joseph Edwards sells more Rubber Shoei
than any other man in the State ?
Because he sells Ladies' Rubbers at 25 cents a pair and Men's Hub
oer Shoes at 40 cents a pair.
Above questions and answers you can bear
almost at any hour in the day oh our streets
uttered by customers who have been in ntf
store and
BOTCH? THEMSELVES RICH
AT A VERY SM ALL OUTLAY.
They Are The Truth,
The Whole Truth,
And Nothing But The Truth
REMEMBER THE PLACE.
JOSEPH EDWARDS,
Champion
of Low Prices
tbeir imm
Edwards has the name of 1 e:n? tl?
in large quantities and tor spot nh.
floors are filled with new an,! itMra'L:
run 10 josepn LQwaras w Denver;
of Low Prices,