Newspapers / The Goldsboro Headlight (Goldsboro, … / Feb. 12, 1890, edition 1 / Page 7
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ABE YOU LOOKING wrp mm URR? Have It Terybody ! THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STOPJES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. A Depressing Picture Purposely Mis understoodThe Reason Little Clara's Ambition, Etc.. tc. There are sights which are distressing which we meet with evsry rlav. Some inclined to make a shiver go a cours ing through the. blood; But a picture of despair that's depressing in i'cs way Is to see a girl step on and leave her rubber in the mud. Boston Budget. use to anybody. I have just failed for half a million, and with no assets." j "So I heard' "You knew it. and "yet you taj I cac be of service to you?" "Yes, sir. I beg you will not refuse.' "But what can a miserable bankrupt like me do for anyone?" "I wrant you to tell me, sir, how you got so much credit." Lyndon Tit-Bit The Rich as well as the Poor can be I Benentted m MaMnsr Th Purchases of Us. WE HAVE JUST i DPMED And invite your careful inspection. W e know the price will please and as far as style and durability con cerns, our stock will be J N K We are Receiving on Every Train PARLOR FURNITURE, CHAMBER FURNITURE, HALL FUSiSAJITURE, KITCHEN FURNITURE, REED & MATT AM GOO. Matresses cincl Springs Safes and Sideboards tij & fei ! Because we don't intend to keep these Goods wq shall move them as fast as they come in. You shall soon llnd out that we are. the Champion Furniture Dealers Of this .section, and we defy the suggestion of competition. We have sot the Block and we are jxoincr to sell it. Call and see us and be convinced that WE IBM EVEET WOBD that we say. It is our aim to make a panic in the Furniture trade, and we will I 'All '. T JU11 Hull riliyiiiy What are you waiting f r ? Why are you throwing vour money away when vou can save a irveat deal of it by trading with us ? Our Store is NEW, Our goods in the latest fashion, Our Stock is VERY LARGE, JILx-ilcI Best of JZLLX &3 8 5?! J-4. 1 fir u risers s3Sc5 j? We can supply you with a conx yiete line of Furniture at such figures as charged by well-known Northern Manufacturers. i. summerf: (Bummerfield's Old Stand,) PrEFOSELY MIsUNDEE STOOD. Ercrnsey ;IIeilo, Jonesy, glad to see yon back."' Jonesy "Thanks, old boy. Did any one rnis me while I was gone?"' Brownsey "3Ii?s you 'J Gad! I didn't know that anybody shot at you," THE REASON. :It seems stransre to me, Iiook. out xox "tlxo sigrxi. WSTEIMMCKXY..1. 1, TE3:S G-OLDSSOIBO I STEAM FUBNITURE COMF if Ydlowly Brownly, that Whitely always enjoys the j most perfect health and yet takes no ex- trci-e." Brownly "Nothing .strange about it at all. "Whitely is too lazy to catch any disease . "' Boston Courier. SOMETHING- OF AX EXPERIMENT. Patient "Doctor, I don't believe that medicine is doing me any good." Doctor "You haven't tried it long enough to see the effect yet." "What effect ought it to have?" Urn ah well er I haven't tried it long enough cn you to know just yet." Time. SUPERFLUOUS ADVICE. Jones "For heaven's sake, Robinson, look here! That boy has broken through j tne ice. Robinson "So he has! What ia the world are you going to do for him, Jones? (To shivering and exhausted boy) Keep cool, bub! keep cool!" Barlin'jion, Free Press. OT NAtr.HTY VERT QUICK. Last Sunday af lernoon a little girl was walking with her mother in the neigh borhood of Copley Sjuare, ?nd a great many people were seen on the street. "What are all thegs people doing, mamma'-"' she a-ked. "They are going to church, my dear," was the response. "Didn't they iro to church i the morning, the way we did?' "Yes, dear, probably." "Well,'- said the little girl, after a moment;: thought, "how quick they must have got naughty to have to go to church so soon again!" Boston Timet JUcT LlivE FDLKS. A hortc stood tied to a post in a bsm on Farmer street, when u pedestrian halted for a moment and looked im, A man came across the street ann jmea him, and ten seconds later a third came arcund the corner and stopped. "Case of colic," queried one. "Looks like bots to me," replied a second. , "Say, that horse ought to be bled!1 exclaimed a fourth mt'.n as he cam? up. "Bled! He's got the toothache," put in a fifth. "I should say," mildly observed the sixth man, "that ho had caught a heavy cold and needed a warm bath." When the crowd had increased to twenty, and everyone hud expressed an opiaion, a hostler appeared from th V.tfUr cti.j nt the. 8r?n. "What are you doing for him?" asked one. "Giving him six quarts of oats and all the hay he can eat," was the reply. "But isn't he sick?" "Never sick a minute in all his life. Please move on before some one rings in an alarm of lire." Detroit Frce.Prcvt, A QUIET VICTIM. Barber "Shampoo, sir?" Victim "No. Haven't I suffered enough already ?" Barber "I never shaved but one man who didn't have some fault to find." Victim "Was he dumb?" Barber "No, sir; ho was dead." Phila del pl'ia Inquirer. LITTLE CLARA'S AMBITION. Mabel "Let's play house; I'll be the mother." George "Yes, and I'll be the father." Clara "And I'll be the cook." Mabel and George (indignantly) "Yes, that's just you! You always want to be boss of everything." Life. OVER ENOUGH. A gentleman said to a large crowd of people that was pouring out of a public hall : "What's going cn inside?" "A humorous lecture," was the reply. "Is it over already, it's only nins o'clock !" ."No,"' shouted the crowd, "it's only about half over." Epoch. A t LF.VEH TRAP. "Why do you have such a complicated lock on your front door? A burglar can get in just as easily with that as he could with a simpler contrivance." "That's very true. Any burglar can get in, but woe be unto him when he tries to get out. Why, it takes mc four minutes to unfasten that door from the inside." New York Sun. HE HAD GROWN YOUNGER. Willie (to fair little neighbor) "Now that's real cruel of you. Grade. You won't let me go to dancing-school with you bccuise I'm too young. I tell you I'm a good deal older than I look." Willie (next day to flinty-hearted con ductor) "Mr. Peck, none of the other conductors on this road charge me any thing. I ain't half as old as I look." Ch.ic'io Tribune. v EFFECTUAL METHOD. "I wish that fellow wouldn't be so fami'av. i dislike very much to cut any body, but he is becoming unbearable." "Do you want to get rid of him per manently V "By all mem "Well, there cffectuallv.'' "How?' IHS INTERESTING DISCUSSION. One of the most dilapidated of tramps sat in a street-car beside a handsomely dressed man. "I see," said the tramp, "that the re view of trade is very encouraging. In my paper this morning I notice that Chi cago is not only holding her own, but shows an immense increase over last year." "Yes," the man answered, looking far away. "I had been fearful," the tramp con tinued, "that trade might suffer a de cline, but am agreeably disappointed. Business on the Board of Trade, 1 noticed while visiting that institution yesterday, was encouragingly active. Well, sir, America beats any country in the world. Don't you think so?" "Yes." 'It has been several years since I wa3 abroad," the tramp contined, "and am therefore scarcely prepared to speak ol the present condition of Europe, but, judging from a distance and, really distance amounts to nothing these days I think that the existence of monarch ies is drawing to a dose. Now, look at Brazil. Did anybody expect a revolu tion there? Did not we all suppose that, the aged monarch would be suffered to reign to the end of hi days? But I tell you, sir, that republicanism is piercing the remote corners of the earth. Speak ing of trade " "Fare, please," said the conductor, approaching him. Ah (with a look of surprise), did I not hand you a nickel a few moments ago?" "You did not." "Are you sure?" "Give me a nickel or I'll put you off.1 "Weil (getting up and addressing the well dieted man), I must leave you here. 1 hope some time to continue our interesting discussion." Artemsnvo Trao- wisr won os. appeal move 1 fb: Great Clearing-Out Sale OP IIMGp 1 i 0) 1 U i 7 Pi --A-T- FUCHTLSE I KERH, THIS IS THE DULL SEASON, and it i time lor yon to make every Dollar do its full duty. All dollars have the same value at a bank, but vou will find that vou can BUY MORE GOODS with your Dollar if spent AT OUR STORE, than vou can. purchase elsewhere for the saint? amount. TRY IT AND SEE I if we are not riuht. The Cold Weather Has Arrived, and probably has come to stay for some time. Of course ou are in need of Clothing, Shoes and I DRESS GOODS, UNDERWE Etc., to keep you warm. There is no belter place in buy ruch jxeiods than of us. OUR LIM'.S A1IE COMPLETE. We have them in every imaginable quality, but at extremely Ion prices. Q,uick Sales and Small Profits is our motto, and if you only wiU visit our va-t establishment we are sure that we can save you many a dollar theio hard times. Polite and attentive salesmen always in attendance. East Centre St. GOLDSBORO, N. C. is vm ,mn .... i j. we WHOLESALE AND RETAIL DEALER IN Gilli. abvavs cost "Lend him Trdvder. ten dollars." Merchant HIS PREROGATIVE. -"Oh. my prerogatives what do vou mean, True ff ioncl counterfeit. TVven'e. h'mevfT sweet more than it is worth. F..ith puts strengthening planer tf the back ff courage. To pervert an idea the necessary km-wl s one way to do it very J ,,f-traJ' thc ,lcc, lt' - All truths Af not to be interna: few.i it is always good to hear them. Pleasure is the flower that passes; re membrance, the lasting perfume. Love, which is such a little thing, ie still the most serious thing in life. Nothing is more simple than greatness; indeed, to be simple is to be gret. The man who lives in vain, lives worse than in vain. He who lives to no pur pose, lives to a bad purpose. Vvrsons that cannot bear t have the truth told of them will not improv th matter by doing their own talking. After all there is a vast amount of corn fort to lie taken out of crowing eld whea one lias passed the point of desiring to do : foolish things. (live not thy tongue teo great liberty, lest it take thee -prisoner. A word un- i spoken is, like the sword in the scabbard ;. I thine. If vented, thy sword i- in an I other's hand. Tf thou desire to be liel-i J wise, be so wis" as to hold thy tongue. To men add idea to delights, busmen an interruption: to such as are cold t Johnnv chapped.'' Father Why Johnny your lips?" Johnny "I -.Jw.tYS thought they wua lips until hist night w hen I saw Mr. Thayer kissing sister in the hall, and Avhen 1 asked him what he a doing he said he was only exerciinir his prerogative, so of ' Sifter ':. will you put Johnny to bed:' L"'a Ln'i A .icri-r-.-t. EEEFS COXSTAyi'LY ON BAND A FULL LINE CF f AMIIaY RI AXD- Ineludmg, Oats, Bran, Hay, Ship- AN" CMS .VltHA.-:1' SUITOR. Jolmuy (during temporary absence of his sister from the parlcvj -'Going to stav here very late this evening, Mr. Kankmsou:" Mr. Ilnukins m y.viif-v.-hai tmbar- I rassed) H'm why do you ask me that question. Jolmuy .'" ' Johnnv '("au-e Mr. r oryuiOd ivs ! Stuff, Corn, Meal, Flour, Meat, Sugar, Coffee, Molasses, &c. ALSO AGENT FOB THE- Irene's other feiier. yuu kau-.v is gom j delights, business is :tn entertain ruent. to give me half a dollar if 1 Uy in here "which reason it was said t-.j one wh to-night as late a- you do. (Yawning), i commended a dull man for his apnlicft- I'm irottin' micditv tired." Chicaju tinn 'X"ti th.-mks to him: it he had n Tribvn. WANTED TO KNOW ! liE sECIIET, Stranger 'Ejr ijufdou. sir. but business he would have cirfcuag to u. Celebrated Darham Bull Feriilizers. SEE ME SEFOSE vou The Chinese Minister at Washington is j have it in your power to t:o ino a grc:n y;Jc t;0nfcrm Nyitil Xha social uuge iavor, ana tkut I wut repay. f , . , h itl verfftfter re- ! ... GOLTJSBOBO, N, C, v. . .-. -si. . , . T j i ' ' " : l uwi -.-- J .you have mack a m'sbikv. J un, vino.
The Goldsboro Headlight (Goldsboro, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
Feb. 12, 1890, edition 1
7
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