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DIVERECQMMENDS
Television, Marquee Moon
Here are four reasons you need
this recently reissued album:
1. It now includes the legendary
single “Little Johnny Jewel.”
2. It made guitar gods out of
Tom Verlaine and Richard Lloyd.
3. The title track, with its orgas
mic guitar solo, is among the most
breathtaking 10 minutes in rock
history.
4. It’s not only the best album to
emerge from the New York punk
scene, but one of the best of all time.
“Middlesex,” Jeffrey Eugenides
Like “The Stand” or “The World
According to Garp,” this is the kind
of novel you submerge yourself in
for a few days, admiring the hilar
ious, tragic and utterly original
world the author has created.
In his first novel since “The
Virgin Suicides,” Eugenides takes
his time and threatens to lose you
with more than 200 pages of back
story, but it only adds to one of the
richest sagas in recent fiction,
which deservedly won him a
Pulitzer Prize.
“Election” A relentlessly savage
satire of high school politics, this
1999 comedy features Reese
Witherspoon before she sold out,
Matthew Broderick before he split
for Broadway and a surprisingly
hilarious performance by Chris
Klein, of all people.
“Election” is as faithful to high
school as any movie ever has been,
and Witherspoon’s portrayal of
overachiever Tracy Flick remains
her defining role.
Sam Shepard, True West”
One of our finest contemporary
playwrights struck gold with this
unflinching character study of two
brothers struggling to find their
identities in southern California.
If you’re able to, locate the riv
eting version performed by Gary
Sinise and John Malkovich.
Contact Michael Pucci
atpucci@email.unc.edu.
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Abysmal pair turn up split decision
BY PHILIP MCFEE
ASSISTANT ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR
It’s tough to make the call on
who does more damage to its
genre, Split Habit or Split Shift.
The former assaults the worn
out pop-punk arena, while the lat
ter decimates the already shoddy
realm of metal/agro-rock.
Near-identical names, near
identical album covers. Yes, it’s a
split decision.
So, to settle it, the members of
the bands have agreed to stage a
hypothetical debate to determine
which ensemble ultimately is the
least sub-par of the unintentional
ly self-parodying acts.
(Scene. A locked basement
room: low lighting, water dripping
from overhead pipes. The two
bands sit on either side of a moist
card table, sipping Mountain Dew.)
Split Habit: “Ooh, fellas, nice
tats, there. You look really tough.”
Split Shift (Guitarist Ken
Robert): “Yeah, don’t mess with us.”
Habit: “Hey (pauses), aren’t you
Drew Lachey? I mean, I loved you
on “Newlyweds” although I
don’t watch that. No way. Too busy
with punk rock and all. You under
stand.”
Shift: “Hey, shove it. Isn’t your
nickname ‘Dickie?’ Punk rock?
Have you ever heard of Deryck
Whibley?”
Habit (Travis “Dickie” Brown,
singing): “‘Can you stay/ Within an
arm’s length/1 want to reach you/
I want to teach you/ Things you
just don’t know.’ Hear that? We
deal with real issues, man!”
Shift: “Check it. (singing)
‘Penetration of my mind/ Kills me
every time/ And I’ll just slit/ The
wrist of this relationship has freed
me.’ How /like them apples?”
Habit: “Yeah, rough stuff, espe
cially when you guys end up sound-
Diversions
MUSICREVIEW
SPLIT SHIFT
TENSION
★
SPLIT HABIT
PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE
YOUR MOUTH IS
★
ing like something off the sound
track for The One.’ Awesome.”
Shift: “It isn’t ‘The Lizzie
Maguire Movie,’ that’s for sure.”
Habit: “Low, man, low.”
Shift: “Okay, okay, that one
song, ‘Picture Frames,’ the one with
the nasal-sounding female guest
vocalist? That was pretty sensitive.”
Habit: “But, it wasn’t a—”
Shift: “Oh, jeez, dude.”
Habit: “... ”
(Everyone looks down, Dickie
takes a drag off his cigarette, then
looks up, indignant)
Habit: “Hey, what about influ
ences, huh? What about that awe
some song ‘City Girl,’ the one that
sounds like All American Rejects
meets-third tier material rejected
from Maladroit ? Yeah, that’s bad
ass.”
Shift: “Oh yeah, chew on this,
boys. (Lead singer Kyle Small dou
ble taps chest.) On ‘Wrist.’ we total
ly kick it like System of a Down.
That part, the ‘ku-ka-ka-kakaka
part.’ Yeah, that’s harsh.”
Habit: “Really? That sounded
more like Korn to us.”
Shift: “Hell no, we’re way
tougher than them. Kilts are for
wusses. We’re hard-core, man, like
Disturbed or Coldchamber.”
Habit: “Y’know, Disturbed was
on the ‘Queen of the Damned
Soundtrack’ with Jonathan Davis.”
Shift: “We 11... ”
Habit: “Who’s got Issues, now?”
Shift: “Puns? Puns. Where are
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they when you’re singing ‘Cause
when you’re gone/ I’m not here at
all?’ Come on, you’re not even a
second-rate Bad Religion, oh, I’m
sorry, Mest. For the kids, y’know.”
Habit: “Just because you’re all
30 —and, hey! We riff just like
Bad Religion on ‘Maneater.’”
(Note: 14 hours and a case of
Shasta later, it was determined, by
a split vote, the bands were equally
hopeless. They later ducked out to
smoke, watch “Gothika” and catch
the Sevindust/Simple Plan tour.)
Contact the AHE Editor
at artsdesk@unc.edu.
19