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THE CONCOBD DAILY TRIBUNE I
- - - - - «'-•—■*•-- - .X :, . - .__ .- .. .. - - -
By CHARLES P. STEWART
NEA Service Writer
Washington, Jan. 12 —One of our
leading admiral* took me out to the
naval research laboratory, on the
other side of the Potomac, not long
ngo, to sec sonic scientific experiment
al work in progress there.
Just what it was has nothing to
do with the story. , I didn’t under
stand it anyway.
The point is that the admiral is
very much interested in it and want
ed to stir up a little publicity in its
behalf, with a view to extracting,
'enough money from Congress to de
velop it still farther.
.... ■ x
So we took a street car. We rode
1 and we rode and finally we came to
the end of the line.
"Now we gotta get a gasoline wag
on,” said the admiral. “Hey!” he
called, to an African youth, standing
alongside a venerable flivver nearby
the'street car terminus. "Can you
take ub to the naval laboratory?
Ton know where it is, doneha?"
"Yassub, yassuh," said the Serie
gnmbian.
' ...
This flivver was of the model of
the early 90’s. It was fastened to
gether with wire. A number of the
parts were missing entirely. The i
Wheels Wubbled—threatened to come j
off. in fnct. It had asthma. It had
the blind staggers. It had paresis.
It had everything.
We took a sharp curve o n two
wheels. Far down the road ahead
of us loomed a huge navy motor
track. From the rear a red flag flut
tered.
"Slow bell! Slow bell!” yelled the
admiral. “Great gosh ! Explosives!”
...
The dusky driver turned dimly in
his seat.
"Muh brake’s no good," he observed
plaeidly.
Well, he missed that truck by the'
breadth of a hair, to a chorus (though ,
only one voice furnished it) of "Port!
Hard o’ port! Port y’r helium !” and
landed alive at the naval observatory.
“You can go home ns you please,”
said the admiral, as we got out.
“I’m going to take an airplane.”
Senator Simmons Right.
News and Observer.
That is good news that Stnator
Simmons, ranking member of the Fi
nance Committee is making ready to
demand improvements in the re
peal measure. It is full of inequali
ties and injustices with too much fav
oritism to the swollen incomes. It re
peals the publicity provision which
should be restored. It makes big re
ductions on .an income of one hundred
thousand dollar* nud no reduction on
forty thousand income. Why? That
is u question Senator Simmons will
ask and demand an answer.
-T-Sfo. mtim. will .be mgdv pn
the partisan bill. It was drawn to
enable the Republican loaders to say
in the campaign this fall: “See we
have reduced taxes biennially since
we oaine into power.” For that pur
pose the reductions are only slightly
over three hundred million dollars.
They conlil be reduced $450,000,900,
and should be for the relief of the
tax-payers. That would not make it
-possible for another reduction for the
campaign of 1028.
The Democrats in the House lost a
golden opjiortimity when they failed
to fight the indefensible provisions of
thq bill. The House Democrats
should have opposed the objectionable
provision and refused to let it be tag
ged as "a non-partisan measure.”
Their failure to measi*ee up to their
opportunity imposes n more difficult
duty on the minority senators. Reve
nue bills must originate in the House.
If they are wise, the Senate is not
anxious to assume the burden. But
when the House sends a half baked
and illogical measure over to the up
_ per branch, the duty of Senators in
clear.
EMBARRASSING MOMENTS.
New York Mirror.
The principal in our school has the
\ habit of ' visiting all the rooms every t
day. One day during our penmanship
period * lie came in anil began to talk
to our teacher. A few minutes lutcr
I heard the door slam. I was Nitre
he had gone out, and without looking
up. I said. "Gee, Miss Green, why
does Mr. Brown come in here every
day?” Not an answer T
looked up ami saw’Mr. Brown stand
ing beside me.
In the history class every morning
X amused myself by reaching back with
my right hand and punching the knee
of the fellow who occupied the seat
behind me. morning I reached
for his knee, and had no sooner grab
bed it, than a book came down with a
bang upon my head. Tijo fellow was*
at home aiyk and the co-ed had taken
his seat.
The- Powerhall track in Edin
burgh, Scotland, Is generally credited
with being the fastest running truck
in the world.
Just Received
two Car Loads of Sparta
Feeds—Laying Mash and Da
ry F%ed. \
Spaftan Feeds sell beiiuse
they get results.
Phone us your orders.
Cabarrus Cash
Grocery Co. _
SPEECHES TO ORDER.
The Pathfinder. /
. A writer in the Bookman reveals,
I with a sort of horror, the existence in
i Washington of a going concern whose
business it is to furnish public speak
ers with speeches for every occasion, j
It <has n n hand about 2,000 standard
speeches which may be had pretty
cheap, and then it stands ready to
write special ones to order for those
ready to pay the special (trices. .
Whether this ls-a good thing or n
bad thing it is in line with the pres
ent-day tendency. It is a phase of
' specialization. The doctor no longer
compounds his medicines. He sends
his orders to the pharmacy. A news
paper does not think up or draw its
own Sunday- comic supplements. It
orders them frojn the factory, and they
don’t blush because many other pa
pers use the game.
High government officials have al
ways had speeches written for them.
The "speeches from the' throne" are
always written by a minister who
stands humbly by and listens to them |
as if he were quite ignorant and inno
cent of what's coming. If a presi- j
dent had to stop his work and look up j
data for and write all the speeches he
is called on to make he would have no
time fur any other work. Govern
ment officials have aiway ■. had speech
writers. Some presidents, too, have
sent messages to congress which were i
so good as to prove beyond question i
that a more skillful hand had pro- j
pared them.
So why Hhould not the regular busi
ness man who is called on to make a
I speech avail himself of a speech writ
er? In most cases, at least, it would
be better for both himself and his
hearers. If a mnn has confined him
self strictly to business in order to
become a millionaire and a notable he
is at a disadvantage as a speech-mak
er. IVhat leisure or what (raining
would a nmn like Henry Ford or Jack
Dempsey have to make up a good
speech? Quantity production is moss
econonrctH.
When a man becomes famous he is
constantly called on to make speeches
and write articles. He doesn’t hesi
tate to get writers to write his arti
cles. All he needs to do is to sign his
name, or give permission for its use.
Even in a world series of baseball,
w-hen the players, especially the man
agers, have about as much leisure as
firemen answering a third alarm, long
articles appear in the newspapers ev
ery day under their signatures. And
the articles are well written, to >. If
them had to address the Rotar
ians. or the 'Society for the Suppres
sion of Esthetic Dancing among the
Heathens he would do well to get his
speech written the same way.
There is no Use denying it, we arc
becoming more and more standardized,
specialized ami syndicated. One nmn
does your painting. auother your
praying and another yotir fishing:
while you, perhaps, do their surveying
or hair-cutting. It is logical that
writing speeches for others should fol
low in line. By specializing eaeh job
is done better. But it must be admit
ted 1 that as we go along we art losing
and more of our independence,
physically, morally and mentally.
HOW DUMB’S A DUMBBELL?
New York Mirror.
He's so dtimb he thinks an apricot
is something to sleep on.
He’s so dumb lie thinks a football
gridiron is purchased in a hardware
store.
lie's so dumb he thinks a bellhop is'
a debutant dame.
He's dumb he thinks Guinea liens
are imported from Italy.
He's so dumb he thiuks you go to
college for a race track course
The late Queen Alexandra, like all
1 members of til English royal family,
. was a great lover of dogs and at one
. time or another showed Chows,
I Skyes, Japanese Spaniels, - Basset
hounds. Borzois and Pekingese. The
l two last-uumed breeds seem to have
1 been her favorites, as she was many
j times photographed with them.
EVERETT TRUE BY CONDO
E—fforsyoc jj ai'Tif |sM , XfiviEcess / A«YAeea<jvj3isU
HAVCN'Tt ' r— A *STA
r i M *£ln.
TSAT '5 W>T| -^
> Mow Do ? I - ?
YOU nfevcfi uiTfenigP
'that Coajcs
dinner stories
Lost Ideals.
“Believe me, George, I once had an
ideal, to.”
“How'did you come to lose it?”
“I married her.”
■ Wife—Before you married me you j
said I was very dear to ydu.
Husband—Yes, you* are now too.
You are the biggest expense I have.
Doctor—What you need is a change |
and rest. i
Patient —I can't afford it, my chil- j
dreu get all t'.ie change and my wife
takes the rest.
Teacher—What made you late this'
morning. Jimmie?
Jimmie—l got a new pair of rub- ,
ber boots for Christmas and they
were tied together so X couldn’t take j
long steps.
Contributor—l have here an orig
inal joke which I
Editor—My dear man, you don’t 1
Icok that old.
The Bore (at la. m.) —I tteard a J
ghost story the ether night—by jove,
it did make me start!
She—l wish I knew it!
Maid (to absent-minded professor)
I —Here’s the doctor, sir. 1
Professor—l'm not receiving visi- j
tors today. Tell him I'm sick. i
“Hazel went to an astrologer to find )
out when was the best time to get
married.”
“What did he tell her?”
“He took one look at her and told
her to grab the first chanee.”
Young Poet—What do you thihk of
my latest brain child?
Editor—l'm afraid our magazine
will be unable to adopt it!
Coal Merchant, to Fireman—Quick,
quick: my coal yard is on fire.
Fireman—Oh, is it? Well, if the
stuff is the same as you sold me the
other day there ain’t no hurry.”
“Are they unhappily married?”
“Oil. I hardly think they’re rich
enough for that.”
A musician was trying to telephone
to a firm of music publishers. Think
ing he had been given his number, he
said: “I want Beethoven—Op. 243.”
•-.“Line's /busy,” said the telephone
B*l.
First Tramp—Pese people what
complain of dere work bein’ too hard
make ine tired.
Second Tramp—Dey do?
First Tramp—Yes; why don’t dey
t’row up de job?
A little boy was told he must go
to the hospital to have his tonsils
and adenoids removed.
‘‘Well, mamma/’ said Johnny. “I
ain’t afraid of going to tfre hospital.
I’ll be brave and do just as they tell
me. Put I’m not going to let them
palm off a baby on me. like they did
to you when you was there.”
‘‘Jedge, yo’ honah," complained an
irate colored lady to the court, ‘‘dis
yeah no ’count husban’ o’ mine
drinks.”
“Yassuli. jedge. yo’ honah. Ah does
drink some,” admitted the husband.
, ‘‘Hut. jedge, dat woman don’t treat me
bright. Whyy Ah pawns de kitchen
stove V git a li’l money an’ she don’
miss it ftT two weeks.”
Judge—You say the officer arrested
you while you were quietly minding
your own business?
t Prisoner—Yes. your honor.
Judge—You were quietly attending
to your own business, making no noise
or disturbance of any kind.
Prisoner —none whatever, sir.
Judge—lt seems very strange.
What is your business.
Prisoner—l’m a burglar.
. g* 111 * ll ■ 1 «aa *• ■■ ll l | iH'U*i
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VANCY DRY GOODS WOMEN'S WEAA
- TEN YEAR LOANS \
Cabarrus Farm Lands
(Lowest rates,to borrower.
No inspection fees. _ l /'//j
No Life Insurance—No Stock. Interest due Novem-' U r,
ber Ist. Pre-payment privileges on any interest date. !
THIgS-SMITH REALTY COMPANY i,
CHARLOTTE, N. C.
A. F. HARTSELL, LOCAL AGT.,, CONCORD, N. C. \ J
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I PURINA FEED
IS THE BEST BY TEST
Chowder for More Eggs ■
Cow Chow for More Milk ~
Pig Chow for More Pork.
Come in and We Will Sell You the Best .9 r ' ’
CASH FEED STORE I
PHONE 122 SOUTH CHURCH ST. S“ /
:j Wanted: Chickens and Turkeys! .1
Weather conditions prevented delivery of |s
t| last week. t ’ZB?
!| Our guaranteed price of 20c per pound for Hens, and I
.3 30c per pound for Turkeys is extended to Wednesday, Jan- I . .
2 uary "20th.
C. H. BARRIER & CO. |
DELCO UGHT I
Light Plants and Batteries
I Deep and Shallow Well Purfips for Direct or Alter- 9
'i nating current and Washing Machines for Direct or Al- 5
l 1 ternating Current.
R. H. OWEN, Agent
I --Phone 669 Concord, N. C.
- JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCXKaexSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI
; DO YOU KNOW 1
5 There ape nearly one million parts assented in an automobile? Most !|
9of them help to make it’go, but there is just one important part to H
| make it STOP when you want to—GOOD BRAKE LINING. If
3 We are specialists and use only the Rest*—RX’SCO BRAKE LINING.,
1 Leave your car here tomorrow morning and drive it tomorrow’
I night with good brakes. Our charges are reasonable."
| We use a ( ADY BRAKE LINING MACHINE which drills
■I -onnter- sinks the ; rivets, together with a riveting machine which uses
-4 solid copper tubulhr rivets that never score your brake drums.
AUTO SUPPLY & REPAIR CO. I
PHONE 228
i 3-Piece (Full Size) Bed, Springs and 11
Mattress, Only $22.50
ii The new Simmons Graceline Bed, Link Fabric Springs, 9jss
jj 43-pound Cotton Mattress in Art Tick — j k j
i A Really Good Bed Outfit at a Very Good Price. ft]
| H. B. WILKINSON j
' Out of the High Rent District fl ;'
c Cdncord Kannapolis China Grove Mooresville 1
PAGE SEVEN