Friday, April 2, Dinner Stories A magician's show (ell rather flat recently. The magician said : "Now, ' ladies and gentlemen, I will show you my very latest trick, but to per form jt I must ask some boy from the audience to step up here.” Almost at once a boy arose from hie place. “You’ll do,” said the magician. j The boy married up to the stage. “Now, my little man,” began the magiciau, in a loud voice, “you and I have never seen each other before have we?” - J “No, papa,” replied the boy. Jones was habitually a small eaier,' and one evening while dining with: friends his hostess kept insisting Hint! he was eating nothing. At last Jones said, ponderously:' “Mrs. Kindheart, let me assure you that I sometimes eat more than at other times, but never less.” Tramp—Madam, I was not always thus. Housewife—No; it was your other, arm you had in a sling last week. Mrs. Rabb—Going to the musioalcl Mrs. Jabb—No! I’ve attended so many now that I find myself shout ing every time I start to talk. A certain colonel was inspecting the stnbles belonging to a cavalry bar tracks. All went well until sudden ly his eagle eye discovered a festoon yii spiders’ webs. r "What’s the meaning of this?” he demanded angrily. '"Shure sorr,” explained the Irish sergeant, as lie saluted, "I lave them there on purpose, to privinet the Hois taxing til’ horses!” I I .aura—Could you suggest some thing suitable for a girl friend's birthday? Clerk —How about these book ends? Laura—Just the thing ! She al ways reads the ends before she does the beginnings. Caller—Did you say you have only one brother? Youth—Yes, madam. Caller —That’s curious. Your sis ter told me she hud two. England is losing inn rv, or her finest old houses through the modern craze for building houses entirely of old material. i Protect Your Property and Your Money H TTOUR house, when painted with X Marietta House Paints, is practi cally guaranteed against the ravages of foul weather by Ac Marietta Service Certificate. No oAer paint manufac turer offers you such a certificate. Ask us about it today. Concord Paint & Paper Company 842 N. Church Street Phony 16L J EVERETT TRUE BYCONDO DOWN Embarrassing Moments New York Daily Mirror. The most embarrassing moment of my life happened one day when I was alone in the house. A knock came to the back door and thinking it was a tramp which infested the neighbor hood at that time, I opened the door about two inches and saw a man’s j hard holding three near*. I slammed the door and said "Nothing doing to day." Next morning. I learned it was our neighbor who wanted to give me some pears. There was a great deal |of amusement about my aetlon and I [ certainly -was embarrassed. The Decimal Is in the Wrong Place. | A few days ago I entered a store ; at)d asked the price of an attractive I manicuring set. I was informed that l it was two ninety-five. “Isn’t that reasonable?” I asked my friend. The saleslady overheard us, and asked, I “Do vou think two hundred and nine ! ty-fi* dollars reasonable?” I grabbed my friend by the arm and made a hur ried exit. TODAY’S EVENTS Friday, April 2, 1920 Today is Good Friday, which closes the penitential season preceding the festival of Easter. In Missouri and Tennessee this is the day annually set apart for the celebration of Arbor Day. Centenary of the birth of Henry Howard, governor of Vtthode Island and secretary of the first Republican national convention. Sixty years ago today President Andrew Johnson issued a proclama tion formally declaring the war be tween the states at an end, I Dr. Nicholas Murray Rutler, prc-- ! iden t of Columbia I’niversity and one i of America’s best-known educational ists, today enters upon his (15th year. Beginning today and continuing ov er a period of three weeks the Inter national Archaeological Congress will bold its sessions in Syria and Pales tine. The annual meeting of the Ameri can Society and Pathologists an ) OMc- WotA DAD