Monday, May 3, 1026 Dinner Stories ' , None Wanted to Be Her. t A politician 1 at the house for dinner. Observing at the table three bright-eyed little boys, he said to bis host: “All boys, eh? What a pity one of them is ndt a girl." Joe, the eldest, dropped bis fork in open-eyed amazement, and raised his eyes to groet tile stranger's and said : “Well, J dnnuo vcbo'd have been her; I know Will wouldn't ’a been her; and John wouldn't 'a been her: and I know darned well I wouldn't ’a been her.” A Chaser. Chairman of Banquet—How long will you talk, old man? Next Speaker—Oh, five minutes. Chairman—You eouldn’t make it ten, could you? We want to clear the room for dancing!" Hard Disease to Cure. “Rastus, yo’ look lak jo' been sick. What's de matter wid you?” “I sho is been sick. Sambo. De doetiih say I'se got too much o'in in my blood.” “Does yo’ eat much po'k, nigger?" “Sho. whuhfo yo’ ask dat?” “Nigger, yo's full ob pig-i'on!” < I'nprintable. The teacher of a class in English asked for a composition Scontaining 25t> words. The next morning one JUtle by was asked to read his effort. I ®Bi6 is what he had written: "My j strtele was driving his ear one day, i and he got a puncture. . . . The other 236 words are not fit for publica tion.” Knew His Business. In thick tones and a pre-Volstead breath the hotel guest demanded that hi sroom be changed. “I’m sorry,” the clerk, said, ‘‘but all the rooms are taken." ''Mush have 'nother room,” insisted the guest. “What's the matter with the one you have?" asked the clerk for the eleven | haveF’ asked the clerk for the eleventh time. “Well, if you mush know, ish on fire.” Harry—Our engagement is off. A fortune teller told me that, I was to marry a blonde in a month. Mabel—Oh, that's all right. I can be a blonde in a month. Protect Your Property and Your Money 'bß3md-!n«— tej TfOUR bouse, when painted with /(mUm h * Marietta Home Paints, is practi \ b®s* > P caily guaranteed against the ravages of fl| H foil! weather by the Marietta Service jj turer °ff ers you such a certificate. Ask *us about it today. Concord Paint & Paper Ccupany 842 N. Church Street Phone 16L EVERETT TRUE BY CONDO 'W am * **• . .. Embarrassing Moments New York Dtfily Mirror. I was standing in the lobby of a met 'oil picture theatre with my-gift friend. We were waiting for a seat, when she dropped her glove. I was groping in the dark for the glove when suddenly I felt an ankle, and the owner of the foot which I had ac cidentally caught set up such a scream that my apology was useless. ,We were forced to make a hurried exit. The other day while riding in the subway I took out my watch to see the time and it dropped out of my hand into the open purse of a lady who was sitting in front of me. lm med’ately I placed, my hand in her purse to recover my watch and was hailed with the cry of “Thief.'” It took me sometime, before I could con vince her that my watch was in her purse. Boston baseball fans are' wonder ing how soon Arthur Vance, the crack pitcher of the Rraven, will come out of the slump he has been in ever since the start of the training season. Melrose Flour Liberty Self Rising ! - * Flour Why use Flour that may please you at.some time, and will not please you at other tin\es, and that too, when you most want the very best. Melrose is just the'very best at all times. It has §tood the test —on this market for morfc than twenty-five years. Liberty Self-Rising is made I ready to bake. It'.s Melrose in quality. - Our price is no higher now than anv other brands. CLINE & MOOSE Phone 339 P. S.—We Deliver Quick Ev erywhere. • BY CHARLES I> BTEWAKT w NEA Sorviee Writer Washington, ifa.v B.—JVhen Major l’Knfant laid out Washington, tie evi dently meant Pennsylvania Avenue to be his show/street. . Having staked it out, from the White House now stands to the Rpot he had chosen for Congress to meet, we can imagine him putting his finger down on the former site on tiis plan ami saying, "Here's where I'll have the executive’ mansion, and off there, a mile and a half to the eastward, and facing in that same direction, will be the capitol.” Even so. That's where and bow they built 'em. But it didn’t work out quite that way. » * * Without precisely beiug a slum, the district east of the capitol dis tinctly is a second and maybe even a third-rate neighborhood. Except for a block or two up near the treasury building, Pennsylvania Avenue is a street of tumble-down old rookeries. It isn't even on aver age thoroughfare. It looks like sixty. The capitol faces the east only theoretically. For all practical pur poses the back door is the front one. Government buildings are scat tered hither and yon all over town and out into the country, without i the slightest regard for “ensemble” or harmouy or convenience or any thing. t» • * What happened? Why. here’s what happened. As soon as they got onto what l’Enfant had in mind, a bunch of real estate sharks gobbled up all the land east of the capitol site and an other bunch gobbled up everything along both sides of the ’‘avenue." Then they'slapped on the most un holy prices—for those days. (Copyright. 1020, NEA Service, Ine.) Steve Ponoghe. Eugand’s premier jockey, will continue to ride as a freelance this year. New i|| SUMMER MILLINERY | \ Coming in Daily -]i[ ' ! Prices $1.95 to $14.93- !| If You Want the Latest j![ Styles We Have Them ij! I R-obinson’s i Millinery Dept. ||| • MISS ALLIE LEGO, Prop- '! Phone 830 Now Is The Time to Exter minate Flies, Aants and All Other Insects BY USING CENOL Sold and Guaranteed by Gibson Drug Store (Agents) riftfautt scivt f# JU'VC W. J. HETHCOX California Tours .Campaign Ends Next Monday, May 3rd, at 6:00 P. M. Yay your account early and get 500 Votes on tike Dollar For your favorite contestant Sanitary Grocery Company THfi CONCORD DAILY TRIDUNE *S Funny How Some Women Thrive on j Cave-Man Tactics j •. ii ■ ----- - Y| j / AAV) 'V ’ * / / my \ / £jfenowahdUem ) j \ \\g£)J | OUT QlijK JVAY ' - - - BV WILLIAMS efaiMGr 3osT\ ~~~ \ a-sas-sa / OMCt MORE. VNHEM T. GO W BoT qq ■ TO VAWW AMD VOO pop, scareo_ _ CAM SoFPER ALLMUaHT I V X"‘S CtOMM^v VMITW rTi. IM IvARU Hutvn WArr - ! I PLAWINf SEE. SAW VjfTH M _ WAiT ' IL \ Sou, Like a mole. IM 3. MERu£ m \ RUBBER HARUESS! lUP AGIM-WAif / 0 * "ThAERE sou l VSMM MOTHERS GET SRAM —- -JRW.LLua, I “THE. BLOODLESS BATTLE, ’ - , MOM’N POP Brute's T ~ SCHEME J HEWRV- ) ( J LIRE HAMING V- NNATeR. HANDV Fop. $ ; v // / y/\ Suchemersencies BY TAYLOR |«| I oooT>ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood6o' I Don’t Be Misled, Look and see that r ou get the yellow checkered Bag and then you will know that you have got the original Startina to feed your baby chix on. Cash Feed Store PHONE 122 SOUTH CHURCH ST. 1 | 3oocx>oooooooooMid time unlimited. t| Concord Kannapolis, Moorcsville China Grove MHot Water This gas hot water heater is surely a friend in need and a friend indeed of every cook and housewife. Applj a match and in a few minutes steaming hot water will run the dishes, for a badi, etc. Let us install one for you. Pays for itself quickly. E.B. GRADY PLUMBING AND HEATING DEALER Office and Show Room 39 E. Corbin St. Office Phone 334 W THE DAILY TRIBUNE j TOE PROGRESSIVE FARMER BOTH ONE YEAR AT THE FOLLOWING PRICES: t In State outside Concord $5.25 The Progressive Farmer is the best farm paper published, and its price is SI.OO a year; You need not pay foe the Progressive Farmer at the same time you pay for The Tribune. We will get it for you a whole year at any time cm payment of only 25 cents. | Pay your subscription to The Tribune to cy>y contestant, hut come to The Tribune o#ce to pay for your Ihugressive Farmer. PAGE SEVEN