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VOLUME LIV
CHAPEL HILL, N. C,
-THE WORST COLLEGE DAILY IN THE SOUTH EAST-
- APRIL FOOL
NUMBER 41
alaries Annoinicec.
.o:
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President
Di ' Passes Measure
To Abolish Poverty
Freedom of . Northern Rhodesian Natives
Is Assured as Delegates Run Amuck
By Sol I. Tude
A bill to abolish all poverty and crime in the world passed the
Di Senate last night by a narrow margin of 2 to 3, the chair vot
ing to break a tie. Dave Pittinan, president of the Senate, said,
The future of humanity seems
now secure. Although those who
opposed the bill did.so for purely
Selfish reasons, I arappy to an
nounce that the world will now
be able to live in peace."
Bill Amended
The bill was amended 842
times, 223 of the amendments
being substitute resolutions, and
the rest being amendments to
amendments, or amendments to
amendments to amendments to
the original resolution. Section
LLVH of Article 5280 of the
Constitution of the Ways and
Means Committee of the Dialec
tic Senate prohibited any reso
lution which affected the free
dom of those natives living in
Northern Rhodesia, but it was
felt that the bill was in order,
because it did not violate the
spirit rvf the constitution, even
though it was argued that the
freedom of the natives might in
some manner be impaired.
At the next meeting the Di
will discuss: "Resolved, That the
Dialectic Senate discuss the
Dialectic Senate." Buddy Glenn,
sergeant-at-arms of the Senate,
predicted a violent meeting and
urged Douglass Hunt and Jim
my Wallace to be present.
Baby Face Editor
Dares Readers .
To Find Any Fault
"Baby Face" Morrison called
the staff of the Tar Heel to
gether yesterday and anrfounced
that beginning April 1, 1946, a
new type of 'journalism will be
in store for the readers.
" "Things are just too quiet,"
Morrison declared, "What we
need is sensationalism."
In a press release, Morrison
continued with a statement of
editorial responsibility. "I was
elected by the student body to
run this paper and, by gum, I'm
going to do it. If you hear of
anyone that doesn't like what's
in this paper, tell them to see me.
And if there is any suggestion
of libel suits', well, that's my
meat, send them to me."
Pick Program Today
Is Billed as Biggest
Floperoo in History
The fare shown at the Pick
Theatre during the past few
months was thought to be abso
lutely the oldest class' "B" and
"C" pictures available. With his
present show, however, E. Car
ington 'Smith has surpassed all
his previous efforts. "The Good
Old Days" is the oldest reissued
class "C" movie yet shown. "The
Sign of the Cross" was old
" See PROGRAM Page . U .
Orders Military Training for AW Male Citizens
TH Circulation
Unimprovable
All Students Get
Tar Heel Daily
By I. M. Noosman
Declaring that every student
has a right to receive a copy of
the Daily Tar Heel, J. M. Lear,
adviser to the PU Board, asked
the Board yesterday to take de
finite action to improve what he
termed "circulation which even
now approaches perfection."
Lear recommended that money
be appropriated from the $1Q8,
463,729.42 surplus to insure ade
quate circulation of the daily. '
A large delegation of student
leaders were present at the meet
ing to petition the Board to
ignore Lear. Charlie Vance, lead
er of the group, said, "Thanks
to the PU Board, the circulation
of the Daily Tar Heel is now the
best it has ever been in history.
To improve circulation would be
an impossible task. Every stu
dent now receives a paper every
day without fail."
Bulldozer Used
Fred Flagler, president of the
Board, said that full credit for
the excellent circulation goes to
Clifford Hemingway, who has
declared; "If ever a single stu
dent should fail to receive his
paper, 1 will not accept me
check for $00.02 which King
Lear so graciously writes as my
weekly salary. I am sure, how-
ever, tnat l snail never nave ro
refuse this sum." Hemingway
recommended to the Board that
$23,473.02 could be saved each
quarter if the Board did not re
quire him to employ bulldozers
and dog sleds to deliver Lear's
copy to his home, several miles
south of Morgan's Creek.
Gold Stock Bought
Other routine business con
ducted by the Board was the
purchase of $378,461.83 in com
mon stock in a gold mine which
is soon to be opened in New Zea
land. Flagler announced that in
accordance with the regular
policy of the Board a meeting
will be held next year, at which
time Lear will present statistics
from the New York Stock Ex
change.
Cocktail Bar Opens
Blackie Black announced to
day that the Vets Club on Ral
eigh Road had installed a cock
tail bar with table for ladies. Re
cent entertainment has been of
the . "parlor" variety, but the
new policy of the club is to bring
something new to the campus.
ArmyandNavy
Announce Vets
Also Affected
Training Begins
Today on Campus
By Itelen Highwater
In an unprecedented move de-i
signed to keep our manpower
prepared for any eventuality
that may come from the unset
tled foreign situation, the Presi
dent has declared that all male
citizens, including veterans of
world war II, will participate in
three hours of close order drill
each week.
t
The War Department in car
rying out the orders of the Com
mander-in-Chief has assigned
several drill teams to begin train
ing the men enrolled in the Uni
versity. Major Mishap, officer in
charge of the drill teams, has
outlined his plan to university
officials and it has been decid
ed that drills will be conducted
every Monday, Wednesday, and
Friday at 11:00 a.m. No classes
will be scheduled for men stu
dents during that hour on the
days mentioned.. R0TC students
will be exempt from the drills?5'
Today, at 11 :00 a.m. the first
drill period will begin. The
Freshman class will form on
Cameron avenue in front of
South building. The Sophomore
class will form in front of Memo
rial Hall. The Junior class in
front of Peabody hall. The Sen
iors will be assistants to the
members of the drill teams.
As an added feature, all coeds
will be dismissed from classes
and furnished with flags to wave
at the boys as they march around
the streets of Chapel Hill.
It is expected that there will
be much opposition to this move
by the president. The Phi and Di
Senates have petitioned their
congressmen. The CPU has al
ready charged the administra
tion with "red baiting." The UV
A announced that they have
secured Drew Pearson, famed
columnist, to record their gripes.
Pool Rooms and Beer Parlors
Will Be Planetarium Features
Graham Says New Facilities Will Fill
Long Awaited Need; Coffin Backs Plan
By Junior Morrisplan
According to a report from the Board of Trustees, the More
head Planetarium and Art Gallery which is to be erected here as
the result of a million dollar gift by John Motley Morehead, will
include two pool rooms and a beer parlor in the basement.
The revelation of these plan-f : : "
ned additions was made known
after a call meeting last night
by President Frank P. Graham,
who stated," "If our students
must drink beer, then it is up
to the University to provide a
pleasant location for such im
bibing." Referring to the pool rooms,
President Graham and Chancel
lor House said that recreational
facilities, would fill a long need
on the Carolina' campus. Dr.
Graham and Chancellor House
will coach new . players every
afternoon from 2 to 5 p. m. Stu
4-
The Students9 Choice
This, believe it or not, is
Wimmy Jallace who yester
day announced that in the
coming spring elections, he
would run not only for editor
of the Daily Tar Heel for the
sixth time but that to liven
up the elections, he would also
run for president of the stu
dent body, speaker of the leg
islature, president of the ath
letic association, and trash
collector. The dope boys make
him an odds-on favorite for
the latter position for . which
he . is undeniably well quali
fied. Varsity Gets Supply
Of Men's White Shirts
And Women's Nylons
The Varsity announces that a
large supply of white shirts will
arrive this week and will be on
sale Wednesday and Thursday
from 9 a.m. until 6 p.m. A small
shipment of nylons are also ex
pected by Wednesday, but will
not be on sale until Friday and
Saturday due to expected crowd
ed conditions.
Students wishing to make
purchases are asked to come by
the following schedule. Those
with last names begining with
A-F, from 9 to 11 a.m.; F-M, 11
a.m.-lp.m.; M-R, 1-3 p.m.; R-Z,
3-6 p.m.
dents desiring instruction will
sign up Phys. Ed. 97. Coeds will
also be accepted in the afternoon
classes.
The beer parlor, which has the
backing of most of the trustees,
is sponsored by Skipper Coffin.
Mr. Coffin states, 'The constant
stream of beer flowing from the
planetarium's basement will not
cease as long as Carolina re
mains a liberal university."
- A special contract with Schlitz
and Budweiser companies will
guarantee a constant supply of
brew for the University.
1 ' -
Governor Cherry Issues
Special Proclamation
Snake Dance and Conga Line Formed
In Y Court Celebrating Announcement
By Sam Whitehall -
The announcement from South Building this morning that pro
fessor's salaries had been doubled touched off a snake dance and
conga line through the Y court and surrounding buildings by
over 250 delirious pedagogues. The long awaited arrival in
OP A Slashes
Ceilings on
Hill Rentals
The OPA declared today that
the rents charged by many of
the houses in Chapel Hill were
outrageous, and consequently,
had declared that no room shall
rent for less than $50 per month
unfurnished and $75 per month
furnished.
It was noted by those people
who had raised rents during the
housing shortage that the cost
of living had increased to such
an extent that these rents were
necessary. While several 'of the
local renters had kept their rents
at the- pre-war level the OPA
charged that this led to bad feel
ing in the town and that such a
thing could not be allowed as it
was bad publicity for the OPA.
In bringing the rent situation
before the OPA, the veterans,
who receive $75 a month if single
and $90 if married, maintained
that they would not be a party
to starving the people of Chapel
Hill, and that if it meant giving
their all to paying rent they had
rather do that than see the people
starve.
A new trailer camp has been
cleared for the residents of
Chapel Hill. Many of the houses
that rent for $50 a month in
pre-war standards have been
converted in four one-room
apartments and now bring as
much as $200 a month. But the
owners of these houses have had
to move out. All government fa
cilities have been used to furnish
these people with low cost hous
ing. The OPA also announced today
that material had been released
to furnish other housing for
Ghapel Hill. Several Horse
drawn street cars were discover
ed in Durham and they will be
brought to Chapel Hill. Tobac
co barrels have been released by
the American tobacco company
to relieve the shortage. Johnny
Weismuiler has been contracted
to give instructions in tree sit
ting. Students Give Pain
Title "Most Popular"
Dr. O. U. Pain of the English
department was named, the most
popular professor in the Uni
versity in a pool taken recently.
Runnerup for the honor was
genial Dr. Cecil Monsoon of the
Social Science department.
creased salaries for UNC's gross
ly underpaid instructors came
about this week-end in a spe
cial proclamation from North
Carolina Governor R. Gregg
Cherry in the gubernatorial of
fice in Raleigh.
Summing up the event Cherry
stated, "Hell, I cleaned state
treasurer Charlie Johnson out of
a cool million of state funds in a
little 'quorum' last night, so why
not brighten the corner, spread
joy; tou jours gai, kid!"
Makes Sacrifice
"Billy Carmichael has been
telling me about the boys over
at Carolina, and I just decided to
sacrifice my proposed hacienda
up near Murphy this year and
give those hard-working guys
over on the Hill a cut of the
gravy," further expounded the
governor, while stealthily giving
a hot-foot to an unwary Daily
Tar Heel reporter.
The glad tidings were spread
to the faculty by Asst. Claude
"Happy Boy" Teague in a spe
cial session held in number 9,
South building early this morn
ing. Upon hearing the news,
Athletic Director,. Coach Bob
Fetzer was heard to disgustedly
mutter, "Damn, there goes my
new $2,000,000 ping-pong arena.
Why the hell don't those rube
politicians in Raleigh remem
ber I've got a growing business
See GOVERNOR Page U
Well Eliminated
By t)uke Students
As Practical Joke
Duke pranksters last night
played their trick on the Carolina
Campus when they set fire to the
Old ' Well, historic landmark.
The well exploded upon ignition ;
a set of false teeth and two Duke
rings were the only proof that
Dukesters were the guilty culr
prits.
The cause of the explosion is
unknown, although it is suspect
ed that Carolina students had
poured gasoline in the well, an
ticipating vandalism from the
neighboring college. Investiga
tion is still being conducted by
state and city officials.
The Old Well, which was once
the sole' source of water supply
for the campus was a well
known university symbol. For
centuries it had been a gather
ing place for students and visi
tors, and a harbor of memories
for alumni. A memorial service
for the faithful servant of Caro
lina will be held next Sunday
afternoon in Hill hall. '
Ashes from the remains have
been collected and a certain pro
portion will be sent to Duke for
services of the pranksters.