Friday, April 23, 1971
The Dzlty Tar Heel
Mom
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. . . loneliness, exposure, anxiety, even bisexuality. . . these are
the problems facing homosexuals daily. The picture of the
homosexual of five or ten years ago is changing. Today,
homosexuals want to be accepted as people.
Story and Photo
by Harry Smith
COPYRIGHT (Q 1971
by Harry W. Smith II. AH rights reserved.
No portion of this article may be
reproduced or transmitted in any form
or by any means, electric or mechanical,
without specific prior authorization, in
writing, from the author.
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The article that follows attempts to show a side of Chapel
Hill few people realize exists.
Chapel Hill has a reputation in gay circles all along the East
Coast. There are few problems with homosexuality here, a
situation which is of itself unique.
Eleven persons were interviewed in an attempt to get an
insight into homosexuality in Chapel Hill. Eight were admitted
homosexuals: three graduate students and five undergraduates.
The owner of the local homosexual or gay bar was
interviewed.
Chapel Hill Police Chief William D. Blake and Campus
Security Chief Arthur Beaumont were interviewed to get a
survey of the homosexual in Chapel Hill
from the law's viewpoint.
For the protection of the persons
interviewed, we are not using names. Nor
will we identify the bar by name.
The students interviewed represented a
variety of situations; their majors were
well representative of the University community.
Each of the interviews was recorded individually. What
follows represents a composite of the thoughts of each
individual.
It would be extremely difficult to make an estimate of the
number of homosexuals in Chapel Hill. Several persons made
estimates ranging between 1 ,000 and 2,000.
Acceptance of homosexuality is changing also. Several years
ago it was fashionable among gay people to think of
themselves as psychiatrically ill. "Nowadays, most people
don't think that way; they think they have made a normal
adjustment to life and they happen to be different from other
people. They're not as guilt-ridden as they once were ..."
were
"We're happy the way we are." although several admitted their parents
Happy seems to sum up the feeling of most of probably suspicious. In only two cases had they
-
6i.
the homosexuals in Chapel Hill. No one
interviewed wanted to change.
; "I know no existence other than being gay. I
don't know if I'd be happier straight. I enjoy going
to bed with men. I don't think I'd want to give up
' my heightened sensitivity, my observative powers,
I my ability to view things in a more objective
light . . . Maybe ignorance is bliss, but I wouldn't
want to trade some of my fantastic experiences
and the unbelievable people I've met by being
gay." 1
"It seems silly to wish you were something
else," another student commented, "because now
I see that I am the product of every minute I've
lived."
Homosexuality is not all happiness, however.
'There is a great deal of anxiety."
Homosexuals are faced with a multitude of
" problems completely foreign to most
heterosexuals.
The intolerant reactions of many persons
toward homosexuality is but one of those
problems.
"Even our dearest friends, who are straight no
matter how liberal or tolerant of everything
"'else are often totally turned off by
. homosexuality.
: ' "If my dearest friends who profess to be so
liberal on everything cannot accept
homosexuality, then how can they be my good
friends? ,
'. "This is a real problem for us. They don't know
a good half of our personality. It's sad. I'd like to
"see people meet us as people, not as heterosexuals
" " or homosexuals. If over the course of a friendship
- of several years, it comes out. that jwe.happen to be
told their parents.
In one instance, the parents accepted their son
as a homosexual, warning him that "it was a
difficult life."
The other case involved the student who is
bisexual "In the process of another discussion
with my parents, I decided it was time they knew
what kind of creation they had wrought. I told
them I was bisexual. They responded in terms that
I should play up one side (my heterosexuality) and
play down the other. I told them that wasn't being
real. That attitude would admit part of me was
evil ....
"But I think they reacted fairly well given their
rather antisexual ideas."
And bisexuality itself can be a problem.
"Bisexuality puts you in a lot of really
confusing situations in terms of your capacity to
relate to different situations and different
demands that a boy-girl relationship places on you
and a boy-boy relationship places on you.
"I never had any trouble dating girls in junior
high school and high school. In terms of realizing
the other half of me, it was during my freshman or
sophomore year of high school. I've been doing
things since.
"I've been equally satisfied in loving, emotional
relationships with either sex."
Most of the people were quick to point out that
there is more to a relationship than just physical
sex.
"Physical sex decreases in importance as a
relationship goes on. In most homosexual
relationships, you generally go to bed first and get
to know the person afterwards. If you aren't
. sexually compatible to begin with, you. probably ,
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Although perhaps mere pecpl;
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luwy uon ten years 20, there is sl3 a great deal of
misunderstanding and frustration for the average homosexual.
In most cases they have to hide their hcoosexuality and
lead double lives.
And although most states don't have laws acainst being
homosexual, almost all consider homosexual acts to be
"crimes against nature."
And every now and then towns will have massive
crackdowns en homosexuality.
"Pretty soon they arrest the butcher, the baker and the
candlestick maker," one student said, "But also the doctor.
the lawyer and the
Most homosexuals "...think they have made minister ... and
a normal adjustment to life and they happen when Starts hitting
to be different from other people. Thv're th U??er eche!fns
7 1 w society thy
not as guilt-ridden as they once were." quit."
In the 1950s the
University had a campaign "to rid the place of those people,"
according to Blake. "The SBI was called in and hidden cameras
were used in the restrooms of buildings on campus known to
be gathering places.
"But to my knowledge this isn't going on now " he
continued, mentioning he had received no complaints from the
University.
Loneliness is another of the fears many homosexuals must
face.
The constant fear of being exposed can be a problem with
many homosexuals.
But homosexuals do not want pity.
They want to be accepted.
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to rtHe conceded homosexuality is
most people to swallow."
i.; Another problem most homosexuals must face
is the realization of the cat-and-mouse game they
- have to play with their parents.
"My family is my most outstanding problem. It
! -.would be wonderful if I could walk up to my
family, sit them all down and say You love me,
you always said you'd love me no matter what I
do or what I am well, I'm homosexual.
"But what do you do? None of us likes to go
home and have our parents ask about the girls
we've . met. Or having our family ask, 'Are you
thinking about getting married?'
"There are parents who know all about their
children who happen to be gay, but they're in the
minority, - They realize their children are no
different except in that one area."
Most persons said their parents didn't know,
T.9
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charged
There is an incredible sort of premium placed on
physical beauty."
All stressed the emphasis placed on physical
beauty, especially the role it plays in the initial
meeting.
"I don't go to bed with someone unless I'm
attracted to them ... I don't generally try to get
to know people who are totally unattractive to
me."
One thing which currently has the homosexual
population upset is a book by Dr. David Reuben,
"Everything You Always Wanted to Know about
Sex But Were Afraid to Ask."
Calling the book "one of the most erroneous
pictures about homosexuals I have ever seen
painted by someone of competence," one student
said, "he's just missed the whole realm of
experience.
'The book is fast becoming the definitive work
on American sexuality. I'm really mad because
straight society will accept his view as being
correct and it's not . . . . "
Several people felt: many people don't
understand how homosexuals make love.
"Especially if they've read that book," one
commented.
"Homosexuals although they can't perform
the same acts make love very much like
heterosexuals. It's the same type of thing; it's no
mystic ritual. , - -V
"You make out for a given length of time and
you end up performing fellatio (oral intercourse)
or sodomy (anal intercourse). But it doesn't have
to be that way. It can be mutual masturbation.
"It's a very natural thing. Sometimes it's
comforting just to lie beside someone and talk.
But there is a lot of caring and warmth; it's more
than 'just getting your rocks Bf f .'
'The need is not just physical; it's emotional
too. If it were just physical, 'masturbation would
be much easier."
Some homosexuals are disturbed by the notion
that all homosexuals are promiscuous.
According to one local gay student, straight
people are very much more promiscuous. "Very
few guys," he said, "will turn down a girl who
wants to go to bed with them.'
"With us, there has to be an attraction. Under
no condition would I jump in bed with just
..anyone s , ,
.i!ijraiit.e4.'j:seme, homosexuals are more
All - agreed there , was -a wide, variety of
homosexuals.
; 'There are some homosexuals who rarely go to
bed; others are what we call real whores."
Some homosexuals prefer the bar. 'The people
here who go to the bar are usually fairly secure in
themselves; they're not afraid of being gay."
Other homosexuals limit their activities to
public restrooms, called tearooms. 'These are
usually the people trying to lead double lives. It is
often the people unwilling to accept themselves as
they are. And it's always the same sort of
people .....
'The tearoom has a very utilitarian sort of
atmosphere and is perhaps the most effective
method of getting immediate gratification , But I
don't think it's healthy
from either a biological or
psychological standpoint.
'There is a lack of
getting to know people; f
Some homosexuals are disturbed by the notion
that all homosexuals are promiscuous. "There
are some homosexuals who rarely go to bed;
others are what we call real whores."
it's little more than mutual masturbation."
Several commented they felt "a lover situation
is best. If you reach that stage with someone, you
have a strong emotional tie. It's the optimal
situation ....
"I know of several relationships which have
lasted more than ten years and are still going."
'There are as many different opinions on gay
life by gay people as you could find on straight life
by straight people. This is something most straight
people just don't understand.
"We are as different and have as much variety
among ourselves as they do.
"Their concep
tion ot a gay person
is the Emory of
"Boys in the Band",
the limp-wristed,
lisping interior deco
rator, who can, as
we say, be recog
nized a mile away.
"Approximately 90 per cent of gay people, I
would guess, don't fit that stereotype at all."
"And if people don't think of the lisping
interior decorator, they think of the dirty old man
in the black trenchcoat who hangs around bus
stations and seduces little boys.
"Both conceptions are very erroneous."
"I .have .the feeling," another commented,
"many people think -all homosexuals want to be '
girls,' Wrrrta dress in ' worn en's- clothing and run
around TaciiBg fruity and silly. This is ridiculous.'
Most gay people are somewhat more effeminate
than regular type guys, but they just don't want to
run around in dresses and high heels.
"From what I hear, most of the drag queens
aren't that interested in sex; they're just interested
in wearing the pretty clothes, being elegant, having
the beautiful furniture and the nice home .
"Another misconception which needs to be
cleared away is the idea homosexuals are out to
put the make' on anything wearing pants.
"We have as much of a discriminating taste as
any straight person. Most of us have our own
types; we joke a lot that it's great there is such
variety among us else we'd all be pursuing the
same people.
'Some people are very specific about what they
want; they don't just want a male for a male. They
appreciate beauty, good looks, personality,
sensitivity -the. individual person-just like other
people.
"And the idea that homosexuals like young
boys is a misconception too. There are some
people-called 'chicken queens'-who like younger
boys; but I certainly don't know of people who
could be called child molesters.
"I've yet to meet a person 16 or older who
didn't go to a known homosexual areal with an
express purpose in mind and who didn't know
what he was getting
into.
"People , over 1 6
or 17 know what
side of the fence
they're on or what
side of the fence
they want lo be
on . ..."
think about it," one
people represent the
ay
ban a soeiiall pJlace
The local gay bar is an important aspect in the social life of
many Chapel Hill homosexuals.
"We wanted a place where people feel comfortable," the
owner of the bar explained. "A place that was sort of out of the
way and run in a business-like, fashion, but for the benefit of the
crowd.
"People come here to drink, socialize and meet people. It
functions a great deal more like a social club than a bar. Serving
and selling beer is quite incidental; we are providing a social club
and a meeting place ... a place where they can meet their friends,
be comfortable and at ease. If they want to meet someone and go
home with them, this is also available."
He explained the community is probably unaware of the bar.
"The police have not hassled us at all. They occasionally come in
and check an ID, but they have gone out of their, way to be
cooperative. They tend to ignore us as do the ABC people. The
relationship is very friendly."
Chapel Hill Police Chief William D. Blake said the police
problem with homosexuality is less than it's ever been.
"A few years ago homosexuals would hang out at night at
eating places and try to make their pick ups from there. This
brought on quite a few
"Over 80 per cent of our customers .
never be recognized as 'gay."
problems," he explained.
"Many were assaulted and
robbed.
"Since there has been at
least one bar they can call
their own, I don't recall but one reported robbery or assault.
"As far as complaints from the public," the chief noted, "we
just don't have any.
"I don't think many people in Chapel Hill are aware of the
bar." -
Blake said the situation with another bar -The Tempo Room
(which burned a few years ago)-wasn't too good. It was a mixed
crowd and had quite a bit of narcotics being passed.
"As far as complaints, the present bar is better than the
previous one. -
"Before, we had people coming from all over the area trying to
prey on them. We had the motorcycle gangs and everything else.
We didn't have too many complaints, but every once in a while
one would get hit. "
"But the present bar! is an out of the way place. They just
don't seem to be having any problems."
The owner explained that "people from all walks of life come
here. On weekends we have up to 300 people in here sometimes,
many from out of town, even places like Washington and Atlanta;
on a week night we'll usually have about 50 people. f ; . r -
would
'This is the first bar in Chapel Hill to be almost totally gay.
It's similar to a gay bar in a large town, but very different too.
Everybody feels like they have a part in it, which we have tried to
encourage. The whole philosophy of the bar is This is your other
home. Please be comfortable.' "
The bar is a very important social institution to many
homosexuals. "It is the only way you can meet people that are
gay without walking the streets or going to the tearooms. After
being at school or work all day where you can't be totally
relaxed, the bar is a place where you can relax with friends, say
whatever you want without having to be on guard. The bar is a
place where you can be at home "
"It's one of the greatest, nicest, friendliest bars I've ever been
to," one student commented. "At the same time, you get to
know so many people that if you go there looking for a potential
bedmate, you sometimes get a little frustrated. Everyone knows
what you're trying to do or who you're trying to meet "
Some people don't care for gay bars. "Some people feel like
it's a meat auction everybody just standing around waiting to be
picked up.
"I don't agree with that idea. I go to the bar in Chapel Hill
frequently with no intentions of ever
meeting anyone to pick up and take
home. I just go to see people I never
see any other place .... ''
Most of the people who frequent
the bar here don't fit the typical
heterosexual's image of a homosexual. "Over 80 per cent of our
customers," the bar owner related, "if you saw them on the street
or even if you saw them here would never be recognized as gay.
'There is no stereotyped gay person; they're as ordinary as
anyone else. Most are happy being what they are. They're as well
adjusted perhaps in some cases better adjusted as a comparable
group of straight people.
"We've had no trouble with the people at the bar," the owner
said. "We've occasionally had to stop someone from drinking too
much. I don't stop anybody from kissing or throwing their arm
around someone else, but sometimes somebody will go a little bit
further. We just tell them to knock it off. It's all good natured.
We've never had a fight." v
The owner mentioned straight people do occasionally come to
the bar, not knowing it had become a gay bar. "Some of them
never seem to catch what's going on. Some of them are amused.
But some of them are grossed out. We have a regular group of
straight people who come here and mix in the crowd."
.. Several students who frequent the bar admitted it is "cliquish."
Most agreed "once you get to know a few people, it's friendly."
I he bar's owner is aware of the situation. "We try to help the
situation," he said. "When we recognize somebody new to the bar, we
try to introduce them around.
' "And although Chapel Hill has a large gay population, everybody
still knows everybody else. When a stranger first comes on the scene,
everyone wonders, 'Is he really gay?' Once that is established, the
question is 'How are we going to react to him?'
"If he is an attractive person, everyone is eager to meet him, but
everybody is afraid of being refused. So a person can be left standing in
the corner."
The bar isn't accepted by everyone. "Some people who think it is
perfectly all right to' go to restrooms in some classroom buildings
wouldn't be caught dead here. They feel like going to one of the
tearooms is just for having sex ;they don't think this makes them gay.
Coming to the bar, some people feel is a commitment to being
gay " .
"When you stop and
student reflected, "gay
antithesis of so many things straight people regard
as. holy.
"Obviously the way we make love isn't exactly
what you would call the typical husband-on-top,
wife-on-bottom, for procreation's sake.
."And we generally don't fit . the American
v stereotypej of masculinity. Most of us think it. is
- i hysterical'that the ! epitome - of -masculinity in
- America is 'thfr broad-shouldered,, athletic, dumb
but good looking, tough guy whose wife runs the
home. And of course he knows when to put her in
her place. But so few people in reality match that.
"Also, many of us are anti-organized religion.
"I believe in a God and in the conception of
Christian love, which in my opinion says 'Love
knoweth no gender,' that love is just love and it
can be as holy and sanctified between man and
man or woman and woman as between man and
woman. I don't feel that I left the church or left
organized religion, I feel that it left me.
A11 religions Protestant," Catholic,
whatever view homosexuality as a sin. Where does
this put me? Out in the cold, because I'm living in
sin." - ' ,
Several persons labeled organized religion
"hypocritical." "Most denominations are changing
very much these days," one commented, "but I'm
not sure they're ready to say homosexuality is
okay."
One person, is less condemning, "i came
through a Catholic family background where sex
of any description is taboo," he said. 'There's a
great deal that's admirable in the church. It's the
only logical system that was ever worked out that
ever took care of everything. Unfortunately, like
most logical systems, it doesn't correspond to the
real world.
"I think the Episcopal Church shows the most
enlightenment toward homosexuals. Religion is a
big thing. It offers the ability to repress things
better than anything else
But religion isn't the only situation where
homosexuals want changes.
"There are several things I as a homosexual
would like to see changed," one student
commented.
"First, get rid of the laws against it. They're
archaic and absolutely absurd. It's nobody's
business but my own and the person I'm with.
"I don't care if it's men and women, women
and women, or men and men, as long as both
people consent to what they are doing then it is
their own business.
"If you're going to keep us out of the Armed
Forces, then make no stigma attached. I would
have 'checked the little box' Are you a
homosexual? but I knew what the stigma would
have been once it got back to my local draft
board. And in a small town, word does get out.
"We are kept out of civil service 'supposedly'
because we are subject to blackmail. That's not"
our fault; it's the fault of society. If it wasn't a
taboo, nobody would try to blackmail us.
"If we could "walk into their door and say 'I
want a job with Civil Service and I happen to be a
homosexual and I don't care who knows it', then
what is anybody going to blackmail us for?
"Beyond the draft, civil service, and an
elimination of job discrimination, I'd like to see
the legalization of homosexual marriages, tax
breaks for married homosexuals, and a general
tolerance of us.
"Basically, that's all we're asking for; just 'Let
us do our own thing.'
"We're not going to hurt you; we're not out to
destroy the institution of marriage. For those who
want to get married in the straight way, that's
fine-that's your own personal choice.
"But that's all we're asking for. We want the
ability to be ourselves, to carry on and live our
lifestyle the way we choose without being
harassed.
. "I don't think that's really asking too much."
1