4 Tha Daily Tar Heel Tuesday, November 25, 1975
Thanksgiving fowls dumb, ugly, delicious,
fervent campus researcher discovers
by Kenneth Girard
DTH Contributor
Mv favorite article titles on the subject of
turkeys are: "Timely Turkey Talk," "Turkey
for t'Ncry Pot." "Turkey Treats & Trouble,"
" l ips from Turkeyland," "Turkeys Pay This
Couple,' "Manure Production of Adult
t urkeys." " Fishy Flavor and Odor in Turkey
Meat" (Caused by feeding the turkeys
fishmea! and fish oil, as discovered several
years later).
... And the very few articles glorifying the
turkey: "Turkey Demonstration Day in
1 937 "Push National Turkey Day,
Washington's Birthday," "Our National
Bird of Freedom," "King of Domestic
"Fowls," and simply "King Turkey."
Not to mention the articles on "Why Do
Turkeys Die," "Filth Kills Turkeys," "Bird
That's Bent on Self-Destruction," and last of
all, "There's Gold in Turkeys."
The articles cited were published in the
'20's and "3Q's. The interest in the turkey
seems pervasive by the wide range of topics
covered by ardent researchers, observers and
worshippers of the turkey.
A recent survey of students on a large
campus, however, reflected a general
dumbfoundedness at the mention of the
word "turkey." Summarizing the survey
which asked: "What is your opinion of the
turkey?" This researcher could not make any
generalizations about students' attitudes on
the turkey. A common remark was,"lt's ugly
and dumb. Dumb." Equal numbers give or
take a few, replied, "Delicious." One of the
longer responses to the point of frenzy,
censored, included the words, "horny,"
"gross" and, of course, "dumb." A
vegetarian said she did "not have a very high
opinion of turkeys," while others said, "I
have no opinion of turkeys." A minority of
students did not respond to the question in
any visible way, except by staring at the
questioner.
In an attempt to correlate the observation
of the turkey as "dumb" (A visual inspection
verifies the "ugly" adjective quite easily), this
researcher surveyed articles abstracted in the
psychological disciplines to examine
findings in experiments on the turkeys in
such areas as learning, memory, cognitive
discrimination, ability to shape its behavior
and related topics. Evidently, the stupidity of
the turkey is either untestable or a foregone
conclusion; no articles appeared in any
journal of psychology for the past 10 years.
This writer humbly proposes further
research in the controversial issue of the
dumbness of the turkey.
Recent research by Consumer Reports,
however, has indeed verified that the turkey
is delicious, as rated by a panel of culinary
experts. The panel did regret the absence of
packaging dates on frozen turkeys, as well as
the absence of the sodium per ounce content.
The 26 diseases common to man and fowl
were also a cause for concern, but heating the
turkey to 185 degrees insured total kill of
stray microbes. The article noted that
Butterball brand turkeys did not, in fact
contain any butter, as minutely printed in a
likely-to-be-wrinkled section of the
wrapping.
Consumer Reports commends the turkey
for its high protein content, and its listing of
brands and ratings should be very helpful to
the consumer buying frozen turkeys for
Thanksgiving in 1968, the year of the most
recent survey.
A local butcher at a reputable grocery
market, or rather, a reputable butcher at a
local grocery market, referred this writer to a
current ad for fresh turkeys for complete
information about the raising and marketing
of the turkey. The head butcher was
reluctant to describe what the turkeys ate
and how they were killed.
The evident secrecy was further
heightened by the collection of mysterious
photos taped to the refrigeration units at the
market, entitled in black marking crayon,
"Turkey's Are Ready" (sic), illustrating what
can only be described as herds of red-beaked,
white turkeys facing in the same direction in
their overcrowded pen of barbed wire.
The woman answering the phone of the
turkey farm assured this writer that the head
of the farm would be able to talk to me at
four that afternoon. 1 telephoned at 4:01
p.m. and talked to a man who sounded as if
he were in the middle of the herd of turkeys. 1
found out in our brief conversation that
running a plant with 30 employees on
continuous shifts anf trying to meet delivery
deadlines left no time for lunch, let alone a
conversation with the third journalist
encountered that day.
"I'm up to the gills in turkeys," was his
closing comment.
Six or seven years ago, I ate wild turkey in
a restaurant on the lower east side of New
York. Surrounded by wood paneling, under
the soft light of the vaulted roof windows. I
felt a rush of adrenalin (my hunter's instinct)
as I saw myself tearing the cooked bird apart
with my ragged fingernails and throwing the
bones high in the air in a triumphant gesture
of disdain for the centuries of civilization
masking the bloody kill of the game and the
satisfaction of raw hunger. This meal was
not to be a turkey T.V. dinner ritual but an
orgy- .
The meat tasted far richer than the frozen
variety. Wild turkey tasted untamed. The
flavor-was pungent, like moss and tart
persimmons sprinkled with Accent. The
flavor nearly bounced out at me from the
plate, with a acrid odor unlike the steamy
smell from a turkey roll.
Finally I left my knife and fork on the
wooden table and tried to quietly chew the
bones as savagely as I could without
arousing the suspicions of the headwaiter,
who stood in an omnipotent position in the
center of the room, beside a pot of dying
ferns. I wished I were in the jungle, or
wherever wild turkeys run.
Today there is a National Turkey
Federation which honors outstanding
research yearly. Some of the topics studied
include predation on dummy nests of ground
nesting birds in the southern Appalachians,
internal turkey abnormality, the effect of
cooking method on the quality of turkey
breast meat cooked from the frozen state, the
relationship of fertility and semen quality
and how much floor space turkeys need.
A controversial aspect of some turkey
farms is the use of a hormone to fatten the
birds. Estradiol-17-monopalmitate may
have unknown effects on humans. Turkeys
are treated with phosphates to bind them in
water absorbed in a chilling tank. Three per
t i
5 J Jf -
- s
1
SYSTEM 2
1
I
it
SYSTEM 1
The Avid 60 Speakers
The Kenwood KR 1400 Receiver
The Gienburn 2155A Turntable
with base, dust cover and
Shure M75E Cartridge
Retail Total, $430
STEREO SOUND'S PRICE
The OHM E Speakers
The Pioneer SX434 Receiver
The PE 3044 Turntable
with base, dust cover, and
Audio-Technica AT11 E Cartridge
neian luiai, $0.00 a
STEREO SOUND'S PRICE
. '?v-, -. . .... Wt- -fcitWWB
::
t
i
? I &, -' I
t ' V f
' - " i if
J j ;i
I '
I k
s f r
"- at-.
.. '. ' K '
I i i 1 H H
with any
recommended system
Any two $6.98 Albums
from
SYSTEM 3
The Avid 102 Speakers
The Kenwood KR4400 Receiver
The Pioneer PL12D Turntable
with base, dust cover and
Audio-Technica AT12E Cartridge
JPetailTotal, $725
STEREO SOUND'S PRICE
BUDGET SYSTEM
The 2 Superscope S-26A Speakers
The Pioneer SA5200 Amplifier
The Gienburn 2110 B Turntable
with base, dust cover and
Shure cartridge
Retail Total, $330.00
STEREO SOUND'S PRICE
J , $
If
. -!
III
v I . I : I
IT" it' T? K I
I !
i i
: W5p!.iW!fc-.-.- f
4 rV -I
It 's
v I I
3 ' j
I
. .,:-:5,: ,
. ' . -w.Mii.i.i.itwawa'iii...i.iniirififfv-
sxsrm f ?
The Avid 103 Speakers
The Kenwood KR 6400 Receiver
The Philips GA212 Turntable
with base, dust cover and
ADC VLM Cartridge
Retail Total, $1025.00
STEREO SOUND'S PRICE
t"'t"T ii" - in r -it 'ii' n nil rmi ii linn 'iir ii n m ii Jimnn ii' 1 1 m - - ..... .. .
SYSTEM 4
The Audioanalyst A-100x Loudspeaker
The Marantz 2235 Stereo Receiver
The Pioneer PL 15DII Turntable
with base, dust cover and
Audio-Technica AT12E
Dual magnetic cartridge
Hetail Total, $874.00
STEREO SOUND'S PRICE
Turkeys must be dumb, otherwise why do they end up as entrees, soup, sandwiches,
hash, casseroles, stew and tetrazzini at this time every year?
cent fat may be added.
The high sodium level may cause
problems for consumers with high blood
pressure or those requiring sodium restricted
diets. Combined with feed additives,
artificial color and artificial flavor, the
forced-growth turkeys have been observed
to be shades of their former selves.
One writer wonders if natural mating is
out of style, while another finds there are
residues of insecticides in the tissues of
turkeys confined on soil treated for chigger
control. The application of statistical
decision theory to commercial turkey
production completes the modernization of
the once wild turkey.
Thanksgiving is my grandfather's favorite
holiday. "Most holiday's are for the Jews or
the Catholics or some other group, but
Thanksgiving is celebrated by everyone and
that's nice."
Only, he doesn't like turkey.
Thxas Instruments
electronic cdculdbors
IMTED NUT SKCMl
SR-5IA $116
78
SR-52 SO
sacs mi mas
aa&ttsr
tar. m.l Kasumits
fitx (t w. WWMY
30 m Ktvmmi
.95 hrrti
IMl
all camni mas ih stock
UM.'TFO AVAILABILITY Of IHfSf HOOtlS UM
OUUU 0US SUPPLY BLFQK. &RISUAS.
SHIPPED FREE
. C. OiSTMEfiS ADO 3. SALES TAX. AK CO.
QISTCMUS ADO V. W. CHECKS. It. 0. OR
C.Q.O. (lit C.0.0. m)
-r-i
&trvejfor$ Supply Company
P.O. mm 104 W. CHATHAM STREET
ATtX. MSJIM CAZXIKA 27502
(M) 2-7006
N. A A - AAAAAAA , iff A.
The New Look' In
Sculptured Jewelry
G
o
1
d
s
m
i
t
h
s
Specializing in custom
work of original design by
Carolista and Walter
Baum for engagement
rings and wedding bands.
DIAMONDS
Emeralds, Rubies, 7 Sapphires
V
s
i
l
v
e
r
s
m
i
t
h
Designers
Chapel Hill, N.C. 27514
NCNB Plaza S,.o
Come watch us make jewelry.
Mon.-Sat. 10-5:30(919)942-7004
V J
JlDfjIlUvJOD,OUl?t7
i3
Over 1,000 frames styles to choose from
The convenience of free parking
Prescriptions Filled
Contact Lenses Fitted
Contact Lens Accessories
Lenses Duplicated
Sunglasses
Eyeglass Repairs
Courteous service and
careful attention to your Optical needs.
Visit our new location
University Square
Downtown Chapel Hill
HOURS: Mon.-Fri. 10-6; Sat. 10-2. 5731X7 CG5lf
nn Ronictor
and Staff ADO?
: Rgiitard Licensed Opticians
942-871 1
4
WffllMAlBZ
Too many of us are in places
we don't want to be. Doing things
we really don't wantto be doing.
Sometimes, it's because we can't
think of anything better to do but
that's no way to live.
Since you have only one life to
live, you might as well live it with
joy . . . with a feeling of satisfac
tion and accomplishment . . . and
the knowledge that you are giving,
not taking. Why not decide to live
for the best . . . for a great purpose
... for something bigger than you
are?
If you want to change the di
rection of your life, you might in
vestigate the Paulist way of living.
The Paulists are a small group of
Catholic priests dedicated to preach-
Ann Shachtman, manager
Hours: Mon.f Thurs., Fri. 109;
Tues., Wed., Sat. 106
175 E. Franklin St.
942-8546
Upstairs beside the
Downtown Post Office
"jpJf J!2 Missionariet to Modern America
ing the Gospel of Christ to the
American people. For over 100
years the Paulists have done this
through the communication arts
books, publications, television and
radio on college campuses, in par-
; lines, in missions m the U.S., in
downtown centers, in working with
young and old. Because we are flex-
I :K1 , 1 1
iuic, we continually pioneer new
approaches. To do this we need
dedicated, innovative men to carry
on our work.
To find out what road God has
chosen us to walk is one of the most
important tasks of our Irfe.
Which road will be yours?
For more information on the
Paulists, fill out the coupon and
mail today.
1
I
L
mums
Mail to:
Rev. Frank DeSiano, C.S.P.,
Room C-133
PAULIST FATHERS
415 West 59th Strett
New York, N.Y. 10019
I
Name.
Address.
City
State
- Zip.
leee
attending
-Class of.
I DTH ADS WORIC FOR YOU