The Tar HeelThursday, July 20, 1978. 5
John Scariano
Beowulf, the modern man and survival of the fittest
Several years ago the school board of an
affluent Chicago suburb banned the
reading of Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn
in sophomore English classes because of
several references to "niggers." It seems
odd in a high school which offers Chinese
calligraphy and has its own TV station
that this favorite would be forever
disallowed. In fact, the only thing lacking
from the curriculum of New Trier
Township are the Negroes themselves,
not to mention any niggers. At any rate,
this happened a long time ago and should
be forgotten if it weren't for the recent
developments of the Bakke case.
They probably replaced Mark Twain
with such classics as Beowulf, or even
worse, Nathaniel Hawthorne. Beowulf is
good for high school kids because they can
see the values of their own society
reflected through an ancient script: beer
guzzling, slaughtering one's in-laws,
bragging, lending blood money and, of
course, the funniest of them all:
plundering. Teachers are fond of this
because it is one of the first testaments
from the society dedicated to the
advancement of themselves at the cost of
others. Perhaps the adult fantasies of
power running through Beowulf relate
better than Twain's boyhood longings.
j eEjW3 DK!
J EXPERIMENTAL LAB
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What are the goals of high schools? Are
they just to prepare the student for the
ACT and SAT? There seems to be a trend,
especially in small innovative private
colleges, away from the test scores and
towards individual profile and
recommendation. Do the standard
entrance examinations measure one's
ability to survive in the Third World cold
war dilemma, or do they just measure
one's ability to survive in college?
My friend Bob and I have developed an
alternate solution to the entrance
examination problems. This test
accurately esteems one's intellectual
acuity. It's called the Sea Wolf Game and it
is found universally dispersed among bars
and pinball arcades. The object is (on a
video grid) to aim and fire torpedoes
synchronized to the criss-crossing of
speedboats, freighters and destroyers.
The faster the boat, the higher the score
per hit. The test procedures are simple;
recruit the prospective college-bound to
Myrtle Beach over Easter break of their
junior year in high school, and make them
select the game of their choice. Whether it
be Aztec, Space Mission, Tanks or
Breakaway, if they score highly or get free
ball, then they're in; we'll mail their pre
registration right away.
The way talks have been going between
the Middle East and us and Russia, who
knows who might end up behind those
little red buttons.
John Scariano didn't do so hot on the
SATs but he got a free ball from the Space
Mission last night.
Student Stores on campus has
just about everything you'll
need this summer.
Stop by soon. You'I
There's more in your
Student Stores
see.
A
Open 8-5 p.m.
Monday-Friday
Closed Saturdays
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