Pegs 2
Weekender
Thursday, January 31, 1S80
A last-gasp effort to save the mother tongue
Page
By Elliott Warnock
About the only thing I don't like
well-done is steak.
With that exception, anything well
done should be considered as
admirable. I even admire a good lie.
Didn't your favorite junior high
school literature teacher tell you what
a noble fellow Odysseus was?
He was one of the biggest liars in
history; he lied to everybody. He lied
to Athena (now that took guts); he
lied to his son, to Cyclops, Circe; he
even lied to his own wife after he was
missing for nearly 20 years. But the
Greeks think this guy was just great.
And I have to admit I do too.
Maybe this is why I like writers so
much. Writers are really people given
license to lie. To twist a cliche, there
are few things as good as a good
writer, and there are few things as bad
as a bad writer.
What is all this leading to? (If you
don't like my dangling preposition,
remember what Winston Churchill
once said: "That is something up with
I will not put.") My goal in telling you
all this is simple: I want to encourage
better use of the English language.
Aha, you, cry. Here is a columnist
who has butchered, slandered,
misused and downright abused the
mother tongue. To that I eloquently
reply, "Stick it in your ear."
I'm serious about this; I promise.
An occasional "ain't" or "y'all"
doesn't faze me in the least. I can
ramble on for minutes about the
virtue of descending into the
vernacular in writing. But I rankle at
someone boasting "I are a graduate
of Groton."
A CAREER AT
If you think that's minor, let me tell
about an honors student who wrote a
thesis containing somewhere around
20 spelling errors. This person went
on to become a respected editor.
Oh, the pain, the pain.
A survey five years ago of the
nation's incoming college freshmen
revealed 25 percent of the fledgling
scholars attended college to and
I'm not kidding "improve their
reading and writing skills."
The pain is becoming worse.
There was a time when a student
couldn't receive an undergraduate
degree from a university unless he
could read Latin andor Greek. I'd be
genuinely, though pleasantly,
surprised if 50 percent of the Carolina
undergraduate student body could
tell me what lux, libertas means in
English. If those words don't ring a
bell, try looking at the University of
North Carolina seal sometime.
I know what you're thinking.
' i V
V
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Here's a pompous jerk who imagines
himself to be Edward Newman or
John Simon.
To show my good faith in the
Carolina students who desire to be
good writers, I'm announcing the
First And Only Annual Elliott
Warnock Short, Short Story Memorial
Classic Write-off.
The rules of the competition are
simple.
Write a short, short story, You
may write about anything you wish,
but entries must be 75 words or less.
Articles of speech are not included in
counting the words.
Send your entry to:
Elliott Warnock
The Daily Tar Heel
Carolina Union
Campus, UNC 27514
Include your name and phone
number with your entry.
Also include an explanation of
what's wrong with the title "First and
Only Annual Elliott Warnock Short,
Short Story Memorial Classic Write
off. Entries must be received at the
DTH office no later than Friday, Feb.
8, 1980.
All entries become property of
yours truly; however, if you come by
the DTH office while I'm there, you
can have them back.
The overall winner(s) will be
published in this column sometime
after the contest closes.
To be fair, there will be more
than one category of writing,
explained below. Not to be fair, I'm
the sole judge and all decisions of the
judge are final. (I am open to bribery
and flattery.)
Winner(s) will receive, from me,
a six-pack of beer to be savored while
he, she or they enjoy the thrill of
victory.
The categories: (1) Overalll. The
best short, short story. This winning
entry will merit a six-pack of my
choice, but I'll try to get you what you
want. . (2) The Max Steele Award,
Professor Steele, hates bad-writers
more than I do, I believe, so this
winner will be the person who does
more to insult and injure good
writing. The winner will receive a six
pack of Iron-City Light, if still
available. (3) The Hef, Boby and Larry
Award. A special citation for
obscenity. No beer goes to this
winner, just a leer from the editors of
Weekender and the DTH.
I know you people have it in you to
do what it takes, so start working at
those typewriters, folks. All entrants
will have a chance to apply for staff
positions at the DTH. Those entrants
who can't figure out what's wrong
with the title of this contest have a
chance to replace me next year. jg
ott Warnock is staff columnist for
Weekender.
It's a matter of life
end breath!
Your local 5c?
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