14B The Tar Heel Thursday, July SI, 1980
features
f? r?
WF
By Tom Moore
i bers impress different poop
There are those, on coming to college,
who erroneously assume that the onl
reasons to drink beer are to relax in social
situations and to drown out the painful
sorrows of life. W ell, such a view overlooks
one of the main reasons that brewsky is
consumed so massively on campus. Beer
drinking among students is an impressive
activity.
Folks can be impressed by the kind of
beer you drink. Being seen with the correct
brand of hops, barley and whatever else
goes into the stuff can raise your personal
worth in the eyes of others. Of course,
different brews will impress different
groups. So in choosing brands to consume
you should consider which groups you
want to be associated with.
For those who come to college wishing to
pledge some Greek organization or to hang
out with the wealthy crowd (i.e. attract a
wealthy member of the opposite sex who'll
squander funds' on you), drinking
imported beers is a must. Heinken, Foster's
Lager, Moosehead, St. Paul i Girl, Becks,
and Molson's are just some of the many
beers from outside the good oP USA the
frequent sipping of which will persuade
the rich folks that you are in their
privileged class. There's one catch though.
To be able to afford foreign brews you
almost have to have a vast supply of
pecunia. Poor folks really can't muster up
the cash for those foreign six-packs or even
single bottles. So there's almost no moving
upward socially by drinking foreign brews.
But don't fret. There are some relatively
inexpensive domestic brews that impress
the elite, Coors and Olympia being the first
to come to mind. But those babies often cost
almost as much as the imported stuff.
About the best American beer to be seen
drinking to impress the snobby class is
Rolling Rock. Forget Michelob and
Lowenbrau, rich folks will think more of
you if you're seen with the Rock in hand.
And being seen with the Rock will weed
out your becoming affiliated with the lesser
classes on campus. The non-elite simply
haven't heard of the Rock.
Of course you can impress- the
uninitiated too with the Rock. At a party or
some other social situation drink Rolling
Rock and ask folks if they know it's the best
beer around. Tell them Robert De Niro said
this in The Deer Hunter (in which De Niro
and his buddies drank copious quantities
of the Rock). It's a great conversation
starter and a good way to get into fights
with hostile drunks who think their cheap
swill is the best beer around.
Budweiser, Miller and Pabst Blue
Ribbon are acceptable among the upper
classes also. But they aren't going to earn
you any status points. Everyone drinks
these brews.
It's rather wise to stay away from all light
Drive Our Cars
ALMOST FREE
to most U.S. cities
AUTO
DRIVEAWAY
919-272-2153
520 W. Friendly Ave.
Greensboro, fl.C.
is lk))
EVERYONE tfjlMm" '
NEEDS A 1 Umrfd j :
BLAZER! r l f f l
in harris tweeds II L fl
and flannels. AV Vf M M
908 VV. Main. Durham. NC Carr Mi. Carrbcro. NC
beers. Light beers are only for the fatties
among us. And if you are worried about
getting fat then you might as well forget
about setting out to impress folks with your
taste in brews.
Too many calories will build up from
your consumption and make you a cranky
person. And then all the effort you put into
drinking the right stuff will be wasted since
folks won't wish to be around you because
of your foul temperament. And besides
this, light beers generally taste like pygmy
sweat
If you wish to hang out with the fun-,
loving good ol' boys and girls (i.e.
rednecks) then Schlitz, Budweiser or Miller
will do. Even Michelob or Lowenbrau will
turn those rednecks on to you; especially if
the rednecks think they're members of some
privileged class and not just stupid,
ignorant hayseeds. Pabst Blue Ribbon is
widely considered the beer of rednecks
everywhere, but this view is outdated. Few
rednecks wish to be known as such, and so
rednecks long ago stopped drinking PBR
because of its redneck stigma.
Then there are those low posterity beers
that will attract you to a crowd of serious
beer drinkers, a carefree bunch who drink
for the fun of it and do outrageous things
while under the influence. These are often
the most interesting folks you'll meet in
college.
These people don't really give much
thought to status so the cheap brews like
Iron Gty Light, Elatz, Black Label, Red,
White and Blue, and generic beer will
impress them because they know that you
don't drink them for the taste or high class
reputation, but only because you can get
drunk really cheaply.
Such a crowd also consumes on occasion
various malt liquors. But you if you are
seen drinking malt liquors too frequently
then you may find yourself pursued by such
unacceptable as bikers and other nefarious
thugs (malt liquors are the favorite brew of
outcasts).
So the beer you choose is the collegiate
group you choose. Of course if you really
want to impress folks in college you drink
only mixed drinks. But that's another story.
m We've moved to university square
more light
more space
more unique clothing & foikart
V
K
university .
square
in downtown
4 Ui
A
1
r a
A
r a
n
V
A
iummcr salo
folkvear
foikart
YA
FA
LmC .w s v ' w j j. x ' f v i " w '
cave on our handmade clothing
v
V
K
K
N
A
V
P. :
Si;.
is (stoiiTi
rnatAv j ft i tzu x jirtunur
mMiru m:M) id.)
YOU GET A DEAL YOU CAN TRUST
IN CONTACT LENS.
YouU be told of all the cotti involved. So-called "great deals" you read ol ebwher may not provvi tK
profeaftlonal ervic your precious eyes deserve Ask us well be gJad to discuss our lees and
explain our services.
Because we specialize in contact lenses, we stock a large inventory o( soft knses for svtvtfdwpensirtg or
replacement. Thus, in many cases you are saved from the (nconveniience at losing wearing tiate. We
also have large inventories of diagnostic lenses for trial fitting and evaluation to determine whether you
need conventional hard, flexible (semi-soft), gas permeable, or soft contact lenses.
You get professional service. Someone who k trained to guard the healA of your eyes.
Ct3 u with your questions. S27111.
Open
Mondry-Fridry C3-0pn
VV tpccUIx la contact kne.
Dr. Vziry Adlsr
and Arocbtca
31 VJZlaw Drn Chrpsl KH
On ths bus rcut2
wcros3 fron Ur'vtrzliy Mz3 J