Bartender
r
Keep voice low ?en orderng
By JOSH KARDON
There is no delicate way to lead into this subject.- Be it
assured that today's column is for the maturest of audi
ences only. Those who might be offended, turn over to
the intramural news or something.
Sex, you see, is a common theme in mixology just as it
is in many walks of life. Its ties to bartending should
come as no surprise as you have undoubtedly seen it
rear its frustrated head in many a bar (incessant beer la
bel peeling, eating face in not-so-dark corners, etc.).
However, sex. and mixology need not be a frustrating
duo anymore. Yes, you too can find fulfillment in your li
quor with the Orgasm.
Oh, I know that some of you may wonder, "But, am I
old enough to have an Orgasm?" Why, I've been told
that many people go through life never having had one!
I'm no therapist, but my advice to you is that if you are
old enough to drink, you are old enough to make and ex
perience an Orgasm.
To make an Orgasm, pour 1 ' ounces each of Kahlua,
Ameretto and dark Creme de Cacao into your mixing con
tainer. Add 1 ounce of Bacardi 151 and 3 ounces of
either cream or milk. Shake over ice and get off.
Now, I'm not one to propogate barroom lore (or lure,
as you will) about the virility of bartenders. Lord knows,
there are enough bumper stickers proclaiming this group
does it with their sticks, that group does it in the water
and the other group "scores more." I will assure you,
however, that most bartenders can give you an Orgasm.
As a matter of fact, they're so good you have to pay
them for it. They can give it to you straight up. They can
give it to you on the rocks. And they can give you one af
ter another until your speech is slurred and you walk
funny. Let's see "Bartenders Can Give You Multiple Or
gasms" proclaimed on a few thousand bumper stickers!
. If all of this is just a bit much for you to take, check
this out. For all of you deviants out there groping for a
little something extra in your orgasms, try the super, the
colossal, the kinky Flaming Orgasm. Pour 1 ounce each
of Galliano, Drambuie and Bacardi 151 (in that order) ir
to a small glass. Carefully light the concoction at the
edge of the glass and the liquor with a match. Blow the
flame out, stir, and down it. This is not a good time for
your Richard Pryor imitation.
I realize that I have broached a subject that many con
sider taboo, but maybe now is the time for this knowl
edge to come out of the recipe books and into the hands
of the masses. Remember that you don't need a barten
der to have an Orgasm (although sometimes they are
convenient). You can always whip one up by yourself in
the privacy of your own home. Don't feel guilty. Con
trary to the teachings of several religions. Masters and
Johnson assure us that this perfectly normal and even
quite healthy. S
Josh Kardon is a graduate of Fox's School oi Mixology
and bar manager at Harrison's on franklin Street.
, (i ii vil
-
W Ti 1 1 ' 1 ii 1 ,11 I
Art by Tom Westarp
m iff a
tr-
s c O
Ti :Cziiy Tar Heel
Support iho
Sli) If
IMAGINE TYPING YOUR THESIS
OR DISSERTATION ONLY. ONCE!
The Electric Typist is a word processor. It
is ideal for any document which is likely to
need revision. For second drafts, only the
changes have to be entered into the com
puter; it then prints out the next text. So
the second draft takes little time and
costs much less. v
Charges are based on time: cost is
$15.00hr. First draft will run $1.50 to $2.00
per page. Second drafts will run 15 to 50.
Most second drafts can be ready the day
after you give us the changes you want.
For further information, call 942-1067.
i :
EWMG SARPEN RESTAURANT
Chinese Cuisine At Its Very Best
CD
DAILY LUNCH SPECIAL
All Lunches Served With Choice of Soup, Fried Rice or Steam
"v--'.'"v. Rice :
We Also Serve; Regular Menu At Lunch Time
1. Chicken Chow Mein
2. Shrimp Chow Mein
3: Peking Garden Chow Mein ,
4. Sweet and Sour Chicken
5. Beef with Green Pepper
6. Roast Pork with Vegetable
7. Sweet and Sour Pork
8. Egg Foo Young
9. Beef Curry Sauce with Steam Rice -
10. Shrimp in Lobster Sauce
11. Chicken with Almond .
12. Pork with Hot Garlic Sauce (Hot!) .
13; Vegetarian Delight ;
14. Kung Pao Beef (Hot!) '
To Celebrate Our 5th Anniversary. A Complimentary Dessert Is Provided At Dinner
Time With Main Entree.
1404 E. Franklin St. LUNCH: 11 am-2 pm SAT & SUN 12-2:30 pm
Chapel Hill 942-1613 ' ., DINNER: 5-10 pm Daily '
WITH WITHOUT
EGG ROLL EGG ROLL
3.25 2.40
" 3.25 2.40
3.25 ; , 2.40
3.25 ' 2.40
3.25 ' 2.40
3.25 2.40
3.25 " - . 2.40
3.25 . " 2.40
3.25. 2.40 .
4.25 3.40
3.25 ' 2.40
3.25 . 2.40
3.25 2.40
3.25 , 2.40
WEEK OF
SEPT. 19
The Porthole Picks 4lie ACC
A Weekly Feature Predicting The Outcome
Of The Week's ACC Football Games.
"We Know More About Good Food
Than We Do About Football
Tradition Cjncct04
Georgia's got the edge at home
GEORGIA OVER CLEMSON by 4
Poor Duke
SOUTH CAROLINA OVER DUKE by 14
No venom left in these yellow jackets
FLORIDA OVER GEORGIA TECH by 14
This should be a dull game.
MARYLAND OVER WEST VIRGINIA by 10
UNC should have little trouble
UNC OVER f.HAf.'l OF OHIO by 28
That should be a close one
N.C. STATE OVER ECU by 1
Wouldn't bet on this game - V
VIRGINIA OVER RUTGERS by 1
The Deacons will take it to the wire but come up short
AUBURN OVER WAKE FOREST by 3
Serving Daily 11:30.2:00, 5:00-0:00; Home Game Sat., Lunch 11:30-12:30 Up The Alley Across Fron NCN3 942-2177
Spotlight. September 17. 1981