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By RANDY WALKER
' A friend of mine swears by his favorite
beer. He says other brands make him barf.
Well, maybe he can teil the difference, but
they all taste alike to me. To help other
tasteless oafs out there, I have developed
three rules for choosing beers.
Rule No. 1: Never pay more than $2 for a
six-pack. When you buy a national brand,
you're paying for the name the national
advertising, the in-store promotion, the ex
pensive packaging. Break out three bills only
in extreme emergency:
Rule No. 2: Bottles are better. Canned
beer has a nasty metallic taste even I can de
tect Besides, I'd rather kiss a smooth round
bottle mouth than a sharp metal slit But if
you have to buy cans, steel is more honor
able than alumninum.
The third rule, and this should be laugh
ably obvious: No real man drinks "light"
beer.
With these points in mind, lef s look at the
cheap beer candidates on the Chapel Hill
market
Red, White & Blue. "The Beer With The
Natural American Taste" is "brewed from
premium American ingredients." RWB re
cently changed their honorable 1800's style
label to a slick, computerized one that is out
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of sync with their image., You gotta hate that
Black Label. This "Canadian style" beer
tastes about as Canadian as Red, White &
Blue. Aptly named, Black Label is brewed by
the G. Heileman Co., up-and-coming cheapo
beer kings.
Iron City. If I were a 250-pound machine
parts welder in some grimly lost Pittsburgh
Support the
March of Dimes
KSSZZSBiSCTH DEFECTS FOUNDATION
factory, I'd come home every night, shower,
make love to my wife, plant myself in front
of the TV and drink 24 steel cans of Iron City
Beer.
Red, White & Blue, Black Label and Iron
City are the Chapel Hill standbys. One of the
three is always on sale at Fowler's or A&P, in
bottles, for $1.59 or $1.65.
"Naturally Light" Goebel costs about
$1.85. They don't make it in bottles. Need I
say more?
Beer. Harris-Teeter and A&P seel Beer,
which is really Falstaff, usually for $1 .69.
You gotta respect the industrial black-on-.
white logo.
Cost-cutter is Kroger's contribution to the
econo-beer world. Cost-cutter is really Beer,
which is really Falstaff. Check out the cost
cutting scissors logo and the puke green can.
Invariably $1.69. -
Many sub-$2 beers not sold regularly in
Chapel Hill deserve mention.
National Bohemian Beer is the national
beer of bohemians. A favorite in the Chesa
peak Bay area the "Land of Pleasant Liv
ing" . National Bo is brewed by the same
people who make Black Label, and is identi
cal to BL except for the mystic Indian in
scriptions on the Bo bottle.
Piels Draft Style. They used to call it Piels
Real Draft but the government made them
stop. I used to buy Real Draft for $1.29 in
Richmond, Va. I have heard that Piels sells"
for 99 cents in Massachusetts, but this must
be regarded as no more than a rumor until
somebody confirms it.
Ortlieb's. On the carton it says. Try Joe's
Beer. Just who Joe is remains a mystery.
Old Style. Imported from Wisconsin.
Widemann. Pronounced WEED-a-mun.
Blatz is regular beer plus water. You gotta
like their name, which sounds like somebody
puking, and their bizarre triangular logo.
They use cheap glue on the labels; you can
peel 'em off and stick 'em on your car.
Randy Walker is a staff writer for The Daily
Tar Heel.
L7
BfRGAIN MATINEES
$2.00 DAILY TILL 8 PM
2:15 4:40 7:05 9:35
Richard Gere
An Officer
and a Gentleman (R)
LAST DAY!
3:15 5:15 7:15 9:15
ADULTS $2.00 ALL TIMES!
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DOLBY STEREO
Star Trek II:
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PLAZA LATE SHOWS FRI-SAT-$2.00
Pink Floyd The Wall (R) 12:00
Rocky Horror Picture Show (R) 12:05
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STARTS FRIDAY,
SEPT. 17
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STARTS FRIDAY, SEPT. 17! 3:20 5:20 7:20 9:20 12:00
IN
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DOLBY STEREO
Weekend, September 76, 1982
5