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ITQSdlDGsiDTl fi)lX HOO G-ET LETTER? I TMTS fsl I ID l-TTT" too! f I a I X ! 1. 1 llij 'j TdDOtfDaOTlC Dy DEMISE SMITHERMAN Staff Writer When UNC student Bill Bruton returns home to Charlotte, he may be unfamiliar with the topics his parents discuss at dinner. But his girlfriend under stands them. She lives in Charlotte and often visits his parents. Like many UNC students, Bruton is involved in a long-distance romance. The most difficult part is not sharing day-to-day experiences, says Bruton, a Morrison residence assist ant. "They don't see you just after a test or when something bad happens and you need someone to talk to." Bonds with other people can fill this gap, Bruton says. Long-distance partners also can relate experien ces over the telephone. This often causes problems, however, because the partner gets a second-hand account of emotions, he says. "You get into repeating feelings to someone who cares the most about it." Some people can maintain long-distance romances, while others can not handle the extra stresses, says Dr. John Reinhold, a senior clinical social worker at Student Mental Health. "Some people can really handle putting off needs," he says. "Some people are too dependent." Partners in a long-distance relationship need to communicate well, Reinhold says. They also should make regular, dependable plans to see each other. While the partners look forward to seeing each other, they should be careful not expect too much from the time together, Bruton warns. People re-enter relationships differently, Reinhold says. One person may be welcoming and ready to reu nite immediately, while the other needs an hour or even a few days to adjust. This difference may create tension the partners misinterpret as incompatibility, he says. . Couples need to understand the expectations in their long-distance romances, Bruton says. Couples should know whether dating others or going on "friendly dates" is acceptable and even if slow dancing is a no-no but burning up the floor to Chaka Khan is OK. Often partners won't ask these questions or deter mine guidelines for fear of offending the other person. Yet these issues, if not addressed, may lead to prob lems later in the relationship, Bruton says. Trial and error often determines what works in a relationship, Reinhold says. Sometimes people become uncomfortable with behavior they originally considered acceptable, he says. n J co)nipu allways The Daily Tar Heel Wednesday, November 13, 19853 fl (USD "The key," Bruton says, "is not worrying about the person. If you have a strong relationship, it's going to stay. Accept ,the time you have together." Don Wright, a freshman from Mount Airy, says his long-distance romance is working well. His girl friend is a high school senior in his hometown. "Laura and my parents get along very well, and they realize that when I come home I also come to see Laura," Wright says. "Since we live so far apart, we -don't get tired of each other and we value the time that we do have together." Dating someone who lives far away is sometimes lonely or frustrating, but it also has advantages. Kim Hedgepeth has dated her boyfriend, who lives in Raleigh, for more than four years. A junior nursing . major from Morehead City, she says she feels bad when her friends conveniently meet their boyfriends for dinner, but realizes the separation has some advantages. "Since he's not here," she says, "I work extra hard so during the weekends I won have to do anything." If a couple survives the ups and downs of dating long distance, she adds, the relationship probably will survive other obstacles, as well. It is good for a couple to spend time apart, Bruton says. "You get to grow a lot and see what's important to you. You can develop the friendship aspect better." When partners are apart, he says, they can write let ters expressing opinions they might have altered if they could see each other's reactions. Separated partners also feel less sexual pressure and allow time specifically to talk with each other, he says. When a relationship becomes long-distance, Rein hold says, the individuals have more space. They are released from feeling responsible for another person on a daily basis and encouraged to cope with prob lems they never had to deal with before, he says. Long-distance relationships also let each person dis cover how much autonomy he or she prefers. But dis covering that each prefers a different amount of inde pendence may cause problems. . "It doesn't mean they don't care about each other," Reinhold says. "But if one decides, 4Hey, this isn't too bad a deal,' then the other may begin to have doubts." " Couples should realize a long-distance relationship takes extra work, Reinhold says. "Two people have to be capable of maintaining a commitment and working at it," he says. "Know your self: Can you sustain the commitment, or do you need the reinforcement of the other person?" Too... DWAT DIP C(OQ Sjpealkeir advocates world govern mraeimtt By JILL GERBER Staff Writer World peace can only be achieved through the establishment of an inter national government and law, said Tom Hudgens, vice-president of the national World Federalist Association, during an informal gathering in the Student Union Monday. The purpose of a world government is to control conflicts between nations while preserving their status as self sufficient bodies, said Hudgens,. author of the4OQk Let's AbolishWar. t "The whole concept of a world federation is to allow each country to have whatever economic system it wants, or whatever culture," he said. "Each nation would have just enough military power to maintain internal control. "As it is now, every nation in the world has the right to do whatever it wants to settle disputes with other nations. What we're saying is that they should not have those rights." Hudgens said the world today was operating under the ineffective United Nations just as the United States was operating under the disorganized Arti cles of Confederation in 1785. "There was just as much chaos in the 13 colonies as there is in the world today," he said. "We (the World Federalists) feel that in this world, we are living under the Articles of Con federation, except we call it the United Nations." The United Nation's establishment in 1945 was a large step in forming a world government, but the body became weak before it had any effect, said Hudgens, a retired United Airlines pilot. "Our belief is that the United Nations must be strengthened and given the power to do what it was designed to . do, when .first formed," he aid. --.Hudgens, said-Presidents John., F. Kennedy wanted the United Nations to abolish arms, to achieve world law and to be a "world securities system." "I really feel that if Kennedy lived, we'd have a stronger United Nations than we have today," he said. Hudgens said there were nine nations today with stipulations in their consti tutions saying they had the right to join a world government if one developed. The nations include Japan, West Germany, France, Belgium and Nor way, but not the United States, he said. The concept of an international federation is not new, although it has been more popular in the past eight years, he said. Proponents of the concept have included Albert Einstein, Ulysses S. Grant, Harry S. Truman, Gen. Douglas MacArthur and Golda Meir, he said. Hudgens urged the audience to write congressmen about the global concept and r to join prganizations designed to sxlve.worid:disputes. iT: ..rT; .;..,! - "We are convinced that we are the only solution that anyone has come up with at this time," he said. "We can abolish war and we must abolish war." 6Duke queen9 to arownchairky By RACHEL ORR Staff Writer Duke fans at Kenan Memorial Stadium Nov. 23 might be surprised during halftime to see a UNC student crowned the 1985 Duke Homecoming queen. The UNC Marching Tar Heels are sponsoring a contest to select a Duke Homecoming queen in an effort to raise money for the Ronald McDonald Children's Home of Chapel Hill. Voting will be held next Monday, Nov. 18 through Friday, Nov. 22 from 10 a.m. until 2Jp.m: in the Pit.' The band is charging five cents for each vote cast: " ,? ' ' The candidate with the most votes will be crowned Duke's 1985 Homecoming queen and receive $50 during halftime of the UNC-Duke football game. Last year, the band raised about $500 for the Ronald McDonald Children's Home by sponsoring a biggest redneck on campus contest for the football game against N.C. State. Students interested in running for queen should pick up an application at the Union desk. Applications and a $5 entrance fee must be returned to the Union desk no later than 3:30 p.m. Friday, Nov. 15. Contestants must report to the band office in the Student Union between 3:30 and!4:30"p.m.'Friday'for' a" picture-taking session The7 photos r will 'be' 'placed bn a poster designed to aid students in voting, so candidates should dress accordingly. March of Dimes C3 BIRTH DEFECTS FOUNDATION C3 SAVES BABIES HELP FIGHT BIRTH DEFECTS EDUCATIONAL COTTER LTD. TEST PREMfUTION SPECIALISTS SNCE 1938 Call Days. Eves & Weekends 2634 Chapel Hill Blvd. Suite 112 Durham, NjC 27707 919489-8720; 489-2348 ftnranMt Ctnrtrj in Mori Than 125 Mqor U.S. Crtw I Abroad HAIR FOREVER 106 Henderson St 2nd Floor above Hectors 967-COTS (2887) NGJIS SPECIALS 20 OFF HAIRCUTS Mon-Sat Evening Appointment Available Expires 11-16-85, Bring Coupon 09.75 (reg. 81550) with selected stylist Tr0tt5 t)xwfcm 003311 ijsb itsnGiaai (Hill) (3Mn 1Mb (to G&l S3) f mrnmrn m mmmm All Yoo Can Eat am-10 am 7 days a week Doughnuts, toast, homemade biscuits, Apple, cherry and blueberry turnovers, scrambled eggs, milk gravy, bacon, sausage, grits, hashbrowns, pancakes, waffles, omelettes, fruit 00 -J Diners 157 E. Rosemary 967-5727 Carte Blanche VISA George McGovern discusses HUMAN RIGHTS IN THE EIGHTIES Sunday, November 1 7 8:00, Memorial Hall A presentation of the Carolina Union Forum f 0AIKVAJI Committee for Human Rights Week fr ' - rnn nr 5! 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Daily Tar Heel (Chapel Hill, N.C.)
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Nov. 13, 1985, edition 1
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