1
10The Daily Tar Heel Thursday, April 17, 1986
(Jar mnl
94th year of editorial freedom
I ' -- : ' .
Meanwhile, back at the ranch
Envision a bar, lit only by a portable
black and white television. Slouched
before it are two old friends debating
the merits of Hollywood's mentality over
a few cold drafts.
You know Bobby Ewing's coming
back to 'Dallas on the last show of the
season.
How can he? Nobody could have
survived the hit he took when Catherine
nailed him with her car. Then everybody
saw his heartbeat line go flat. And they
keep showing his gravesite.
Maybe so, but you didn't see him
die. You didn't see his funeral. And he
wasn't hit that hard.
How can you not be hit that hard
by a speeding car? Ill grant you that
Patrick Duffy is returning to the show,
but not as Bobby. And I don't care what
you say
He has to play Bobby. He is
Bobby! They wouldn't bring him back
to the show to play anyone else because
they could get someone else to play
whatever role they have in mind for
much less money. Let me tell you my
theory. The show's hurting, right? It was
bad enough when Jock died, and then
they got Donna Reed to play Miss Ellie.
But then Bobby . . . Look at them now!
Disgusting scenes of J.R. fawning over
John Ross! Deaf kids abused by orphan
ages! Rip-offs of "Romancing the
Stone!"
Bobby's dead, and that's that. How
Do your duty,
Procrastinators waited until Tuesday
to begin that annual fun-filled ritual that
brings more Americans together in spirit
than any other federal holiday. They
claimed exemptions, affixed address
labels, crammed 1040s in envelopes and
rushed to the post office. Even if they
procrastinated filing their tax returns
until after post offices officially closed,
taxpayers could take returns to stores
qualified to give that precious April 15
postmark. Most Americans did their
patriotic duty, giving the government
money to spend in the future.
Now Congress has put off the pro
crastinators and everybody else. The
United States also faced an April 15
deadline to observe not to figure out
how much they owed, but what it would
do with the revenue it had. In short,
Congress was to have approved the fiscal
1987 budget by Tuesday. They hadn't
even been debating one.
President Reagan properly berated
Congress for its lack of responsibility:
"While millions of Americans will be
meeting their obligation to their govern
ment, it appears that once again Con
gress is not going to meet its obligation
to the American people."
Few congressmen publicly worried
about missing the deadline. William
Gray, D-Pa., chairman of the House
Budget Committee, eemed to accept
matter-of-factly that Congress would
not meet its self-imposed deadline:
Say goodbye to the Turtle Wax girl
Oh, it's hot. The shirt has to come off.
The spray of the garden hose makes a
tinking noise at the bottom of the pail. Dunk
the sponge in the foam and slop a generous
portion of suds on the hood, soaking in those
rays while scrubbin' and rinshV to the beat
of the rap, until alas, the fenders and grill
burst with that blinding gleam.
Man gets a little boost when admiring the
shine of his fine-tuned machine. You can tell
by the way he drives. He sits straight in his
seat with that cheesy grin on his face and
cruises slowly to nowhere in particular.
But do-it-your-selfers beware of an ugly,
nasty trick that some greedy people are going
to play on you. It's such a cheap shot that
it could strip this Saturday afternoon ritual
from American culture.
Starting May 1, the International Carwash
Association and the National Carwash
Council will air commercials urging car
owners to halt washing cars by hand. The
ads call owners their "car's worst enemy," and
they support such claims with proven
"university findings." In one ad they claim:
"The paint panels we ran through our mock
up carwash suffered less damage in terms of
gloss loss and scratching than the panels we
washed using five different handwashing
techniques."
Can't you sec those guys scouring with
Brillo pads and Comet cleanser in their
"handwashing techniques," smirking with
Jim Ya)K. Uitor
Randy Faiimi-r. ai..; iuitr
Stuart Tonkinson. Assm-uu- Editor
CiRANT Parsons, University Editor
Bryan cIatis, n Editor
Kl-RSTIN COYLI:, City Editor
Jll.l. C;i:RB1:R, Stale and National Editor
Scott Fowler, sports Editor
1)i:nisi: Smithlrman. E natures Editor
ROBERT KLL:FE, Business Editor
EUYAMJHELUIN. Arts Editor
DAN CHARLSON, Photography Editor
can he possibly be alive?
Try this. Bobby couldn't choose
between Pam and Jenna Wade, and who
could? So Bobby decided to take some
time off, get away from it all and figure
out which one he wanted to marry.
Here we go again, just when I
thought this editorial had some semb
lance of reason. Bobby had already
decided to remarry Pam.
Jenna had a wiretap in Pam's
bedroom. And when she realized Bobby
and Pam were getting back together, she
took matters into her own hands and
. . . decided to turn him into a zombie
for her own personal use. She got the
doctor to fake Bobby's death. So when
everyone thought she was losing her
marbles, she really knew Bobby was still
alive.
IVe got an idea. Why don't we ask
them what they think Patrick Duffy will
do on "Dallas?"
Them? You mean ...
Yes, the readers, we'll just
announce a (drum roll, please) . . .
Daily Tar Heel contest: If you think
ybu know what Patrick Duffy is doing
back at Southfork, send us your hum
rous, creative explanation of 400 words
or less, typed and triple-spaced on a 60
space line. The deadline is Monday at
noon, and the best entry will be pub
lished Tuesday. Employees of The Daily
Tar Heel and their relatives are not
eligible. Thank you for your support.
Congress
'What happened last year? What hap
pened the year before?" According to
Missouri Republican Sen. John Dan-
forth, "What else is new?"
What's new, of course, is the Gramm
Rudman balanced-budget law Congress
passed last fall. Under Gramm-Rudman,
Congress must balance spending with
revenue by 1991. Clear spending limits
must be imposed on the federal govern
ment in the preceding years. Obviously,
spending limits on a budget can't be
enacted if there is no budget.
Naturally, congressmen are uneasy
about going on record supporting cuts
in federal programs cuts they fear
could cost them votes. By not approving
a budget, Congress is able to vote
piecemeal on programs, diluting the
effect of these cuts. Part of the intent
of Gramm-Rudman, however, was to
remove some of the electoral pressure
on congressmen by setting limits.
Federal spending cuts must now be made
because it's the law. But congressmen
apparently are still worried about
antagonizing voters.
If Congress really feels strongly about
the Gramm-Rudman measures, it would
enact them. Putting off tough decisions
beyond legal deadlines might help a
politician keep voters' support, but it
does nothing to solve the problems
created by a monstrous budget deficit.
It's time for congressmen to bite the
bullet and do what they promised.
Tho Ccsrn Lino
each rub? Do you think they really washed
these "paint panels" with the same TLC you
use when spiffin' up your '65 Mustang fire
engine-red convertible? Or even your 74
Datsun Honey Bee? C'mon, guys.
These ads threaten to deflate the images
of American guys everywhere who are
personally responsible for at least part of their
car's upkeep. How could guys fix up their
wheels if they didn't wash and wax? Besides,
how could they burn off that nervous energy
before hot weekend dates?
Oh, and what about all the girl scout troops
and church youth groups that would have to
cancel their beach trip weekends because they
couldn't have their fund-raising carwashes?
There would be a bare spot on the garage
wall where the Turtle Wax poster girl used
to hang. Armor-All would go bankrupt. The
grass would have to be mowed more often.
Wait. Did you hear? Mow grass more often.
No more excuses when Dad pulls the Lawn
Boy out of the garage. Real work. No more
squirting your little brother and sister while
jammin' to the carwash beat. Just hot sweaty,
summer work.
And that's one bottom line America just
couldn't handle.
-T.C.
Lotolbying Washington for
I wanted to pick a major that I thought would
be useful to something 1 might want to be
doing in the next 20 years. I started getting
worked up over what I wanted to do with my
life, so I would know what to decide and declare.
One thought kept on intruding what difference
did it make, did anything make, if the world
blows up when I'm 30 or 50, or even 21?
Wouldn't it be futile if I decided to teach and
all the children died before they realized that
they learned? Or if I wrote a novel of social
reform, would there be time for the evolution?
Even if I became a bum (or remained one) my
own death would be snatched from me early.
I marvel that this doesn't occur to everyone. I
know that not everyone is concerned about the
fate of mankind, but surely all these "products
of the 70s" care about their own fate.
We have enough bombs to blow up Earth 70
times. Everybody knows that, but I think once
is enough. Even if you believe that mutual assured
destruction will keep the United States and the
Soviet Union from erasing each other with
explosives, accidents will happen. But there's
only one in a billion chance, they say. One in
a billion what? Seconds? 1 don't want to be a
"silent partner in someone else's mistake."
So, I could take off and go meet the Great
Peace March where they are now in Las Vegas,
walking to Washington to make the group grow
and show that the United States feels. It seems
more realistic or at least reasonable to stay in
Good terrorism?
To the editor:
Well, Americans and their "lea
ders" are coming down from their
orgasm of delight over the attack
on Libya. And it looks like Col.
Khadafy has finally met his match.
I'd say he and Reagan make a
pretty good match, in fact.
I'm personally still a little
confused about this terrorism
business, though, even after Secre
tary of State George Shultz' and
Defense Secretary Caspar Wein
berger's explanations. The way 1
understand it, if someone we don't
like bombs a civilian target, and
American property or lives are
lost, that's terrorism. But if we hire
a bunch of thugs to go into
Nicaragua to bomb civilian
targets, and Nicaraguan property
or lives are lost, that's freedom
fighting.
Is the difference that we don't
like Nicaraguans? Or is that
American property and lives count
more than other countries'? Or is
it just that we're hiring it to be
done in Nicaragua, while Kha
dafy's using other incentives?
I thought there was something
wrong with me when I didn't feel
a surge of pride at the news of
our attack on Libya. And I started
to really get worried when, instead
of having a deep feeling of
increased personal security, I felt
a chill of apprehension and shame.
I guess that's what Republicans
call "wimpiness."
1 think 1 could understand the
logic behind this attack easier if
I could do what the warden in
"Cool Hand Luke" told all his
prisoners they had to do what
Luke never could. That is, if I
could only "get my mind right."
President Reagan has got his
mind right, and so do Shultz and
Weinberger. And it looks like
most of Congress and the Amer
ican people have got their minds
right. But it seems as if a lot of
Europeans haven't gotten their
minds right yet.
These people have to realize
they just don't count as much as
Americans. And they have to
come to terms With the subtleties
involved in terrorism. America
can't stand by and let every third
rate "mad-dog" and his brother
bomb our people and property.
So, by God, well show 'em what
real terrorism is!
Some of the more wimpy
members of Congress (i.e., Demo
crats) and a whole bunch of wimpy
European politicians (i.e., commie
sympathizers) have expressed
concern that we acted hastily and
that we didn't exhaust political
and diplomatic means for dealing
with Khadafy. They all seem to
think the attack will probably just
Liberalization an unsettling experience
I feel a struggle deep within my skull. Beyond
the level of consciousness, at the core of my
mind's essence everything that makes me
who I am a conflict rages. Two forces battle
for control of my awareness and my perceptions.
The fight already has begun to affect the way
I see the world.
People I used to consider moderates now
appear to be conservatives. What were liberals
a year ago seem like moderates now. The
Communists I wanted to ship out on a one-way
trip to Moscow apparently have come around
to a sensible, American (albeit left-wing) way
of thinking. Many of the conservatives I used
to agree with, however, have somehow wandered
off into the border of sanity, as if to see who
this LaRouche fellow really is close up.
1 no longer have wild urges to whip off a letter
to Accuracy in Academia when one of my
professors mutters, "In case you haven't noticed,
Reagan is hopeless." I don't become incensed
when my teachers use their classes as a
springboard for professing some offbeat,
obviously socialist doctrine instead of discussing
the Wife of Bath or the supply and demand curve.
In fact, many of my professors have developed
quite a sharp political wit.
JairtiQ Framo
Guest Writer
school and work on myself, learn more about
what's going on before I go try to change the
world. Or 1 could take off just this Thursday,
miss classes for one day, and go to Washington
to talk to my congressman and senators about
what I'm concerned about and how I feel . . .
at least until I get a therapist to talk about these
things.
There will be 800 other students there from
all over the country at the same time doing the
same thing, so 1 know 1 will be heard. And what
are we going to say to our representatives at
the Capitol? We will ask them not to vote for
first-strike weapons for if it is only defense
we need, what are we going to do with offensive
weapons? That forces the other side to wonder
about our motives, thus making unstable
conditions. We will push for the comprehensive
test ban treaty. And we will request that spending
for Strategic Defense Initiative be directed
toward something else. Anything else.
Maybe a scholarship for people like me,
because "Star Wars" won't work. All this is called
lobbying. If you think you don't know enough
about national defense to go talk to someone
ql C
& ft m i M f9 rfcpjn
Tte. President waighs his Libya options.
make things worse as far as
terrorism is concerned. And they
probably are right.
Why, I can think of at least one
thing that mightVe worked. How
about a wrestling match between
"Mad Dog Khadafy" and "Mo'
Ron Reagan"? It could be held in
Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas, and
the proceeds could help reduce the
deficit. That seems to me like
something that would appeal to
Mr. Reagan's finely honed sense
of show biz. But I guess this week
he's watching old war movies
instead of wrestling.
Well. IH keep trying to get my
mind right. But I don't know if
it'll work. Somehow I still think
I'd prefer a Caesar's Palace match
between Mad Dog and Mo' Ron
to blasting a lot of Libyan and
Nicaraguan civilians. And 1 don't
think 111 ever really understand
why our terrorism is good, and
their terrorism is bad.
JOHN COOK
Graduate
City and Regional Planning
wanted to renew my acquaintance
with some of the campus food
service workers whom I had come
to know years ago, when I was
researching my master's thesis on
the workers' strike in 1969, when
the University managed the food
service. From two separate sour
ces, I heard the same clear mes
sage. From Giddings, about the
historical circumstances that black
women continue to confront:
"We've been here before." From
food workers who have served
UNC students for years, about
their present working conditions:
"The same as in 1969, only worse."
What the food workers told me
was not a casual account of their
dissatisfaction. They documented
a history of disrespectful treatment
by their present employer, ARA.
If the workers have suffered, so
has the service provided UNC
students.
One of the lessons the Univer
sity learned in 1969 was that it did
not want to run the food service
itself. Another lesson, reluctantly
learned, was that what the employ
ers were saying about poor work
ing conditions was true. The
University, as it now negotiates a
new contract with a private firm,
again seems to have made little
attempt to view the food-service
operation from the workers' per
spective. Can it responsibly ignore
what those workers are saying?
DEREK WILLIAMS
Chairman, History Department
Phillips Academy
Andover, Mass.
Tar Heel's return
To the editor:
Having grown up in North
Carolina, I was delighted to have
the opportunity recently to spend
a week's vacation here. But history
would not allow me to merely
relax in the warm sunshine of an
early spring.
Noticing the announcement of
the UNC symposium on Black
Women's Leadership, I wanted to
attend some of the lectures, par
ticularly one by Paula Giddings,
whose book "When and Where I
Enter" I had just used in a race
relations seminar I teach. Also, I
Guy Lucas
Staff Writer
For weeks, probably longer, I just didn't get
it. I couldn't understand why I was the one island
of ideological stability in a world drifting ever
further to the right. The horrid realization came
to me when I started discussing political issues
with a liberal. Democratic, feminist friend of
mine, and we agreed on a lot of things. We agreed
on so much, in fact, that 1 experienced a severe
identity crisis.
Nothing in this world can so unsettfe a person
as realizing, late at night, alone, in the dark,
with only the hushed whirring of a fan to keep
you company, that you've changed, slowly,
inexorably, politically that you're becoming
(gasp) a liberal.
I'm not there yet, and I've appealed to my
roommate for help, but he really doesn't take
me seriously. He grins and chuckles like I'm
joking when I say, "Brent, I think I'm becoming
a liberal. You've got to stop me." But I'm not
a better world
in a position of authority about it (not necessarily
an authority on it), there is no better way to
learn. You don't even need to talk; you can sit
in Sen. John East's office and listen to other
people speak with him. You can hear his views
and the arguments for and against them. By
sitting in the office and letting yourself be seen,
your voice is heard. You know what you believe,
even if you don't always trust yourself in
conveying why. Last year, I talked to my
congressman from Connecticut, and he took me
to eat ice cream in the House of Representatives
dining room. I didn't change his mind about
building MX missiles, because the factory is in
our district. But he listened to me and I listened
to him, and now he knows how one more voter
feels about how he votes.
In writing this, I haven't laid out every point
on every issue you learn a lot more of that
on the trip. I am only trying to give the basic
reasons why I'm urging you to participate in
National Student Lobby Day this Thursday,
when Students Taking Action for Nuclear
Disarmament go to Washington to see and learn
by experience. Washington also has some fine
restaurants and some of the East Coast's best
shopping.
For more information about lobbying, contact
the Campus Y.
Jamie Frame is a sophomore interdisciplinary
studies major from Westport, Conn.
Nice trend
To the editor:
I have noticed a new trend in
the Daily Tar Heel and 1 am
writing to encourage it. In the past,
campus events were covered on the
inside pages in reviews by staff
members. Several times 1 have
thought, "That sounds like fun,"
only to find that the dance troupe
only gave one performance or the
speaker has long since departed.
Although the events were adver
tised ahead of time, just a speaker's
name or an event title did not tell
me if it would be something
interesting or fun to see.
Recently, I've seen articles
about speakers before they appear
on campus, such as Jean Lutes'
front-page story on Harlan Ellison
("Versatile author to speak can
didly at Symposium tonight,"
April 4). At his Memorial Hall
speech later that day, I spent two
enjoyable hours laughing at the
this short man in "Miami Vice"
clothes ramble on about William
Shatner, Merv Griffin and People
magazine. I am willing to bet that
most of the 700 people there read
about Ellison's speech in the paper
also.
Reviews are great, but they
mean little to me if I haven't seen
the performance or will never get
a chance to see it. Thanks for the
advance notices!
HEATHER POWELL
. Sophomore
Biology
joking, and one day he may be sorry. One day
hell look back and say, "I could Ve saved him."
Hell feel enormous guilt and, under the strain,
hell kill himself. Hell leave behind a tear
drenched note asking for forgiveness. All because
he didn't take me seriously back in college.
I don't know how this trend started. Maybe
it's part of the "liberalizing" process of college.
Maybe the strain of college has made me a cynic,
questioning everything and not quite believing
any of it. More than likely it's chemical
experiments by the Army. Whatever the reason,
it's got me scared. What if 1 cant have kids after
this?
But there's still hope. 1 still oppose a tax
increase. I still think Daniel Ortega is crud. At
times I can easily envision the Soviet Union as
an evil empire. An inept, economically crippled,
hopeless evil empire, but still . . . And I still
disagree with those of my friends who believe
Ronald Reagan is senile. So I'm not beyond
saving.
Just the same, I have this crazy urge to spend
monev.
Guy Lucas is a junior journalism major from
Greensboro.