Newspapers / Daily Tar Heel (Chapel … / Jan. 15, 1987, edition 1 / Page 12
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10The Daily Tar Heel Thursday, Janaury 15, 1987 ..IJfllllUJJI Guess who's playing doctor? Richard Pryor f 1 1 is in Condition ' v ( s J- J- WE ARE GIVING AWAY A TRIP FOR TWO TO FLORIDA New donors qualify for an extra $5.00 BONUS with this ad. Regular Donors can earn up to $1 20 per month Call for details: 942-0251 SERA-TEC 109 E Franklin St. ID if ,e 6 V A comedy of epidemic proportions. STARTS TOMORROW AT Only A Dream? Let Sera-Tec Make It A Reality! DI010GICALS 942-0251 '7:ofr.A.)(lf.;.)6. Rick "The Nerd" Moranis speaks with Audrey II, the Venus people-trap in "Little Shop of Horrors" Just sick about sickness Would somebody please tell those guys in Dee Cee to stop writin' about Ronnie's gizzards? If I said that stuff at the dinner table, my mama would slap me nekkid. IVe got to where 1 won't pick up the paper until I have it dusted for "polyp-removal" and most terrifying of all "colon flushing." Why couldn't he have some DECENT disease, like permanent brain damage? Until the Bethesda Naval Hospital gets him all cleaned ( up, emptied out, flushed, drained, -i lanced and sucked dry, I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT IT! Is that I understood? Are you listenin' to me? Right here is a list of EXACTLY what I don't wanna hear about: 1 . 1 do NOT want any descriptions of how they inserted a tube with "an electrified loop" through Ronnie's uretha"to "scrape away the enlarged prostate tissue." This sounds like they bent a coat hanger, held it over a match, and said, "Close your eyes now, Mr. President." 2. I do NOT want to know about his "colonoscopy." I don't know what a colonoscopy is, but it sounds like something very slimy that drips. 3. I do NOT want to hear about "intestinal polyps" that GROW. 4. I do NOT want to hear about "the two feet of large intestine removed by doctors in 1985." How come ever' single one of these articles has to talk about "the two feet of large intestine removed by doctors in 1985?" Listen to me: It's GONE. It's DEAD. We CANT GET IT BACK. It went in the garbage disposal! Stop talkin' about it. Forget it. He can USE WHAT HE'S GOT. 5. 1 do NOT want to hear about how all Ronnie's disgusting problems are "common to older men." We do NOT have to think about this until our own gizzards get gummed up. We do NOT have to know this is gonna happen to us. We can EAT WHAT WE WANT. So stop it. Just stop it. Speaking of disgusting squashed up vegetable matter, "Little Shop of Horrors" is back, up on .the screen- after 26 years, and all the yups are JQ3 Gob Criggs At the Drive-In goin' to see it at the wimpola Kleenex-box indoor-bullstuff shoppin'-mall 15-plex matchboxes, and they didn't even invite Dick Miller OR Jack Nicholson back to be in the new one. Anyhow, what they did is they took the classic by Drive-In King Roger Corman, the lowest budget movie ever made, shot in two days, and they put music to it and hired some gratuitous back up singers and built a giant people eating fly-trap that sings exactly like the lead singer of the Four Tops and hired Steve Martin to be the evil leather-biker dentist and replaced Jack Nicholson with Bill Murray as the guy who LOVES the dentist's office and hired Rick Moranis to be Seymour Krelborn, the nerd gar dener, and what do you got? Plant Fu. This is the old story of the total eclipse of the sun that causes a Mean Green Mother From Outer Space to take the shape of a plant, manipulate Seymour into feeding it blood, and become the talk-show sensation of New York City. 'Course, once that happens, it needs fresh red meat, so Seymour has to chop up a dentist and stuff it down the plant's throat to win the love of Audrey, the blond bimbo who talks like a room deod orizer. What makes this version great, though, is the TUNES. Best drive-in musical of the 'SOs. No breasts. Two dead bodies. Three quarts blood. Exploding plant. Chopped dentist chomping. Gratui tous John Candy. Remake Fu. Drive-In Academy Award nomina tions for Ellen Greene, as Audrey, for singing "I know Seymour's the greatest, but I'm dating a semi sadist;" Steve Martin, as Orin Scri vello, D.D.S., for the songl Am a Dentist;" Levi Stubbs, as The Plant, for singin' "the guy sure looks like plant food to me;" Frank Oz, the director, for being the voice'of Miss Piggy; and Kick Moranis as "Sey .... 3 mour, for sayin'"But I don't KNOW anyone that deserves to be chopped up and fed to a hungry plant" and "This is between me and the veget able." Four stars. Video Release of the Week: "The Dean Martin Show" ( 1965): They put Dino's very first show out on video, so you can see 1) 15 drunk jokes in the first two minutes, 2) Dino singin' "Houston," 3) Bob Newhart doin' Superman tryin' to get his suit back from the cleaners, 4) Joey Heather ton in hot pants and go-go boots, boppin' around the stage with two swishy guys, 5) surprise piano guests Danny Thomas, Steve Allen and Eddie Fisher, 6) Frank Sinatra medley, 7) Dino, Frank and Diahann Carroll doin' "Witchcraft," and 8) Sinatra poppin' onstage with a bunch of bimbos in attack bras for no apparent reason. Four stars for the number of times I said "I can't BELIEVE this." Other new video stuff: "The Slaughter of the Vampires" (1971): One of the more decent neck slurpin' European vampire flicks where they all wear velvet capes and the virgins wear ballroom gowns. Much more degenerate than Amer ican Dracs, with Graziella Granata, the Numero Uno victim, dressin' up in lingerie, arrangin' herself on the bed, and waitin' in ecstasy just WAITIN' for the guy to show up and turn her into a wolfwoman. Dubbed from Eyetalian. Three stars. "The Three Musketeers" (1973): Raquel Welch stumblin' through Paris while Michael York tries to buckle his swash under her bustle. Great fight scenes. First flick by the Salkins, creators of "Superman." Four stars. Joe Bob says check 'em all out. Joe Bob's Mailbag Victory over Communism! To celebrate his fifth anniversary of gettin' kicked out of ever' decent newspaper in America but continu ing to be printed in THIS ONE, Joe Bob Briggs is offering a giant double ''See JOE BOB page 12 ' v
Daily Tar Heel (Chapel Hill, N.C.)
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Jan. 15, 1987, edition 1
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