8DTHOmnibusThursday, December 8, 1988
Forget the partridge,
grab a holiday keg
By CATHY McHUGH
Omnibus Editor
"The Twelve Days of Christmas"
Is a nice, traditional tune, but, lets
face it, it's just another happy
holiday song to taunt us while
we're going through helL Namely,
the "The 12 Days of Exams." (I'm
including this weekend, Reading
Day and next Sunday.) Sing along
if you wish.
On the first day of exams my
true love (friend, enemy, signifi
cant other, whatever) gave to me
- a KEG in a tree. That's right,
we're in college, so lefs be serious.
One beer? I think not.
On the second day of exams, my
true love gave to me two
sharpened pencils, and a KEG in a
tree.
On the third day of exams, my
true love gave to me: three blue
books, two sharpened pencils, and
a KEG in a tree.
On the fourth day of exams, my
true love gave to me, four fits of
rage, three blue books, two shar
pened pencil, and a keg in a tree.
On the fifth day of exams, my
true love gave to me five sleepless
nights! four fits of rage, three blue
Celebrate
if-
Holiday Season
Songs of the future
(JSongs of the season
A Community Celebration for the Interfaith
Council's Community Shelter and Kitchen.
Please bring a can of
monaay, L'ecemDer iztn :uu p.m. zfi
Dean Smith Center, Chapel Hill
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Sponsored by The Village Companies Foundation
M 1 T" 1
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books, two sharpened pencils, and
a KEG in a tree.
On the sixth day of exams, those
SCUMBAGS gave to me, six parking
tickets, five sleepless nights! four
fits of rage, three blue books, two
sharpened pencils, and a KEG in a
tree.
On the seventh day of exams,
my true love gave to me, seventh
floor of Davis, six parking tickets,
five sleepless nights! four fits of
rage, three blue books, two shar
pened pencils, and a KEG in a tree.
On the eighth day of exams, my
true love gave to me, eight pots
of coffee, seventh floor of Davis,
six parking tickets, five sleepless
nights! four fits of rage, three blue
books, two sharpened pencils, and
a KEG in a tree.
On the ninth day of exams, my
true love gave to me, nine Exced
rin bottles, eight pots of coffee,
seventh floor of Davis, six parking
tickets, five sleepless nights! four
fits of rage, three blue books, two
sharpened pencils, and a KEG in a
tree.
On the 10th day of exams, my
true love gave to me, 10 tons of
Vivarin, nine Excedrin bottles,
eight pots of coffee, seventh floor
the
with
JOHN
DENVER
In Concert
O Songs of the past
food to the show.
11.1 -f rr
Too bad 12-ounce kegs
of Davis, six parking tickets, five
sleepless nights! four fits of rage,
three blue books, two sharpened
pencils, and a KEG in a tree.
On the 11th day of exams, my
true love gave to me, 11 delivered
pizzas, 10 tons of Vivarin, nine
Excedrin bottles, eight pots of
Random relief from exam stress
By ELIZABETH ELLEN
Staff Columnist
About this time of year, stress
and burnout vie for the souls of
all who even pretend to be
engaged in academic pursuits.
"This time of year is defined by
the fact that one no longer
expects to be able to leave the
house without a jacket and is
ecstatic if the possibility of doing
just this presents itself as a plea
sant option.
Wonder about this "April is the
cruellest month" business. April
seems pretty good to me, and
days which are reminiscent of the
shameless naivete of April sun
shine and the endlessly deepening
blue of a spring sky are too
seductive to resist, especially at
this time of year.
But December, too, has its
charms, diversions from the neo
monastic existence a student
adopts during this period of aca
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don't grow on trees, but they're
coffee, seventh floor of Davis, six
parking tickets, five sleepless
nights! four fits of rage, three blue
books, two sharpened pencils, and
a KEG in a tree.
Finally, on the 12th day of
exams, my true love gave to me
12 nervous breakdowns, 11
HOUGHTS
demic evaluation. There are the
manifestations of Christmas to
deal with and consider.
in a nutshell, the answer is
Handel's "Messiah," a work that
makes all other Christmas music
obsolete. Beyond the finale of this
definitive oratorio lies the vast
wasteland of such ditties as
"Grandma Got Run Over By a
Reindeer," "Jingle Bell Rock" and
similar fluff.
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Rein
deer" is a fascinating study not
only in childhood psychology, but
also in capitalist values, sexism
expressed as paternalism, the
group dynamics of persecuting
nonconformists and redistribution
of goods. Plus it provides the basis
for yet another drinking game in
the style of "Hi, Bob." The cue this
time is, naturally, the glowing
nose.
Question these manifestations
of the season, and you just may
If
JL
Lunch:
Tue.-Fri. 11:30-1:30
Dinner:
Tue.-Thur. &Sun. 5:30-3:30
Fri. & Sat. 5:30-10:00
better than partridges
delivered pizzas, 1 0 tons of Vivarin,
nine Excedrin bottles, eight pots
of coffee, seventh floor of Davis,
six parking tickets, five sleepless
nights!- tour fits of rage, three
blue books, two sharpened pencils,
AND A KEG IN A TREE.
And may God bless us, everyone.
have substantial food for thought
Christmas customs as critical the
ory have a certain appeal.
Question the state of modern
journalism when The New York
Times runs a photo of a Bush
Quayle double date on the front
page. Yes, it seems that after eight
years of being led by a man who
thinks he lives in a movie, we will
be led by a man who watches
movies and his sidekick who pon
ders the complexities of how to
smuggle popcorn and candy into
a theater. And you thought Quayie
was no strategist!
Simply putting George, Babs,
Danny and Marilyn on page one is
not so important in itself. Only by
following the logical implications
of this prioritizing do you get
bogged down. The medium is the
message. Reverse this, and you
come up with the message Is the
medium. One could argue that a
publication as prestigious as the
Times represents contemporary
American print journalism. That
this particular message is defined
as news leads us to a disturbing
picture of what the medium is
today.
December is not the cruellest
month, but it can push one to
examine one's own intellectual,
spiritual, sexual, cultural and gas
tronomical limits. Suppressing
random thoughts is the aim of
conventional exams and research
papers. Redefine "self-discipline"
and rebel against constriction
before it rubs blisters on your soul.
After all, some of the most original
thought goes on when Bob
Newhart spends an entire episode
entering rooms. - - .
j ' .
tj. !