Newspapers / Daily Tar Heel (Chapel … / Feb. 23, 1989, edition 1 / Page 20
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DTHOmnibusThursday, February 23,. 1989A1 3 Concerning Satanic Verses,' bald men and Shakespeare By ELIZABETH ELLEN Staff Writer Headquarters of the Bald Headed Men o' America is in More head City since members of this association, all 20,000 of them, daily expose more head than the average American does in a life time of cheap haircuts at walk-in establishments. - "There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy " wrote Shakespeare. Devotees of these undreamt-of things asso ciate and incorporate and become quasi-legitimate organizations. Some, like the Vegetarians, go on to become political parties. Others degenerate into keg parties and other assorted drunken brawls, like joint conventions of the National Association of Accoun tants and the Society of Actuaries. Try going to a Joint Convention and discussing heteroscedasticity as the evening blends into the wee hours of the morning. Heterodox wake-up times make bridging the gap between those wee hours and class time less offensive. Avoidance of waking on the quarter hours makes coming out of sleep something of a radical statement. And since living a life is the ultimate artistic activity, one should make radical state ments whenever opportunities arise. My personal favorite morn ing statement is 7:1 1 am. All aural artistic activity, becomes mush when put through the accoustic food processor known as Hill Hall. Sounds bleed into each other, and music as initially diverse as Stravinsky, Bach, and cage is miraculously trans formed into something trivial by one of those interchangeable French Romanticimpressionist composers. Whatever happened to the sanctity of musical individualism? For that matter, whatever hap pened to . Georgia? Sons of Sher man's March to the Sea, all 636 of them, took a wrong turn off I-95 (they were probably distracted by Pedro at South of the Border) and wound up in Tempe, Arizona, where they stayed to set up national association headquarters. They are currently discussing the possibilities of windsurfing once they actually make it to whatever sea they stumble across. Speaking of possibilities, con sider the ultimate publicity scam. Call it conspiracy theory, but can you not see the partnership of Salman Rushdie and the Ayatollah Khomeini? The Ayatollah agrees to be propped up and look lifelike long enough to rouse the rabble against Rushdie's book, Rushdie becomes a world-famous best selling author, and Khomeini gets weapons under the table. (Dont laugh. It worked once.) To extend the scenario, excess funds from sales of "The Satanic verses" can be secretly funneled to the National Ding-A-Ling Club of Birmingham, Alabama Dan Quayle and Jon Bon Jovi negotiate for the club's cut of this sweet deal as their way of promoting Bush's thousand points o' light thesis. Other points o' light the Child birth Without Pain Education Association is sending sympathy cards to members of the National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs, and the California-based Little People of America are mad as hell and revolting on general principles. The first British socialists, the Diggers, were revolting back dur ing the English Civil War (but then, who wasnt?). Their method of choice was taking over common land, digging it up, and planting carrots. Making radical statements through vegetables is somehow inherently appealing, except per haps to members of the National Association Taunting Safety and Fairness Everywhere. It thundered on Tuesday, which according to folk wisdom means snow nine days later. Or are frogstranglers at night Gene Kel ly's delight? I dont know anymore. This day is really getting to me. WlVC Top 20 1 , Wonder Stuff The Eteht Legged Groove Machine 2, Prodaimers Sunshine on Leith 3, Elvis Cosfetto spike 4, Lou Reed New York 5, Lite Lovetf and His Large Band 6, Christmas ultra ?ropi$ of thee Psvkick Revolution ?. New Order Technique 8 Replacements Don't Tell a Soul Reivers End of the Day , 1 0. Throwing Muses Bunkpapa I L Huso Lirzo Mettle 1 2. Various Artists Brazil Classics 13. Giant Sand The Love Songs 14. Full Fathom five , 4&M 1 5. Love Tractor Themes from Venus ; 1 6. Miracle Lesion Me and Mr Ray 1 1. Tommy Keens Based on Happy Times 18. Buck Pets Buck Pets 19. Sneetches Sometimes That's All We Have 20. Half Japenese Charmed Life ' I ' I I I " I I 1 I I '- I -l ,;-rLi. 5iiJ r V i i , ''''" 13:33 cn- 2:33 cm 613 7. Ftenkila St. Cfcsss! Kill, UZ - ' ' m f -J 4 '' MON TUES WED THUR FRI SAT SUN ROCKU 6:30 pm 6:30 pm 6:30 pm 6:30 pm UNIVERSITY 7:30 pm 7:30 pm 7:30 pm 7:30 pm CAMPUSHITCLUB 8:00pm 8:00pm 8:00pm 8:00pm HEALTHY STATE 8:30 pm 8:30 pm 8:30 pm 8:30 pm ' PICK OF THE CROP 9:00 pm 9:00pm 9:00pm 9:00pm ADULT CARTOONS 9:30 pm 9:30 pm 9:30 pm 9:30 pm TALK IS CHEAP " R00MATE GAME TAKE ONE GENERAL COLLEGE 6 & 11pm 6 & 11pm 6&11pm 6&11pm LIVE AT EIGHT v v j."-."-"-r."-'V'-r." j tiHKrilini.' zrjLisssss.TSSsJ
Daily Tar Heel (Chapel Hill, N.C.)
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Feb. 23, 1989, edition 1
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