The Daily Tar HeelMonday, March 20, 198911
Opinion
Date rape proposal favors
I he proposed amendments to
the Code of Student Conduct
'JLL concerning date rape are
both detrimental and dangerous to
the student judicial system at the
University of North Carolina.
"What differentiates the new
amendment from the existing provi
sions of the Instrument of Student
Justice is the "closed trial" clause
found in section V.B.l.b. of the
proposal. That clause in the Instru
ment presently reads that all hearings
shall be closed except at the "written
request of the defendant and subject
to the Chairman's performance of the
duties imposed upon him." The
proposal would add that in cases
involving sexual offenses the hearing
Diary of one revolirtioftairy
The Millie Tapes
Seriously. it's awful," President
Bush complained today. Mrs.
Bush told him this morning that
he would be evicted from their White
House bedroom tonight because their
dog. Millie, was about to have
puppies and was making too much
noise.
"Can I tell you what Barbara told
me over the phone?" sighed the
President aboard Air Force One as
he returned to Washington after an
overnight stay in Colorado Springs.
"She said. 'Tonight, you're in the
Lincoln bed alone.
'As the President recalled it, he
asked. "Well, why?"
" Well. Millie had a very bad night
last night, thrashing around, and you
would be irritable, " Mrs. Bush
replied.
Mr. Bush told reporters, "So Vm
being sent down the hall which
just suits the heck out of me. "
Note: the following passages are
not designed to shock you, but to
inform you of the grave dangers to
freedom that the global communist
conspiracy poses to the United States
of America. The White House today
released the secret tapes of former
First Pet Millie. Bush today, casting
light on the scandal that. rocked the
nation almost 25 years ago.
Originally found in the White
House bedroom, these tapes were
carefullv concealed in the First Pet's
Bring back
for one, had a rewarding
SDrine break. During those
Ji glorious days of freedom from
the dailv Chapel Hill grind, some
thing wonderful hit the newsstands
the March edition ot bports
Illustrated.
The cover is definitely the best
one they've had in months. Who
better illustrates the ultimate
athlete than Michael Jordan? And
inside there are all kinds of
interesting articles on the Stanley
Cup playoffs, drought's destruc
tion of western wildlife and tennis
virtuoso Andre Agassi.
' The bottom line, ol course, is
that the presence of the March
issue means the absence of the
February issue. Michael Jordan
has replaced Kathy Ireland in
supermarkets, drug stores and
newsstands everywhere. What a
relief.
It's not that I have anything
against Kathy personally; I'm sure
she's a very sweet person. That was
. certainly my impression after I saw
an interview with her on Enter
tainment Tonight. In her sweet
voice (1 know, she was born with
that voice. Just like she was born
with that body, that face, that
hair. . .) she told us that yes, it
does make her a little uncomfort
able, having all those people
eney,
" We found nothing in the financial
report, nothing in the FBI report,
nothing in our questioning of him
that would in any way interfere with
his ability to be secretary of defense.
He certainly has my support. " Sen.
Sam Nunn, D-Ga., on the Senate
Armed Services Committee's exam
ination of nominee Dick Cheney.
Rep. Cheney was approved as defense
secretary by the full Senate Friday.
BOB
-."Buy! Buy! Don't believe the
gringos' lies!" Chant of a Santiago
street vendor trying to sell his grapes
after the United States imposed a ban
on Chilean fruit because traces of
cyanide were found on seedless red
grapes.
B B B
"This is the Potomac Fever
approach. It doesn't make any sense
at all. There's no national drug
Ch
Chile,
Bill Stallings
Guest Writer
will be automatically closed if the
alleged victim requests so in writing.
The logic behind this proposal is
sound. Too many times in the past,
victims of rape have been afraid to
come forward with their accusations
because of the trauma associated with
a public trial. They should not be
forced to talk about an extremely
personal event such as their attack
in front of a cold and harsh audience.
A closed hearing would make the
process easier for the victim to bear
David Ball
Guest Writer
so-called "Maternity Suite" beneath
some shredded newspaper and next
to two Milkbone voodoo dolls of the
president and first lady. Here are
some excerpts from the tapes, giving
insight into the dastardly mind of a
dog the press once cajled "Marx's best
friend."
March 17, 1989: Plan is going quite
well, as Mr. B. has now been ousted
from the bedroom and I have been
allowed to take over. Mrs. B. bought
the thrashing act and, after a violent
argument with her husband, banished
him to another bedroom. She's
convinced I'm pregnant, calling my
charade "Millie's little version of
labor pains." Once this plan goes
through shell pay for those diminui
tive, degrading comments, by Stalin!
Phase One dislocation is now
complete. Now to crack the code of
the Oval Office's doggie door.
March 18, 1989: Could hardly sleep
last night, what with "Gosh darn" and
"Oh heck, Mommy" flying every
where. Mrs. Bush almost relented.
had to flop for about five minutes
before she made up her mind. Tried
to sneak into the Oval Office today,
but was unsuccessful. Heard party
the sports
M. J. Dunnington
Editorial Page Editor
staring at her as she poses for shots
like those in the swimsuit issue.
But she assured us that she's
nearsighted, and so the staring
doesn't turn out to be such a
problem after all.
Speaking of staring, a friend of
mine went to Florida for break,
and she noticed one young sun
worshipper in the suit that Christie .
Brinkley modelled. You
remember, the see-through one
with strategically placed flowers?
I'm just glad the helpful fashion
commentary wasn't wasted on all
the men who can look at the
swimsuit issue without even notic
ing the suits.
Although only 3 million or so
people will buy the March issue
(as opposed to the 40 million who
buy the February issue), I'm sure
they will find it highly entertaining
and enlightening. After all, it's
filled from cover to cover with
sports. And what else could Sports
Illustrated possibly be all about?
Mary Jo Dunnington is a
sophomore history major from
Winston-Salem.
czars
Week in Quotes
strategy that I've ever seen in which
Washington has been shown to be
a source of the problem. . . . What's
happening on the streets of Washing
ton that 's the end of the pipeline. "
A senior law enforcement official,
speaking on federal "drug czar"
William Bennett's plan to target
Washington, D.C. as his first "test
case" in the war on drugs.
DOB
" We can 't have people killed and
blood running in the streets like some
Third World capital run by a despot. "
Sen. Warren Rudman, R-N.H.,
during a hearing of the Senate
Appropriations Committee. He
called for legislation demanding
federal control of the District of
Columbia's police force.
ODD
and
and will encourage those victims who
might have been reticent to press
charges to do so.
The problem, though, deals with
the student court's relationship to the
civil and criminal courts of the larger
community. Even though the Student
Attorney General has stated that he
would steer victims to the criminal
courts before taking action, the
possibility still exists that the student
courts would be the only avenue
taken by the victim if she decided to
ignore the criminal courts. The
attractiveness of the "closed hearing"
and the guaranteed secrecy of the
proceedings serve as great entice
ments. We would therefore be prom
oting the student judicial system's
noises inside will investigate
tomorrow.
March 19, 1989: Got new paper last
night and spent this morning trying
to piece together some shredded
documents. Haven't gotten much on
the party, but one memo made
reference to "booze, babes, and
bombs: a farewell party for our
favorite Texan and defense contrac
tor." Rummaged through the trash
and found what might be a related
clue: a pair of "I got nuked at the
White House" boxer shorts with the
initials "JT" written on the waistband
in permanent marker. Doesn't appear
to be scandalous enough for impeach
ment. Must go through with original
plan. Mrs. B. and her husband still
aren't speaking. Am starting to thrash
for real now haven't got much time
left on the inside.
March 20, 1989: Managed to steal
the doggie door keys today during
a photo session with Mr. B., who is,
once again, facing pressure from the
right. Had to stand in a hunting-dog
pose while he fired an M-16 at some
cows to prove that he was a strong,
macho, outdoorsy-gun-rack-hunter
type. Mr. B. seems angry with me,
and I fear I will be kicked out before
my mission is. completed. He men-
tioned something about canine preg-
nancy being exempt from the moral
restraints of abortion. Sneaked into
the Oyal Office and put a chew-toy
bug in the trashcan. Phase Three
PETA's concerns valid, reasonable
WE
, a new idea is presented,
non-thinker reacts by
'misinterpreting" the con
cept, then ridiculing it. The thinker,
epitomized by Charles Kingleys
famous words, is "prepared to give
up every preconceived notion, follow
humbly wherever and to whatever
abysses nature leads, or (you shall)
learn nothing."
A scoundrel goes one step further
and deliberately misstates his oppo
nent's position. Robert Slugg's letter
(DTH, Feb. 1) is a good example of
how when no legitimate arguments
exist to sustain a position, the lie can .
be used to try and frighten the
listener.
Slugg's wild distortions would be
amusing if they didn't involve asking
people to cling to prejudices that
result in pain and death to sentient
creatures. Ironically, he claims, by
pointing to a commercial cartoon
(that has never been distributed by
People for the Ethical Treatment of
Animals), that animal rights advo
cates want animals to be treated like
"miniature humans." (The word
"miniature" is very telling of Slugg's
own condescending attitude toward
animal life. Horses, cows, elephants,
whales, gorillas and many other
churches
"The white church has, in effect,
repudiated its confession of guilt in
creating, maintaining and justifying
apartheid." The Rev. Allan
Boesak, head of the mixed-race
Dutch Reformed Mission Church in
South Africa, on the white branch
of the church's qualification of its
earlier denunciation of apartheid.
"The NRA still maintains the AK
47 is a sportsman's gun. They came
out with a dramatic announcement
today. Guns don 't kill people. Grapes
kill people." Comedian Johnny
Carson, in a monologue on the
National Rifle Association following
the U.S. government ban on imports
of semi-automatic assualt rifles.
Compiled by editor Sharon
Kebschull.
stadeot
By changing the rules . ... . we are
making the student judicial system the
"court of choice."
administration and enforcement
processes over the civil and criminal
law community's.
Where does the danger exist? After
all, the student court system handles
many different types of offenses that
are also offenses in criminal courts.
Stealing from the Student Stores,
forgery, assault or trespassing are all
offenses which can be heard in both
judicial systems. The important
difference in the rape amendment is
information gathering can now
begin.
March 2 1 , 1989: Paydirt! Am ready
to go public after only one day of
surveillance, but am having to fight
real labor pain now. Mr. B. had a
meeting with a prominent t airline -executive
today at 1300 hours. Said,
"Hey, the executive branch is sworn
to uphold the interests of big business.
Golly, it's almost in the constitution.
Frank, don't worry well handle
Ingrid Newkirk
Guest Writer
species are physically larger than
hnmn ctdiVmc so one surmises that
. ,
Slugg is really referring to them as
intellectual dwarfs.)
Supremacist arguments based on
intelligence are doomed to failure. In
an earlier battle against exploitation
and prejudice, Thomas Jefferson,
who opposed slavery but believed
Negroes less intelligent, wrote "what-
ever their degree of talent it is no
measure of their rights. Because Sir
Isaac Newton was superior to others
in understanding, he was not there-
fore the lord of the property or person
of others." The same point was made
by the African-American libcrationist
Sojourner Truth, who asked what
intellect had to do with denying a
woman's right to be more than
chattel. Said Ms. Truth, "If my cup
won't hold a pint, and yours holds
a quart, wouldn't you be mean not
to let me have my little half-measure
full?"
coy fits over civil
that by changing the rules to allow
for an emotionally easier trial for the
victim, we are making the student
judicial system the "court of choice."
The accused is unfairly injured by
this action. Because all student
records are subject to subpoena by
a criminal court, most legal counsel
would advise an accused student,
regardless of guilt or innocence, to
remain silent throughout the entire
student judicial proceeding. The risk
this sjtuation the same way we
handled Hoffa." When this gets out,
Dan Quayle is as good as president.
My mission is almost complete."
These tapes reveal the frightening
truth of what might have been, were
it nqtrforr the generosity of the
president and his wife. Wanting to
spare Millie; "the stretch-mark hell
I've gone through," Mrs. Bush
insisted that Millie become the first
dog to get a Caesarean section. This
Such criterion as intelligence is as
arbitrary as skin color or sex in
determining rights. One might as well
choose ability to function in a
complex ecosphere. Using that gauge,
raccoons, mice, monkeys and bees
would leave Slugg face down in the
mud. They dont need pop-top bot
tles, garbage disposals, pre-fab
lies, gaiuagc uiapusais, piw-tu
homes tractor-trailer deliveries.
refrigeration, cars or supermarkets to
feed themselves and their families,
huild and maintain living quarters
and raise families. As Jeremy Ben-
tham put it in jygo number of
legs the viuosity of the skin, or the
termination of the os sacrum, are
reasons equally insufficient for aban-
donmg a sensitive being ... the
question is not 'can they reason?' nor '
can they talkr but 'can they suffer?'
.
The animal rights movement is
working to stop base and robotic
human behavior and to make people
think about their relationship with
other living beings. While not exactly
like us, animals of all kinds want to
live and enjoy life. They have worth
beyond their value to our species
They are individuals who, while not
human, love, play, fight death, get
lonely, communicate and play a role
of not stating one's defense and
therefore accepting expulsion pales in
comparison to a 40-year to life
sentence because something was said
in the Honor Court that shouldn't
have been.
Rape is one of the most traumatic
and dangerous crimes that could
occur on a college campus. While
action by the University is approp
riate to punish the crime, the skewing
of the judicial system to favor student
courts over established criminal
courts is wrong. This policy needs to
be more thoroughly examined before
it is approved by the Chancellor.
Bill Stallings is a sophomore
undecided major from Fairfield,
Conn.
traitor died on the operation table.
As a gesture of good will, the kind,
gentle man we once affectionately
called "President Poppy" sent the
litter of puppies to Iran, who, in turn,
sent back the Reagan-autographed
Bibles they received during the lran
Contra scandal. .
David Ball is a freshman history
major from Atlanta. ,
on the planet which we may not even
understand.
Yes, Robert Slugg, learning to
respect other animals would mean no
"cheeseburgers, leather basketballs
and milk." Two out of three will give
you heart disease anyway. What, no
animal-based vaccines? Absolutely!
They are responsible for side effects,
including anaphylactic shock and
even death conditions we are now
spared thanks to modern synthetic
and human diploid vaccines.
As for Slugg's libelous remarks
about PET A, our attorney is now in
touch with him. I will simply say we
work hard and have nothing personal
to gain by trying to make the world
a more tolerant and decent place for
all its inhabitants. Slugg may resist
change and his career may be threa
tened by social evolution, but his
voice will soon be drowned out by
the rising tide of concern for what
we are doing to animals in the labs,
in the factory farms and on the
trapliries.
Ingrid Newkirk is the national
director of PET A in Washington,
D.C.