4 DTH OmnibusThursday, March 30, 1989
'Married5
By WINSTON LLOYD
Staff writer
"Good morning, students, and
welcome to History of the State
163, section two. The syllabus will
be handed out tomorrow, once it
has been edited by the
administration."
A few more students enter the
lecture hall. Their l.D.'s checked
against a computer list, they are
allowed to take their seats.
"So today we will jump right
into the glorious story of the
modern enlightenment. The
Reawakening of Morality, if you
will. Can anyone tell me what was
the impetus for this great
society?"
"Was it the removal of TJoones
bury' to the editorial page?"
"No, but that is a good example
of the incubating morality of the
early 1980s"
"how about the banning of
Twain?"
"You would mean the infamous
Huckleberry Finn . . ."
Gasps rise from the intent
crowd as if they had been told Mao
was less than a genius.
"No. That was an isolated inci
dent. It was only removed from
the dangerous reach of our child
ren in the mid-1990s when Con
gress finally responded to the
Sorry!
No Edible
Chopsticks
No MSG
No Fortune
Cookies
Fine
European
Dining at
The Orient Express
201 E. Main Street
in Carrboro by Chapel Hill
' - -967-8933
t)rknt lixprcss
stays on
pressure of the People's Front for
the Cleansing of Society. Now, can
anyone tell me about the begin
nings of this group?"
"Wasn't it General Secretary
Rakolta's cultural revolutionary
organization?"
"Very good. I'm glad they stilf
teach a little history in the under
graduate program. Now, I'm going
to tell you exactly why Ms. Rakolta
first rose to prominence."
Uniformed guards close all the
doors in the lecture hall, while the
students take deep breaths in
anticipation. Over the stage, a
television screen lowers and the
professor moves his podium out
of the way.
"Your backgrounds have all been
cleared, your training as Officers
of the State will now begin. Before
our pleasant news and ballet
format of television appeared,
private enterprises were allowed
to broadcast anything they
pleased. They did not program
responsibly."
The students exchange looks of
bewilderment. A light falls across
the screen and the students are
enthralled.
There's a domestic scene. A man
sits with his son and daughter. Al
Bundy says to his children, "You
Hypnotist
By PAUL STEWART
StaffWriter
"You can tell you're an angry
driver," said comedian John Kier
nan, "when you've learned how to
tap out the word 'a ' on your
brake lights."
Kiernan. a regular at Rodney
Dangerfield's comedy club in New
York, performed as the opening
act to hypnotist Richard De La
Font Sunday night at the Comedy
ARTIST
1. De La Soul
2. The Connells
3. XTC
4. Flaming Lips
5. Robyn I litchcock-n-the
Egyptians
6. Indigo Girls
7. Black Sun Ensemble
8. The Clean
9. My Bloody Valentine
10. Drivin-n-Cryin
11. Red Temple Spirits
12. flREHOSE
13. Green on Red
14. Guadalcanal Diary
15. Sidewinders
16. Miracle Legion
17. Buck Pets
18. Various Artists
19. Peppino D'Agostino
20. the Sandmen : '
air
desp
cant go because he has a bumper
sticker that says 'Dont come a
knockin' if you see this van a
rockin'."
Daughter Kelly: "That could be
taken a lot of different ways."
Son Bud: "And so could you,
Kelly."
A neighbor enters. "I'm really
upset with your wife."
"Kill her," responds Al, and it
seems he means it.
The audience reacts first by
laughing; then with horror. Ms.
Rakolta's face appears on the
screen in an interview. She is
discussing her objections to "Mar
ried r. . With Children." The sty
dents stand and their applause
begins to fill the subconscious of
"thirtysomething" producer Ed
Zwick. As the noise spills into his
conscious mind, he awakens from
the hellish nightmare.
There is no Big Brother watching
him. He can see no portrait of Marx
or Hitler on the walls of his
bedroom. "What am I thinking," he
says aloud. "There's no censorship
here. This is America."
Thanks to the personal letters
written by Michigan housewife,
mother of four and probable
Wolverine basketball fan Terry
fails to deliver at Comedy Zone
Zone in the Omni Europa Hotel.
Having the demeanor of a
hyperactive rodent, Kiernan
opened his show by badgering
members of the audience. Doing
that for about five minutes,
Kiernan then turned to his mate
rial and fired 30 minutes' worth
of one-liners at the crowd of
about 80. Though some of his
material was rather routine, he
was able to hold his own, as
ALBUM
3 Feet High and Rising
Fun and Games
Oranges and Lemons
Telepathic Surgery
Queen Elvis
Indigo Girls
Lambent Flame
Compilation
Isn't Anything
Mystery Road ,
Dancing to Restore an
Eclipsed Moon
fROMOIHO
Here Come the Snakes
Flip Flop
Witchdoctor
Me and Mr. Ray
Buck Pets
Pay it All Back, VoL 2
Sparks
Western Blood'
ite viewer protests
Rakolta, McDonald's and Proctor &
Gamble have removed their ads
from Fox's "Married . . . With
Children." it seems she was
offended. Not that she is a prude
(she admits to watching "LA Law"),
but her objection is to the acces
sibility of such a show to her
young children. It airs Sundays at
8:30 on the Fox Network, Channel
22. Yeah, right. Like anyone
watches Fox.
I dont expect a revolution on
the order of the fun they had in
St. Petersburg in 1917, but the
network and the sponsors should
also consider the show's regular 1 9
million viewers when a Terry
Rakolta writes in. The network
says there is no danger of creative
changes in the show, and it wont
be moved. Although a 9 p.m. time
slot would be compatible with the
sexual innuendo of the critically
acclaimed "Cheers" (Thursday) and
"Night Court" (Wednesday), Fox
need not worry about luring back
sponsors by moving the show. Ad
time is sold out for the season.
As well it should be. Shows often
are kept on regardless of low
overall ratings if they are strong
in a particular demographic group.
Even -though "Married ... With
Children" is 54th out of 81 (a bad
ranking), it ranks sixth among
evidenced by the laughter of the
audience.
Something that was not rou
tine, though, was his skit on the
life of a squirrel. What normally
would have been imitation
seemed like emulation because of
Kieman's 220-volt personality. Still,
he was able to pull it off.
This was not done so easily by
Kiernan's successor, headlining
hypnotist Richard De La Font.
Opening with the basic chitchat
with his audience, this Sonny Bono
look-alike's attempt at humor fell
flat (much like the real Sonny
Bono's). And his trouble had just
begun.
After he had finished his intro
ductory monologue, De La Font
asked for volunteers from the
audience. He received nine,
if a person does not want to be
hypnotized or is not serious
enough, heshe cannot be hypnot
ized. This was De La Font's over
whelming problem that night.
Of the nine selected, seven had
to return. Seven more were
chosen and six had to return. Etc,
etc etc By the time De La Font
had become satisfied with his
participants, there were only
three remaining and he had gone
through about one-fourth of the
audience with no one else willing
to volunteer. More than 30 min
utes had elapsed.
His second problem was that his
participants were unusually .reti-,
v.cent. Looking like- extrasvfrom-:-:-:NightOt-.the
Living Deitvtttey:
males aged 18-34. That's after
heavyweights "Roseanne" (no pun
intended), "Cheers," "A Different
World," "The Cosby Show" and
"The Wonder Years" - a group
that is a perfect target for such
sponsors as Nissan. What age do
you think is prime time to buy a
sporty import? Or Levi's jeans?
The people will decide. If we tire
of the vulgarity and shock value
of "Married," it will be gone. But
the writers are giving us a funny
show. While "Roseanne" seems to
be the opposite of "Cosby," "Mar
ried" is more the Anti-Cosby. When
the Bundys are mean to each
another, they mean it. The
Conners are only kidding.
The Bundys are scum and the
audience can see it. But they are
funny scum. Whether ATS anniver
sary present to Peg is for him to
"slam dunk" her (between televi
sion shows), or whether he wants
his children to "prove to your
mom you dont have to have food
to eat good," we are entertained.
And isnt that the point of tele
vision, besides informing, of
course.
So if Geraldo can stay on, and
at 4:00 pm no less, then "Married
... With Children" can stay too. Joe
Bob would say "check it out."
initially sat there and answered his
questions with monosyllabic
answers and little emotion. Fortu
nately for him, his audience was
patient as he prodded the partic
ipants for responses.
Finally, after about 40 minutes
from the start, he got the ball
rolling. Still, some of the best
laughs of the night were
unintentional.
For example, De La Font told one
of his participants that his feet
were stuck to the floor. He then
told him that his rear end was
missing and that it was in the
audience. Forgetting that he had
told the participant his feet were
stuck, he told him to run Into the
audience to retrieve his behind
The participant nearly fell on his
face trying to comply.
The highlight of the evening was
created by De La Font with the
same participant. This guy was a
live one. Still under the hypnotic
trance, he did a strip tease, taking
his shirt off and accepting dollar
bills in his pants from females in
the audience. When he was awak
ened from the trance, the look of
absolute embarrassment on his
face as he stood shirtless in front
of the audience was worth the
ticket price to the show.
If you are like me, and living the
poverty-stricken existence of a
college student, the two-dollar
jdjscounted.for students) charge
was weir worth it' After all, how
'Much is a good laugh worth? .