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Page 10 DTH Omnibus Thursday September 28, 1989 'I cut class because my woman did me wrong What's the best destination for FallSpring Break? "The beach" was way ahead of the competiton, but some people go to the strangest places. Beijing, Copen hagen and Graceland perhaps we should give them a try. How much do you drink per week? To those of you who voted "noth ing" (and it was the most popular response), we have this to ask: not even water? The general vote was in that nebulous range somewhere be tween a 6 and a 12 pack. Some lit eral fiend said they drank "about 10 quarts of water and 21 diet cokes." For others it was "not enough" or "enough to get by." What's the easiest language class to take? It was an absolute phenomenon. The votes piled in for Portuguese. It was way ahead of Spanish, French, Italian, you name it. Why didn't anyone tell us? Someone said, "It ain't French," as if we didn't know. Some said, "English." Cute. What's your favorite late night talk show? It began as a close race, but Letter man surged ahead of Arsenio Hall to win. We got one vote for "I hate TV." What's the best place to go after a football game? The four most popular answers: Home, I don't go to football games, to sleep, and anywhere Carolina Fever won't be. What's the best footballbasket ball cheer? The best were unprintable, but here's the rest: Go to hell, State!; Kaopectate, Kaopectate, Stop that run!; Wahoo Wa Wahoo Way, Go to Hell VirginiaHoora Ay Hoora Ay, Eat U-V-A!; That's all right, that's OK, you're going to work for us someday!; the one where we act like we're shooting the bird and re ally do it; Go bananas; State sucks Duke swallows; Nuts and bolts, nuts and bolts, we got screwed!; the sod omy cheer. Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight? It's amazing, the things people will come up with: No, neither does it after putting it behind my ear; one night, no two nights, yes; no, but my dip does; not if you keep it moist; it grows things; I don't have a bed post; I swallow it in spite; not Tri dent Original. How many times have you had - something stolen on campus, and if so, where? No doubts: most pilfering goes on at the libraries. Others named Hill Hall, the Craige Lot, Hamilton 100, Murphy Hall and "their rooms" as places of theft. Some people said they'd been robbed more than three times. What's your favorite Dan Quayle joke? Sadly, the best one was unprint able. But we can do a Karmac im pression and at least give you the punchline: Dan Quayle's tie (Come see us at Omnibus if you want the question). Most comedians resorted to "Who's her Others recalled his classic blunder, "It's a terrible thing to lose one's mind, or not to have one at all." Then there was "Dan Quayle thinks that Roe vs. Wade are two ways of crossing the Potomac" and finally, "Why did the chicken cross the road? To join the National Guard." What magazine do you read the most? Well, wouldn't ya just know it. Playboy gets the vote. Trying to be funny, eh? Comments like "so sue me" and "only for the interviews" are supposed to make us laugh? (Frankly, we stay well clear of that serious stuff on Omnibus) Other than that, Glamour, Sports Illustrated, Newsweek, Premiere, Cosmopolitan, and Car and Driver all did well. Om nibus itself even got two votes. We thank you from the hearts of our bottoms. Have you ever sat in your room, eaten half a bag of Oreos and watched Mr. Belvedere for Friday night entertainment? Were we a tad too specific? Mostly we got resounding "no's," but we were comforted by responses such as, "Yes, except that it was Tuesday, and not Mr. Belvedere, and it was Nutter Butters" and "No, it was chips and The Wonder Years." To the person who said, "Mr. Belvedere sucks" we say, "Too darn right." What literary author do you hate the most? . Faulkner rallied ahead of an im pressive field including Tolstoy; Dick ens; Hemingway; Woolfe; Emily Dickinson; Conrad; Proust; Updike ("if I were him I'd have committed suicide"); Milton and Dr. Seuss. What does your roommate do that annoys you the most? Oooh, do they really do thatl If you're one of these people, then shame on you! Best (or worst, depending on your viewpoint) responses: exists; yells at spiders; cleans everything but never takes out the trash; sheds hair; drives my car; plays Top 40 music; smokes like a chimney; leaves his girlfriends lying around the apart ment; doesn't talk to me; slams the door at 7 a.m. and leaves the lights on all night; cuts the proverbial cheese in his sleep; turns the fan off at night (he's from Miami and gets cold); pops in the sack with females I invite over; and finally, that quintessential room mate problem, talks all day on the phone. Can men and women sleep to gether and still be friends in the morning? Most said yes. What an optimistic bunch we are. Other replies included: only if they weren't friends before; only if they're dating; yes, but the sex always gets in the way; yes, as long as they don't have sex; and lastly, who wants friends? What's the most annoying Top 40 song? That terrible tyke Tiffany screeched away with this one, with just about every one of her mindbendingly aw ful songs getting a vote. She was closely followed by "Hangin' Tough," "that ing Michael Damian song," and "Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car." Why do fools fall in love? A plethora of rejoinders: too much beer; because they're lonely; you said it all; cos dey fools; what would life be without love; because it's fun; under the misguided notion that their woman won't do them wrong; and lastly, lust. Why do birds sing so gay? Because not everyone can sing bass; to annoy the hungover; er... evolu tion, yeah!; altitude sickness; because they don't realize the global conse quences of humans on the environ ment; cos dey birds; because we fund the CGLA; and finally, because they don't know George is president. Where are you most likely to get a speeding ticket? Places to hit that brake pedal in clude 1-40 West; Airport Road; High way 64; Franklin Street; 1-85 before Richmond; Maryland; Henrico County, Va.; Main Street, Carrboro, and 54 towards Burlington. And here it is, the dumbest answer of the entire survey, "my room (from my date)." Give us a break. Did Maddie make the right choice? Most said no, some said yes. An- . other said, "I hate TV." Should Spielberg have won an Academy Award for The Color Purple? Most said no, some said yes. An other said, "Rob Reiner should al ways win, because he made This is Spinal Tap" What's the ugliest color in the world? Here we go: are there any fans of red; orange; lemon yellow; pink; lime green; pea soup green; mint green; chartreuse; purple; lavender; mustard, or puce? Don't call us, we'll call you. What's the most disgusting cooked vegetable? You're not alone. Everybody hates okra. Other gruesome stuff we still avoid like the plague includes succo tash, cauliflower; rhubarb; strained beets; asparagus; brussel sprouts; squash; collards, and cabbage. How many football games will we win this year? The average vote is three games. After last Saturday's effort, who's to tell? Quite a few people think we'll win eight. Who dey kiddin'? If you could re-paint the Dean Dome any other color, what would it be? There were a couple of enthusi-. asts who gushed "never," and "a sec ond coat of blue!" But aside from that, people had some marvellous designs for their favorite campus build ing: purple; black with stars; lemon yellow; fuschia; teal; money green (for all the alumni); pink and green, and lavender. One realist noted that "students wouldn't get any input," but the most popular answer of all was "invisible." What'll we do about the garbage? You mean you haven's seen sex, lies, and videotape yet? The correct answer was, "Give it to Ann's hus band." But what the heck. Here are the others: recycle it; dump it on State; ignore it and hope it goes away; nuke it; feed it to Tiffany, or send it to Cuba. We got one reply that was perplexing to say the least: "Put it in my roommate's room." What's the worst program on MTV? Boy, we really hate "Yo, MTV Raps," "Remote Control" and "any- thing with Julie Brown." ps i! 1 u " "mmm WTMT 'i - - I it ' ' , f - n ft mm Photographic proof: Time Out What's the most annoying con struction work on campus? It was close, but the tried-and-true Alumni Center pulled through to win yet another award. Second place went to brick replacing. Should we shoot the Mikeman? You said we shouldn't. So we won't. There was a baffling reply of "not yet." What's this guy waiting for? Another respondant said, "Don't shoot, I love him." What's the best Doritos flavor? Another close race. Cool Ranch won (just) over Nacho Cheese. Someone voted for "chocolate." What should we re-name the Ratt's lasagna? We got enough responses for it to have a different name every week of the year. The winner was Bowl o' Cheese. But creative standouts in clude: Chewing gum in tomato sauce; Guido; goop; the Italian Stallion; Heimlich's heaven and World War IV. Our favorite, though, is the very personalized "Ralph." Why does Time Out offer spa ghetti? Hundreds of reasons you never previously cared to think about. Such as: to give Billy a break; their bis cuits suck; insecurity; somebody has to; Billy is part Italian; they do? Nasty!; it's a ploy; to please the Pope; it rhymes with Eddie; and lastly, it's harder to throw at Billy than chicken bones. What's the best cure for a hang over? Frankly, we won't be taking much of this advice ourselves. Among the suggestions include: water and Tyle- tout V.rifl8t&i , really does serve spaghetti 0THEvan E e nol; water and starvation; water and sleep; sleep and Tylenol; sex; sleep, drink a gallon of water, sleep re peat till cured; stay drunk; throwing up; V8 and aspirin; tequila, and last (and least), Claussen's dill pickle juice, slightly warmed. Yuk! Where's the best free entertain ment in Chapel Hill? The baffling answers continue. Sex is a thing, not a place. The Union won, with many highlighting the Cabaret as a great source of free fun. The Pit got votes (does that include the Pit Preachers?). Other votes came in for the following: watching foot ball practice; wherever I am; watch ing other people, and "my suitemate's girlfriend." What do you want to be when you grow up? Well, this was it. The final ques tion about the final frontier: adult hood. "Rich" and "a college student" came out on top, but it was the vari ety of future careers that moved us so: a train driver; a molecular biolo gist oversexed house husband; edi tor of the DTH; the All-Being Mas ter of Time, Space, and Dimension; the first woman president; or an FBI man. Last, but certainly not least, how ever, was a shining example of some thing that we can all aspire to, some thing within the grasp of us all. When one student on this campus grows up, he wants to be a stop sign. Enough said. Editor's Note: This survey is not scientific, and we never said it was. So don't go using these results in your sociology research paper.
Daily Tar Heel (Chapel Hill, N.C.)
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Sept. 28, 1989, edition 1
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