Page 8 DTH Omnibus
Thursday October 26, 1989
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DTH Omnibus Page 9
Thursday October 26, 1989
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9 Halloween in
Chapel Hill
If f anybody'even considers dressing
II up as a California Kaisin this year,
keen this in mind: I'll be out there
on Franklin Street with an ax.
Two years ago, not counting last
year's rainout, I saw more damn Cali
fornia Raisins in one square block
than I ever care to see again. It was
like a niehtmare, all those raisins,
singing "I Heard It Through the
John Bland
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acter from 18th-century English lit
erature, so the same half-blind old
Kisses, 14 Smarties and a toothbrush.
I suppose you can tell I was not
bat would say, "Oh, how cute! The fond of Special Dark miniatures; I
Artful Dodger! That's very clever!" considered it a bad night it 1 got
And then she'd plop a Special Dark more than two in my bag. Fortunately,
sins. Actually, that might not be a
bad idea.
Expect many of those who nor
mally would parade through down-
Grapevine," giggling like they thought town Greenville to make their way
it was the funniest thing, while in northwest and mingle with us. I don t
the meantime everybody else was mind as long as the Kaisins stay
makine clans to bake giant oatmeal away
cookies
That's the great thing about Hal
loween on Franklin Street: No mat
ter how ingenious or stupid your cos
tume might be, you should expect to
run into three or four people dressed
exactly like you between Spanky's and
Four Comers. Diseased Reindeer from
Hell? Saw four last year. Randee of
the Redwoods? Six. California Rai
sins? I can't count that high.
At least Halloween is still going
Rut time is drawing nieh and 1
still don't know what I'm going to be
for this year's festivities. Last year I
wasn't anything (because of the rain),
and I felt bad about not engaging in
the fun. Two years ago I was Bill
Murray from Caddy shack, mainly
because a golf bag can hold many a
beer.
When I was 9, 1 was a robot, and a
miehtv fine robot indeed, except I
was wearing this huge Whirlpool
to happen here. In Greenville, they washing machine box which clearly
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canceled it altocetner Decause some saiu w 11114.1 naoum5 nun....
in my bag and I'd have to go back
and smash her pumpkin because I
was Little Nell and not the Artful
Dodger.
When I was 9, 1 was a
robot, and a mighty fine
robot indeed, except 1 was
wearing this huge Whirlpool
washing machine box that
clearly said 'Whirlpool
Washing Machine' on it
geeks on the city council were wor
ried about a little vandalism. Hey,
people, wake up! It's Halloween, not
some church social! So a few win
dows might get smashed and a couple
of cars blown up, or maybe one little
old building might happen to acci
dentally catch fire forcing the Na
tional Guard to mow down innocent
folks dressed up like California Rai-
on it, so I'd go to a door and a half
blind old bat would say, "Oh, how
cute! A washing machine! That's very
clever!" And then she'd give me ONE
lousy Hershey's Miniature (Special
Dark, to add insult to injury) and I'd
have to go back afterwards and smash
her pumpkin.
Then when I was 1 1, 1 thought it
would be neat to be my favorite char-
I had a weird little brother who traded
me his Krackels for my Special Darks,
so generally it worked out pretty even.
Then again, nobody irked me more
than those moral morons who gave
out toothbrushes. This dentist lived
up the street from me, and every year
he'd hand out Oral-B's and expect us
to say, "Thank you sir, how kind of
you to give us toothbrushes so our
teeth won't rot out." Thinking back
now, he probably lost potential busi
ness because of that move. If I were a
dentist, I'd hand out straight sugar.
Of course, every October 31st that
dentist would have a beautiful or
ange grinning pumpkin, and every
November 1st his lawn would drip
orange blood. But I wouldn't know
anything about that.
Times have changed. No more
trick-or-treating for us ("Trick-or-Beer"
just don't cut it). We'll have
to wait until we are parents ourselves,
holding our child's nervous hand as
he mumbles "Trick-or-treat," lead
ing him from door to door, stealing
f 1 I
But let's get to the good stuff. Let's
talk loot. My best overall bag (what I
can remember of it) contained 11
sine-le Reeses Cups, nine miniature
Mr Hnndbars. four baas of candv corn, all his Milky Was. I can't wait
seven little packages of SweeTarts, By the way, I still have no idea
eight miniature Baby Ruths, nine what I'm going to be and time's run
miniature Krackels, at least nine of ning out.
those Pixy Stix powder straws, at least Anybody got a garbage bag and
one regular-size Snickers, 22 Hershey's some sunglasses ?
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Scree!
Scree
Scree!
Michael
Myers is
back to do
the maniacal'
killing thing
all over again
one more
time in
'Halbween
5: The
Revenge of
Michael
Myers.'
Photo courtesy David Minton
Boo! This time we got you! The annual (except last year) Mangum Haunted House Is back to scare you senseless
All dressed up and no place to
go? What can you do on Hal
loween night? Unless staying
home and moping, or studying for
that exam that's three weeks away
sound good, what about partaking in
one of the many festive activities that
will take place in Chapel Hill? Now,
I'm not talking about just parading
down Franklin Street in costume like
you did last year, or partying in
someone's off campus apartment.
Instead, dance a little, win a little
cash, or rock the night away at one
of the following Chapel Hill hang
outs. HAUNTED HOUSE
Come get spooked out of your skull
before Halloween. That traditional
favorite, the Mangum Haunted
House, will be open Friday and Sat
urday nights from 5 p.m. to midnight
in Mangum Dorm. Tickets are $2 in
advance (available in the Pit Friday
and Saturday) or $3 at the door. Pro-
Nancy Portlock
i t
ceeds will benefit the JC's Burn
Center.
LAMBDA CHI
The Lambda Chi fraternity will
be having an all campus Halloween
party this Tuesday night, featuring
three bands that will play from 7
p.m. till midnight. The first to play
will be Who's Dog Is This, then The
Three Orange Whips, and later The
Big Dogs. The bands will play inside
the house, and Domino's will be sell
ing pizza. There is a good chance
that there will be a costume contest
with monetary prizes, so be sure to
wear all your Halloween parapher
nalia. ARTS CENTER
Liquid Sound and Nikki Meets the
Hibachi will be playing at the Arts
Center Halloween night. The show
starts at 10:00 p.m. and tickets are
$6 for the general public and $5 for
members. If you come dressed in cos
tume, $1 will be taken off the admis
sion charge .
Although I.D.s are not necessary
to get in, a bar that serves imported
beer and wine will be present. The
Arts Center is also equipped with a
large dance floor, so be sure to wear
your dancing shoes underneath your
costume.
CAT'S CRADLE
Be prepared for some original
rock'n'roll at the Cradle Oct. 3 1 ; Mud
Honey and Huid will play starting at
10:00 p.m.
The Fluid is a band originally from
Denver that has been together for
three years. The group is a combina
tion of the ex-members of two Den
ver punkhard core outfits, the Fran
tics and White Trash. John Robin
son is the lead vocalist, Rick Kulwicki
plays lead guitar, Garret Slavik plays
drums, and Matt Bischoff is on the
bass. All the members sing backup
vocals. The Fluid is a band with great
volume and velocity and is sure to
appeal to those who like heavy metal
and serious rock.
THE CAVE
"Hot Halloween Jazz" will be The
Cave's theme Halloween night. A
fast-paced jazz band known as Metro
Rhythm will play from 9 p.m. to 1
a.m. The Cave will not have a cover
charge, but a hat will be passed around
for tips. Although there won't be a
costume contest, The Cave encour
ages everyone to come dressed in
costume.
HE'S NOT HERE
Unfortunately, He's Not will not
be having a band Halloween night;
however, they will be having their
annual costume contest. Judging will
begin at midnight and prizes will be
awarded: $100 for first place, $50 for
second and $25 for third.
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The Fluid has a rather appropriate name for a band playing an All Hallows' Eve gig. They'll be at the Cradle.
Ahh, 'tis the season. ..
peaking of people that look like
they've been rammed through
the eyeball with a meat cleaver,
our most sensitive maniac mass mur
derer, Michael Myers, is back for the
fifth time in Halloween 5, which is
notable for being the one where Donald Pleasence
totally loses control and decides that maybe Michael will
never be cured of his desire to slaughter 9-year-old girls
with farm implements.
Donald is great in this one. Half his face is still
horribly scarred from Halloween 4, and he's rampaging
through the children's health clinic, grabbing little
Jamie by the nape of his neck, saying "You must help
me! Your tears will do you no good! He must be stopped!"
There's one scene where you expect Donald to Jrop
kick the 9-year-old girl into the next county just be
cause she doesn't express the proper enthusiasm for
killing and mutilating Michael Myers.
All the other actors in Five are eminently killable.
They've got that California Yupster aren't-we-all-cute
jive, and they all have terminal bubblyness. My only
regret is that Michael never gets a chance to scissor off
a few more body parts. He's too busy searching for little
Jamie, the gal they picked up in Halloween A to be the
"niece" of Jamie Lee Curtis. The original Jamie survived
both One and Two, then didn't show up for Three.
Five will also be remembered for a few other things:
' 1 ) The "bad kids" have safe sex! Thej still get killed
by the maniac while they're having sex, but at least
they don't get AIDS right before they die, and, more
important, they don't kill any 20-second-old fetuses.
Joe Bob Briggs
E-x::-.Mp:. s v ' :
2) The kid who buys all the beer
without an I.D. is the first kid to go.
This shows you what happens when
you don't obey our new juvenile
drinking laws. A pasty-face zombie
comes to vour house and rams a
cleaver through your clavicle.
3) Michael Myers takes off his mask and sheds a tear.
Then he remembers those box-office figures on Hal
loween 3 and decides to start slashing again.
4) A new maniac, some guy in steel-tipped cowboy
boots, comes to Haddonfield and springs Michael out
of prison. This guy's obviously the star of Halloween 6.
I swear I didn't do it.
Twenty-one dead bodies. No nekkid breasts. Bath
tub stabbing. Hacking. Hanging. Cleaving. Gratuitous
mutilation of a convertible with a fresh wax job. Pack-ing-crate
spike Fu. Pitchfork-through-the-back Fu. Drive
in Academy Award nominations for Danielle Harris,
as Jamie for having great epileptic fits when Michael
Myers bombards her brain with "rage waves"; Ellie
Cornell, as Rachel, for threatening to fall out of her
dress in every scene; Wendy Kaplan, as Tina, for throw
ing herself on Michael Myers and not living to tell
about it; and, of course, Donald Pleasence, as the crazy
Dr. Loomis, for saying, "I prayed that he would burn in
hell, but in my heart I knew that hell would not have
him" and "Michael, it will destroy you, too, one day,
this rage that drives you. You have to fight it in the
place where it's strongest. Michael, go home. Go home."
Four stars. Still the best series. Joe Bob says check it
out.