Focus
d On Sex t
I
sit UNC
The Daily Tar HeelWednesday, February 14, 19909
n m
omosexuals
liberal student attitudes overshadow fears, morals
; Sex is natural, sex is good
i , Not everybody does it, but every
body should
Sex is natural, sex is fun
Sex is best when it's one-on-one
By VICKI HYMAN
Staff Writer
These lyrics took George Michael
' to the top of the music charts in the
il9S0s, but do they correspond to
sexual attitudes at UNC?
: Deciding whether to have sexual
intercourse for the first time is a
: highly personal decision. There's
.'confusion about birth control and
. sexually transmitted diseases, as well
; as the old standbys: whatever
happened to respect, trust and love?
Virgins: pure and proud
Love, religion, and fear of sexually
transmitted diseases all three are
. Very real reasons Anissa Rogerson, a
senior from Raleigh, has decided to
. wait until marriage to have sexual
intercourse.
"Sex is the most intimate act you
. can have with another person. It
belongs specifically for marriage,"
Rogerson said. "There's the trust
factor ... Even if you truly love
someone, there's a chance you are
not going to marry him and you are
giving him the most intimate part of
your soul."
Keith Williams, a graduate student
from Greensboro, said sex should oc
cur only in the right situations. "Sex
is like dynamite a powerful force
for good when used properly, in
marriage, but very destructive when
used improperly, outside of mar
riage." Religious beliefs figure into most
decisions to postpone sex until mar
riage. "My main thing is that sex is
for marriage, and God ordained it that
way," Rogerson said. "God is up on
sex. He knew how vulnerable and
intimate it is, and therefore, he
designed it for marriage. I have
abstained out of obedience to God
and the trust factor.' !
The nineties bring a new era of
sexual conservatism because of the
' frightening numbers of deaths from
sexually transmitted diseases, espe
' daily AIDS. "You could get AIDS
'even if you only slept with one
' person," Rogerson said. "That person
, could have slept with only one
''person. And it goes on. Your one
' time act of sex may be like sleeping
' with 10 other people. That's scary."
From the heart?
Yet others choose to experiment
sexually before exchanging wedding
vows. "It was a combination of love
and lust," said Greg Russell, a
graduate student from Summerfield,
about his first sexual experience. "I
don't think I knew what love was,
"though."
For most people in The Daily Tar
Heel survey, love and lust were the
'two main reasons for having sexual
intercourse the first time. However,
curiosity and impatience also play a
' role for many people. "I wanted to
'get it over with," said Ben Salemi, a
junior from Chapel Hill.
Kenyatta Upchurch, a freshman
from Milton, was 15 years old when
she lost her virginity. "I wasn't
pushed into it," she said. "I was
pretty much looking forward to it."
But some teenagers aren't able to
handle the responsibility that comes
with sex. "Physically, you'll be able
, to handle it. Emotionally, I don't
I think people can handle it at 15 or
" 16," Russell said.
j Richard Mason, a freshman from
, High Point, said no particular age
,was "right" for sexual intercourse.
, "Some people are too young in high
school, too young in college, too
Have you ever had
200 -f .
150 1
100 H
50
0
yes
I
L
young at 40. It's a maturity thing."
Most students said they didn't
regret the act of sexual intercourse,
just their choice of a sexual partner.
"I was curious and thought, "What
the hell, let's get it over with,'" said a
female graduate student from
Philadelphia. "I remembered
thinking, "Is this what all the fuss was
about?'"
"I thought sex equalled intimacy. It
doesn't," she said. "There's more to
intimacy than physical intimacy. Like
trust."
Most people agree that sex is better
when you love the person, according
to the DTH survey. "It's the ultimate
experience," Salemi said. "Sex and
making love are two different things.
They just resemble each other."
The casual approach
The amount of casual sex at UNC
can be linked to the "anything goes"
attitude on campus. "This college is
full of a lot of liberal people,"
Upchurch said. "It's not a place
where parents send their kids to be
sheltered."
However, promiscuity doesn't
seem like a good idea to some. "For
one thing, it's risky," Mason said.
"Maybe it's also a moral question. A
lot of people talk about sex as a fun
thing to do. I don't see it that way.
It's fun, but not with anyone and
everyone."
It takes maturity and truthfulness
to be able to have a one-night stand
and not be damaged by it, Salemi
said. "I think that the biggest thing
that anyone should fear about sex is
dishonesty. If you go into a relation-
sexual intercourse?
7
no
ship and you are honest about what
you're likely to do, you don't stand to
lose anything."
Under the influence
The wide availability of alcohol
may also be one of the reasons for the
relative sexual freedom of the
campus.
"Alcohol has had a lot to do with
my having had more than 10
partners," said Amy (not her real
name), a sophomore. "It also led me
to sleep with guys of a different race,
which had totally confused my set
way of thinking."
Greg Fountain, a sophomore from
Asheville, said the image of the
Southern Belle "I'm sooooo
drunk" is true. "Alcohol is an
excuse for the unrealistic sexual
inhibitions that have been placed
upon them," he said.
Stimulants and depressants may
not be an excuse for our hormones,
but some people tend to use them as
comfort and support in sexual
situations.
"Alcohol and drugs and sex are
there so we don't have to think about
ourselves and our pain. We don't
have to face our problems," Rogerson
said. "I see these as poor agents of
relief."
False hopes
Lisa Lackmann of the Orange
County Rape Crisis Center said
studies have shown that nearly one
third of college women will be the
victim of date rape or attempted date
rape. However, this figure may be
higher because many women do not
report it.
"I feel the college atmosphere
makes sex seem too casual," wrote a
female sophomore who has been the
victim of two date rapes. "When I
came to UNC, one of the first things
that slapped me in the face was the
casual attitudes towards sex. For a
while I fell into it. I mean I met all
these nice-looking older guys and
four times I slept with these nice
looking older guys and hoped
something would come of it. Of
course, it didn't."
"The guys on this campus that ex
pected sex early in a dating situation
caused me to lose a lot of self
respect," she continued on the
questionnaire. "Therefore, I decided
to exercise my ability and need to
say, 'No,' and my efforts resulted in
two date rape situations.
'Thanks to all these factors, I now
have a hard time letting a guy get
close to me and physical contact
makes me extremely uncomfortable.
I'm not saying that this makes me
special and all the men on this
campus are animals, but most of the
single girls I know could tell you
similar stories ... It means that sex
has turned into something ugly and,
sadly enough, an expected by-product
of a date. Something has got to
change."
Another female sophomore wrote
that she feels the sexual maturity of
the men on campus is low. "Guys
who entertain themselves by spread
ing unfounded stories about women
how this girl took two guys on at
once, or how this one is just a plain
whore aie thieves," she said on the
questionnaire.
'Those who 'kiss and tell, or ones
who don't really get what they want,
but tell their buddies they did,
they rob innocent girls of their
reputations, self-esteem, happiness,
and thwart potential relationships,"
she wrote.
Taking precautions
Kelly Victory, a contraceptive and
health education counselor (CHEC)
at the Student Health Service (SHS),
works with students who have
problems with their sexuality and
birth control.
Women are continually made to
bear the brunt of birth control.
Victory said. "Most men don't even
ask if they are protected. Guys just
assume the girls are on the Pill," she
said.
"It's very short-sighted on the part
of males, but women are allowing it
to happen. It's difficult for someone
to take advantage of you if you don't
let them ... Women have to care
enough about their bodies and
themselves to share responsibility."
But pregnancy isn't the only con
sequence. Most women think that all
they need is birth control. Victory
said, not disease control. "Sexually
transmitted diseases are rampant
everywhere, especially on college
campuses. They should continue
using condoms once they go on the
Pill. It's a very difficult thing for
women to bring up with their partners
T'm on the Pill, but I want you to
use a condom anyway,'" she said.
Devetta Holman, assistant health
director of the SHS, said the service
offers counseling in decision-making,
safe sex and relationships. "We are
not promoters of sexual activity. That
is hot what this clinic is about,"
Holman said. "We try to empower
the students, to give them the power
to make decisions. We help them
learn about themselves and be more
comfortable with their sexuality."
The results of the sex survey were
obtained from a questionnaire pub
lished in the DTH and distributed to
students in the Pit and Student Union.
The respondents included 124 males
and 135 females. This survey cannot be
considered scientific.
COmkDat
discdmimiafooini
By VICKI HYMAN
Staff Writer
When he was 12 years old, David
(not his real name) began fantasizing
about men. He fought the feelings he
knew would horrify his friends and
family.
Naked men aroused him, and he
realized that he preferred the sight of
men over women. His first homo
sexual encounter intensified his tur
moil. "After I had sex with him, I
cried for days and days, because I
knew how hard it would be when I
got older," he said.
In an attempt to repress his homo
sexuality, David dated women
throughout high school and college.
"I went out with my girlfriend for
seven months to try to turn a friend
ship into an emotionally satisfying
love, which it wouldn't do," he said.
'When I was having sex with her, I
was fantasizing about having sex with
a man."
After a painful struggle, David
accepted the fact that he is homosex
ual. David is a junior from Emerald
Isle whose name has been changed
for the purposes of this article. Like
many others who can't cope with the
pressures of hiding their lifestyle,
David decided to "come out of the
closet" during college.
Having an alternative lifestyle at
UNC means facing many difficulties
from friends, family and society. It
means abuse, both physical and
mental, and having to look ahead to
a life of never-ending pressures.
Homosexuals discover they are
gay about the same time that other
people start thinking they re hetero
sexual, said Pippa Holloway, a sen
ior from Washington, D.C., and co-
chairman of the Carolina Gay and
Lesbian Association (CGLA).
Mark Bumiston, a senior from
Raleigh and co-chairman of the
CGLA, said he fought his identity
for six years before admitting to
himself that he was gay. "I did not
allow myself to fantasize," he said.
"I made no admission that homo
sexuality had anything to do with
me."
Bob (not his real name), a Decem
ber graduate from Asheville, is a
bisexual who recently came out of
the closet. "It never crossed my mind
to be homosexual," he said. "I had no
feelings toward that tendency. But
this past summer, there was a guy I
really liked and it just happened."
After admitting homosexuality to
yourself, the next big step is admit
ting it to others.
"I didn't come out of the closet. I
sort of got thrown out," Bumiston
said. "I had my first boyfriend fresh
man year. My roommate had gone to
play practice, or so I thought. He
came back and found us. He was
very good at the moment, but he told
people. Word got around and it got
ugly ... All of a sudden, I was out
everywhere."
David said that when people come
out of the closet, it's a self-realization
stage. "You're fighting it. You
try to fight it by having sex repeat
edly with women."
Bumiston said he knows firsthand
that this campus isn't very tolerant of
homosexuals. Other students reacted
negatively when they first discov
ered he was gay. "I had things writ
ten on my door. People were talking
about me. People threw things at me.
I had to change residence. That's not
what I call tolerant," he said.
The bouncers at On The Hill re
fused entry to Bob. "I was taken
aback by his (the bouncer's) blatant
prejudice, because I've always con-
Reasons for Initially Having Sex
60
3
50 -
40 H
30 -
20 H
10 -
0
females
r
amiXBett
f
sidered Chapel Hill to be one of the
most liberal places in (North) Caro
lina." j
According to Bumiston, about 10
percent of the general population s
homosexual. Although an exact fig
ure is hard to get because most homo
sexuals haven't come out of the closet,
he said Chapel Hill may have "a few
more than average."
"Chapel Hill is San Francisco
without the bridge," David said. "It's
a very tolerant, liberal campus. It hs
to be. There are so many gay people j"
According to The Daily Tar Heel
sex survey, more than half of the
homosexual men polled said they had
been sexually involved with 10 Or
more partners. Only a quarter of the
heterosexual men made that claim.
Are gays really more promiscuous?
David thinks so. "Eight out of 10
men are the ones who cheat in a
relationship. They are more aloof and
are really in it for themselves. Women
are more involved, more emotional,"
he said. "You put two men together
and you have a very flighty relation
ship."
"Homosexual relationships are
also very compact, David said. A
month for us is like a year for -a
heterosexual. It s like dog years.
Bumiston thinks gay promiscuity
may be a stereotype. "You can't apply
that to all men. A lot of gay men on
the scene have a lot more sex partners
because they meet the ones on the
scene and not the ones in the closet
Holloway said lesbians have the
opposite stereotype applied to them.
"It would be a fair generalization that
lesbians are less promiscuous than
homosexual men," she said. "Most
women have to be in love to have sex.
Most men don't."
No conclusive evidence exists on
the factors that lead to homosexual
ity. "It's hard to say," Bob said.
"Studies have said it's inborn, some
say it's environment."
According to Mike (not his real
name), a sophomore from Greens
boro, homosexuality is most defi
nitely something unchangeable. "It's
as basic to your personality as the
color of your eyes."
This fact that homosexuality is
permanent is something that most
parents don't understand, David said.
"My family had trouble dealing with
my homosexuality," he said. "My
mother is into control. She thought
you could control it, like eating or
smoking.
Fathers have even more difficulty.
"My father feels that if I get into a
heterosexual relationship, I 11 be
"cured,"' Mike said.
Bob said he had not told his par
ents yet. "My mother will not like it.
but she will be tolerant My father
will probably disown me. My father
is very prejudiced and doesn't under
stand," he said.
But if it were possible, would
homosexuals switch lifestyles?
"If I could change myself, I would
David said. "I wouldn't have family
pressures. I wouldn't have to go
around hiding my boyfriends. I just
think life would be a lot easier if I
were straight."
On the other hand, Mike said he
wouldn't. "I like men too much," he
said.
Bumiston said he would not want
to be completely heterosexual. "Given
the choice now, it's tempting to say I
would ask for my sexuality to be a
little more in tune with women, he
said.
"If I were to wake up straight, it
would be a nightmare. It would be
like waking up reincarnated.
O love
lust
other
71
7
males
V