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The daily Tar Heel. (Chapel Hill, N.C.) 1946-current, February 21, 1991, Page 16, Image 16

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i Page 8 DTH Omnibus Thursday February 21, 1991 Bored with the same old scene? The Omnibus adventure guide So there's nothing to do in Chapel Hill, and even if there were, it's too gross outside to do anything. A solu tion to this dilemma? Pack up the old Chevette and head out of town! Where to go, you may ask? Once again, turn to the Omni Star Cham ber for the cool places to see and be seen. Come on, you're in school, don't you want to be able to tell your kids how you were a spontaneous, rebel college student? TOP TEN LIST OF PLACES TO GO AND THINGS TO DO ONCE YOU GET THERE: 1. Washington, D.C. Our nation's capital is a mere four hours away from Chapel Hill, so there is no excuse for your never having been there. Remedy the situation immedi ately. Things to see: just go to the Mall and look around, you'll probably recognize some things. The museums ofNatural History, American History, and Air and Space are all on the Mall, as are the National Gallery of Art and the Hirschorn Gallery of Art. A must see is the National Zoo. Just ask some one how to get there (it is not on the Mall). OOOOO 2. New York Yes, we are talk ing about the Big Apple, and in only a nine-hour drive, it can be yours. Go straight up 1-95, bear right at Wilmington and just follow the Jer sey Turnpike until you hit the Lincoln Tunnel. It's cake to get there, and once you do, you can figure out how to entertain yourself. Obviously, OOOOO 3. Charleston It is undeniably the most beautiful city in the South, it's near beaches, it has great bars ... what more could you want ? Things to see: for a taste of the Old South, go to the Battery (they, have cannons and everything), for great bargains go to the open-air market and to get a tan or relax, head out to one of the beaches surrounding Charleston (the closest is about 15 minutes outside the city). 4 hours. OOOO 4. Atlanta this is the up-and-coming city of the South, and it is far more cosmopolitan than N.C.'s very own Charlotte could hope to be. There are a lot of cheap places to stay (and since half of the graduating class of '90 lives there, you might be able to crash on their floor.) Things to see: Lenox your basic enormous shop ping mall, The Underground an other mall, but it's underground! During baseball season go see the Braves (they are the closest major league team), there are also museums and tons o' bars. 7 hours. OOO 12 5. Nashville What can we say except that it's the country music capital of the world, so open your lives up to a new experience. Things to see: the Grand Ole Oprey, and while you're at it, go watch a filming of Hee Haw. 10 hours. OOO 6. Atlantic City Okay, we know this is pushing it, but how many of you have actually been there ? Go gamble, waste some money, and if you're re ally nice Donald Trump might let you sleep in his parking lot. Things to see: the Taj Mahal, huge monstrosity that it is, the beach (again), that's about all. 7 hours, maybe 8. OOO 7. Boone (or any other mountain ous area) Obviously, this is the heart of the ski season, and what better reason do you need to go to the mountains? 3 hours. OOO 8. The beach No, we're not crazy. It's off-season, the rates are way down, there aren't all the cheez-balls running around, and it's lovely this time of year. Things to see: the ocean. The closest beach to Chapel Hill is about two hours away, Myrtle Beach is 4 hours and Hilton Head is 5. OO 12 9. Athens, G.A. This town, which is home to the University of Georgia, is a hot spot for trendy, emerging music. Things to do: Good bars are the Globe and Georgia Bar (trendy artsy bars). If you want to buy records, go to Wuxtry ... and if you want to hear a band go to the 40-Watt or the Georgia Theater. 6 hours. OO 12 1 0. South of the Border (everyone goes there at some point, and it is close by so why not?) Things to do: take a ride up to the top of the som brero, buy fireworks or eat lunch. 2 hours. O (Hey, but it's something to do ...) O dcn't bother filling the tank OO nice place to visit, but ... OOO bring a friend along OOOO wear out the treads OOOOO never come back -np : 1 d :j ULtUi i i ll t - ' i , -rr.'-- , S ' lit- I. i 4 ,jauanfJJII1,J-J,. ... .tmmmJrl, ..,-,..,,,, .,,,,. ., , ,T-, :.v A.ft Sww :iK&aii.-liiii. v - vi -if.- eaiwiiiii mm .wvir ?V ---g1l mlr- i-rlfiiimr1" "--mnrttmmi -- -- - The Lincoln Memorial is just one of the many attractions D.C. has to offer. Once you get there, you won't have to search for something to do. On the road with Chan By LAYTON CROFT and CHARLES MARSHALL Assistant Editor and Senior Writer Editor's note: The following article in no way reflects the collective sanity or rationality of the editorial staff or anyone affiliated with Omnibus. Charles and Layton took this road trip across the - South of their own free will, and we made the mistake of letting them write about it. Take a load off, put on your suede underwear, wrap, some steel-toed moccasins around those clompers, cram a corncob pipe in yer flapper, and prepare yourself fer a mighty tale 'bout two krazy critters. Once upon a time Charles and Layton existed: two wacky anti-sub-pop dreamchildren of no earthly realm. Round" came Christmas time 1990 and the fellas got an itch on their hamstring and an iguana's tail up their crappers. Layton got a can of Skoal in his stocking and Charles received a photograph of a cloud from Santa ... Time for a roadtrip, trip. The spritely lads put a wiggle in their stride and fell onto the long, lonely, curvy, dusty highway. They almost got carried away into the realm of endless metaphors comparing The Myth of the Highway to Life's Rites of Passage, but didn't. Instead they counted Waffle Houses and contemplated what a 13 hour set by Bob Mould in their living room would be like. The kids were alright, but the windshield wipers failed. . Charlotte, NC slowly bled into Atlanta, GA after 4 wet hours. P ural Georgia whined with pleas for a visit to every hasty auto. Charles and Layton faithfully answered the call of the road, armed with twr '.: Kodak Breezes. The zealous z: rs zoomed into Pell City, home of the only Kentucky Fried Chicken that is still dumb enough to sell Chicken Littles for $.39! Charles ate six at once and packed three more in his suitcase. Layton was more reserved, as he con templated all the words that may rhyme with 'zebra'. All the world is a stage, and the merry pranksters were making a cur tain call on their unillustrious quest for further enlightenment. (They got back on the road.) Birmingham, AL: home of a lot of quiet people. The city bubbles with burgeoning boastfulness for only in Birmingham will anyone ever find The Vulcan, the largest cast-iron steel statue in the U.S. The dumbfounded dudes feigned and then fainted, landing in Layton's magnanimous mound of magma-like dip spit. Charles tactfully chased his host family out of their luxurious home all the way to Arizona (by accident). Layton slept on the floor in the coffee shop so he could tell everyone. They woke and broke out of town, en route to Little Rock, Ark. Like most law-abiding, toilet-flushing, three-times-a-day-floss-using, universe-pondering, frog-gigging American males under the age of 2 1 , t our two quasi-pathetic heroes followed the drug-inspired guidance from their Official AAA Trip-Til Nightmare for most, iJleasuredome on wheels for these raspy romantics. "The farther we have to drive, the more we get to eat fast food," Charles aptly commented at one juncture in the conversation with a glitter in his eye and a sparkle in his smile except for the piece of food in his teeth. "Yeah, and maybe we'll set a record for how many tapes two people can listen to in a car without having to pee," Layton coyly added, with glitter on his teeth and lint in his eye. es and Layton They bounced throughLouisiana, managing to snap two rolls of film in two hours. One of the two ultra-highlights of their sojourn was the drink bar at Pizza Hut in Vicksburg, Mis sissippi home of many Civil War memorial sites. Charles slyly ordered the drink bar with his meat-lovers' personal pan, which leniently allowed our man to walk on up to that oasis of palatable earthly delights as many times as he darned well pleased even if his cup would happen to runneth over. Oh Nelly! He drank Pepsi, and Grape Nehi, and Country Time lemonade, and A & W Root Beer, and then he started mixing ... Little Rock was iced over and so was St. Louis, MO, so they by-passed the mediocre midwest and tugged back at the roots that so often yanked at sensitive spots, making them sore. The two ended their brief, but hospitable stay in Little Rock with a bang as Layton attempted to burn Charles in his sleep, but was scared when he realized that he himself was wearing government-banned, highly flammable, Underdog pajamas. One anecdote: Layton seemed to be extra-curious one endless-highway evening as to whether one could (if heshe wanted) buy alcohol on a Sun day in the kinda deep South. So he asked in Olive Branch, Alabama. The greasy Kwik Mart attendant swiftly informed our hero in question that, "Nah, you ain't gonna' be able to git no drink on Sundee. Not in 'Bama, Missippi, Leweezana. No where." Layton nodded, his whimsical cu riosity satisfied, but was roadblocked by a large being who stepped in our wimpy tragic hero's way. The crea ture said, "Nope, that ain't true. Lis ten boy, you head up the road 'bout 15and you'll get to Chester. There, at the store on the side of the road, you can git you sum drink." Atlanta, GA New Year's Eve. Charles and Layton had been eating far too well, so they decided to splurge at the wink of an eyelash their cholesterol counts and tackle The Varsity. Layton ate three double cheeseburgers with chili, two chili-cheese-slaw dogs, large (old) onion rings and a large Fanta orange on a bet from Charles for a 12-pack of beer. (Charles had happily turned 21 the night be fore.) Later, Charles swishbuckled his way downtown to where Layton stood, his chili-slaw-mayo-cheeseburgerJagermeister over dose intact, blissfully cutting the strings on the falling peach at the Underground before the rest of Atlanta was ready. Charles crashed in the down town Days Inn after being kicked out of the Westin. Layton doesn't remember where he crashed, but he does remember something about garbage cans, smelly kittens and bellybutton hair. Weary-eyed, the ragged ruckus meandered to Chattanooga, TN, after giving a dollar to some goofy dude at a rest stop in Calhoun, Georgia. "Nooga proved to en lighten the tired twosome, provid ing hilltop ecstasy on Lookout Mtn. and thrills of no earthly compari son from the mystic magic that unfolds behind the sturdy gates of Rock City. Charles almost fell off a very high peak while taking a leak, but left pal Layton forever content with the knowledge that if Charles were ever to die or get crushed by a falling limb, Layton could have his entire CD collection, and vice versa. Killer! OmnibusMondy Lamb I

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