ABOUT WOMEN FOLKS
■ 1
Nothing They Ever Do Astonishes
Deacon Spooner.
MEN FOLKS TAKE CHANCES.
\
"Whw a Follor Thinks He's Got to
Knew His Wifs About ss Wsll aa
She Knows Harsslf Ho's Bound to
Got ■ Jar," Says tKo Deacon
[Copyright, HOT, by E. C. Parcells.J
M I wasn't a bit astonished." said
Deacon Spooner as he sat down on the
postofflee steps at Jericho to wait for
the maik to come In—"no, sir, I wasn't
a bit astonished when Lemuel Fair
banks came over this afternoon to
where 1 was working in the garden
and said that his wife, had run away.
Nothing that women folks ever do as
tonishes me.
"A woman may turn out to be an
angel or she may turn out to be a
tarnashun mule.
"The feller who marries 'em has got
to take bis chances.
"When a feller thinks he's got to
I know his wife about as well as she
"SHE HAT WITH HKlt FKBT Ul" IJf ANOTHKII
CHAIK ANl> HAI!> SHE WASN'T GOINU TO j
DO NO MO UK WORK."
knows herself he's bound to get a Jar.
He's bound to find out that be don't
know her at all. " _
"Take n hog, now, and you can find
out all about bim in an hour. Lie was
born a bog." aul he's coins to stay one
till you* turn him Into pork. You can
depend upon, him until you start to !
drive him somewhere.
"It don't take a feller Ion:; to learu :
the ways of a cow. She'll either jump
fences or she won't She'll either kick j
the milking pail over or she won't. I
She'll either settle down and grow fat
or she'll be trespassing all over the
fields and be ns thin as a rail.
"I've got a yoke of oxen ten years
old I've knowu the critters ever since
they was yearlings. I know just what j
they will or they won't lo under sartln '
earcumstnnces. If there's solid ground j
and It's a bit downhill under their j
feet they'll hump themselves to pull
an oak tree up by the roots. If It's |
soft ground and uphill they won't pull i
hard nuff to bring a towel off the
clothesline.
"I've got an old hoss sixteen years
old. I learned his ways before he was
fVUTi If he it"*" h' u j
tall ifhen I'm driving he's going to i
kick. Can't say why, but he'll do It
If be meets a flock of slibep in the j
road he's going to bust for the fence,
one side or t'other. Can't Bay how he I
reasons, but away he'll go*and some
thing will be smashed. 1 know him j
from head to tall, and 1 dilve him ac-1
cordingiy.
Can Understand Most Men.
"A feller can understand most men.
If Lemuel Jackson says he'll bring me
a ton of hay tomorrow at |IG the ton
I'm going to depend on it. If Darius
Taylor says he'll sell me a bar'l of pork
next fall I'm feeling as safe as if the
bar'l was already in the cellar. I've
come down here to Pap Perkins* gro
eery and postofflee every night of my
liffe for the last twenty years. Pap
haa alius been the same. He was the
same the day his wife got bit by a
» mad dog. lie was the same when he
fell off a load of hay and broke his
leg. The rest of you are jest the same.
Wa've all had chances to be meaner 'n
plzen toward each other, but we hain't
taken advantage of 'em.
"But when you coWe down to wom
en folks—that's different. When 1 was i
twenty-five I thought I understood 'em
and would have bet a cow agin a j
lamb I did, but I ain't talking that i
way now. I'm jest saving that they
are a puzzle, and 1 wouldn't bet ou
'em nohow.
"I ain't saying nothing but what yon
all know when I say that I'm living
my' fourth_wife. Sotpe folkfljiave. -
been kind 'nuff to say that it's two
too many, but 1 reckon It's as one feels
about It
"I thought my first wife was an
ahgeL Used to run in on her at ail,
times when courting, but always found
her as placid as a millpond. Never
showed the slightest temper, not even
when she stumbled over a bog. Said
that if anything happened to me she'd
commit suicide. Lord, but if any one
bad told me that I didn't know that
gal I'd hare answered that he'd better
go to the lunatic asylum.
"We'd been married four week*
when she pulled out a bandfnl of my
aide whiskers because I stepped on her
corn.
"We'd been marked eight when sh«
Mid she wished I was dead
"We hadn't been married quite six
Months when I coms bom* with a load
L * >«'"•»
of pompktna one day and found that
| she'd run away with a lightning rod
man. 1 didn't foller her, but let her
run and bare never heard of her since.
Where I thought I knew all 1 didn't
know the first gosh-hanged thing.
"I wasn't going to be made a fool of
the second time, and after I got my
divorce 1 went up town for the winter
and to look around. Got a boarding
house, and I hadn't looked at the land
lady twice when 1 knew she was the
wife for me. She was motherly; aha
was sympathetic; she waa saving; abe
was mild. Never saw a woman on the
hustle like she was. Went to church
as regular as a clock, and took It out
on me 'cause I stayed home and read
a novel.
"Waal, I married her." There are men
sitting right here who can remember
the night I brung her home. I was
mending the back fence oue day a
week later when I heard her swearing.
I went in, and she swore at me. She
sat with her feet up in another chair
and said she wasn't going to do any
more work. She I bad to do
it all. She got Mer and whisky, and
she choked money out of me and made
It fly. Nothing was like what I thought
it was. I'd made a bigger fool of my
self than before, even though I had
my eyes open.
"Two months had gone by, and I was
trying to stand it when the preacher
called one day. I bad taken it that
.religion was Sarah's stronghold, but
the tuluute the preacher mentioned it
she run him out of the house and dowu
through the gate.
How It All Ended.
"I reekou there's nobody, in Jericho
who don't know how It all ended. Oue
ulght after she had pulled me out
of bed and dragged me outdoors 1
•tarted for Texas and stayed there
long 'nuff to get my second divorce.
"I'm n-telllng you that I don't be
lieve there's a man or a critter on earth
who cau make a fool of n man more'n
twice over—a man with any brains un
der his bat—but you leave It to the wo
men folks, and they'll do it half a doz
eu times over. When I was sorter shy
ing around after my third wife there
was folks in town here wMjoysald they
should thiuk I'd Lad all the marrying
I wanted. I dWu't pay any attention
to the remarks. Getting married or
staying single is a man's own business.
A tiu peddler told me of a wldder wo
man over In Dobbs Ferry, and 1 went
over to see her. I was took again at
I first sight—forty years old; strong as
I a horse; never'd bad a day's sickness;
| could eat raw turnips like a cow.
"1 didn't say nothing about marriage
' till I'd I teen over there a dozen times
and asked a heap, of people a heap of
questions. 1 sat with her. 1 talked
with* Iter. I ate with her. Nothing
I wrong; everything ail O. K. Then 1
j popped, and she said yes. You ail re
-1 memlter when 1 brung-her home. Some
\ of you said she'd be as good as another
j yoke of oxen to uie.
First Thing She Did.
"Was she? The first thing she did
' was to get |H»evlsh and find fault with
| everything. Then she had liver com
-1 pluint and back aches and consumption
and I don't know what else, but I paid
j out nigh S3OO for patent medicines In
I two years, and then she died Just at
| the time apples was ready for drying.
[ 1 ain't n-saying a word against her,
'cause she's dead, but site wasn't no
more the womau I took her to be nnd
j all the folks said she was than buck
wheat Is like corn.
"I'm now a-livlng with No. 4. I'm
| a-sajing so 'cause you all know so aud
'cause most of you remarked when I
j-w»»-courting her tti?it T~7TrTftr TO 'Bent'"
J to the IdiOt asylum. 1 hain't never said
anything buck. I take it that It's for a
! man to guy whether he'll quit the Job
I at oue or two wives or to keep on the
| fourth. This one, ns you know, was
jan old maid, and 1 was two years
I courting and finding out about her. I
| hain't got but. jest a word to say. 1
started out by saying that we men
folks don't know women folks and
never will, and to prove it I'm declar
ing that when I go home this evening
I doh't know whether my wife will
precipitate herself into my arms and
give me a kiss or whether she'll pre
cipitate me outdoors and give me a
kick. And now there comes the mall,
and that's all." M. QUAD.
They Were Hard to See.
I—"What to the charge against the prla-~ ~
oner, officer?"
"Shure, and the mon has no visible
means of support"—Bohemian.
■> The Poetry Market.
Sonnets, steady, with a slight upward
tendency.
Triolets, firm, notwithstanding some profit
taking.
Dlhlect Verse, bulllah. Indiana firsts in
great demand."
Rondeaus, fluctuating; opened Cl%; closed
69; high 63H.
Epics, no sales. VillanellesJ dull.
Blank Verse, quiet. Some wash sales re- ,
Sites ported. » » "J 1 «
Magazine Quatrains, lively; 118 bid, US
asked. , J
Couplets, brisk.
Christmas Verse for Immediate delivery,
very active; receipts unequal to de
an And.
Rumors to the effect that some of the
largest verse foundries will go oa
half time or shut down altogether
are rigorously denied.
« -Tuolt
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| CANDIDATE CARDSJ
TOTHK DEMOCRATIC. VOTERS OP
MARTIN COUNTY.
L hereby aunouuce myself a can
didate fortheofficeof County Com
missioner. subject to the action of
the Democratic County Convention,
Yours re*pect fully,
LUTHER HARDISON.
To THE DEMOCRATIC VOTERS OP
MARTIN COUNTY:
I hereby aunouuce myself a can
didate for the office of Register Of
I Deeds. Subject to the action of
the Democratic County Couven
tion.
Yours Respectfully,
A. S. COFFIEI.D.
To THE DEMOCRATIC VOTERS OF
MARTIN COUNTY
I hereby give notice to my friends
in Martin County that I will be a
catdidafe for the nomination for
the office of Treasurer of Martin
County, subject to the action of
the Democratic Convention.
If nominated anjj elected, I
promise to discharge She duties of
the office with fidelity and justice
to all.
Yours respectfully,
L. L. RORERSON.
To THE DEMOCRATIC YOTERS OP
MARTIN COUTY:
I hereby announce myself a cau
idate for the office of Sheriff, sub
ject to the actiouYif the Democratic
Convention.
Yours respectfully,
J. R. RonERf.4RN.
To THE DEMOCRATIC VOTERS OP
MARTIN COUNTY:
At the request of many of my
friends I announce myself a can
didate for the office of. sheriff,
subject the action .of the demo
cratic convention.
Your respectfully, >
J. S. PEEL.
To TIN DEMOCRATIC VOTERS OP
MARTIN COUNTY:
I hereby announce myself a
candidate for the office of Treasurer
of Martin County. Subject to
the action of the Democratic Coun
ty Convention.
Yours respectfully
C. I). CARSTARL'IIEN.
To THE DEMOCRATIC VOTERS OP
MARTIN COUNTY:
I hereby announce myself a can
idate for the' office of Sheriff, sub
ject to the action of the Democratic
Convention.
Yours respectfully,
W. A. JAMES,
Rohersonville, N. C.
To TIIE DEMOCRATIC VOTERS OP
MARTIN COUNTY.
I hereby announce myself a can
didate for the office of Register Of
Deeds, subject to the action of the
Democratic County Convention.
Yours Respectfully,
L, 1L WYNN,
To THE DEMOCRATIC VOTERS OF
MARTIN COUNTY
I hereby announce myself a can
idate for the nomination for the of
fice of Register of Deeds, subject
to the action of the Democreatic
Convention.
Yours respectfully,
JOSEI'II I, IIOI.I.IDAY.
TO THE DEMOCRATIC VOTERS OF
MARTIN COUNTY.
I -hereby announce myself a
candidate for the office of Treasurer
of Martin County. Subject to the
action of the Democratic County
Convention, \-
Your respectfully
L. B. HARRISON. M
Notice.
Having this (lay qualified as executof
to the estate of Enoch Stallings, deceased;
This is to gi.\e notice to all parties hold-
Trig accounts Against this estate that they
111*1 si be presented within one year from
the date of this notice, or this notice /
will be plead in bar of their recovery.
All persons iu deb ted to said estate will
settle immediately.
This July 4, 1908. -*
GEO. E. PEAL,
I Executor,