. \ -v$': .
ratUjlji It seems probable that wnen me
n/ff full strength of America's armies are
D?lffl//fi line(l UP for fight, a shortage of
{flll/li/l Kaiser will be one of the disappointMfl/MI'll
ments to our combatants.
fUlJTJ' The hope in the bosom of every
Bill Ihi tighter is to "Get the Kaiser," with a
HI T f peculiarly personal slant to the lauduUf
|l 11 able ambition. It is a pet ambition,
IjM || 11 nestling close to every soldier's heart,
l|| || | to administer one poke in the impe||
|| | rial ribs, one punch in the regal jaw,
III one kick in the royal seat of retireI
| j meat and various pummellings. maul|
| ings and manhandlings distributed
J otherwhere on the Hohenzollern PerI
| son.
| | | "Can the Kaiser." "Get the Kai|
/ ser," "Hit the Kaiser," and dozens of
| I other kindred phrases rampant in
| I every poem, song or story written by
J I soldiers sum up this ambition.
I | Isn't it barely possible that the Last
*" I I of the Prussian War Lords, being a
I J single, lone and solitary individual,
LJl
ijii
ll'/Jwl What Wilhelm's face might look
ji M I'*4? " American soldiers got a crack
^J&3%3 w:ll prove inadequate to these mil-:
g ' lions of desires for personal ven-|
seance (see accompanying illustraOne
inspection, slight and cursory
i^BblSSsB though it may be. of the Trench Hoof
K|f DESCRIBING BASEBALL
IP/ PROVES HARD JOB FOR
MP* < FRENCH SPORT EDITORS
The Clark C. Griffith Ball and Bat
yl b* Fund has sent more than two thouJiirftM/'
sand baseball outfits to the American
mJwvJ\ soldiers "Over There," and the boys
Iff l/yv in hhalti have introduced our naL
///J tional pastime in many parts of
WM A f i France. Here is the attempt of a
L /f M' French sporting editor to describe a
V// m) baseball game:
V// Ml "The theque is the ancient game of
mlf /Hh ba" to modified and regula
iwi lec*' One can play to ten, but to
Wfl iaf | well play the theque it is necessary to j
Mil fiv U etghteeen players. The dimension
til < \ / ?t the ground is illimitable, all the
Ml I. A ,[ same she ought not to have less than
ll! , '/ il .too souare meters. One traces a
ifI I | polygon, of which each side can have!
/IllI I from five to ten meters. The bases
II II I are 'nd'cate(l by blocks of wood. The
'! / / first chamber (home plate) or base is
J I ordinarily a square of two meters of
'ill | side. The post of emplacement of the
fj I lancer (pitcher) ought to find itseir
/// I I at four meters from the first base.
I I 'Jdii The lancer ought not to eject the ball,
\ff y/t but lance her in such fashion that she
i-/^Pl arrived between the shoulder and the
Zm knee of the beater (batter). The
vU I ro'e ?' beater is of to beat the ball?
V"\l | as soon as she is served?in the direction
which he desires (but all the
I same before his field) and far enough
TMB 11 for to permit him of to run at least
I I J. * just to the second base and thus soon
again just to the base of return. The
play of the opposed field is to send
back the ball the most rapidly posJpiljlj
sible to prevent the beater from to
|. j | make his run around."
I' [If I FRENCH AS SHE IS SUNG
111> The negro soldiers in France have
invented a French sons which they
sing while performing their duties
I, back of the lines. The ditty, set to
fn,| ij ii?'?sic of the negroes' own making.
jjni/IJjj "Poilv vooh Fransay?
kgfe Ceska say ca sa.
Come bien por sauk sous.
fauljejHl Come bien por Sies sous.
MAIL IT TO MOTHER
Mail this paper to your mother
today. She wants to read every scrap
of information she can get about your
camp.
TRENCH J
Man Get His Owr
By GEORGE L. MOORE
(Camp Cpton, Long Island, N. Y.)
of the American fighter, with its dan- i
gerous steel stnds and Its efficient .
horseshoe makes it seem that His. ;
Williness is going to find one application
of it, propelled forcibly, i
Xot necessary to stand in line.
enough. And several Bared Fists
havo been seen among our defenders
which are of a size and hardness that
make a mule's foot seem like an instrument
of soft caress. How long
would one (1) Kaiser stand up
against the short-arm jabs which use
one of these "Dukes" as a weapon?
We give Wilhelm about thirty (30)
linear seconds.
What's to be done, then? Our
Bolsheviki. friends might make this a
cogent argument for peace: There
being a dearth of Kaiser, let us cease
our strivings. Let us call off our war
dogs, since there isn't sufficient
quarry. As usual, such Nevsky-Prospeck
logic has a Joker in it.
It's answer is this: Let us trans- i
fer some of our desires for personal i
satisfaction to the few million Plain I
Huns who have been doing their bit !
in this war. t
J Let the slogan be Hunt Out the i
Hun, in addition to the rallying cry, 1
| "Kan the Kaiser." Despite the bear <
' stories to the contrary, there are un- |
I fys ri<?HTfA)(r
A?e CeKTAimv LsAEMise-)
To Take the "stows"
as they come ?
J
I S3==
:
cr,
-^Mp |gg5
grtSi Loui $
iHun
doubtedly enough Plain Huns left to
go around. They will make Just as
good receivers for punches in tne jaw,
kicks in the shins and pokes in the
ribs as their Master. They'll probably
be a trifle more available than
Potsdam's star boarder. And it will
be more satisfactory to pick out your
awn, private, individual Hun than to
have to stand in line while several
thousand comrades are having their
poke at the One and Only Bill. The
number of kicks, bites, et cetera, will
not be limited when given a personal
Hun. It would cause bad feeling if,
while the line was impatiently swaying
back and forth, each member of it
clamoring for "Just one little poke at
Bill," some hoggish creature should
polish him off with a Single Haymaker.
There would be disappointment
and untold aggravation.
According to this "every man get
his own Hun" plan, there will be no
such embarrassment. There will be
' "Sftrj man get bis own Hon."
so jealousy or bad feeling in the
ranks. Everybody will be given a
rtaance. It isn't democratic to deitroy
autocracy all by oneself. Give
;he other fellow a chance. Cease the
driving to be First at the Kaiser's
Person. Leave that to a Committee
)f Experts, and let everyone, all tojether,
pick a Hun of his own.
fBuens
^
; RW&tic
"THE BARRACKS WHEEZE"
Bjr PRIVATE CHBT SHAKER
(310th Sanitary Train, Camp Cnster,
Battle Creek, Mich.)
With the
Prevalence
Of Mess Room
Activities,
Several soldiers
Have v ' :*M
Shattered :;?
The Records
For
nnnrmanHWlie
Previously " Vr?>sSI
Held by '
Some
Poland-China
Hogs. ''.m-'j
Apropos of appetites?
There is a current feeling that the
manufacture of bread pudding and
hash in the army is strikingly similar
to hoarding coupons in civil life.
The guard house is the little pink
pill of military circles.
"Son," queried the father, "how .43$'
are you progressing at camp."
"I'm getting along nicely," the
youth responded, "but I'm still lacing
my leggings." ;^jj
Of all the pretty alliances of history
not one is more beautiful and '
sublime than the friendly pact between
the regulation issue heavies
and the goose-pimpled skin of the soldier
just before taps.
His recommendation was:
"Before taking my oath of fealty
and allegiance I was addicted to the
use of pajamas. Now my pajamas
are in the bottom drawer of the marble-topped
commode in the spare room
back home and I sleep in everything
but my trench shoes."
- '' iftu
On tne aavice
Of the artist:
"Read 'em
And weep."
kJT' 1
-fV J